Scripture is speaking to me

Last night I had the privilege of going to our weekly church prayer meeting. I think I am more full at those sometimes than I am coming on a Sunday morning.  I have been struggling lately with just a lot of junk. I don't know if it's hormones or loneliness or just being tired... Anyways, if you all could lift me up in prayer, I would be so grateful.

It's been difficult to open the Word lately.  I used to be able to open the Word and immediately felt the hand of God leading me could hear Him speaking. But as of late, He seems to be silent.  He has still been faithful. He is still speaking in unexpected ways.

Last night this scripture kept coming to mind. This morning I read through it. Sometimes I think the most real, most beautiful poetry can be found in the Psalms. They meet me right where I am and they weep with me as my soul weeps. There is no holding back as they tell my story.

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Why are you so downcast O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet again praise Him,
my Savior ad my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember You
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon - from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of Your waterfalls;
all Your waves and breakers
have swept over me,

By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His sng is with me -
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
Why have You forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?
My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is you God?"

Why are you so downcast O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet again praise Him,
My Savior and my God.

I keep walking around saying, "I will yet again praise Him, I will yet again praise Him..." Deep calls out to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls, all of His waves and breakers have swept over me. Could this statement not be more true? I feel swept away sometimes as God is refining me in His depths. I remember the times when I was standing in His sunshine and feeling His blessing. I remember the times when I was leading others in the sanctuary with shouts of joy and thanksgiving... I know that God is faithful, but why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? Why am I struggling like this?  Lord, help me to walk in broken dependence on You. Give me strength to praise You. This is the day that You have made, let me rejoice and be glad in it.