I have been hesitant to write about this because it seems to permanent to put it out there. You know, that we are naming our baby _______. But the more I've thought about it, the more I feel like it's all just a process. At this point, we feel that this name is a very strong possibility and we can't come up with anything else.
Also, I feel like the beauty of blogging is that it shows the process. Blogs are not like books because they change and grow with the person. This is our "public record" if you will, of where we are on December 20th, 2013 and who knows, we may change, we hopefully will grow, but this is the snapshot of what is on our hearts and minds.
All of that buildup… Okay, are you ready? We are 99.9% sure we are naming this little boy
Simeon James
How did we come up with this? Honestly, Ben is the best namer in the world. Or maybe just from the two of us. As I have said before, I struggle with naming things. Maybe it's because names feel so concrete and I am more of an abstract thinker, maybe it's because I think something is so much more than a name or it's just because anything I come up with is stupid. Maybe that last one is the most correct.
I knew I wanted a name that had to do with prayer. Ben is in a cool season of prayer right now. On Monday mornings he fixes pancakes and has a few guys over to the house to pray. On Wednesday mornings he goes up to our church and prays with about 40 other men. Both of these are from 6-7 and he has been faithful to continue almost every week, even through his torn achilles and not being able to drive. I have such an admiration for his faithfulness in this. Also, I have seen a huge growth in his personal prayers. It's hard to explain really, but I just feel like he's better at praying and it comes more naturally. He has also valued prayer more and sought it more. What an amazing thing to see in your husband.
So, I wanted to be able to tell this baby, "This is what your name means, this is what was going on in our lives and what God was doing in our family and in your Daddy."
One morning Ben suggested the name Simeon. You can read about him here. He had been crying out for Israel in the temple, praying for his people for years and years. He was promised by God that he would see the savior and when he did, he prophesied over Jesus. I absolutely love this passage. I love the boldness of his prophecies and his prayer. This is what I want for my son. I want him to be crying out to the Lord on behalf of his people. I want him to be devoted fully to prayer. The name Simeon means "God hears" and I think that is perfect, because when we pray, we need to pray in faith that God hears our prayers. We cannot think that maybe He is listening, maybe He's not. He hears our prayers.
We have had a few hesitancies about this name though. I don't think that I want to blog about them right now, just because to me, they are irrelevant to what we are naming him. That's what stinks about naming, you can always find a way to ruin the name. Some kid on some playground somewhere is going to ruin it and you can't do anything about it. I was just reading in Titus the other day that to the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure.
Oh yes, and the middle name is more of a family name. It's on both sides of our families, so we thought, why not? Also, I really love the book of James and how it is a book that involves so much action and truth. If you really want to be convicted, read the book of James. It's beautiful. We want him to be a man of truth and action as well as a man of prayer.
Honestly, every other name that we have thought of just hasn't seemed to fit. So now, with just three weeks left of this pregnancy, I'm feeling like maybe we should settle on this one and stop debating.
We will see.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
How Quickly Kids Come
Why do I never feel like blogging? Maybe I'm going through a dry spell, maybe it's a busy spell. Maybe I just need to blog.
I'll be 37 weeks on Thursday.
Whew.
I most definitely feel like I'm 37 weeks. People love to tell you that you look great or that you look small. Those are all really nice and everything, but really, life is just plain uncomfortable at this stage of the game.
Mostly I'm feeling it when I'm chasing Aria or wrestling her into her clothes. So many times I ask God why He allowed women to get pregnant so quickly. And mine aren't even that close in comparison to some, but really, couldn't He have made it so that you couldn't get pregnant again until your child is like 4 and can use the bathroom and dress themselves? But for some reason He allows us moms to go through this phase of having a two year old (or close to it) and waddling around, straining just to bend over. Maybe it's to humble us. It's a very humbling thing to be so overwhelmed with two little kids and feel so physically helpless. Many times throughout the day I think to myself "This would be way easier if I didn't have a basketball-sized belly."
It's totally going to be worth it though.
With all that said about the spacing, I'm actually a huge fan of close spacing. I'm a huge believer in teaching your children to be friends and support each other and I really feel that the closer in age they are, the more they will be able to relate to each other. So really, even though I complain I didn't want much more than two years between my kids. I also believe that the whole teaching your children to be friends thing is very much something that the parents speak over their children.
I'm huge into brainwashing my children into thinking they like each other. It's easy to complain about how often your children fight and how they disagree. What's hard is to look for the good. The Lord is slowly teaching me to speak love and life over my children. Levi is chasing Aria around and she's screaming I really just want to scream back at them, but what I have been trying to tell them is that they love each other and aren't they glad they have each other as friends? I try (try, try) to get down on their level and turn the focus off of the conflict and onto playing with each other as opposed to trying to set the other one off. Sometimes I succeed. Many times I fail. But I'm learning.
