Lessons from births

I have so many friends who are pregnant, nursing and just in those early childbearing years. So many times I want to sit down and tell them all of my lessons, mess ups, successes and mistakes I've made along the way. I learn things best the hard way. Then it's forever imprinted in my brain and I can just go from there.

This is just me speaking from my experience in having babies. I hope you enjoy!


Lesson #1: Take care of yourself.

Seriously, it's your dang body that is growing and birthing this baby, you need to eat right, exercise and rest well. This is super challenging when you are sick, have heartburn, achy joints craving weird things... but do your best! Usually in my first trimester the thought of a salad makes me want to vomit and all I want is junk food. The good thing is that usually only lasts for about 6-7 weeks and then I feel like eating healthy again. Try to eat as healthy as possible with a few indulgences here and there.
With Levi I only gained 30 lbs but then lost 50 lbs by nursing and eating fairly healthfully (I still had ice cream and stuff like that on occasion).
With Aria I thought, "Heck, I lost all that weight, it doesn't matter what I eat!" So I gained all 50 pounds back by eating all the things. I did lose all the weight again but it would have been easier had I not gained so much.
With Simeon I walked a ton and was super active. He had the best birth and I think I only gained 30 lbs with him. I took naps most days and ate pretty intuitively.
With Paul and Jethro I overdid it. I thought I could push my body extra hard because I thought I was super mom or something like that. I have been paying for the ways I did not listen to my body and it trying to tell me to slow down or remove stress.
I'm also a lot older now (try 10 years) and I think I need to just be very careful of what I am eating and how I am taking care of my physical body.

So yeah, take care of yourself. Eat your fruits and veggies and plenty of fats and proteins with a few indulgences here and there. Exercise and keep moving but don't over-exercise. Watch out that you're not putting too much stress on your body. Rest when you feel tired.


Lesson #2: Make sure your baby is in the right position

Levi was butt down so he was a C-section. I'm forever scarred for this and will never have a completely normal, stress free birth because of it. Oh well, that's just my lot in life.
Not only do babies need to be head down, but they need to be anterior! Aria was my lesson for that one. She was facing the wrong way. Babies need to face the mother's spine in order to put the right pressure on the cervix. I was in labor with Aria for three days. I would lay down and my body would have painful contractions and then I would stand up and they would go away. It wasn't until I was 2 days into labor that a midwife friend came to my house and diagnosed her position. I started doing a position called Deep Knee Chest where you basically stick your butt in the air with your knees and chest on the floor and you hang out there for about 20 minutes at a time. Praise the Lord, she turned and then my body went into real active labor. I was so tired though it took me a long time to even push her out.
Looking back I probably would have gotten an epidural when we got to the hospital just so I could rest. Even though I was at an 8, it wasn't until about 3-4 hours later that I pushed her out and was completely exhausted. I hadn't rested for three days and hadn't eaten much in those days either. I also would not use the birthing stool again.

**side note** my last three pregnancies the babies were all posterior but I was able to turn them before going into labor, so their births were much smoother. I did it by doing Deep Knee Chest position every night during the last few weeks of the pregnancy.

Lesson #3: Practice Labor Denial and labor techniques

You can relax against the pain of labor. Simeon's was the best labor and I would only categorize his as "painful" for about 30 minutes of it. Even when it was painful, I somehow breezed through it.
He was in the right position. I had been walking every day, getting into Deep Knee Chest every night and praying that this labor would not be like the last one.
I started having contractions in the morning and I just breathed through them. They weren't comfortable, but the more I relaxed and breathed, the better they were. If I tensed against them, they were much harder to get through. But they would only last a minute or so and sometimes be 20-30 minutes apart. I played with the kids that day, we went for a walk (up and down hills mind you) and then we all took a nap. I honestly didn't even think I was in labor. I woke up from my nap and had lost my mucus plug. We went to dinner at my in-laws that night and left our kids there "just in case"
I went to bed early (8:00) because I was so tired but then woke up at 10:30 and made myself a bowl of cheerios because I was hungry and then decided to time my contractions. I don't think I was thinking clearly because they were a minute and a half long and about 2 minutes apart, but I decided I would go back to bed because it wasn't as painful as my last birth. But when I went to lay down my water broke. I realized then that I needed to go to the hospital so I woke up Ben. That's when the contractions were very painful. HOWEVER, I started moaning deeply and it really really helped. I also listened to calming scripture lullabies in my earbuds and that really helped. I got to the hospital in 7 minutes, got up on the hospital bed and pushed him out. Yes, it was painful but it was amazing. I would have 20 more births like that if I could.

