Tuesday, October 29, 2013

This Happened Today

Oh where to begin? What a day this has been.

Maybe I'll just start at the beginning.

Aria has lazy or wandering eyes, yes, poor baby inherited that gene from yours truly. I had noticed it when she was younger, but finally said something at her 18 month appointment. We scheduled an appointment at Children's Hospital two months out. I actually don't know why it was that far out, I just assumed that it was just difficult to get us in.

With great anticipation, the appointment was today. They said to be prepared to be there for three hours. They said to bring books and snacks and toys. To be prepared.

So, I prepared. I woke up at 5:30, I had snacks packed, diaper bag packed, I read the Word, showered, put my makeup on, Ben and I had an awesome time in prayer…

Then my kids woke up.

They slept until 7:30 and it was amazing.

I went and got Aria. She had pooped and it was pretty messy. Like, on the sheets, up her back kind of messy. Awesome. I carried her to her changing table and she was crying. She would NOT lay down to let me change her. She just stood there and cried. She was upset. I was trying to help. So for what seemed like forever but probably was just a few minutes we struggled and I eventually forced her to let me clean her up. "Aria, I understand that you are upset about all of this, but I am only trying to help. I know that the poop is messy and the wipes are cold and you don't like to have your clothes taken off, but this is just what we have to do right now."

Let me just also preface that last night my parents amazingly, lovingly, wonderfully took care of our kids so that we could go to a banquet. Levi and my dad made this beautiful "garage" out of toy blocks. Really, it was kind of a castle built around a toy car. It was also in the kitchen, on the floor, in the middle of life. They made Levi promise that if Aria knocked it over, he wouldn't cry. He promised. And he is a liar (we're born liars right?!) Never trust a three year old.

We go out and have breakfast. We swoon over Levi's beautiful garage. The kids had cereal and I had my eggs on a salad.  I tried to get them to eat some eggs, usually Aria loves it, but today she threw them on the floor. Breathe. Calm yourself.

I wiped her off and put her down. Almost immediately she went to Levi's beautiful garage and knocked it over.

Emotional armageddon ensued.

Levi was on the floor weeping. Screaming "No!!! We have to rebuild it!" You would think that he was pleading for his life. I'm looking at the clock and thinking, we need to leave in thirty minutes, he's not dressed, shoes are not on, I still need to pack up a few toys and books, I haven't finished my breakfast, the kitchen is a crazy mess… I told him no, we are not rebuilding the garage. Of course this caused a fit of rage. Honestly, I just didn't want to deal with it. I stood there at the kitchen island, eating my salad and watched him wallow on the floor in anguish. I was wondering if I would be able to get him under control before we needed to leave. Add that to the list of things to do: Get Levi in his right mind. It might have been quicker if we had just rebuilt the garage.

So we disciplined. I was not holy and sanctified and perfect in it. It is very difficult to control this highly emotional little boy. Somehow, we got it under control. I got the toys and books, clothed and shoed the children and we headed out the door, sippies in hand.

Right now we are painting the door that goes from our kitchen to the garage, so instead of a door, we just have a blanket hanging to sort of keep the heat in, but otherwise, it's open. So we are not using our garage right now. We went out our rarely used front door and I just locked it behind me. I got me and the kids into the van and realized I had left the keys in the house. Including our house key. So I hit the garage door opener. It opened about two feet and then stopped. I hit it again and it didn't budge. I had no choice, at thirty weeks pregnant I crawled on my hands and knees under the garage door, went in and got the keys off the counter. I tried the garage door from the inside and it still didn't work. I used the front door to get out of course. I called Ben and told him that the garage door didn't close and that I was leaving because I needed to be at the Dr's appointment at Children's Hospital.

On the way there we stopped to pick up Aria's shot record. Let me just say here that they never once asked for it at Children's. Am I a little annoyed? Yes.

At the hospital I had to ask about three different people for directions to the Opthamology Department. It is somewhere in the back recesses of the hospital. Thankfully, I had planned on this sort of thing happening and we got there with plenty of time.

The appointment was okay. I had heard to allot three hours for it, so I was prepared for a long time. However, I was hoping that Levi would be in a better mood, he just wasn't his chipper self. I'm not sure that it helped to have televisions on in almost every waiting room, with shows that I wasn't even comfortable with, I hadn't seen them before but they looked pretty dumb. Whatever.  I did have to hold Aria for the dilation and eye drops, we waited all that time for the Dr to tell us that she had no damage and that he couldn't tell she had a lazy eye. I guess that's a good thing. So really, I spent all that time and effort to find out that she's just fine. I really really really need to be content with that. Lord, I'm sorry I have such a bad attitude.

All the way home I just wanted to eat. Now, we are moving from my children's sin to my sin. Oh my, what a stronghold it can have. I scarfed down my whole bag of nuts and still wanted more.

When we got home, I had made a delicious pumpkin syrup the night before and I was snacking on that… I know I originally said that I would keep on this sugar fast for three weeks, well, I was going to gradually introduce sugar this week. Let's just say that gradually got punched in the stomach for my desire for … comfort. I think now, looking back, I just wanted something that would make me feel better. I wanted to forbidden fruit of sugar and starch and I was tired of being deprived.