Lord, help me to know what to say to these kids. Help me to choose to look for the good. It's so easy to see the bad and talk about the bad. I want my kids to see that I am on their team, they are on each other's team. Words have the power to speak life or death, it's just too easy to speak that death. Death is funnier and truer. But Lord, I want our house to have love and peace and joy. I feel like that will make it easier for them to know Your love and joy on this earth. Help me in this. I struggle so much. Even today I almost said the words, "I hate being a mom right now." They were on the tip of my tongue. It's so hard when they are fighting and disobeying at every turn and nap times don't work out and they get into everything and I have a million things to do on my plate… but Lord, let me realize the gift that they are. Help me to look into my daughters eyes and see the treasure that she is. She is so funny and cute. She is always surprising me. I cry as I write this, because really, they are some of the best things that have happened to me. They make my life so rich. Yes, they make it about a thousand times harder, but the things that they do and the way they make me laugh, the curiosity and the beauty. It's just too much sometimes. Lord, help me to see how good things are in those broken, messed-up moments. Thank You that You come through and You give me strength.
Thank You for my weaknesses, because in them You are strong.
I'll be 37 weeks on Thursday.
Whew.
I most definitely feel like I'm 37 weeks. People love to tell you that you look great or that you look small. Those are all really nice and everything, but really, life is just plain uncomfortable at this stage of the game.
Mostly I'm feeling it when I'm chasing Aria or wrestling her into her clothes. So many times I ask God why He allowed women to get pregnant so quickly. And mine aren't even that close in comparison to some, but really, couldn't He have made it so that you couldn't get pregnant again until your child is like 4 and can use the bathroom and dress themselves? But for some reason He allows us moms to go through this phase of having a two year old (or close to it) and waddling around, straining just to bend over. Maybe it's to humble us. It's a very humbling thing to be so overwhelmed with two little kids and feel so physically helpless. Many times throughout the day I think to myself "This would be way easier if I didn't have a basketball-sized belly."
It's totally going to be worth it though.
With all that said about the spacing, I'm actually a huge fan of close spacing. I'm a huge believer in teaching your children to be friends and support each other and I really feel that the closer in age they are, the more they will be able to relate to each other. So really, even though I complain I didn't want much more than two years between my kids. I also believe that the whole teaching your children to be friends thing is very much something that the parents speak over their children.
I'm huge into brainwashing my children into thinking they like each other. It's easy to complain about how often your children fight and how they disagree. What's hard is to look for the good. The Lord is slowly teaching me to speak love and life over my children. Levi is chasing Aria around and she's screaming I really just want to scream back at them, but what I have been trying to tell them is that they love each other and aren't they glad they have each other as friends? I try (try, try) to get down on their level and turn the focus off of the conflict and onto playing with each other as opposed to trying to set the other one off. Sometimes I succeed. Many times I fail. But I'm learning.
Lord, help me to know what to say to these kids. Help me to choose to look for the good. It's so easy to see the bad and talk about the bad. I want my kids to see that I am on their team, they are on each other's team. Words have the power to speak life or death, it's just too easy to speak that death. Death is funnier and truer. But Lord, I want our house to have love and peace and joy. I feel like that will make it easier for them to know Your love and joy on this earth. Help me in this. I struggle so much. Even today I almost said the words, "I hate being a mom right now." They were on the tip of my tongue. It's so hard when they are fighting and disobeying at every turn and nap times don't work out and they get into everything and I have a million things to do on my plate… but Lord, let me realize the gift that they are. Help me to look into my daughters eyes and see the treasure that she is. She is so funny and cute. She is always surprising me. I cry as I write this, because really, they are some of the best things that have happened to me. They make my life so rich. Yes, they make it about a thousand times harder, but the things that they do and the way they make me laugh, the curiosity and the beauty. It's just too much sometimes. Lord, help me to see how good things are in those broken, messed-up moments. Thank You that You come through and You give me strength.
Thank You for my weaknesses, because in them You are strong.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
No(t much) TV
Yesterday afternoon I posted a picture of my kids sitting in front of our computer, watching a video Levi got from the library. We try to watch one TV show or video per week here at the Hefner house.
I say this not to brag about how awesome we are or anything like that. I post this so that others can know that it's possible.
I originally wrote about not watching TV a few years ago here
Note: I'm going to use the words video, TV show and movie interchangeably. They are all pretty much the same to us.
So, a few years ago we started having babies and found out that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a child have no screen time until they are two years old. So with Levi we decided to actively keep him from watching television and movies, looking at our phones and things like that.
Ben and I have since made a very conscious decision to keep our kids from watching very much television. It's hard because Levi loves TV probably as much as I do. He begs for TV and movies, longs for them, loves them. Maybe it's because he's starving for them.
My answer is always "one movie per week." You would think that he would quickly use up his credits first thing on Monday, but with a little direction I help him to wait and forget about it. I'm amazed that sometimes we even get to a Sunday afternoon at my parents house and realize he hasn't watched a single video.