Practice guided relaxation. Practice breathing. Walk, distract yourself, rest.


Lesson #4: Recover well

I thought I was supermom and could do it all. I thought I could just push out a baby and keep up with life as normal! No, having a baby is not normal and it requires a lot of time and attention.  It's a huge shift in your family as you are adding a new little person to your midst. It's such a miracle! Breastfeeding always has it's struggles but usually they are worked out around 3 months or so. If you can't breastfeed, don't beat yourself up about it, formula is not poison! I have had supply issues with both of my last two and it's been something I've cried a lot about and struggled with. I'm still nursing Jethro but he has had to be supplemented since day 5.
In those first two weeks try to lay down as much as possible. Get someone to help you. It will help your uterus to heal fully. You have to treat your body as though you had an injury and just not doing anything for 6 weeks (except maybe go to a movie with your hubby).
Enjoy that time, you will be healing and figuring out your baby. You will be up at all hours of the night, it's really difficult but at the same times really beautiful.

Paul's Birth Story

I love blogging about my baby's birth stories. Usually the down time in the hospital is the best time and place :)

For starters, we missed our due date. I was kind of okay with that because I wanted to be a part of a recording with my church that weekend and was hoping he wouldn't be on time. My track record so far has been two weeks early with Levi, Aria was three days late and Simeon waited a whole week to come out. I was pretty sure I was just going to be later and later. It was a bit of a joke for me. 

I made it through the recording on Saturday praising the Lord. 

On Sunday morning Ben seemed to be getting sick so I went downstairs and started making him breakfast. Suddenly I felt a small pop and a leak. Oh dear, I don't think I peed my pants, I think that might have been my water breaking. I went upstairs, changed and put on a pad and prayed. Then I told Ben. And we kind of laughed. Of course, right when he's not feeling good. Then there was the debate in our minds as to whether or not to go to church (I would be playing the piano) or not. My body didn't seem to know it was supposed to be in active labor at that point so I hoped that maybe getting out and doing something would help it to kick in. 

Church was awesome, the Lord really spoke to our hearts and getting to worship Him in the fellowship of believers is always a beautiful thing. My heart hurts if I have to miss church. I had a few good contractions but nothing regular at all. I told a few of my friends about my water being broken, some of them thought I was crazy but I just asked that they would pray for me. That we would have wisdom about when to go to the hospital and that my body would start to pick up into a regular pattern of contractions. 

Now, I'm going to take this moment to explain that I am Group B Strep (GBS) positive. Since the beginning of the pregnancy I've had that curse upon my records. I've tried probiotics, komboocha, yogurt, garlic, GSE, and even in the last stage of pregnancy I cut out all sugar, refined flour and caffiene. All to no avail. 

I've done a lot of reading on GBS from both camps of medical and natural. We've been praying and with the .5% chance that it could kill him, I decided that I would sacrifice my desires for a more natural labor for the sake of my baby. I'm not trying to look like a saint or say I'm awesome or anything like that. I remembered how with Simeon's birth I walked in and just delivered him in 15 minutes and it was awesome and I would totally do it again. I knew I had to be at the hospital 4 hrs beforehand in order to get the antibiotics, I would have to be on the monitors (curse those uncomfortable things!) I would have to have an IV or heplock of some sort. These are things I did not want. But I came to the conclusion that if we could, we would try to get there early enough to administer antibiotics. 

In my reading I knew that a broken bag of waters would up his chance of infection, so I knew I couldn't wait a super long time. 

We went home after church and took a nap (the best sleep is usually in your own bed right?) Then I took a couple laps around the block and just still wasn't getting a regular. 

We decided to go to the hospital around 4:30, I know that's a long time to wait, but I just wasn't sure what the hospital would do to me. I'm a natural birther and words like pitocin and epidural give me the willies. 

