Jonathan’s Birth Story

I still haven’t posted Abel’s birth story, but while it’s fresh I’m gonna post Jonathan’s  

I had been told he would be big and that I had a lot of water, no wonder my belly felt ginormous. So I wanted him to come early. My due date finally came around and after talking to a few friends about their experiences with caster oil I decided to take some. The secret recipe to keep you from puking it up: 2 tbsp caster oil, 2 tbsp orange juice and a Tsp of baking soda and then eat a banana right after. (Yes, I did puke after taking it without all that other stuff)  

I had mild contractions that day that went away by bedtime. This also repeated itself the next day (Thursday) and the next day (Friday). My midwife said if I wanted to just go to the hospital and break my waters I would probably have him soon. I was leery because I don’t like just having my waters broken. 

Friday afternoon I felt like I had been contracting pretty strongly for a few hours so I decided it was time to go to the hospital. Getting in the car my contractions settled down and I started to feel hopeless and that I would probably be in for a long hospital delivery (my worst nightmare because of all the things they do to you at the hospital). I asked my friend Joy to be there for the birth and at that point I felt silly because I had taken her away from her family and I didn’t even feel like I was truly in labor. 

When we got there I was at a four. My plan was to get there at an eight. But we make plans and then we ride the wave of labor. We decided to stay and I would take my midwife’s advice and have my waters broken. After all the things they did to me (getting me on remote monitors, heplock IV port, blood draw, Covid test etc) they finally got around to breaking my waters at 5:30 pm. I’ve never experienced that much water coming out of me during labor. It was puddles, multiple times. My midwife wasn’t joking about it might be like a waterfall.  

Then contractions intensified majorly! I went from a 4 to a 10 in a little more than an hour. I was moving from standing (hanging on Ben) the ball and the bathroom. I went from being able to talk through contractions to only being able to just focus through them, they were so intense! I went from everything was kind of ok to feeling extremely weak and vulnerable. This is when my body was working so hard. I commented to Joy, “I’m so tired.” She said she knew at that point I was close. 

I can’t remember when I had the epiphany. I feel like it was right after my waters were broken because I was still able to talk and think. But I saw Gretchen my midwife, my nurse Heather, Joy and Ben and I thought, “I need all these people around me.” I told them, isn’t it amazing that in this vulnerable time the beautiful thing about labor is that it’s so difficult we couldn’t do it on our own? We need each other. The comfort that each person brought was amazing. 

Ok, another rabbit trail but I just have to share this awesome testimony. The same nurse who was there for Jethros birth was Abel’s postpartum nurse and now we had her for Jonathan’s birth. This was a complete chance. We asked Gretchen, my amazing midwife, what the chances are of that and she said probably 1 in 60. Heather was so sweet and gentle and kind. I already knew her. She had watched me birth Jethro in a kind of scary circumstance but had witnessed the peace and calm of the Lord in our room. When she was caring for me with Abel she was like, I remember you! It was so peaceful in your birth even with you bleeding and everything! 

Ok, back to the story. 

 I remember getting off the birthing ball because the pressure was so intense and just lying on my side in the bed and being like, “am I already pushing?” My wonderful friend Joy was holding my hand, rubbing my shoulder and telling me I was going to be ok. At one point I thought: I can’t do this! But instead of verbalizing that I decided to change it and say “I CAN do this!” It was such a victory! Ben said he’s never heard me say that before. 

Jonathan came out perfectly, I was coached through pushing and didn’t even tear. It was maybe 5 or 10 minutes. Before I knew it they placed him on the bed next to me, I was amazed! It was so fast and he was just HERE! 

Looking back I’m really thankful we went to the hospital when we did. I think because my bag of waters was so big it was keeping his head from engaging and my labor from starting. With all the water that came out of me I’m glad it didn’t happen at home because the car ride would have been pretty brutal and probably messy! 

After the birth they said I was bleeding a lot (seventh child, VBAC #6, older uterus) so they gave me a shot and two bags of pitocin. By the end of the night I was in the clear for bleeding. My feet swelled pretty bad for a few days and my hands still have carpel tunnel (hopefully it will go away in a few weeks) 

I’m so thankful for this precious little gift! It’s always at great cost that we bring another life into the world, but he is worth it. Thank You Lord. 