Life is more painful without TV. It's much easier to just "plug my kids in" so that I can actually get the house cleaned or just have a moment to myself. But, every mom knows that her child is affected by television. You know because as soon as your precious little one's show is over they howl for more. It's all fine and roses until that show is over, then all of hades breaks loose. I hate that time, that time when that beautiful space is over and the child just wants more. That makes me not want to have movie time at all. But that's when I just put my head down and give the firmest "No" I can give. It has to be the most steadfast, no ifs ands or buts kind of no, otherwise the child will sense your lack of position and pounce on his chance to get his foot in the door for another movie.
Here's the best part about my kids only watching one movie a week. They play by themselves. They get creative. They have long attention spans. They carry on conversations with adults. That last one has only been happening recently with Levi, but I am totally pumped about it. This morning they played in our bathroom with a little glow in the dark toy for about 20 minutes. It was amazing. I actually got the dishwasher unloaded. Levi was pulling cars on his new wooden train last night. They played in Aria's room with her stuffed animals for at least 30 minutes. Yes, it was here and there and yes I had to stop a few fights and tell them, no, we are not watching the planes DVD again. But that's just part of it. It's part of the sacrifice.
I say all of this to encourage other moms to try it. It's hard and it stinks and your child WILL ask to watch a movie dozens of times a day, but EVENTUALLY they will find something else to do. They might get into things (Aria is the queen of this, how many stains do we have on our carpets from me not being a responsible parent? Too many). But eventually they learn to pick up a book and look at it. I know I sound like a psycho for those of you whose kids watch a healthy amount of TV, but I can almost guarantee you that a child will find something else to do besides sit and watch. You just have to be firm and ready for a fight. Oh yes, and I do discipline Levi for whining and falling on the floor when he doesn't get to watch a show. Bad attitudes get spankings, at least at our house.
Okay, so that's my post. It's definitely one of the parenting choices we have made that we have not regretted.
I say this not to brag about how awesome we are or anything like that. I post this so that others can know that it's possible.
I originally wrote about not watching TV a few years ago here
Note: I'm going to use the words video, TV show and movie interchangeably. They are all pretty much the same to us.
So, a few years ago we started having babies and found out that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a child have no screen time until they are two years old. So with Levi we decided to actively keep him from watching television and movies, looking at our phones and things like that.
Ben and I have since made a very conscious decision to keep our kids from watching very much television. It's hard because Levi loves TV probably as much as I do. He begs for TV and movies, longs for them, loves them. Maybe it's because he's starving for them.
My answer is always "one movie per week." You would think that he would quickly use up his credits first thing on Monday, but with a little direction I help him to wait and forget about it. I'm amazed that sometimes we even get to a Sunday afternoon at my parents house and realize he hasn't watched a single video.
Life is more painful without TV. It's much easier to just "plug my kids in" so that I can actually get the house cleaned or just have a moment to myself. But, every mom knows that her child is affected by television. You know because as soon as your precious little one's show is over they howl for more. It's all fine and roses until that show is over, then all of hades breaks loose. I hate that time, that time when that beautiful space is over and the child just wants more. That makes me not want to have movie time at all. But that's when I just put my head down and give the firmest "No" I can give. It has to be the most steadfast, no ifs ands or buts kind of no, otherwise the child will sense your lack of position and pounce on his chance to get his foot in the door for another movie.
Here's the best part about my kids only watching one movie a week. They play by themselves. They get creative. They have long attention spans. They carry on conversations with adults. That last one has only been happening recently with Levi, but I am totally pumped about it. This morning they played in our bathroom with a little glow in the dark toy for about 20 minutes. It was amazing. I actually got the dishwasher unloaded. Levi was pulling cars on his new wooden train last night. They played in Aria's room with her stuffed animals for at least 30 minutes. Yes, it was here and there and yes I had to stop a few fights and tell them, no, we are not watching the planes DVD again. But that's just part of it. It's part of the sacrifice.
I say all of this to encourage other moms to try it. It's hard and it stinks and your child WILL ask to watch a movie dozens of times a day, but EVENTUALLY they will find something else to do. They might get into things (Aria is the queen of this, how many stains do we have on our carpets from me not being a responsible parent? Too many). But eventually they learn to pick up a book and look at it. I know I sound like a psycho for those of you whose kids watch a healthy amount of TV, but I can almost guarantee you that a child will find something else to do besides sit and watch. You just have to be firm and ready for a fight. Oh yes, and I do discipline Levi for whining and falling on the floor when he doesn't get to watch a show. Bad attitudes get spankings, at least at our house.
Okay, so that's my post. It's definitely one of the parenting choices we have made that we have not regretted.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Pregnancy #3 Update 34 Weeks
I just thought I would write a quick update on how things are going with baby number three on his way.