That afternoon while the kids napped I decided to make myself a big ole bowl of ice cream. I did not care at that point. I had fallen from my place of perfection and I was going to fall hard. I just didn't care.

I hate the free fall. I hate the feeling of going "off the diet" and just wanting to eat an entire kitchen's worth of food and that still not being enough.

Lord, I need You. I need comfort and strength from You. Help me not to look to food for those things. Help me not to look to my husband or children or Facebook or blogging or instagram or all these things that my heart wants to love. Thank You that You are the God of all comfort. Thank You for creating good food, help me to delight in it and worship you for it. I am tired of looking to food for comfort, it's silly and it just doesn't work. Help me to look to You.

Thank You for today. Thank You that it is over.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Pregnancy Update 29 Weeks

I wanted to post again about how this pregnancy is going, just as a follow up from last week.

I am now finding my equilibrium without caffeine. Who would have dreamed this was possible? I don't know that I have ever quit caffeine, maybe since college. It's been good for me. I am not falling asleep all the time, I can actually sit and read to my kids or type out a blog post in the middle of the afternoon without falling asleep. I can wake up at six in the morning just fine without both caffeine and sugar. I should say, those things probably go hand in hand for me. I always put sugar in my coffee, I love it that way.

As far as the yeast, it's cleared up significantly. Occasionally I can feel traces of it, but really, I think just starving it out was the key. I'm going to wait another week and a half (three weeks total) before I begin to slowly reintroduce caffeine and sugar. Because, let's just be honest, I really do want to be able to have those things again. I'm just going to have to watch my quantities and the frequency of the sugar, especially with the holidays coming up. Oh yes, a few other things I have been doing to treat the yeast, I got an over the counter three day cream that I spread out over five days. I also drank unsweetened cranberry juice and Kefir and taking a probiotic called Cultrelle. I have also been taking GSE orally and applying it topically as well as coconut oil topically for the past few days. Anyways, if you want to know about any of those remedies in more detail, you can email me or message me.

I took my Glucose test yesterday. I brought my kids. Like a crazy person. Yes, I did drink the sugary drink, I figured that's what I had to do, and there was no getting around it. My plan was to bring books and snacks, but also during that hour that I had to wait, to go and walk around the hospital next to the office. Thankfully I forgot something and started to walk back. That's when a nurse found me and said, you're not supposed to leave, you have to see the Dr. Oh, I thought I was supposed to wait and hour and then get my finger pricked and then see the Dr. She took my weight and blood pressure, both of those looked great. I have now gained a total of 15 pounds, which I think is significantly less than what I gained with Aria. It was encouraging, but I know that I could suddenly start retaining water or get tired and stop exercising or something stupid like that, so I'm not getting too confident yet. I just need to keep being careful and staying active.

The kids and I ended up sitting and reading while they ate snacks. They took us into the room to wait for the Dr and then Aria pooped. While I was changing her diaper I glanced at my watch and realized it was time to prick my finger. So I grabbed her, my purse, the poopy diaper (hoping to find someplace to dispose it, I really don't know what I was thinking) and told Levi, let's go! Then we all ran to the lab and I got pricked. My blood sugar was great, my iron levels were great. What a relief. The kids for the most part were pretty great during the appointment too. Someone commented that they were being so good and I said, "thanks! But don't say that!" I've learned that as soon as you start to think that things are going well and you get too confident, that's when it will all fall apart. Yes, things fell apart a few times that morning, but overall, I felt pretty good about it.

I have to say, that appointment pretty much felt like the summary of this pregnancy. It's been the healthiest one yet, the only difference is that I'm juggling two little kids and life is chaotic. We do what we have to do to get by. It's not convenient always, but it's never boring. I kind of love it.

So, there you go.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Pregnancy Update

It occurred to me that I hadn't said anything in a while on this particular pregnancy. I'm 28 weeks tomorrow, and I'm excited about these being the last few months until I get to hold our new baby in my arms.

Everything seems to be going well, even though I missed my most recent OB appointment as well as my glucose test. Darn it. I hate it when that happens. I don't even know where my brain was, I was expecting a notification from my phone, but since I didn't have any, it wasn't until the next week that I looked at my calendar that, oh, that was last Wednesday, not this coming one. Pregnancy brain, gets you every time. At least I have something to blame it on...

Yeah, so this being my third pregnancy, it just doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. Sometimes I will forget that I'm pregnant. This one is faithful to remind me though. I love feeling the little flutters and wondering what he's doing in there. We will just be driving in the car and suddenly I will feel him kick. It's amazing that a baby is really and truly growing inside of me. I'm the only one who knows all his little moves. His little feet push on my ribs, he does little somersaults while I'm cooking dinner. He loves to kick in the early morning when I'm reading the Word and spending time with the Lord. It's so amazing.

No, we have not decided on a name yet. I hate naming. I will shoot down any name you throw at me, it's terrible and Ben gets frustrated with me.

