Overdue

Do I want to blog about being overdue? No, not really.

Do I want to be overdue? No way.

Do I want to endure another natural childbirth? Heck no!

It looks like I've gotten myself into quite a predicament. I don't really want to do any of these things, but here I am, doing them.

Just had to write out a few things that have happened this week:
- My brother and sister in law left with their sweet kids to go to Thailand
- Aria turned 2
- A tree fell in our front yard due to an ice storm on Simeon's due date.
- I got pinkeye, then Levi got pinkeye and an ear infection
- We all had colds

… so maybe it's a good thing that we haven't had him yet.

So, I'm only overdue by about 3 days. Due date shmoo date right now. That's how it feels right now. It feels like my body will never go into labor. I keep waiting and waiting, wondering if this will be a real contraction or just one of those dumb braxton hicks. (Can you tell I have a bad attitude? Lord, help me!)

Maybe I have a bad attitude because I haven't dilated at all. Every time I go to the Dr. he says that Baby Simeon is still really high and that I've had no progress. "You mean, none of this tightening, none of this pressure means anything?" Maybe that's the discouraging part. If I wasn't feeling anything, then I would just think, okay, that's fine, I understand. But, I have felt some things and I do feel a lot of pressure, and then to know that there's nothing really going on is kind of like a punch in the gut. I understand, it's not his fault that I haven't progressed, but really, can we please just get this show on the road?

I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. That will go off very slowly. Very, very slowly.

The good thing about surviving one natural birth is that you can actually anticipate the depth of the pain you will experience. I feel like I'm mentally building up this expectation of unimaginable pain. Anything I feel right now as a contraction is basically a piece of cake.

Looking back on Aria's birth I want to just rest. I think that's the main thing that was lacking in that scenario. It was such a build up of anticipation. Can I VBAC? Will my body be able to do this? I wanted everyone to be there, it was full of drama and the unknown. I wanted things to happen and for some reason I feel like I forced things to happen. I don't know if that's possible, we will see.

I want this birth to be quiet. I want to just let things happen. I want to rest a lot. Walk when I need to and not push myself so hard. I want to not be afraid of pauses in my labor, but just to take things as they come. I want to just try and relax as much as I can into the pain, and just let things happen.

Lord, I pray that this labor would be shorter. I pray that it would be soon. I don't want to go to the Dr. again on Thursday. I pray that You would give me strength. Help me not to be afraid. Help me to remember that in the end, I get to hold a sweet baby boy. Thank You for the beauty of childbirth. Help me to remember Your Son on the cross and the pain that He endured to bring life into the world.

Something I've been trying to wrap my head around is this: It was because of sin that women bear a curse as we bring life into the world. Jesus took on that curse, took on our sin and died so that abundant life could come to us. He had the ultimate labor and delivery, my pain is but a shadow of this curse that He took.

You are faithful Lord.

Due Date

It's 5:30 am and I'm awake.

Technically I've probably been up since about 4:30, but I think I've finally just decided, what's the use of laying in bed and thinking and thinking and thinking.

No signs of labor yet, except for a few minor contractions. Simeon might be dropping, I'm just feeling a lot more pressure down low and feel like my lungs and ribs aren't quite so crowded. I really don't put much stock in that though, because I had thought Aria had dropped and I think she hadn't.

I'm just trying not to obsess over this delivery like I did with Aria. If a contraction comes, I just try to ignore it. Lord, help me with this. Help me to just keep going, to rest when I need to, and to move when I need to.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store with the kids and then came home and made a few freezer meals. The kids did great, other than when we got to the toy section I started to smell something coming from Aria. No one was there and I didn't want to drag Levi away from the toys, cross the store and go to the bathroom to change her. I gave myself a nine-months-pregnant pass. I laid my coat down on the floor and changed her right there. I didn't want her sitting in her poop since she gets diaper rashes in about .2 seconds. It was just one of those moments where you are not proud of what you have done, you just think, I'm trying to get by.

Yesterday was also Aria's birthday. I need to blog about that. I think it deserves it's own post though. I am wanting to look back through the pictures of her birth and just remember it.

She was my little VBAC, and she has been one determined girl ever since.

I felt like yesterday in the middle of all the meal-fixing that the Lord just showed me I only have a few days left with only two kids. After I have baby Simeon I might be otherwise occupied for a bit and I just felt the need to sit on the floor and enjoy them. They were extra cuddly yesterday, maybe a little extra needy. It's like they know there's going to be a huge change coming. I'm thankful to the Lord that somehow (I really don't know how I got everything done yesterday) I was able to sit and read with them, play a bit of trains and just enjoy them.

It's interesting this time around because I get to really explain to Levi what to expect from his new little brother. Simeon won't do much, so it's Levi's job to help out as much as he can. Also, that Levi needs to dress himself every morning. Levi can dress himself, but it's just a question of whether he will or not. If Aria could dress herself, she would. Yesterday she put on her own shoes, on the wrong feet. I tried to correct her and she screamed, insisting that they were fine. So, I let her wear them on the wrong feet. All through the grocery store. She didn't seem to mind.

The Lord has been showing me lately that I need to praise Him, and then my joy will overflow from that. I was getting really resentful that I was waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. I was worried that I wasn't resting enough and that I wouldn't be able to get through my day. But I've started using those wee hours of the morning to just worship God and read his Word. He has so much sustained me, I can't even believe what I have been able to do.

Lord, would You continue to sustain me? Through these next days of waiting for labor to begin. Lord, the storm of labor, the pain and the difficulty? Would you sustain me then? Thank You that You are a good God, that You are the lifter of my head. You carry me through. I am looking forward to being on the other side of things and saying, Wow, I can't believe I made it through that, I can't believe I did that.

Let this Psalm be in me:

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord and He heard me,
and delivered me from all my fears.

39 Weeks, Oh My

I'm now 39 weeks and a few days pregnant. 

Time to blog. 

What is life like right now? It's hard. Uncomfortable. Anxious. Annoying. 

It's so strange to think that my due date is Thursday. All this time I've been telling everyone January 9th and now, it's just Thursday. I'm due Thursday. 

However, Ben and I have no high hopes that this baby will be here by then. We know that Aria's labor and delivery was past schedule, so that's what we are expecting for this one. I keep making plans and try to hold nothing tightly.