I checked in and they confirmed that my waters had broken and I was slightly leaking, but not much. As it turns out, he had a second bag of waters... who knew? We didn't until he was descending, but that's for later. 

They finally got around to the antibiotics at 6:30, apparently hospitals like to dilly dally around and make you sign 10,000 pieces of paper and ask you a million questions, some of them you have already answered if they would just look up your records. 

The nurses were on the phone with my midwife whom I truly love. She is so gentle and kind and uplifting. She's a glass half full kinda gal and seems to know her stuff and is pretty lenient about stuff. So I knew when she suggested pitocin, she was right. I was in so much fear but I knew something needed to happen soon. 

The nurse told me she was going to give me a "whiff" of pitocin. For any of you who know about this stuff it was on a 4. I learned later that a normal dose is more like a 12-15. After about an hour of more consistent, more difficult contractions they bumped it up to an 8. This is maybe what drives me crazy about hospitals, she didn't really ask me. But I dealt with them. I will say that they were getting harder to breathe through and nothing was very comfortable. I am thankful that we get breaks between contractions. I distracted myself with Facebook and Instagram for a while, listened to music, and attempted to listen to my relaxation tracks. But even that eventually didn't help. 

The four hours passed a lot faster than I thought they would. I knew I needed to wait until 10:25 top deliver, but who in the world has control over those things. I think it was around 9:45 when I asked if they could stop the pitocin. By that time my body was in full force labor and I was having minimal breaks. 

Honestly, I was terrified to push him out. I'm just being honest. 

I didn't know how much more pain my body could handle and I just wanted a break. I told them several times, "I don't want to do this anymore!" "I'm so scared!" Ben and my midwife and nurse were all reassuring that I was doing great. I kept praying and breathing. 

I was asking what time it was and knew it was about time for me to push, I could just feel it. I got up on my hands and knees because I knew this was the best way not to tear and started pushing with each contraction. It was really difficult. All you want to do is get your baby out and at the same time you want some kind of respite from the pain.

Then finally, he was here. Ben got to catch him and then I turned over and they put him on my chest. He was so tiny and yet so big at the same time. He was here! I couldn't believe it. We got to wait to clamp his cord and then Ben did the honor of cutting it. 

It was finally over. All that pain and difficulty, but I got to hold my reward in my arms and marvel at this new tiny person. 

So many prayers were answered. I didn't have to get an epidural, it was almost 4 hours after receiving the antibiotic that I gave birth. I also was able to play the piano for our church recording and was able to go to church on Sunday morning.

This birth is a huge reminder that not everything goes according to plan, but God is still good. He is still in control.


:: edit ::

I hesitated to share this post because it looks like everything went successfully and smoothly. We have one other hiccup in the road now. Paul has come down with a fever and there are a few things that are going on with his health that makes it look like he might have contracted my GBS after all. Thankfully we are still in the hospital and he is receiving treatment, however, it looks like he will have to stay here another 2-7 days. I was just discharged and they are allowing me to stay as a guest for as long as they have a bed. Our hospital stay has turned out to be very good and I honestly have all good things to say about Centegra and their care.
I do have a longing to go home. I also want to be able to hold him without all the wires attached to him. I know this will happen soon, but it's just hard right now. I miss my other kids and my husband. Praise God, my mom is in town and being a huge help at home, but how I long for my own bed and some sense of normalcy.

More than anything though, I know that God is in control and we are in His faithful, capable hands. Lord, thank You for allowing us to trust You, thank You for difficult situations where we get to lean on Your everlasting arms. Help me to be faithful, help me to rest and trust in You.

Simeon's Birth Story

Oh Simeon, what a birth story indeed.

I can now for sure say I have had the most different births imaginable. They say every pregnancy is different and every birth is different. I can attest to that. Levi's was the unexpected, two weeks early, breech C section. Aria's was the hard fought for, three day, intense labor, two hours of pushing and crazy tearing VBAC. Simeon's was, well … perfect. Honestly, I look back on the whole thing and I would not change it. That's the first time I can say that about one of my births. I don't even care that he was a week late anymore. If that's what it took to have an amazing, natural delivery, I'll take it.