Honestly, I have no idea. Who really has any idea of what in the world is going on in a woman's belly anyways? I mean, a doctor can say, yeah, that baby is head down, your uterus is measuring "right on time" (whatever that means) and they have a heart rate of this in the twenty seconds that they have it on your belly (20 seconds is generous I know). I can tell you that he moves. I don't know if it's a lot or a little because I'm hardly paying attention to the times that he is moving, it's when I'm in the car, or when I lay Levi down for a nap or as I'm sitting here on the computer and typing. He moves in the middle of the night or when I'm sitting with Levi and doing school. It's just completely random. It usually doesn't hurt when he kicks, but sometimes it does.
Sometimes I worry about the things I am exposing to him, the fact that I still drink a cup or two of coffee a day, I helped paint (with latex) our kitchen, or the fact that I'm still taking Ambien pretty much every night. I wonder if that will hurt him or if it won't have any effect. Honestly, those things have helped get me through. I think with Levi and Aria I felt like I was just sitting around, waiting for my life to continue and for this baby to come. With this one, I am just continuing to live and try to ignore the fact that I'm pregnant. It's getting harder and harder to ignore though.
I learned an important lesson last week. Don't eat too much.
It was my birthday and my mom made this amazing pumpkin dessert (I LOVE pumpkin desserts, pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, pumpkin muffin, all of it). This was a pumpkin dump cake. I had some on Saturday and then again on Sunday after lunch, then we had pizza that night and finally I topped it off with a more than generous helping of pumpkin dump cake. I justified it by saying, well, at least I'm not eating ice cream too. Dumb. Really dumb.
I don't know what was in it, probably about 40 grams of sugar, plus the fact that I had eaten poorly all that day, but I literally did not sleep that night. I didn't get to sleep until maybe 11, I don't know, that's when I finally turned off the light (oh my goodness, Ben and I are so lame, we are usually in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10, now you know that we are grandparents). I woke up at 12 and 1 just wide awake. I finally got out of bed at 1:30 and was not tired at all. I felt like I could run a marathon. This was not going to be good the next day. I finally forced myself to go to bed around 3:30 because I didn't want to be wasted the next day. I still must have laid in bed for about an hour, it was ridiculous. I honestly think it was the vast amounts of sugar and carbs I had consumed and my body was just trying to process all of it.
I had totally justified it in that I was pregnant, family was in town, it was a yummy dessert, it was my birthday. So many ways to justify sin. But really, sin is sin.
I hate it when I justify.
Lord, help me to remember this lesson. I am so easily tempted to think that food will make me happy. Really, it won't. It will just make me more sad with my life if I consume it as though it will fulfill me. Tear down my idols Lord. Help me to tear them down. Thank You for Your faithful discipline. Thank You for the fact that my body can't handle that much food without crazy heartburn and being so uncomfortable. You alone can fulfill me and make me happy. Help me to rest in You.
Honestly, I have no idea. Who really has any idea of what in the world is going on in a woman's belly anyways? I mean, a doctor can say, yeah, that baby is head down, your uterus is measuring "right on time" (whatever that means) and they have a heart rate of this in the twenty seconds that they have it on your belly (20 seconds is generous I know). I can tell you that he moves. I don't know if it's a lot or a little because I'm hardly paying attention to the times that he is moving, it's when I'm in the car, or when I lay Levi down for a nap or as I'm sitting here on the computer and typing. He moves in the middle of the night or when I'm sitting with Levi and doing school. It's just completely random. It usually doesn't hurt when he kicks, but sometimes it does.
Sometimes I worry about the things I am exposing to him, the fact that I still drink a cup or two of coffee a day, I helped paint (with latex) our kitchen, or the fact that I'm still taking Ambien pretty much every night. I wonder if that will hurt him or if it won't have any effect. Honestly, those things have helped get me through. I think with Levi and Aria I felt like I was just sitting around, waiting for my life to continue and for this baby to come. With this one, I am just continuing to live and try to ignore the fact that I'm pregnant. It's getting harder and harder to ignore though.
I learned an important lesson last week. Don't eat too much.
It was my birthday and my mom made this amazing pumpkin dessert (I LOVE pumpkin desserts, pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, pumpkin muffin, all of it). This was a pumpkin dump cake. I had some on Saturday and then again on Sunday after lunch, then we had pizza that night and finally I topped it off with a more than generous helping of pumpkin dump cake. I justified it by saying, well, at least I'm not eating ice cream too. Dumb. Really dumb.
I don't know what was in it, probably about 40 grams of sugar, plus the fact that I had eaten poorly all that day, but I literally did not sleep that night. I didn't get to sleep until maybe 11, I don't know, that's when I finally turned off the light (oh my goodness, Ben and I are so lame, we are usually in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10, now you know that we are grandparents). I woke up at 12 and 1 just wide awake. I finally got out of bed at 1:30 and was not tired at all. I felt like I could run a marathon. This was not going to be good the next day. I finally forced myself to go to bed around 3:30 because I didn't want to be wasted the next day. I still must have laid in bed for about an hour, it was ridiculous. I honestly think it was the vast amounts of sugar and carbs I had consumed and my body was just trying to process all of it.