It's been an emotional week. I"m chalking it up to being pregnant and all the hormones that are surging through my body. Maybe also the lack of sleep. I seem to consistently wake up throughout the night and It's been difficult to go back to sleep starting around 3 or 4 am. So, I've basically been up since about 3 this morning with maybe a few naps in the later hours. 

Yesterday morning I got really angry at Ben. We had a miss communication and then I blew up in front of the kids. It was not a pretty moment. I felt terrible. Then I just cried, and got mascara all over Ben's shirt. 

I've pretty much cried every day for the past week. Mostly, I think it's exhaustion. 

This morning as Ben was getting ready to go to work I broke down again. (why am I talking about all of this? Who the heck wants to read all of this?!) Anyways, I think it was just from being awake for most of the morning and already feeling defeated and it was only 8 am. I get worried that I won't be rested if I suddenly go into labor, then I will have another exhaustingly long labor like I did with Aria. 

I think I finally realized that I've been trying to just do it all myself. 

I think I can pull myself up by my own bootstraps. It's up to me to get enough sleep, up to me to get my kids going, keep my house clean, fix meals, do the laundry... 

But really, it needs to be up to Christ. 

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Lord, I am struggling with fleshing this out. My emotions take over, my fears take over, my exhaustion and humanity take over. I need You. Oh how I need You. Every hour I need You. You are teaching me to depend on You in this frail time and I've been ignoring You. Incline my ear to You. I am weak, but You are so strong. I give these next weeks to You and ask that You would teach me to walk in utter dependence on You. 

Thank You for Your faithfulness. 

Pregnancy #3 Update 34 Weeks

I just thought I would write a quick update on how things are going with baby number three on his way.


Honestly, I have no idea. Who really has any idea of what in the world is going on in a woman's belly anyways? I mean, a doctor can say, yeah, that baby is head down, your uterus is measuring "right on time" (whatever that means) and they have a heart rate of this in the twenty seconds that they have it on your belly (20 seconds is generous I know). I can tell you that he moves. I don't know if it's a lot or a little because I'm hardly paying attention to the times that he is moving, it's when I'm in the car, or when I lay Levi down for a nap or as I'm sitting here on the computer and typing. He moves in the middle of the night or when I'm sitting with Levi and doing school. It's just completely random. It usually doesn't hurt when he kicks, but sometimes it does.

Sometimes I worry about the things I am exposing to him, the fact that I still drink a cup or two of coffee a day, I helped paint (with latex) our kitchen, or the fact that I'm still taking Ambien pretty much every night. I wonder if that will hurt him or if it won't have any effect. Honestly, those things have helped get me through. I think with Levi and Aria I felt like I was just sitting around, waiting for my life to continue and for this baby to come. With this one, I am just continuing to live and try to ignore the fact that I'm pregnant. It's getting harder and harder to ignore though.

I learned an important lesson last week. Don't eat too much.

It was my birthday and my mom made this amazing pumpkin dessert (I LOVE pumpkin desserts, pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, pumpkin muffin, all of it). This was a pumpkin dump cake. I had some on Saturday and then again on Sunday after lunch, then we had pizza that night and finally I topped it off with a more than generous helping of pumpkin dump cake. I justified it by saying, well, at least I'm not eating ice cream too. Dumb. Really dumb.

I don't know what was in it, probably about 40 grams of sugar, plus the fact that I had eaten poorly all that day, but I literally did not sleep that night. I didn't get to sleep until maybe 11, I don't know, that's when I finally turned off the light (oh my goodness, Ben and I are so lame, we are usually in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10, now you know that we are grandparents). I woke up at 12 and 1 just wide awake. I finally got out of bed at 1:30 and was not tired at all. I felt like I could run a marathon. This was not going to be good the next day. I finally forced myself to go to bed around 3:30 because I didn't want to be wasted the next day. I still must have laid in bed for about an hour, it was ridiculous. I honestly think it was the vast amounts of sugar and carbs I had consumed and my body was just trying to process all of it.

I had totally justified it in that I was pregnant, family was in town, it was a yummy dessert, it was my birthday. So many ways to justify sin. But really, sin is sin.

I hate it when I justify.

Lord, help me to remember this lesson. I am so easily tempted to think that food will make me happy. Really, it won't. It will just make me more sad with my life if I consume it as though it will fulfill me. Tear down my idols Lord. Help me to tear them down. Thank You for Your faithful discipline. Thank You for the fact that my body can't handle that much food without crazy heartburn and being so uncomfortable. You alone can fulfill me and make me happy. Help me to rest in You.

Advice On Pregnancy

The other day I got to hear a fellow blogger Carol Spenst share about blogging, why she blogs, how it has impacted her life and the struggles that go along with blogging. It definitely inspired me to write. So, here I am.


Also, it's nap time, so I can actually put a complete thought together. That helps.


I finally picked up my prenatal yoga DVD again. It was not a priority while we were doing our kitchen and it's just kind of fallen to the wayside since then. The reason I decided to do it today is because I'm at the place in pregnancy when you start to feel like your body is going to fall apart. Or just bust open. I'm starting to have heartburn every time I bend over, which is often since I have little kids. I've also been experiencing some more serious braxton hicks contractions, especially when I pick up Aria who is just over 30 pounds. She loves to be held and since it doesn't' cause major pain yet, I'm still picking her up.

As I was doing my video I was thinking, what would I tell myself during that first pregnancy? What about my first labor? My VBAC? I was thinking about labor and how it's coming soon and how I know it's going to be difficult and painful. That the goal is survival and that it's worth it. It's worth it … it's worth it … I'll get a sweet little baby at the end and feel really proud of myself for surviving … (I will have to keep telling myself that).

So, I'm making a list of all the things that I would tell my former pregnant self and that I'm telling myself during this third pregnancy.

1. Be busy. Don't stop, don't concentrate on your pregnancy, it takes forever. Just do whatever you can to act like life is normal and keep going.

2. Eat right. With Levi I ate well because I was already heavy and was terrified of getting really heavy. I gained about 30 pounds with him but then lost around 60. With Aria I threw caution into the wind and gained 50. After those two pregnancies I knew the difference was me and my attitude. The problem was the girl in the mirror. So with this one I have been more conscious of what I have been eating. So far, by week 29 I had only gained 15 pounds. We will see what this next trimester holds though. I'm going to really have to watch all these holiday treats because honestly I LOVE sugar.
**Update since last week and crashing with ice cream, I just have to confess that I continued to crash and continued to eat uncontrollable amounts of sugar. It was terrible. It was almost as though I was trying to make up for the lost two weeks of sugar. The yeast infection has not come back (yet) and I'm hoping it will stay away. We will see. Things have been better this week, a lot of prayer and soul searching to realize that everything in moderation is best for me. No more cutting out, no more major deprivation, no more forbidden fruit that just makes me want it a thousand times more. I'm also very aware of my own sin tendencies and weaknesses in my heart. Wow.