A Morning Revelation

 I'm wanting to write music. 

I've been writing a lot of scripture songs, just literally plagiarizing the Bible and singing straight from it. It's fun and it helps me with my struggle with lyrics. I always feel like lyrics take about ten times more work than music. 

At the same time, I listen to music and struggle to think that I have anything really to offer. There's nothing new under the sun. Who do I think I am? I have the same thoughts about blogging and whether or not it's worth it to even write. Do I really have anything unique or different? 

I'm such a four. If you know about the enneagram, you will know what I'm talking about, if not, look it up, it's intriguing. 

This morning I was struggling with sadness, or was it depression? I'm not sure. Maybe it was hopelessness. Which is silly because I truly love my life. My kids are the best, my husband is amazing, my house, my church, our disciples, the property where we live, I could go on and on. 

I'm not sure why I was depressed except for a few things: our house is a mess right now, it's amazing how quickly it can become a disaster with eleven people living in it, six of them being children. I often feel like I'm just one person cleaning up after EVERYONE. This is not true of course, I leave messes too, but the ones that are the most annoying are the messes someone else leaves. My messes are there for a reason and I know why, I just don't understand the messes from others. This is all tongue in cheek of course, I've had to step back and observe how silly my reasoning is. 

It was also messy because we are walking around on subfloors upstairs in our bedrooms. We are getting new floors installed next week and to save money we ripped up the carpet ourselves. Now the rooms are all kind of hodge-podge around and even though we swept there are still staples and splinters everywhere. Thankfully there haven't been any injuries, yet. 

Andrew Peterson's book Adorning the Dark is amazing. He told me to rip up my carpets. So, we are going for it. 

I've also been listening to the podcast Typology in hopes to get to know my friends who have a different enneagram number than me, however, I just found myself getting depressed. Maybe because the enneagram is from a negative point of view or it was just about the human condition and we are all in need of God and His redemption. I decided to stop listening and start praying. 

It helped to just sort of realize I was kind of sad, kind of mad, kind of depressed and then think about where it might be coming from. Some things I could help, some I could not. 

I'm incredibly intimidated to set up a "mini recording studio" in my closet. I'm not smart enough or talented enough for this. But it's a mandate God has put on my heart since October so I must follow through. Help me, Lord. I need You. 

Thank You Lord for another year. Thank You for allowing me to live this long, for giving me life and breath and a voice. Thank You that it doesn't matter if I'm special or talented or not, it only matters that I'm obedient. You are God and I am just a little tiny person. Thank You for loving me just as I am. Help me to obey You. Help me to persevere. I love You, with my whole heart, I love You Jesus. 

 

It's been a while

 

It's been a while. I've been thinking about blogging lately but have felt like maybe I'm just a poser.

I don't have time to write, I have six kids. 

I don't have time to write, I homeschool those kids. 

I need to focus on my songwriting. 

I need to focus on my disciples. 

I need to clean my house, do my laundry, cook meals settle fights, practice piano, guitar, lesson prep. 

Well, maybe I will just jot down a few thoughts. I've filled up enough journals lately. 

I still need to finish Abel's birth story. It's been 18 months now. 

I've been reading Andrew Peterson's Adorning the Dark and I love it. I think that's partly why I want to write. His honesty is inspiring. I want to be honest in that way too. I also read one of my old blog posts and actually enjoyed it. 

Community living is hard sometimes. Sometimes it's amazing because there are so many people around to help and to take cooking nights and help clean and all that stuff. But sometimes it makes me realize how wicked I am inside. How judgmental and cruel I can be. Thankfully I have friends who shoot it to me straight and remind me of the Word in Ephesians that says, "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4 also goes on to say not to grieve the Holy Spirit, I've been feeling His grief inside of me because I have not been ridding myself of all bitterness and rage and malice as it goes on to say.  

It's good to get punched in the gut and be shown that you are not doing it right. It's good to see that the Word is profitable for all teaching and rebuke and wisdom. 

I am so thankful for my sisters who look to see what's inside of me, and judge my heart by the living and active Word of God. 

