Poured out

I woke up this morning thinking about being "poured out" I think it's in Colossians where Paul talks about being poured out like a drink offering, maybe I am wrong about the place, but I definitely remember the thought.

I've been reading in Matthew and came across this verse: Then Jesus said to his disciples: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." 16:24-25

He goes on about gaining the whole world and yet losing your soul. I look around at the culture I live in and that is what I see. We have gained the whole stinking world, but we have for sure lost our souls.

I often want thanks and recognition for what I have done, but really, that's a bunch of junk. Lord, help me to be okay with being poured out, emptied, persecuted...

Right now it's "Help me to be okay with laying my body aside." I am at those final stages of childbearing where it becomes really tough physically. Breathing, moving, sleeping... I have a tendency to complain about these things. But Lord, this is my sacrifice right now, help me to lay down on the altar and give up myself for You. Help me to give up my life for this little child inside of me as she develops and grows. Help me to lay myself down as I go through the pain of labor, the hardships, I want to be a living and holy sacrifice. Greater love has no man than he who lays down his life for another. Maybe that's what this whole birthing/childbearing process is about... it's the beginning of living a life of sacrificial love.

And someday this little one inside of me might break my heart... in fact, the likelihood of that happening is very great. Lord, this is getting very personal. Help me to love as You have loved. Maybe I will know an inkling of what You have experienced for my sake.