3. Chiropractors are awesome. That reminds me, I need to call and schedule and appointment.

4. Doulas are awesome. Although, I'm a hypocrite right now because we are not getting one for financial reasons, but for the first time around, they are amazing.

5. Learn about the positioning of your baby. It's important. If you live in Little Rock I HIGHLY recommend going to see Amy Cefalo, she is a midwife here in Little Rock and she will help you figure out the positioning of your baby and has awesome strategies of turning babies. It's just 45 dollars a visit, and it could change your whole delivery. I wish I had known about her when I had Levi, I might not have had a C section with him.

6. Deny, deny, deny labor. That's going to be my mantra this time around. I don't care how strong (I want) the contractions to be, I'm just going to deny it. I want to spend the least amount of time acknowledging the pain and get the most sleep I can before I have to endure real, hard labor and delivery. It takes everything you have to do that stuff. No joke.


Okay, so that's the list right now. I also remember something that my friend Sarah, who had a home birth, said on her blog that I want to remember. Don't let anyone tell you what position to get in when you are in labor. Do what is comfortable for you. Suggestions from those around you are good and you can try them, but really, the most important thing is to do what you want to do during labor. I'm going to try to remember that. Listen to my body, do what feels right.

Anyways, those are my two cents. Not that it matters much, just thoughts I had today about all this baby-making stuff.

Pregnancy Update 29 Weeks

I wanted to post again about how this pregnancy is going, just as a follow up from last week.

I am now finding my equilibrium without caffeine. Who would have dreamed this was possible? I don't know that I have ever quit caffeine, maybe since college. It's been good for me. I am not falling asleep all the time, I can actually sit and read to my kids or type out a blog post in the middle of the afternoon without falling asleep. I can wake up at six in the morning just fine without both caffeine and sugar. I should say, those things probably go hand in hand for me. I always put sugar in my coffee, I love it that way.

As far as the yeast, it's cleared up significantly. Occasionally I can feel traces of it, but really, I think just starving it out was the key. I'm going to wait another week and a half (three weeks total) before I begin to slowly reintroduce caffeine and sugar. Because, let's just be honest, I really do want to be able to have those things again. I'm just going to have to watch my quantities and the frequency of the sugar, especially with the holidays coming up. Oh yes, a few other things I have been doing to treat the yeast, I got an over the counter three day cream that I spread out over five days. I also drank unsweetened cranberry juice and Kefir and taking a probiotic called Cultrelle. I have also been taking GSE orally and applying it topically as well as coconut oil topically for the past few days. Anyways, if you want to know about any of those remedies in more detail, you can email me or message me.

I took my Glucose test yesterday. I brought my kids. Like a crazy person. Yes, I did drink the sugary drink, I figured that's what I had to do, and there was no getting around it. My plan was to bring books and snacks, but also during that hour that I had to wait, to go and walk around the hospital next to the office. Thankfully I forgot something and started to walk back. That's when a nurse found me and said, you're not supposed to leave, you have to see the Dr. Oh, I thought I was supposed to wait and hour and then get my finger pricked and then see the Dr. She took my weight and blood pressure, both of those looked great. I have now gained a total of 15 pounds, which I think is significantly less than what I gained with Aria. It was encouraging, but I know that I could suddenly start retaining water or get tired and stop exercising or something stupid like that, so I'm not getting too confident yet. I just need to keep being careful and staying active.

The kids and I ended up sitting and reading while they ate snacks. They took us into the room to wait for the Dr and then Aria pooped. While I was changing her diaper I glanced at my watch and realized it was time to prick my finger. So I grabbed her, my purse, the poopy diaper (hoping to find someplace to dispose it, I really don't know what I was thinking) and told Levi, let's go! Then we all ran to the lab and I got pricked. My blood sugar was great, my iron levels were great. What a relief. The kids for the most part were pretty great during the appointment too. Someone commented that they were being so good and I said, "thanks! But don't say that!" I've learned that as soon as you start to think that things are going well and you get too confident, that's when it will all fall apart. Yes, things fell apart a few times that morning, but overall, I felt pretty good about it.

I have to say, that appointment pretty much felt like the summary of this pregnancy. It's been the healthiest one yet, the only difference is that I'm juggling two little kids and life is chaotic. We do what we have to do to get by. It's not convenient always, but it's never boring. I kind of love it.

So, there you go.

A Pregnancy Update

It occurred to me that I hadn't said anything in a while on this particular pregnancy. I'm 28 weeks tomorrow, and I'm excited about these being the last few months until I get to hold our new baby in my arms.

Everything seems to be going well, even though I missed my most recent OB appointment as well as my glucose test. Darn it. I hate it when that happens. I don't even know where my brain was, I was expecting a notification from my phone, but since I didn't have any, it wasn't until the next week that I looked at my calendar that, oh, that was last Wednesday, not this coming one. Pregnancy brain, gets you every time. At least I have something to blame it on...

Yeah, so this being my third pregnancy, it just doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. Sometimes I will forget that I'm pregnant. This one is faithful to remind me though. I love feeling the little flutters and wondering what he's doing in there. We will just be driving in the car and suddenly I will feel him kick. It's amazing that a baby is really and truly growing inside of me. I'm the only one who knows all his little moves. His little feet push on my ribs, he does little somersaults while I'm cooking dinner. He loves to kick in the early morning when I'm reading the Word and spending time with the Lord. It's so amazing.

No, we have not decided on a name yet. I hate naming. I will shoot down any name you throw at me, it's terrible and Ben gets frustrated with me.


Okay, this is more on a physical note. I am hesitant to blog about this, because it's pretty personal. So I just write for other women who might be pregnant or facing this. I've had a yeast infection since ... like... February? It has come and gone and come and gone. In the early months I kept thinking that it would just go away on it's own. I've had mild ones before and they seemed to just work themselves out. Or I could do a 3 day treatment and they were gone. But this, this has been the mother of all yeast infections. Apparently they are pretty tough to get rid of while you are prego. I also have this problem: I am addicted to caffeine and sugar. I kept trying to treat it some other way and keep my little addictions over here. I used to excuse that I have two other kids to take care of and my energy has to come from somewhere. The last straw was when the Dr prescribed me AGAIN with a treatment and I thought I was great. It went away after about a week, but then two weeks later I felt the itching again. I was like, oh crap. Seriously?