I've been on Facebook and Instagram too much lately.  Sometimes it feels like you are sticking your head in a toilet with all that's on there. 

I need to walk over and see my neighbors more often. I don't just go see them enough. I need to do better at that. 

I can't believe it will be 2022 next week. 

How did my babies get this big? How does time go so quickly?

That's all for today. 

Learning in the midst of homeschooling

I just had a very life giving conversation with some friends today about homeschooling, mothering, teaching our kids and then I thought, maybe I could blog about this?

Honestly, I love homeschooling.

It's kind of like mothering for me. I didn't think I would like it, I thought I was too cool for it, that it wouldn't be "for me" but really, my heart is like, yes, this is incredible.


I want to boast in my weakness right now. I have the privilege of diving into the Word of God every day and using it to teach my kids character and it's just in the everyday, mundane stuff of life. I'm not really amazing or wise, I just get to be a student of the Word and God has given me the ability to recall just the right verses at the right time. It's truly the Holy Spirit who is working inside of me, I don't know how I come up with these scriptures except I just heard them once sometime in my past or heard a sermon about it or read a book about it. I don't even know.


Yesterday Levi, Aria and Simeon were unloading the dishwasher. I asked them to unload it while I went upstairs to lay Jethro down for his afternoon nap. I came down to Aria running upstairs and crying in her room and Levi and Simeon continuing to work. I asked what happened and Aria said Levi hurt her feelings. Levi said, "What? I just said she was lazy and not working very hard."

Immediately I thought of Ephesians 4:29 "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit all who listen." Were the things he was saying benefiting everyone who was listening? Was it building up Aria or tearing her down? We got to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this. I also brought up Proverbs 19:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat it's fruit." Levi, were you speaking life or death over your sister? How can you encourage her to work harder without tearing her down?


Today was special. I mean, I honestly want to have a whole blog devoted to the antics of Paul. It's like I could write a book of his first three years. I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Paul has taught me to be strong. Thankfully, he's leaving the terrible twos and entering the wonderful threes. (At least that's how it is in our family, I know others say the threes are the worst, I totally get it, twos are our "year of deep dark sadness")

Okay, sorry, I felt like I needed to intro this story with that explanation.

So Paul was playing with one of Simeon's new matchbox car and carrying it around everywhere. I was doing school with the big kids and the littles were just playing around. Paul had to go to the bathroom and came out a little while later telling me proudly that he had pooped in the potty. I knew he hadn't wiped himself (he can't quite get himself clean yet) so I was like, okay, let's go back to the bathroom and clean you up. On the way he informed me that he had dropped his car in the toilet.

Oh dear.

I looked and from what I could guess he had pooped, flushed it and then afterwards somehow dropped this car into the "cleanish" toilet. I'm just glad it wasn't sitting in the poop nor was it clogging our toilet. You have to understand that as a mom of five who has cloth diapered and potty trained and pretty much nothing phases me. You single people without children are totally grossed out by now. It wasn't pleasurable and I washed the car and my hands thoroughly but I definitely reached in there and got it after wiping Paul. 

I hear outside the bathroom door, "Hey Simeon! Paul dropped your car in the toilet!" Thank you Levi, you didn't really need to broadcast that to the house.

Immediately the verse came to mind about love covering over sin. I was like, how does that one go again? Google can come in pretty handy with that stuff. I found it in Proverbs 17:9 "He who repeats a matter separates close friends but he who covers over and offense promotes love." I asked Levi, did Simeon really need to know this? Was it an accident that Paul dropped it in the toilet? (I'm not positive, but I'm giving Paul the benefit of the doubt on this one.)  We want to promote friendship between Paul and Simeon, it's already a tenuous relationship at times, does Simeon really need another reason to dislike Paul?

We talked about not lying or covering over legitimate sin. We talked about that if you see a kid doing something that is disobedient to go and tell an adult or that if someone does something to you to hurt you, you need to tell Mommy or Daddy.

These things are hard to teach.

I didn't find them in any textbook, they were just in my spirit.

Yes, we do reading, writing and arithmetic every day. These core subjects are important and I feel like they are like bricks that we are laying one day at a time, and then we will look back and see that we have built and entire house. But even more than these things, the atmosphere, the culture we are creating in our home is in these day to day, character building times and I truly, honestly love it.