I had totally justified it in that I was pregnant, family was in town, it was a yummy dessert, it was my birthday. So many ways to justify sin. But really, sin is sin.
I hate it when I justify.
Lord, help me to remember this lesson. I am so easily tempted to think that food will make me happy. Really, it won't. It will just make me more sad with my life if I consume it as though it will fulfill me. Tear down my idols Lord. Help me to tear them down. Thank You for Your faithful discipline. Thank You for the fact that my body can't handle that much food without crazy heartburn and being so uncomfortable. You alone can fulfill me and make me happy. Help me to rest in You.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Dear Aria. Letters To My Littles.
Dear Aria,
There are so many things you are doing right now and I just wanted to take a minute to write a few down.
You are a precious little girl. Even with the naughty things you do I have to hold back the laughter. At 22 months pretty much everything you do is cute. If only there were enough video space to document your every move. I'm trying hard not to be that parent, but it's hard.
You are definitely your own person. You march to the beat of your own drummer and you definitely do not like to be told what to do. Oh my, it's going to be a long life for you. I will find you off by yourself and doing something you shouldn't, you look up at me with the sweetest, most innocent look. I think you know exactly what you are doing.
One thing interesting is that you HATE having your diaper changed by me. You are so good for your daddy and pretty sweet with anyone else while they are changing you, but with me, you are nothing but kicks and screams and it's pretty much World War Three for us.
You definitely love your Daddy. He's the one who is best at going in and calming you down if you get a fright in the evening. He's the one you will be excited about seeing in the morning, and when he comes home for lunch and when he comes home from work in the evening. This afternoon he corrected you and you cried and cried and cried. He's going to have to start getting used to having an emotional little girl around.
I think my favorite thing to see right now is your sense of humor. If you pick up that something is funny you will do it over and over. This evening you put on Daddy's winter hat and had Levi and me laughing as your ran up and down the hallway. You looked so cute in his oversized beanie. You love to dance, as soon as you hear music you start in, waving your arms and prancing around. If you fall, you get right back up. Not much can hurt you, which is good since you will be in between two boys. (Don't worry, I know how you feel.)
Something that … well, makes you unique is that you like to growl and yell. It's not so bad when we are at home, however, when we are walking through the grocery store, it's a little embarrassing for you to just be yelling at the top of your lungs.
Another thing right now is that physical touch is your love language. Well, maybe not just touch, it often comes out in the form of punching and hitting and biting. It's like you get so excited about something it's the only thing you can think to do. Tonight while I was rocking you, you told me to look at the door, when I turned back to you, you slapped me on both sides of my face at the same time. You thought it was hilarious. I had to laugh too. This made you do it again, much to my pain. I was laughing so hard though, it took me a while to get control of the situation.
Aria, you are a joy to our family right now. Yes, we struggle with you and there are difficult times, but really, it's all worth it. You are worth it. Lord, help me to enjoy this little girl. Thank You for her. She is so precious and fun and unique. I pray that she would become my sister in Christ someday. Let her know You deeper than I ever could.
I love you Aria.
Your Mama
There are so many things you are doing right now and I just wanted to take a minute to write a few down.
You are a precious little girl. Even with the naughty things you do I have to hold back the laughter. At 22 months pretty much everything you do is cute. If only there were enough video space to document your every move. I'm trying hard not to be that parent, but it's hard.
You are definitely your own person. You march to the beat of your own drummer and you definitely do not like to be told what to do. Oh my, it's going to be a long life for you. I will find you off by yourself and doing something you shouldn't, you look up at me with the sweetest, most innocent look. I think you know exactly what you are doing.
One thing interesting is that you HATE having your diaper changed by me. You are so good for your daddy and pretty sweet with anyone else while they are changing you, but with me, you are nothing but kicks and screams and it's pretty much World War Three for us.
You definitely love your Daddy. He's the one who is best at going in and calming you down if you get a fright in the evening. He's the one you will be excited about seeing in the morning, and when he comes home for lunch and when he comes home from work in the evening. This afternoon he corrected you and you cried and cried and cried. He's going to have to start getting used to having an emotional little girl around.
I think my favorite thing to see right now is your sense of humor. If you pick up that something is funny you will do it over and over. This evening you put on Daddy's winter hat and had Levi and me laughing as your ran up and down the hallway. You looked so cute in his oversized beanie. You love to dance, as soon as you hear music you start in, waving your arms and prancing around. If you fall, you get right back up. Not much can hurt you, which is good since you will be in between two boys. (Don't worry, I know how you feel.)
Something that … well, makes you unique is that you like to growl and yell. It's not so bad when we are at home, however, when we are walking through the grocery store, it's a little embarrassing for you to just be yelling at the top of your lungs.