So, on Sunday I decided, that's it. I'm just going to give up caffeine and sugar and starve this crazy yeast out. A detox if you will. I did some internet reading and figured out that I need to avoid carbs in general, eat lots of vegetables, some meat, a few complex carbs (good, raw kind) and very little fruit.

So, I haven't had sugar or caffeine in what, three days? Monday went a lot better than I expected, it was just hard to drag myself off the couch that afternoon. Tuesday I had some headaches. Today, every time I sat down with my kids to read or just watch them play or do school with Levi, I could not keep my eyes open. As long as I was moving, I was okay, but as soon as I stopped, my body just wanted to doze. I was reading a book to Levi and realized I was dozing after every sentence. Then I would pry my eyes open and read another sentence. He eventually lost interest. I wonder why?

I don't know how long I will have to do this whole detox thing. I try not to think about that. I more so just try to imagine how I am starving out this infection that has been ridiculous.

Oh yes, I also went to the grocery store yesterday and bought: unsweetened cranberry juice, lemons to put in my water, Keifer probiotic (unsweetened of course), probiotic capsules, and a yeast treatment. Am I crazy? Yes. Am I doing all of these things? Yes, I space them out a bit of course. If you have any suggestions as far as treatment for this stuff, let me know. I'm all ears.

So yeah, that's how this pregnancy has been going so far.

Until next time.

Pregnancy Update 23 Weeks

It's a beautiful Saturday morning! Fall is in the air and I LOVE it.

I'm now 23 weeks. In some ways it has sped by, but I realize I still have a while to go. I'm only going to get bigger from here... that's just a scary thought. I was just listening to a girl who just had a baby, saying that the night after she had her, she had the best sleep in a while. Oh yeah, waking up every hour to pee... I'm not looking forward to that.

I'm going to have to really start watching my posture. Especially when I sit. The problem is that I love my recliner! I love putting my feet up. The problem is that, it causes the baby to be positioned wrong in the womb and be more posterior (they are facing the wrong way, this makes them coming out more difficult and painful). At the same time, I'm only 23 weeks, so I probably won't have to watch it until I'm more like 30-35 weeks. Still, I have to watch out as well that I am sitting up straight, walking properly, and standing properly so I don't pop out a rib again.

I've been feeling a lot of kicks in the upper right side of my belly. It's been cool to think about him spinning around in there. I think for the most part, he is kind of sideways and head down.

The awesome part is that still, at 23 weeks I feel pretty awesome. I still have a lot of energy and we are still getting a lot accomplished. And by a lot, I mean, as much as you can with two little kids and homeschooling and discipline and part-time cloth diapering and cleaning up mess after mess.

Examples: there is a bunch of stone ground oatmeal in our dining room carpet right now because Levi has been playing with it and won't keep it in the pan. Yesterday, while the kids were waiting for me to fix their quesadillas, they swept the grated cheese onto the floor. I asked Levi who was going to sweep it up off the floor. He looked at me and said, "YOU are!" Thank you Levi, thank you for adding just one more thing to my work load.

Sometimes it's okay to just get around to the messes when I get around to it. Thankfully I have a very gracious and helpful husband. We have miraculously still been able to host people and have a somewhat presentable house. We just ignore the fact that we have no doors on our lower cabinets. :)

Levi Story:
Oh, I just have to inject here, my favorite thing that Levi does is talk about the past. He usually starts out by saying, "When I was two years old... " and he will say something completely inaccurage. Like that Aria was bigger than he was. Or how he was the size of a lima bean... I think it's his way of trying to make sense of what we say as adults and how we reference the past. I love it.

Pregnancy Update. 20 weeks.

Ah, the computer is so dangerous to pick up sometimes. I feel I could get lost in blogs, social media, food websites... forever. This is why I try not to pick it up too early in the day. I felt like I was needing to blog this morning though. I felt a few little flutters from Baby Boy inside and just thought, I need to blog about this for a minute.

Confession: I ate a lot of sugar yesterday afternoon. I think my blood sugar drops pretty low sometimes and then I try to spike it up again. Let's just say it's never a good idea to have marshmallows and chocolate chips as a snack. Never. I just didn't want to stop. I was about to say "couldn't" but I feel like it was more of a decision of my will and not caring. I usually care a few hours or a few days later.

Lord, help me to eat right and to glorify You. I want to be healthy for this baby. Sometimes I feel like I could eat a horse. Sometimes I'm exhausted or depressed and it just feels like food will fill it. It never fills that void, it only ever fills my stomach. Teach me to eat Father, You created my body, You invented pregnancy and all of it's intricacies and miracles, so Lord, Holy Spirit, please lead me. I need You. I'm helpless on my own.


Whew. It's good to just confess sometimes.

So I have been feeling tiny kicks and wiggles for the past few weeks. I have no idea when this started, I know some women keep track of all that stuff, and really, I have no idea. I also don't really care. I know that he is in there. I know he is a HE. That always makes a big difference in my mind. Now we can begin to think of names, now I can begin to dream of what kind of a place this baby will have in our family. In my mind it just helps. Kudos to the women who can wait nine long months to find that out, I don't think I can right now.

A friend recently was talking to me about how she's been learning that competition and comparison kill community. The thing about pregnancy is that people compare and contrast you all the time. "Oh wow, you're really skinny in comparison to my sister in law, she's huge." Or someone might say, "Are you sure there's just one in there?" It's like a whole new level of comparison. I have several friends right now who are about a month ahead of me. Of course they are bigger. Of course they make me look small. You wouldn't think that four weeks would make that much of a difference, but it does sometimes. We all grow at different rates and honestly, it doesn't matter who gains how much or who is tiny or huge or any of that stuff. When we compare it keeps us from rejoicing with each other over just being pregnant at all. There is always a winner or a loser when it comes to comparison. We look at the units instead of the person.