I really love it.

Thank You Lord for this amazing gift that I didn't even know I wanted. Once again, You know me better than I know myself.

Lessons from births

I have so many friends who are pregnant, nursing and just in those early childbearing years. So many times I want to sit down and tell them all of my lessons, mess ups, successes and mistakes I've made along the way. I learn things best the hard way. Then it's forever imprinted in my brain and I can just go from there.

This is just me speaking from my experience in having babies. I hope you enjoy!


Lesson #1: Take care of yourself.

Seriously, it's your dang body that is growing and birthing this baby, you need to eat right, exercise and rest well. This is super challenging when you are sick, have heartburn, achy joints craving weird things... but do your best! Usually in my first trimester the thought of a salad makes me want to vomit and all I want is junk food. The good thing is that usually only lasts for about 6-7 weeks and then I feel like eating healthy again. Try to eat as healthy as possible with a few indulgences here and there.
With Levi I only gained 30 lbs but then lost 50 lbs by nursing and eating fairly healthfully (I still had ice cream and stuff like that on occasion).
With Aria I thought, "Heck, I lost all that weight, it doesn't matter what I eat!" So I gained all 50 pounds back by eating all the things. I did lose all the weight again but it would have been easier had I not gained so much.
With Simeon I walked a ton and was super active. He had the best birth and I think I only gained 30 lbs with him. I took naps most days and ate pretty intuitively.
With Paul and Jethro I overdid it. I thought I could push my body extra hard because I thought I was super mom or something like that. I have been paying for the ways I did not listen to my body and it trying to tell me to slow down or remove stress.
I'm also a lot older now (try 10 years) and I think I need to just be very careful of what I am eating and how I am taking care of my physical body.

So yeah, take care of yourself. Eat your fruits and veggies and plenty of fats and proteins with a few indulgences here and there. Exercise and keep moving but don't over-exercise. Watch out that you're not putting too much stress on your body. Rest when you feel tired.


Lesson #2: Make sure your baby is in the right position

Levi was butt down so he was a C-section. I'm forever scarred for this and will never have a completely normal, stress free birth because of it. Oh well, that's just my lot in life.
Not only do babies need to be head down, but they need to be anterior! Aria was my lesson for that one. She was facing the wrong way. Babies need to face the mother's spine in order to put the right pressure on the cervix. I was in labor with Aria for three days. I would lay down and my body would have painful contractions and then I would stand up and they would go away. It wasn't until I was 2 days into labor that a midwife friend came to my house and diagnosed her position. I started doing a position called Deep Knee Chest where you basically stick your butt in the air with your knees and chest on the floor and you hang out there for about 20 minutes at a time. Praise the Lord, she turned and then my body went into real active labor. I was so tired though it took me a long time to even push her out.
Looking back I probably would have gotten an epidural when we got to the hospital just so I could rest. Even though I was at an 8, it wasn't until about 3-4 hours later that I pushed her out and was completely exhausted. I hadn't rested for three days and hadn't eaten much in those days either. I also would not use the birthing stool again.

**side note** my last three pregnancies the babies were all posterior but I was able to turn them before going into labor, so their births were much smoother. I did it by doing Deep Knee Chest position every night during the last few weeks of the pregnancy.

Lesson #3: Practice Labor Denial and labor techniques

You can relax against the pain of labor. Simeon's was the best labor and I would only categorize his as "painful" for about 30 minutes of it. Even when it was painful, I somehow breezed through it.
He was in the right position. I had been walking every day, getting into Deep Knee Chest every night and praying that this labor would not be like the last one.
I started having contractions in the morning and I just breathed through them. They weren't comfortable, but the more I relaxed and breathed, the better they were. If I tensed against them, they were much harder to get through. But they would only last a minute or so and sometimes be 20-30 minutes apart. I played with the kids that day, we went for a walk (up and down hills mind you) and then we all took a nap. I honestly didn't even think I was in labor. I woke up from my nap and had lost my mucus plug. We went to dinner at my in-laws that night and left our kids there "just in case"
I went to bed early (8:00) because I was so tired but then woke up at 10:30 and made myself a bowl of cheerios because I was hungry and then decided to time my contractions. I don't think I was thinking clearly because they were a minute and a half long and about 2 minutes apart, but I decided I would go back to bed because it wasn't as painful as my last birth. But when I went to lay down my water broke. I realized then that I needed to go to the hospital so I woke up Ben. That's when the contractions were very painful. HOWEVER, I started moaning deeply and it really really helped. I also listened to calming scripture lullabies in my earbuds and that really helped. I got to the hospital in 7 minutes, got up on the hospital bed and pushed him out. Yes, it was painful but it was amazing. I would have 20 more births like that if I could.