Another thing right now is that physical touch is your love language. Well, maybe not just touch, it often comes out in the form of punching and hitting and biting. It's like you get so excited about something it's the only thing you can think to do. Tonight while I was rocking you, you told me to look at the door, when I turned back to you, you slapped me on both sides of my face at the same time. You thought it was hilarious. I had to laugh too. This made you do it again, much to my pain. I was laughing so hard though, it took me a while to get control of the situation.
Aria, you are a joy to our family right now. Yes, we struggle with you and there are difficult times, but really, it's all worth it. You are worth it. Lord, help me to enjoy this little girl. Thank You for her. She is so precious and fun and unique. I pray that she would become my sister in Christ someday. Let her know You deeper than I ever could.
I love you Aria.
Your Mama
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
I'm Not Holy
I can't believe that this is my 303rd blog post. Maybe I should have said something about my 300th, but that already passed me by.
Oh how I love blogging. And oh how I hate it. I'm thankful I have the record and I'm able to share my heart on here, I have people come up to me in person sometimes and tell them that they appreciate my honesty on here, and that is so cool. What I hate about it is the time it takes to blog. Also, coming up with interesting topics… I will finally get the time and then end up staring at my computer thinking, what in the world was I going to blog about earlier today? It suddenly doesn't sound that interesting and then even trying to translate it into a readable thought, well, I'm not awesome at that. But it obviously hasn't stopped me yet.
Some thoughts today.
I have been posting a lot of scripture on my Facebook/instagram feed and I had the thought this morning that I probably look like a holier-than-thou Bible thumper. I apologize if anyone out there has been offended or thought that I was trying to clout my faith on the internet. Honestly, the only reason why I post it is because it speaks to me. Also, the Lord has been showing me about all the meaningless, mindless things I do on the internet and in my life that don't amount to a hill of beans. I've come to the conclusion in my life that the only thing that means anything is the Lord and His kingdom come. So really, I am over trying not to offend people and I'm over trying to cover up the fact that Jesus is my hope, my peace, actually, I'm just going to go ahead and say something really offensive and that is that Jesus is the hope, the peace of the world. If I believe it for me, I have to believe it for the world, otherwise my belief holds nothing.
In that same vein, I just want to admit my own frailty. Geez, I'm a sinner.
I have had a bad attitude.
I think it's a lack of gratefulness in my life. I just keep struggling to look for the good. I keep thinking, I'm going to kill this child if he or she continues to (fill in the blank). I have just been struggling with anger at my kids and my husband. He tries to help and it's not good enough, I see all the things he's not doing and focus on those (I need to keep in mind that he has a full-time, difficult job that he works very hard at every day, and his hard work puts food in our mouths and clothes on our backs, why am I ungrateful?!)
This morning I woke up to read the Bible and did NOT want to read. I did NOT want to get out of my warm bed. But, it was mind over matter and I knew that if I didn't get up and read that I wouldn't get to it and if I don't read the Bible my day usually goes about a thousand times worse. Also, it would put me behind in my daily Bible reading plan and I hate trying to catch up. All of these are such holy reasons aren't they?
My reading today was on the crucifixion of Christ.
Oh my goodness.
Luke 23 and John 18-19
Jesus did not open his mouth to his accusers. He did not try to defend himself. He had just spent the night weeping in the garden, in dread of what he knew was about to happen. He was betrayed. He willfully gave himself up. He was denied friendship by his closest friends.
He was mocked and beaten. And he never said a word.
On the way to the cross, he told the women, "Do not weep for me, weep for yourselves and your children … for if men do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" His heart was compassionate towards these people. He was despised.
Then he hung on the cross for six hours. In darkness for the last three.
He hung there. He died slowly and painfully. He cried out to God, "My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?" The Father turned his back on Jesus, he poured out all of our sins onto him. All of the shame, all of the guilt. Onto the perfect, sinless, Lamb of God.
And he gave up his life.
To pay for my sin.
I can only sit and weep.
That God would come down and allow himself to be nailed to a cross and pay the penalty so that he could rescue us out of darkness and bring us into light.
Lord, let me be forever grateful.
Oh how I love blogging. And oh how I hate it. I'm thankful I have the record and I'm able to share my heart on here, I have people come up to me in person sometimes and tell them that they appreciate my honesty on here, and that is so cool. What I hate about it is the time it takes to blog. Also, coming up with interesting topics… I will finally get the time and then end up staring at my computer thinking, what in the world was I going to blog about earlier today? It suddenly doesn't sound that interesting and then even trying to translate it into a readable thought, well, I'm not awesome at that. But it obviously hasn't stopped me yet.
Some thoughts today.