Lord, I want to just rejoice with my friends. I want to love them and be excited for them. I know soon we will all have our babies in our arms and then we will compare them. Lord, I want to just rejoice with those who rejoice and be glad and thankful for what You are doing in their lives and in mine. Help me to love. Help me to always seek the good. I pray that I would not judge, I would just leave that stuff up to You.

Pregnancy Update

I had a friend ask for an update... and of course I love to oblige.

Why not start out with a video?

Yes, we are so excited about this next little one. 

Honestly, this has been the best pregnancy yet. Yes, it was a difficult first trimester with Ben being incapacitated with his ruptured achilles, but in some ways that turned out to be a good thing. It kept me from being lazy and just sitting on the couch or moping around the house. I HAD to get up, I HAD to just tough it out and that was good for me.

I feel like I've grown a lot. My capacity for getting things done has grown. When we first moved into our house four years ago I didn't want to do anything to it, now I can't stop thinking about painting rooms and sprucing it up. We are slowly but surely working on our kitchen right now. Painting cabinets, doors, trim, ripping off wallpaper, sanding everything... it's a big job, but I feel really proud of how we've been able to do it. We are working hard and accomplishing much. Ben definitely works harder when he has someone working with him, and I just keep thinking, I can't put this off because before I know it, I won't be able to move and then I'll have a newborn... It's like I've realized that NOW is the time.

I have tons of energy. Yes, I do drink a small afternoon coffee to help me power through. I figure if I space it out enough, the baby will be okay. I also have one in the morning. It's so tempting to find the biggest stinkin' mug in the cabinet and fill that up, but I've found it's much better to find a medium/smaller one and just pace myself.

My last appointment I had gained about 4 pounds, that was pretty good considering I hadn't gained any the last visit and so it was a total of 4 pounds for those first 18 weeks. I can't all of the sudden think that I can just eat anything I want though. I tend to do that if I'm "doing good" I think, "well, of course I can have this ice cream bar, I haven't hardly gained any weight hardly at all." I remember thinking with Aria that I hadn't even gotten to my starting weight that I had been at with Levi and somehow thinking that was some kind of allowance and I could eat anything I wanted. I need to keep reminding myself: it will be easier to keep from putting it on, than it will be taking it off.

So, there is my pregnancy update. I can't believe I will be twenty weeks on Thursday. I'm so thankful this pregnancy has gone by so much quicker. I can't wait to meet our precious new little boy. 

A Bunch Of Updates.

I don't really feel like blogging right now, but I was just now wasting a bunch of time of Facebook, you know when you just scroll through the feed completely mindlessly? So, it's probably better to just blog.

Pregnancy Update: I've been feeling close to awesome. It's bad because I tend to think I'm invincible and tonight I ate after Aria who has been getting over a cold. We will see how invincible I am. Yikes. The only thing is the hunger. It's like clockwork, basically. We got out of church this morning and started to talk about lunch, I was like, I'm not really hungry, those whole wheat pancakes really stuck with me today. About ten minutes later I felt like I could eat a horse. I'm trying to be really conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth, but it's hard when you feel like you are about to die of starvation.

Levi Story: His new favorite bedtime song is Come Thou Fount, today he totally sang almost the whole first verse with me. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what the lyrics are actually saying, but it's super cute. Also, each evening and nap we read a chapter from the Jesus Story Book Bible and a Clifford book we got from the library. So each night it's Jesus and Clifford. Yep. Jesus and Clifford.

Aria Story: (which one do I tell?)  Today she took the stool from the bathroom, carried it into the living room and set it on the coffee table. She then proceeded to climb on the table and then onto the stool. Let's just say she likes to walk on the wild side. She also loves wrestling and playing with Levi, until he gets a little too rough, then she lets loose her blood-curdling scream. Gotta keep that one in the back pocket.

Ben is off his "crunches" (as Levi calls them) and knee cart. Every so often Levi looks up at him and says, "I'm really sorry about your achilles dad." He's a thoughtful little kid.

We are in the midst of re-doing the kitchen. For some reason the Lord has given me a love for sanding and tearing down wallpaper lately. Ben is the resident painter. My prayer is that we will keep our momentum going. It's fun to see the progress and exciting to think of what it will look like in the end.

God Is Teaching Me: That I'm not a perfect parent. And that's okay. I realized the other day that even though I don't want to and I know it's wrong, that I base my worth so often on what my kids do. Sometimes they are angelic and sometimes they are demonic. I feel maybe the most judged in my parenting. It's not that I have had people talk to me about it, but maybe it's that I've been the one to judge. Maybe it's that I feel eyes on me when I'm out and about. Maybe it's that I don't have complete control over my children. You can never truly have complete control over them unless you harness them or put them in a straight jacket. Seriously, they will always have a desire to do what they want to do.

Lord, help me to rely on You. I do things that break Your heart all the time. I speak in ways that I should not, I disobey, I rely on myself. I need You. Help me to release control to You. Give me strength to discipline not out of anger, or feeling frustrated, but to discipline because my child needs it. Help me not to worry about the opinions of others, but to be respectful and teach my children to be kind and considerate. I need You.

Pregnancy Update

It's hard to believe that this is the third time I've been pregnant. It just doesn't seem like I'm old enough or experienced enough. For the record, I'm 28 and we've been married for a little more than 5 years.

I'm now 15 weeks and a few days. My belly is still in that awkward phase where it just looks like you ate too much for dinner, not that you're really pregnant yet. I'm totally okay with that. After a few pregnancies I've learned to really just enjoy not having a humongous belly and not worry about how I look. Right now I'm still trying to wear my old jeans, just wearing them a little lower and making sure my shirts are long. I'm learning that I'm just not a huge fan of the panel until I have a belly to hold it up. Even then, they get itchy and stuff. Or maybe I just have cheap maternity wear. 

As I said last time, I'm totally nesting. For some reason I have a crazy amount of energy and I'm wanting to exert it on our house. I think it's finally hit me that it's a worthwhile investment and I would really enjoy living in a prettier house right now. So... we are working on the kitchen. Yikes! I like to bite off more than I can chew. Anyways, I'm peeling away the wallpaper right now... only to find more wallpaper. I feel like an archeologist uncovering the hideous 1990's paper. It's exciting. 

Can I just say I'm really proud of the fact that I didn't gain any weight this past visit? Can I just shout that out?! I had gained about 5-6 pounds the first one and realized I needed to really watch it. (No more late night ice cream.) Now that I've been feeling better, I've definitely eaten healthier. The main goal is not to gain a million pounds. With Levi I started out heavier but only gained 30 pounds. With Aria I thought, "What's the big deal? I lost it all with Levi, I won't gain that much weight will I?" and I gained more like 50 pounds. I was almost 2 pounds shy of 200. Oh my. 