After Aria's epic birth  I was kind of nervous about having another child naturally again. It was so long and dramatic, so many twists and turns and it was incredibly painful. However, I like to try to live and learn. What I learned from her birth is to rest. Go back to bed and try to relax even when you don't want to. Eat, even when you don't feel like it or you're not really that hungry. Save your energy for the intense contractions at the end and the pushing. When you're in early labor, don't focus on the contractions, focus on relaxing. The baby will come, you just have to relax and let your body do it's work.

I think Aria's birth took so long and was so traumatic because by the end of it all I had no energy to even push her out. I hadn't really slept in three nights, I didn't feed myself well either, thinking I was always just about to push a baby out.

These last weeks of pregnancy have been a huge mind game. You have this date that your baby is "supposed" to come on. You have a Dr measuring you ever week and telling you that you're not dilated or you're measuring big. Everyone else is asking when you're gonna have your baby. But really the worst part is just BEING pregnant. Everything is difficult. You have to pee all the time, even when your bladder is empty, movement is difficult, bending over is impossible, sleeping is terrible, there are no comfortable positions to be in. On top of that your emotions are on the brink. Anything can set you off crying, it's like you're this big ball of hormones walking around, trying to function.

All of this is motivation... to go through the most painful thing you can experience. So that you can have the most amazing gift ever created.

Onto the birth story.

On Simeon's due date I still had no progress. That's the last thing you want to hear. You're body is not opening up, something is wrong with you. That's how it feels at least. Each day I would wake up and wonder, would contractions start today? Each day feels like an entirely new pregnancy. I tried everyone's suggestions to induce, none of it worked. Labor just had to come on it's own.

It really helped one night to talk to my friend and doula Katie. She helped me with all this mind gaming and told me that when he is ready, he will come out. I can't force anything. It so helped me just release the whole situation.

As it turned out that the next day the contractions started. It's interesting because you're so excited to finally experience real labor, the stuff you have been waiting for that will end this whole thing and bring this beautiful baby into your arms. However, I remember feeling those first contractions and thinking, Oh dear, am I really going to do this? Can I handle this? The good thing is that you start to get used to them. I kept moving and trying to stay busy. The kids were a great distraction, playing with them, doing the laundry and just keeping busy around the house in general.

Ben had had a weird night at work the evening before and had gone to bed at 2 so he was going to work late. At one point he saw me leaning on the counter and asked what I was doing.
Me: "Oh, just breathing, trying to relax into a contraction."
Ben: "Oh, okay."
Me: "Don't get your hopes up, we are probably not going to have a baby today."
Ben: "Yeah, probably not today."

He went off to work around 9 and I stayed home with the kids. I had contractions maybe about every 15 minutes, but they were nothing I couldn't function through.

After lunch me and the kids went on a walk. Partially to wear out the kids for naps and partially to see if they would help with labor. I asked Levi if he wanted to go for a walk and he said "yeah! I want baby Simeon to come!"

That afternoon the kids napped at the same time (woot!) and I was able to lay down. I listened to a CD called Earth Mama Angel Baby VBAC Preparation. It's basically a woman talking you through contractions with soft music in the background. I highly recommend something like that for dealing with contractions. They helped me relax and remember that the pain is a good thing. She talks through a lot of visualization and relaxation techniques.

When I got up from the nap I found I had lost part of my mucus plug. I thought, okay, this could happen soon. I was still having contractions about every ten minutes. My mother in law texted me and asked if we had dinner plans. I was so thankful I didn't have to cook dinner that night! This is how the Lord really provided, I asked her if they could keep the kids that night just in case something did happen in the middle of the night, that way we wouldn't have to worry about them and just be able to go to the hospital if we needed.

I had let my friend Katie know that I lost my mucus plug and I had been contracting all day. She was so encouraging and excited. She was probably more hopeful than I was that I would have a baby soon. The encouragement was just what I needed.

Ben got home from work and we went on to his parents house. He asked me how many contractions I'd had that day, had it been five or so? I realized then how little I had communicated about my labor. I had had them all day, sometimes 10, 20 or 30 minutes apart. I had just been trying to deny it all day. I told him that I was probably in early labor. We thought that since his parents were taking the kids that we would go see a movie. He wanted to go see the Hobbit and it would start at eight.