I have been posting a lot of scripture on my Facebook/instagram feed and I had the thought this morning that I probably look like a holier-than-thou Bible thumper. I apologize if anyone out there has been offended or thought that I was trying to clout my faith on the internet. Honestly, the only reason why I post it is because it speaks to me. Also, the Lord has been showing me about all the meaningless, mindless things I do on the internet and in my life that don't amount to a hill of beans. I've come to the conclusion in my life that the only thing that means anything is the Lord and His kingdom come. So really, I am over trying not to offend people and I'm over trying to cover up the fact that Jesus is my hope, my peace, actually, I'm just going to go ahead and say something really offensive and that is that Jesus is the hope, the peace of the world. If I believe it for me, I have to believe it for the world, otherwise my belief holds nothing.
In that same vein, I just want to admit my own frailty. Geez, I'm a sinner.
I have had a bad attitude.
I think it's a lack of gratefulness in my life. I just keep struggling to look for the good. I keep thinking, I'm going to kill this child if he or she continues to (fill in the blank). I have just been struggling with anger at my kids and my husband. He tries to help and it's not good enough, I see all the things he's not doing and focus on those (I need to keep in mind that he has a full-time, difficult job that he works very hard at every day, and his hard work puts food in our mouths and clothes on our backs, why am I ungrateful?!)
This morning I woke up to read the Bible and did NOT want to read. I did NOT want to get out of my warm bed. But, it was mind over matter and I knew that if I didn't get up and read that I wouldn't get to it and if I don't read the Bible my day usually goes about a thousand times worse. Also, it would put me behind in my daily Bible reading plan and I hate trying to catch up. All of these are such holy reasons aren't they?
My reading today was on the crucifixion of Christ.
Oh my goodness.
Luke 23 and John 18-19
Jesus did not open his mouth to his accusers. He did not try to defend himself. He had just spent the night weeping in the garden, in dread of what he knew was about to happen. He was betrayed. He willfully gave himself up. He was denied friendship by his closest friends.
He was mocked and beaten. And he never said a word.
On the way to the cross, he told the women, "Do not weep for me, weep for yourselves and your children … for if men do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" His heart was compassionate towards these people. He was despised.
Then he hung on the cross for six hours. In darkness for the last three.
He hung there. He died slowly and painfully. He cried out to God, "My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?" The Father turned his back on Jesus, he poured out all of our sins onto him. All of the shame, all of the guilt. Onto the perfect, sinless, Lamb of God.
And he gave up his life.
To pay for my sin.
I can only sit and weep.
That God would come down and allow himself to be nailed to a cross and pay the penalty so that he could rescue us out of darkness and bring us into light.
Lord, let me be forever grateful.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Advice On Pregnancy
The other day I got to hear a fellow blogger Carol Spenst share about blogging, why she blogs, how it has impacted her life and the struggles that go along with blogging. It definitely inspired me to write. So, here I am.
Also, it's nap time, so I can actually put a complete thought together. That helps.
I finally picked up my prenatal yoga DVD again. It was not a priority while we were doing our kitchen and it's just kind of fallen to the wayside since then. The reason I decided to do it today is because I'm at the place in pregnancy when you start to feel like your body is going to fall apart. Or just bust open. I'm starting to have heartburn every time I bend over, which is often since I have little kids. I've also been experiencing some more serious braxton hicks contractions, especially when I pick up Aria who is just over 30 pounds. She loves to be held and since it doesn't' cause major pain yet, I'm still picking her up.
As I was doing my video I was thinking, what would I tell myself during that first pregnancy? What about my first labor? My VBAC? I was thinking about labor and how it's coming soon and how I know it's going to be difficult and painful. That the goal is survival and that it's worth it. It's worth it … it's worth it … I'll get a sweet little baby at the end and feel really proud of myself for surviving … (I will have to keep telling myself that).
So, I'm making a list of all the things that I would tell my former pregnant self and that I'm telling myself during this third pregnancy.
1. Be busy. Don't stop, don't concentrate on your pregnancy, it takes forever. Just do whatever you can to act like life is normal and keep going.
2. Eat right. With Levi I ate well because I was already heavy and was terrified of getting really heavy. I gained about 30 pounds with him but then lost around 60. With Aria I threw caution into the wind and gained 50. After those two pregnancies I knew the difference was me and my attitude. The problem was the girl in the mirror. So with this one I have been more conscious of what I have been eating. So far, by week 29 I had only gained 15 pounds. We will see what this next trimester holds though. I'm going to really have to watch all these holiday treats because honestly I LOVE sugar.
**Update since last week and crashing with ice cream, I just have to confess that I continued to crash and continued to eat uncontrollable amounts of sugar. It was terrible. It was almost as though I was trying to make up for the lost two weeks of sugar. The yeast infection has not come back (yet) and I'm hoping it will stay away. We will see. Things have been better this week, a lot of prayer and soul searching to realize that everything in moderation is best for me. No more cutting out, no more major deprivation, no more forbidden fruit that just makes me want it a thousand times more. I'm also very aware of my own sin tendencies and weaknesses in my heart. Wow.