Well, it's so far, so good. Let's see if I can get things right the third time around. :) 

Until next time. 

Expecting Baby #3

I have no idea what to title this post. I was sitting there thinking and then I thought, I'm wasting precious time that I could be blogging. So, I just stuck that in the title. :)

Alright, this is kind of just a pregnancy update. It's not so much about the baby as it is me and how I'm handling things right now.

News Alert!! For the first time ever in any of my pregnancies I think I am actually nesting. This crazy. But good. Our house needs some TLC and I need to make some decisions about how I want my nest. More than anything, I need energy and motivation to actually DO the projects I want to do. I'm not a project person. I like the idea of sewing cool curtains or refinishing a chair or painting the hallway or stripping off the wallpaper in our kitchen so we can paint it to look pretty and fun... but yikes, doing it is often a different story. Lord, I need help and wisdom in this.

I think all these projects mean that I'm going to have to keep facebook and instagram at an arms length these days. I'll still get on, and do stuff occasionally, but I'm going to try to keep it super limited. Lord, help me in this too.

The good thing is that I'm pretty much in my second trimester. I'm not big yet. I often forget that I'm even pregnant (until I try to fit into my jeans). I have no more food aversions, vegetables don't repulse me any more!! I can go to the grocery store without wanting to vomit! Life is good. Life is beautiful.

The only thing is that I'm hungry, the kind of hunger that you have skipped a meal or something... all the time! It's about every two hours it seems. The good thing is that I'm starting to swing back more towards whole foods, vegan, organic, healthier choices. Thank goodness those things don't make me want to gag any more. Those six weeks of feeling that way are not beneficial.

I have a cold right now, but I'm pumping the vitamin C (my doula said you can take up to 1500 mg per day) and drinking Braggs Raw Apple Cider Vinegar and honey (it's basically the nectar of life!)

Exercise is hit and miss these days. I found that if I push myself too hard I'm pretty much a zombie for the rest of the day. Usually just a good 1 mile walk is all I can handle. Hopefully all these projects will help me with just getting moving and I can count them as exercise! Ha!

Lord, help me to glorify You in this pregnancy. Thank You for bursts of energy. Help me to use them well. Help me not to get too focused on the house and it's needs and forget the needs of my children. Give me wisdom in all of this. Thank You that Ben is able to hobble around without crutches and the help he has been these past few days. Thank You that he is a helpful husband in general. Thank You for this new life forming within me. Help me not to be resentful, but to be grateful.

Pregnancy Update

This is just for the record. I don't necessarily have a title for this third pregnancy yet. I was thinking yesterday, I need to blog, but I can't think of what I want to call this thing and then I started to get overwhelmed and think, maybe my "series" are dumb and lame and maybe no one has ever told me that and here I am thinking I'm so clever and cool, and just everything got overwhelming. Goodness.

And then I realized, I just need to blog and let it be just a paragraph, an update and not worry about all that stuff right now.

So, here we go.

I'm twelve weeks, I'll be thirteen on the 4th. I'm starting to feel better in general. Praise the Lord! Second trimester is about here! I realized yesterday after the grocery store that I didn't want to gag the whole time. This is life-changing. You have no idea... unless you've been pregnant before.

I'm hungry like a crazy person. All weekend I kept asking Ben, "Are you hungry? Cause I am." His response was always no. I'm trying not to eat my face off. I just don't want to gain 50 pounds again... I probably need to continue to give up ice cream. I should also make sure that if I make cookies not to eat four or five in one sitting and make sure and give away the rest. I've been craving sour things.

I am wondering if this is another girl.

The Lord has blessed me with lots of energy. I honestly have no idea how I have kept the house running with meals on the table and the house being moderately clean. Two kids can make serious amounts of messes. Thankfully Levi is slowly learning how to help and do chores. I try to keep encouraging him and speaking life over the fact that I am proud that I have such a big helper. He THRIVES on encouragement.

Aria's been getting into more and more. I need to pick up the blanket training again. Jesus, help me. Also, help her to stay alive. That would be good.


There's my update! Much easier than I thought. Whew.

Losing Pregnancy Weight part 5

I was sick all week. That's why I didn't post anything... sorry about that. I hate being sick. I realized that I always get really depressed when I'm sick because I can't do anything or see anyone and it feels like it will never end. On top of that I was awake a lot at night from coughing, not so much my three week old daughter, but from hacking up my lungs and throat. Not cool.

I'm better now.

I talked to a sweet friend on Sunday. I just found out last week that she is pregnant and she's all of 21 weeks. That's when you wish you were a better friend. It's her first baby and she's full figured so I couldn't tell by looking at her so much. We were talking about how she had only gained six pounds... six pounds at 21 weeks!! That was awesome. I was kind of like that with Levi. I would only gain a pound or two each month and then put on a little more at the end. I had been a little heavier when I got pregnant with him so it was almost like the weight just redistributed itself. I felt like my face got thinner and my belly got bigger. Then when it came time to lose the weight I lost all of it fairly quickly and then just kept losing weight. It was awesome.

I'm going to take a moment here and talk to any pregnant girls who are reading this right now. I know you are interested in how these pounds will come off, I know you are scared because you have heard horror stories about women just gaining and gaining and then it never comes off... I just want to encourage you right now to just TRY. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be amazing, but, you do need to try. You don't have to walk 5 miles every day. Just walk around the block. You don't have to forgo dessert for the rest of this pregnancy, just forgo it tonight, choose healthy today. That's all. Don't get overwhelmed and think, how am I going to keep from gaining 60 pounds with this baby? Just think, "I am eating for two, yes, but I am eating for a grown woman and just a little baby. I want to give my baby the best, I want him or her to have strong bones and a good heart. My eating and exercise is no longer about me."
Know that whatever you don't gain on this side of your baby coming, you won't have to lose later. On the other extreme, know that you will probably have to gain some kind of weight, especially if you were at a healthy weight before you got pregnant. If you are overweight I have heard of a girl who didn't gain any weight during her pregnancy (my doctor's nurse told me about her after we discussed the fact that I had gained 50 pounds:)), so I guess it's possible. Mainly I just want to encourage you to take care of yourself. Eat if you are hungry, stop when you are full. Make wise choices. Get some kind of exercise, every day if you can, or just a few days a week.