We had dinner with Ben's parents and it was great. There were a few times during contractions that I would pause and just be kind of quiet, I would apologize and Ben's dad was like, I know what you were doing. I was thankful they were so understanding.

We put the kids down and headed off. In the car I was just thinking, I don't know if I want to go see a movie while contracting like this, I don't want to wear myself out with staying up late, especially if I might have a baby tomorrow, it would probably be best to just go home and rest. I asked Ben if he was okay with seeing it a different time. He was pretty tired from his prior evening of sleep, so we went home.

I took an Ambien around 8, Ben read from our book to me and I got into Deep Knee Chest Position (It's where you get on your knees and chest with your butt in the air, they say to do it with a posterior baby for 20 minutes or a few good contractions) just in case Simeon was still posterior. I thought maybe I had been having some back labor and I wanted to see if I could turn him. Aria was posterior for about two days of my labor with her. That's one reason why it took so long.

Then we got into bed. I put on my visualization CD and slept as best I could.

At this point, for those readers who have not experienced a contraction, I will try to explain it, because it is like no other pain I have ever experienced in my life. It's this pain that comes from deep inside your pelvis and moves slowly up your body and completely takes over. Almost as though your body was trying to split itself open, one wave at a time. That's not even a very good explanation… what am I talking about?

On with the story.

I woke up around 10 pm and was pretty hungry. I fixed myself a bowl of cheerios and thought, maybe I should time these contractions. They seemed to be coming a lot more frequently and for a longer period of time. With Aria I made the mistake of over-timing my contractions. It was like watching a pot trying to boil. I think it kept me from truly resting during labor. But at this point with Simeon I thought it would be helpful to know their frequency.

So, I downloaded a free contraction timer and started timing them. They were about 2 1/2 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds or so. I still didn't think I needed to go to the hospital because with Aria I had contractions like that a day before I birthed her. So, I went back to bed and laid down. I thought, I just need to lay down and maybe these will slow down. It was getting harder to relax during the contractions and taking all of my energy to focus through them.

Then I felt a pop.

When your water breaks, it kind of feels like a water balloon gave out inside of you. I got up just to make sure and went to the bathroom. Yep, I was leaking fluid.

I called Katie and told her my water broke. Thankfully she was still awake, studying for midwifery school. It was around 11 pm. She asked what the fluid looked like. I told her it was kind of greenish. She said, "You need to go to the hospital. Do you want me to come to your house first or just meet me there?" I told her I would meet her there. She was like, "Oh my gosh Jody, wait, you're totally contracting right now aren't you?! You're gonna have a baby! I'm so excited!" You have to know Katie in order to understand the way words just roll out of her mouth in her enthusiasm, the more excited she is, the faster they come. It was so encouraging to hear her voice and her excitement, I finally thought, I'm gonna have a baby soon! It might have been the first time I had allowed myself to believe that I was close to having a baby.

And then hard labor really hit. I went in and woke up Ben. I told him my water broke and we needed to go to the hospital. All I remember is him asking me if I needed to take a shower or if there was anything I needed to do before we left. At this point contractions were so intense I could not stand up on my own during them. I was on my hands and knees focusing and telling him I think we needed to leave.  At that point remembered I could moan through the pain and that helped.

The mercy was that I had a few breaks between these intense contractions in the 15 minutes it took us to leave the house. I could pick myself up, put on my shoes and head down the hallway. Then I would have a contraction and get down on the floor. When the contraction was finished I would pick myself up again and get my coat on. I would have another contraction and lean against the wall, it would end and then we made our way to the car.

I put on my headphones and listened to relaxing music on the drive there. I was simply trying not to lose it in the midst of the intensity.

Katie was waiting for us with a wheelchair. Had it not been for her I would not have made it into the hospital. I don't think any of us knew how close I was to delivery. I was quietly trying to survive contractions. Even I didn't think I was minutes away from delivery. Honestly, there were no thoughts going through my head except to breathe.