3. Chiropractors are awesome. That reminds me, I need to call and schedule and appointment.
4. Doulas are awesome. Although, I'm a hypocrite right now because we are not getting one for financial reasons, but for the first time around, they are amazing.
5. Learn about the positioning of your baby. It's important. If you live in Little Rock I HIGHLY recommend going to see Amy Cefalo, she is a midwife here in Little Rock and she will help you figure out the positioning of your baby and has awesome strategies of turning babies. It's just 45 dollars a visit, and it could change your whole delivery. I wish I had known about her when I had Levi, I might not have had a C section with him.
6. Deny, deny, deny labor. That's going to be my mantra this time around. I don't care how strong (I want) the contractions to be, I'm just going to deny it. I want to spend the least amount of time acknowledging the pain and get the most sleep I can before I have to endure real, hard labor and delivery. It takes everything you have to do that stuff. No joke.
Okay, so that's the list right now. I also remember something that my friend Sarah, who had a home birth, said on her blog that I want to remember. Don't let anyone tell you what position to get in when you are in labor. Do what is comfortable for you. Suggestions from those around you are good and you can try them, but really, the most important thing is to do what you want to do during labor. I'm going to try to remember that. Listen to my body, do what feels right.
Anyways, those are my two cents. Not that it matters much, just thoughts I had today about all this baby-making stuff.
Also, it's nap time, so I can actually put a complete thought together. That helps.
I finally picked up my prenatal yoga DVD again. It was not a priority while we were doing our kitchen and it's just kind of fallen to the wayside since then. The reason I decided to do it today is because I'm at the place in pregnancy when you start to feel like your body is going to fall apart. Or just bust open. I'm starting to have heartburn every time I bend over, which is often since I have little kids. I've also been experiencing some more serious braxton hicks contractions, especially when I pick up Aria who is just over 30 pounds. She loves to be held and since it doesn't' cause major pain yet, I'm still picking her up.
As I was doing my video I was thinking, what would I tell myself during that first pregnancy? What about my first labor? My VBAC? I was thinking about labor and how it's coming soon and how I know it's going to be difficult and painful. That the goal is survival and that it's worth it. It's worth it … it's worth it … I'll get a sweet little baby at the end and feel really proud of myself for surviving … (I will have to keep telling myself that).
So, I'm making a list of all the things that I would tell my former pregnant self and that I'm telling myself during this third pregnancy.
1. Be busy. Don't stop, don't concentrate on your pregnancy, it takes forever. Just do whatever you can to act like life is normal and keep going.
2. Eat right. With Levi I ate well because I was already heavy and was terrified of getting really heavy. I gained about 30 pounds with him but then lost around 60. With Aria I threw caution into the wind and gained 50. After those two pregnancies I knew the difference was me and my attitude. The problem was the girl in the mirror. So with this one I have been more conscious of what I have been eating. So far, by week 29 I had only gained 15 pounds. We will see what this next trimester holds though. I'm going to really have to watch all these holiday treats because honestly I LOVE sugar.
**Update since last week and crashing with ice cream, I just have to confess that I continued to crash and continued to eat uncontrollable amounts of sugar. It was terrible. It was almost as though I was trying to make up for the lost two weeks of sugar. The yeast infection has not come back (yet) and I'm hoping it will stay away. We will see. Things have been better this week, a lot of prayer and soul searching to realize that everything in moderation is best for me. No more cutting out, no more major deprivation, no more forbidden fruit that just makes me want it a thousand times more. I'm also very aware of my own sin tendencies and weaknesses in my heart. Wow.
3. Chiropractors are awesome. That reminds me, I need to call and schedule and appointment.
4. Doulas are awesome. Although, I'm a hypocrite right now because we are not getting one for financial reasons, but for the first time around, they are amazing.
5. Learn about the positioning of your baby. It's important. If you live in Little Rock I HIGHLY recommend going to see Amy Cefalo, she is a midwife here in Little Rock and she will help you figure out the positioning of your baby and has awesome strategies of turning babies. It's just 45 dollars a visit, and it could change your whole delivery. I wish I had known about her when I had Levi, I might not have had a C section with him.
6. Deny, deny, deny labor. That's going to be my mantra this time around. I don't care how strong (I want) the contractions to be, I'm just going to deny it. I want to spend the least amount of time acknowledging the pain and get the most sleep I can before I have to endure real, hard labor and delivery. It takes everything you have to do that stuff. No joke.
Okay, so that's the list right now. I also remember something that my friend Sarah, who had a home birth, said on her blog that I want to remember. Don't let anyone tell you what position to get in when you are in labor. Do what is comfortable for you. Suggestions from those around you are good and you can try them, but really, the most important thing is to do what you want to do during labor. I'm going to try to remember that. Listen to my body, do what feels right.
Anyways, those are my two cents. Not that it matters much, just thoughts I had today about all this baby-making stuff.
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