Aria is struggling with nap time today. Deep sigh. I laid her down right before Levi at 1 then she woke up around 1:30 so I tried to go in and nurse her back to sleep. I think she might have been hungry because she nursed well. I laid her down again and she started really crying about 5 minutes into it. I took my time in checking on her and found her with her leg stuck in the crib. (I feel like a total jerk-mom when this happens, it's like I could have come in sooner, but I didn't and now my poor little baby has to pay). So this made me grab the bumper out of her closet and quickly put it in her crib. (You're not supposed to use them once they can move around, but Levi loved his bumper and slept much better with it and well, he never suffocated... that sounds terrible).
So the next time I went in when she was crying she was now sitting up and chewing on the bumper. It was like she didn't really want to be chewing on it but she didn't know what else to do since she's not so good at laying back down and going to sleep after she starts sitting up. I'm finding with each new phase of a child's life it creates new problems to overcome. The first year can be a real roller coast. I'm so dramatic.
So now she's sitting here, happily playing so I might as well blog.
I need to be washing the dishes in the sink, sweeping the floor from lunch, folding the laundry and putting it away, but I think I'll blog instead.
I'm pumping as I write this because I find it impossible to keep from multi-tasking. Multi-tasking is the goal of the stay at home mom. Maybe the goal of every woman. We can do twelve things at once so we do twelve things at once. I've found that with each new thing I'm usually less productive on the original thing though.
I hate pumping. I love the freedom that it can give you, I love that it can bring relief when your baby is full but you're not done. But really, maybe it's just the act of being hooked up to a machine...
I weighed myself at my parents house the other day. Since we don't have a scale I am sometimes curious so see "how I'm doing" in the weight department. I feel really dumb that is the scale I use, but it is what it is. The number was better than I thought. It might be that I only have about 7-8 more pounds to lose until I'm pre-Aria weight. :) Which is weird because I don't feel small. I feel big.
I have been thinking a lot about this whole dieting and weight loss thing lately and my conclusion has been that I devote too much time and thought to it. The more I'm thinking about what I shouldn't eat the more I want to eat what I shouldn't eat. Kind of like right now I really wanted to take a nap while the kids napped. I don't think that will happen while Aria is awake and so I don't need to focus and dwell on the fact that I won't get the sleep I wanted to get, I need to just accept it and move on.
Maybe in some ways I need to ignore food and weight loss. I need to be thinking of the Lord. I need to be thinking about music and children and discipline. I need to think about healthy meals I can prepare and good food to eat for our health but not obsessed on some extreme weight loss program.
Speaking of extreme weight loss, I'm thinking that's not the way to lose pregnancy weight. I think it's just this slow, graceful pace down to your former weight. Especially with breastfeeding. Sometimes I want to stop breastfeeding so I could do some kind of extreme diet or cleanse or something, but my body needs that fat in order for it to keep producing milk for my baby, I need to be okay with that.
Lord, You know my body. You know what I need and don't need. You created cravings, You created good things to eat and there is nothing new under the sun. Help me to learn to feed myself properly. Help me to be patient with this whole process. Help me to be humble.
I am Yours.
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