Practice guided relaxation. Practice breathing. Walk, distract yourself, rest.


Lesson #4: Recover well

I thought I was supermom and could do it all. I thought I could just push out a baby and keep up with life as normal! No, having a baby is not normal and it requires a lot of time and attention.  It's a huge shift in your family as you are adding a new little person to your midst. It's such a miracle! Breastfeeding always has it's struggles but usually they are worked out around 3 months or so. If you can't breastfeed, don't beat yourself up about it, formula is not poison! I have had supply issues with both of my last two and it's been something I've cried a lot about and struggled with. I'm still nursing Jethro but he has had to be supplemented since day 5.
In those first two weeks try to lay down as much as possible. Get someone to help you. It will help your uterus to heal fully. You have to treat your body as though you had an injury and just not doing anything for 6 weeks (except maybe go to a movie with your hubby).
Enjoy that time, you will be healing and figuring out your baby. You will be up at all hours of the night, it's really difficult but at the same times really beautiful.

Starting to Blog Again

I have not blogged in let's see... maybe a year?

I am far from a professional, this is more just to record my thoughts about things and what I'm learning.

I've felt a desire to pick it up in 2019, so here it goes.

Topics I'm wanting to write about:
Our homeschooling journey, how we got here and how it's going so far.
My struggle to lose weight after Jethro, our fifth child and how the Whole 30 program kind of changed my life ... and maybe a few other people around me.
Our church and community living. As we have people who live with us and what that looks like and why I love it sooo much.


Homeschooling.

My life often feels like controlled chaos. Or just chaos. Having five kids ages nine and under 24/7 can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. Honestly, I've had to work on my discipline with the kids. The tighter and stronger my discipline the more smooth and happy the days go. When I'm lazy and permissive the days have more frustration and difficulty.

How did I come to the decision to homeschool? Ben and I were homeschooled so it wasn't a foreign concept to us. Ben was all about it, I was too cool for it. Picture the homeschool mom in the jumper and white collar. Picture the kids in the pleated khaki pants with polo shirts... we weren't those types of homeschoolers but we were pretty close. Whatever, looks don't matter.

I digress.

Honestly, we were going to homeschool all along, especially when we saw our children going into the more vulnerable middle school and teen years. We wanted them to be in a place where they could just be themselves and not feel the pressure of hundreds of other kids who want them to fit the mold that everyone else fits in. Also, we wanted to teach them about the Lord and what He has done in our lives and how to walk with Him.

Last year Aria attended kindergarten and Levi was in second grade. We put them on the bus every morning at 8 and they came home around 4. That's a huge chunk of the day that I didn't even see them. I could have volunteered at the school here and there but I'd have to find a babysitter for our other kids and I just didn't have the capacity for going up to the school. Anyways, I didn't see them much, and this is crazy because they were six and eight and still my little children.

I was hit with the fact that I was not the primary influencer in their lives. I also started to realize that not even the teachers (who were amazing and wonderful, kind women) had a ton of influence because my kids were one of about twenty eight kids.

Actually the real deal hit me when I was talking to God about it one day and He was like, "Jody, stop being a wuss." I'm sure He said it a lot gentler and nicer than that, but that's what I realized I was doing, I was literally afraid to homeschool all five of my kids and teach them to read and write and do arithmetic and teach them art and science and history as well as feed and care for each one of them. I thought it would totally exhaust me and Ben would come home to a puddle on the floor. 

I knew I was weak. 

 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 2:9

Honestly, it's a good thing to be weak and frail, because that's when I see God's power work through my surrender to Him. 