Okay, this is more on a physical note. I am hesitant to blog about this, because it's pretty personal. So I just write for other women who might be pregnant or facing this. I've had a yeast infection since ... like... February? It has come and gone and come and gone. In the early months I kept thinking that it would just go away on it's own. I've had mild ones before and they seemed to just work themselves out. Or I could do a 3 day treatment and they were gone. But this, this has been the mother of all yeast infections. Apparently they are pretty tough to get rid of while you are prego. I also have this problem: I am addicted to caffeine and sugar. I kept trying to treat it some other way and keep my little addictions over here. I used to excuse that I have two other kids to take care of and my energy has to come from somewhere. The last straw was when the Dr prescribed me AGAIN with a treatment and I thought I was great. It went away after about a week, but then two weeks later I felt the itching again. I was like, oh crap. Seriously?

So, on Sunday I decided, that's it. I'm just going to give up caffeine and sugar and starve this crazy yeast out. A detox if you will. I did some internet reading and figured out that I need to avoid carbs in general, eat lots of vegetables, some meat, a few complex carbs (good, raw kind) and very little fruit.

So, I haven't had sugar or caffeine in what, three days? Monday went a lot better than I expected, it was just hard to drag myself off the couch that afternoon. Tuesday I had some headaches. Today, every time I sat down with my kids to read or just watch them play or do school with Levi, I could not keep my eyes open. As long as I was moving, I was okay, but as soon as I stopped, my body just wanted to doze. I was reading a book to Levi and realized I was dozing after every sentence. Then I would pry my eyes open and read another sentence. He eventually lost interest. I wonder why?

I don't know how long I will have to do this whole detox thing. I try not to think about that. I more so just try to imagine how I am starving out this infection that has been ridiculous.

Oh yes, I also went to the grocery store yesterday and bought: unsweetened cranberry juice, lemons to put in my water, Keifer probiotic (unsweetened of course), probiotic capsules, and a yeast treatment. Am I crazy? Yes. Am I doing all of these things? Yes, I space them out a bit of course. If you have any suggestions as far as treatment for this stuff, let me know. I'm all ears.

So yeah, that's how this pregnancy has been going so far.

Until next time.

Saturday, October 12, 2013


I just wanted to do a quick update about the kids. Oh my the things that happen! So many things I want to keep track of, if only I had a baby book or something, but really I just have this blog. :)

Aria keeps us on our toes. We call her the book destroyer. She loves tearing things, picking at things and just ripping things apart. Usually even board books are not even safe. Also, along the line of books, she is just getting to the phase of liking longer books. Like Levi did, she has certain books that she will just sit through and love. Richard Scarry's Goodnight Little Bear is her book right now. She likes to kiss the bear (the book) goodnight when the mommy bear kisses him, she calls out "Whee!" when the father bear swings him onto his shoulders. She knows every turn of the page and (for the first time ever) patiently waits to turn the page. I am so excited about it, we probably read it at least three times a day. I don't even care. I remember at this age Levi's books of choice were: "Are You My Mother?" and "It's Not Easy Being A Bunny"

Levi's favorite series right now is anything Clifford. Personally, I could use a little less of Clifford right now, but at least he is enjoying books. He also loves the book "Horton Hatches An Egg" I love it too, but I always have to drink a big glass of water beforehand and set myself in for a LONG book. Some nights I'm thinking, "No! Don't pick that one!! We will never make it to bed!"

The other night he asked to read twelve books. I'm sure he thinks this is the biggest number there is. For some reason I was not using my brain because I told him that if he could say his scripture verse for that week, we would read twelve books. He just needed the first word as a prompt and then he quoted, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to everyone." (Mark 16:15) He didn't know the reference so we negotiated down to six books. My jaw was pretty much on the floor though. Here I had recited the verse over and over to him and he barely said it back to me, and now he was RECITING it. Amazing. I'm now a believer.

Mom of the Year Award: Aria figured out how to push through both the double doors at Chick Fil A. She realized that if she put all of her weight into the doors, they would open. We had a play date there a week or so ago and I caught her trying to escape in the second set of doors. Oh dear. Well, Levi had worn socks for the first time (all summer) and we were having trouble finding them. Our friends were leaving and we were still looking high and low and Aria was attempting to escape. Everyone else was leaving, why weren't we? We finally found the sock shoved in one of Levi's shoes (I forgot that's where I told him to put it... so we wouldn't lose it of course). As I was helping Levi get the socks and shoes on, Aria escaped from my arms of course. The Chick Fil A worker commented about how she must keep me on my toes. I was so determined to get Levi's socks and shoes on and get out of there, I was not using all of my faculties, my only comment back was, "Yeah, she's probably out in the parking lot right now."  I don't think the worker knew how to respond back. I shoved Levi's shoes on him, grabbed our stuff and hoped, prayed that I would just find her pushing on the outer double doors again. Nope. She was in the arms of a very sweet lady, asking if she was mine. Embarrassed, um... yeah... she is pretty busy.

There are times when I think, wow, if only I had been thinking clearer as a mom.

Lord, help me. I need You. Help me to know what is important in these situations. Thank You for the guardian angels around my children that are saving their lives every day.