I know for the next time I get pregnant (yes, I do want to have another baby in the Lord's timing) I want to be healthier than I was with Aria.

A word about clothes (to the non-preggers)... about two weeks after Aria was born I couldn't wear my maternity jeans anymore. Mine are the kind that go all the way up over your belly, they look kind of like this (except I didn't pay 88 bucks for them). They are great for when you are huge and pregnant and in the winter time, but once you don't have a belly to hold them up they don't work any more. So instead of constantly trying to pull up old maternity jeans or being depressed about not being able to fit into my "skinny" jeans I decided to go out and buy one pair that I would actually feel good in. I paid $35 for some jeans at Khols. Dark so that I could dress them up or down if I wanted and also because dark jeans are slimming. I say this to encourage any woman who has just had a baby to find some clothes that she can wear in that transition period, those months until you get back to your regular size. Just something to get you by until you can lose the rest. And then KEEP them. :) I'm thankful I didn't throw out all of my clothes from when I was overweight because there are some shirts that I'm digging out of boxes that I can actually wear and they don't fit me like a sausage link.

It's important in this transition to feel good about how you look, get clothes you are comfortable in and don't frustrate you. My attitude tends to plummet when I hate the clothes I have on. Now, I definitely wear my sweat pants/yoga pants and t-shirts at home when I'm with my kids and just doing house work, but it helps to have something I can get out of the house in. The mindset is to just have enough to get by, nice but not designer clothes. :) Save the designer for when you are at a size you feel like you can maintain. :)

And that's my blog for today. No updates on how much weight I've lost so far... no list of what I've eaten... except that I figured out that I can't eat salads for a little while, they are giving Aria gas. Eventually that will not be a problem, it's just difficult when you have only been eating for a few weeks to digest all the different foods we eat at adults.

Pregnancy again. :) part 15

I have thought about blogging so many times this week that I thought I already had... The brain plays funny tricks on you sometimes doesn't it?

We are on week 28. It's official today. 12 more weeks and then baby Aria will be here. Only 12, that doesn't sound like a lot, but it really kinda is.

This morning I was able to take a short walk. I realized I hadn't walked since last Friday and I wasn't walking nearly as much as I did with Levi. I think that's because it just takes more to go for a walk when you have an almost two year old running around. I have to get clothes on him, he has to cooperate in getting shoes or pants or whatever it is since it's not 80 degrees at 7 am in anymore. Then there is the battle of getting him into the stroller, the extra energy it takes to push a stroller (I am sooooo lame, yes, feel free to laugh at me, but it really makes a difference, I promise). Then when we come home he wants to play in the yard for a little while and ask to play in the hose even though the answer is ALWAYS "no" and then I have to get him to come inside. I have many choices in that arena, it's usually always a struggle. I can spank him, drag him, carry him, threaten him with a spanking (not very effective) bribe him... so really, walks are not this peaceful, relaxing thing anymore. It's fine if I don't have anything to do that day. I just let him do whatever, but this morning I needed to get in the shower and get dressed ... it's exhausting.

I just got a workbook about belly mapping. I kind of sort of looked through it the other day. It's sitting on my counter right now. I need to do that. I've been feeling kicks everywhere so I don't think she's gotten in position yet. I need to put aside my paranoia and just focus on learning about where she's at.

This past weekend was a tiny bit of a scare. Almost all day Friday I was nauseated and having some really firm contractions (not painful, but could feel my uterus tightening). I called my Dr (yes, I am resourceful and got his cell phone number from my father-in-law) now I know I can just call the emergency line my clinic offers. It didn't feel like an emergency, but it was something to be concerned about... I ended up going up to the hospital just to get on the monitors and measure Aria's heart rate or whatever. They were totally full. So full that a woman was in labor in the waiting room. Yikes. She was definitely having a hard contraction when we went by. I knew I wasn't going to be seen for a WHILE and thought I would be more comfortable at home anyways, so we went home and I just drank tons of water. That seemed to make things better. Then I threw up around 2 in the morning. That sucked. Saturday was just tiring and I did my best to just take it easy. I'm really thankful Ben was home and could help with Levi, I don't know what I would have done without him.

I think what I learned overall was that I was distracted on Friday and just forgot to drink and fill my water quota. Having a little one running around can be very distracting. So I am being very very concious about getting enough water in my days. I'm feeling much better :).

Pregnancy again. :) part 14

So my stomach is now being pushed up into my ribs... I've realized sometimes that when I bend over I get heartburn. It's not really anything that I eat, it's more like there's no where else for my stomach acids to go... sorry, that's too much information, I shouldn't have said that.

Hello third trimester, I had forgotten all about you after Levi was born. You were just this faint memory of having to pee all the time, difficulty bending over or getting up, I had forgotten this part. I never realized just how much I use my abs, I had taken for granted how easy it is to bend over and pick something up. Hello week 27.

I'm trying to be more careful about the position of Aria than I was with Levi. I wasn't quite sure what was going on with him, the Dr told me that he was head down so I just believed him. I didn't pay much attention to kicks and things, so I wonder how long Levi was breech. I'm trying to sit up as much as possible so that she won't be facing the wrong way, it just feels like I can't really relax sometimes.  I think I'm going to order the workbook for belly mapping. You can get it here if you are interested. I think just to be aware of what is going on will be good. I want to take as many steps towards a VBAC as I can.

Pregnancy again. :) part 13

I'm feeling the need to post this morning. I was just sitting there, reading my Bible and it was just like the Lord told me to put it down and write. Okay, that's cool.

I've got a lot bouncing around in my mind right now, I didn't sleep much last night. Around 4 am Aria decided it was time to do jumping jacks, I'm guessing for about half an hour... the cool part is that I decided not to be frustrated with her that she was jumping around in my belly, but just to be amazed that there is a little baby growing inside of me... INSIDE me. Do you get that? I mean, do you really get that? A little person is in there, growing and developing and swimming around. She (it's a SHE, I'm amazed that we can know this) has no idea what time it is, she just knows mommy is being still so this is her chance to really get some exercise in. She's probably got those peanut butter cookies I ate yesterday coursing through her little veins and has energy galore.  Whatever I eat, whatever I do, it effects her. I have the most influence on her tiny life right now. I am a safe home for her until she is ready to come and be held in my arms, and be fed again from my body. Until she is ready to meet her daddy and her big brother. I am amazed at this. How is it that I have this privilege? I can feel her kicks, I know where her little feet are, I am starting to feel her little frame as she rolls around inside of me. She is with me all the time, attached and growing. She will not always be with me. Just this short period of 40 weeks.  I will have to slowly let go of her throughout her lifetime. Someday she will be a young woman... I can't even imagine this.