I've broken out into cold sweats when talking about "planning for the year" and "getting organized" and "planning your days" I get nauseous when I think about having to choose a curriculum and what if it works or it doesn't and do I really have to go by the book? What in the world do I do with this giant teacher's manual? Can I just use it for a place to put my coffee cup? I settled on Bob Jones because my friend did it and she had some books for it. It's also pretty well laid-out. I think in future years I'll look for a little more creative curriculum. 

Also, what about my workouts and my yoga routine and my baby weight that I was still trying to take off? Would I even still have a life? 

It turns out, having a workout routine a few days a week are extremely necessary for the survival of a homeschool mom. I pack up our math books and we go to the Y every Tuesday and Thursday. I check my littles into childcare and my bigs do their school there. Or they can choose not to, but they will have to do it when they get home. I get on the elliptical for 20 minutes and then do a 30 minute yoga workout in an empty room with my phone BY MYSELF and I LOVE IT. Yes, being alone can be precious time when you're a mom of littles. 

Being with your kids is also precious time though. 

I cannot tell you how much I have thoroughly enjoyed homeschooling my kids this past semester. I get to celebrate them every day. I get to talk about character and where their hearts are at. I have a firm pulse on what each kid needs to work on. I get to pray with them and for them every day. I get to read aloud with them and discover books and stories with them. They come to me and ask for help and I get to say (this is what I have decided to say every time they ask for help) "I love helping you with that! It's my favorite thing to do." I told Aria today that her schooling, my kids were my top priority today and she was like, "Really?" As though it hadn't occurred to her before. Sometimes I get distracted with my phone or other things around the house and I have to apologize to them (especially when it's the phone). 

They also help me with all kinds of chores:
unloading and loading the dishwasher
clearing the table
sweeping (still working on that one)
vacuuming (also still working on that one)
watching little brothers so that mommy can get lunch or dinner made
picking up the house of toys, coats, shoes and whatever else has landed on the floor

I tell them, "This is part of being home-schooled, you learn how to take care of a house. You learn to do important chores like cleaning the bathroom and cooking meals." 

I also love it that they have plenty of time to play and just be themselves. I want them to learn to work hard and to play hard. I get to push them in their studies where they need pushing and give them grace where they are struggling and cheer them on when they are soaring through. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it. 
Proverbs 22:6 

Lessons to learn

Today we took our kids sledding for Paul's second birthday. Poor Paulo, he hated it. I mean, he was okay with sitting at the top of the hill and watching everyone else go down but going down himself was not his cup of tea. He went down with Ben once on the promise of getting hot chocolate if he did and he screamed and cried the whole time.

Lesson learned: sledding is not too much fun for kids under four years old.

I thought it was just a Simeon thing because Simeon is so sensitive and our other two never had a real snow/sledding experience as two year olds... but legit, Paulo did not enjoy it.

I tried to bring Jethro but that lasted all of 15 minutes and I tried to zip up my coat over him while wearing him. The only thing I succeeded in was breaking the zipper on my favorite coat.

It's okay it was only $10 from Savers. But I still loved it. :(

Ben and Aria went to a father daughter dance this evening. I love getting to dress her up and send her with her daddy to feel special. What a blessing to have a husband who loves her and takes such good care of her.

I also got to share the evening with my four boys, my plan was to take them out for ice cream after dinner. Thankfully we had our surrogate grandparents along for the ride, I don't think I could have made it to Culvers without them.

Paul was a bit of a mess all evening. He didn't want to eat his dinner, he didn't want to put on his boots or his coat either. It reminded me of when Simeon turned two and he cried the whole time. It felt like such a struggle.

Ben and I call it the year of deep dark sadness. Communication is difficult, they get into so many things, there's lots of crying and you telling them "no" and them telling you "no" ... it's basically a really tough year or so. I remember when Levi turned the corner and became a pretty agreeable little three year old and it was such a relief. Now with Paulo being our fourth two year old I feel like I have hope that this is just a season and things will get better. For now I'm praying for patience.

Please Lord, help me to choose my battles wisely, help me to nurture and love and be creative. I need Your guidance Holy Spirit, I need wisdom from You. Thank You for leading me.