I'm looking for things that will encourage me on this journey throughout motherhood. There are a lot of things that will discourage and discount it.  I would say our culture is not pro family at all. Maybe that's why I'm amazed that a family like the Duggars can have their own TV show. I have heard about the Duggars for a long time now. I never started watching the show until I have Levi. Maybe I was bored, maybe I was fascinated that a woman could do what I had just done 19 times... I don't know. I started watching their show. Unlike most television, it was encouraging. Yes, they tend to be out of style, the girls all wear skirts and have long hair, they are ultra conservative... but what they do is pretty amazing. Maybe I'm most amazed that they don't raise their voice at each other. Maybe I'm amazed that their kids all seem to have this genuine love for one another. I'm amazed that Michelle (the mom) genuinely loves each of her children individually, knows them, treasures them, and even gets excited that there will be a new baby coming. Each one she acts as though it were her first one, all the kids get excited about welcoming a new baby into the family, it's like there's this tone in their household that delights in children, that delights in people. I love the fact that they give glory to the Lord. They talk about how God changed their lives, gave them convictions and they have held to those convictions no matter what. They decided they wouldn't ever go in debt. The other day I found this: 14 and Pregnant Again where they were living in a three bedroom, two bathroom house with 14 kids. I think they lived that way until they had 16 children. I love the way their children are not selfish. I believe it's because there's not room to be selfish.

All of this makes me want to have a big family. I know it will not be just like the Duggars, I know I would have to be more organized than I am now. I know I will have to cut down on the extra curricular activities, but I think it would be an amazing thing to raise children in this way.

Lord, help me to have perspective. I want to pour You into my children. Thank You for my Levi and my Aria. I pray that Ben and I would be mindful of our time and devote ourselves to You alone.

Pregnancy again. :) part 11

I love the feeling of fall coming. The excitement in the air of the cool weather, getting to wear jeans and long sleeves. I'm sitting here in my fluffy robe and the window open, just feeling the coolness seep into our house. Makes me feel like drinking lattes, smelling pumpkin spice (I need to get one of those candles:)), the leaves, the air, makes me want to start baking things. Sigh... I love it. It's so full of anticipation for the many big holidays coming up.

I'm 24 weeks today. Aria is continuing to grow and have regular workouts in the womb. Sometimes I think she is jumping up and down. I have a feeling she will be active and strong, a good playmate for her big brother. :) I'm wondering if she will be less cautious than him (Levi is pretty cautious and sometimes easily frightened). I wonder if she will be the daring little sister like I was. Lord, help me not to project my life onto her. Help me to see her as her own person with her own perspective, her own experiences. Help me to allow her to be who YOU created her to be.

I think I'm starting to nest. You know? There's like this natural instinct that kicks in with pregnant women and they start cleaning things or working on projects to improve their "nest" or their home. Mine usually kicks in around 9 pm and I'm mopping the kitchen floor or shampooing the carpets. We borrowed the carpet shampooer from Ben's parents yesterday so we could clean up the throw up smell... yes, Levi threw up three times yesterday. I'm hoping he'll be alright today. Secretly I am excited because the spots on the carpet in other areas have been staring at me for months and I've just been itching for it. I kept bringing it up and Ben would say, let's wait and have them professionally cleaned, or let's get new carpet.  I'm thinking "no" in this area because we already need to buy a new (used) car for when Aria gets here, new tires, new brakes for the one we are going to keep... We are thinking of getting a mini van... yikes. That's a leap isn't it?

There's so much to being an adult and making adult decisions. You don't wait on your parents to make decisions and they decided whether or not to get new carpet or a new car... Ben and I actually GET to make a decision. The problem is that I'm really conservative with money, he feels more freedom to spend. :) I take a lot longer to make decisions (that's how it went in our family growing up) Ben makes decisions quickly. We have had our disagreements in this area. I am praying God will help me to submit to Ben's authority but also give him wise counsel (without nagging). Ben is very good at listening to me and considering my opinion. Lord, please help us to be wise with our resources! Help us as we go through life, help us to glorify You with what we have.

Only about 16 weeks left. Lord, help me to be patient and wise. Help me to do what I need to do and not to put extra stress on my plate. Help me to prepare my heart, soul, and body for the birth of this little precious life. Thank You for allowing me to carry her. I know I am not worthy, I know that You have given this life. You are the Lord of birth. Not a single life comes into this world apart from Your knowledge. Help me to be wise as I carry her.

Pregnancy again. :) part 7

So I ordered a prenatal yoga DVD the other day and since it came I haven't been able to stop using it. (That is totally an exaggeration). I have loved practicing yoga ever since I was fifteen, been in multiple classes and I'm just really familiar with it. I wish I could join a class right now, but with the expense ($100 class vs $20 DVD) and that I can do the video on my own time, this is perfect. I was doing yoga last night before bedtime and after a while Ben was like, "I'm going to bed, this music and her voice is making me so relaxed." Granted, it had been a long day, but still, I'm hoping this will help me with my sleep issues.

One thing I realized though as I was practicing and thinking about it later, I realized that they tell you to "release all your cares and worries" but I'm wondering, to what? To the abyss? To the earth? But what can those things do about our problems? Jesus says to cast your burdens upon him. "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest, take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light, for I am gentle and humble in heart. And you shall find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

So really yoga and relaxation and meditation is perfect for the believer. I think all too often in western culture we don't know how to be still and know that He is God. We often don't know how not to worry. Who struggles with worrying? Yeah, me too. But Jesus tells us we don't need to worry, some scripture I want to memorize to help me with that struggle is Matthew 6:25-34

Why is it that women think it's their job to worry? Why is it so socially acceptable? I feel like if I'm not worried about something, then something is wrong with me.

Another subject, did I mention I have been feeling this baby kick? Just sweet little flutters. I think she is going to be gentler than Levi. I'm trying to think of sweet little girl names, but it's hard. I've thought about the name Peace, but I just don't know. Oh well, we've got several more months.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.