We got to the labor and delivery front desk and they handed me a clipboard to fill out. I remember thinking, can't someone else fill this out for me? Do I really have to do this right now? But I honestly couldn't talk very well or think very well, so I filled it out. Like a champion. You gotta love hospitals. In their defense, I don't think Ben or Katie had any idea how far along I was, otherwise they probably would have filled out the paperwork for me. Katie said I was just quietly breathing and concentrating.

They wheeled me in and Katie very gently said, "Okay Jody, let's get out of the wheelchair, get your gown on and get into bed, do you want to go to the bathroom first?" I think she had picked up that my contractions were taking all of my energy to focus through. I couldn't think and didn't answer, but I contracted and then felt the urge to push. So I pushed, still in the wheelchair, still fully dressed.

Katie looked at the nurses and announced, "She's pushing!"
Someone asked, "How much is she dilated? Is she ready?"
Katie said, "I don't know, she still has her pants on!"

Somehow we got my clothes off, gown on and I got into bed. Katie checked me and told me I was fully dilated. "She's ready!" She announced.

They called the Dr. They didn't have time to put an IV in me or monitor me, I was ready to just push this baby out.

I remember laying on my side, contracting and thinking, I really want to get on my hands and knees. For no other reason than I had heard that's the position you have to least amount of tearing. I know, it sounds crazy and undignified, but really, is there a dignified way to push a baby out? No. There is not.

Ben asked me if I needed anything and I said, "I want to get on my hands and knees, can you help me?" He and Katie helped me onto my hands and knees and then I just started pushing with all that I had. I'm just gonna be honest, I wasn't quiet then. I was terrified. It is a scary moment to push a baby out naturally. You know it is going to be painful and you just want to run away. But you can't. You cannot run away from your own body. The only reason you decide to push is because that's the only way all of this madness can end. It's the culminating point of the pregnancy, the labor, all of that pain. It comes to the climax and you just make the decision to push so that you can end it and see your beautiful, hard-earned baby.

They said the Dr came in looking like he had just woken up with his hair all disheveled. I think by the time he got to me Simeon's head was already out. I honestly had no idea of his presence, all I knew is that I had to get this over with. Katie coached me through the pushing. I knew to wait for Simeon to turn before I pushed his shoulders out. It might have taken me five minutes. I can't remember, it just happened.

And then Simeon was there.

And the pain was over.

They took him and cleaned him off. He didn't start crying immediately, plus his heart rate had been so low on the monitors, they needed to aspirate him and make sure he was okay. I laid down on the bed and they put him on me and covered us in a warm blanket.

Deep sigh.

I can't believe I just did that.

And there he was, perfect and beautiful.

Ben and I looked at each other like, what just happened?

Katie was totally pumped, I had just pushed a baby out in a matter of minutes, like a warrior or something. It was ridiculous.

Thank You Lord, for this precious baby. Thank You for the miracle of birth, the holiness of bringing a human being into this world. Lord, thank You for sustaining me through the pain and difficulty. I can honestly say, "I cried out to the Lord and He delivered me from all my fears" Ps 34:4. I was so afraid of a long delivery, so afraid of tearing and being at the hospital for a long time and being monitored constantly. The Lord kept me from all of that. He answered every prayer about this birth. Lord, thank You. You are my Sustainer and my Deliverer. Thank You.

Notes: Simeon was 8 lbs 7 oz 21 inches long and his head was 14 1/4
I did tear just a little bit and required a stitch or two.

Overdue

Do I want to blog about being overdue? No, not really.

Do I want to be overdue? No way.

Do I want to endure another natural childbirth? Heck no!

It looks like I've gotten myself into quite a predicament. I don't really want to do any of these things, but here I am, doing them.

Just had to write out a few things that have happened this week:
- My brother and sister in law left with their sweet kids to go to Thailand
- Aria turned 2
- A tree fell in our front yard due to an ice storm on Simeon's due date.
- I got pinkeye, then Levi got pinkeye and an ear infection
- We all had colds

… so maybe it's a good thing that we haven't had him yet.

So, I'm only overdue by about 3 days. Due date shmoo date right now. That's how it feels right now. It feels like my body will never go into labor. I keep waiting and waiting, wondering if this will be a real contraction or just one of those dumb braxton hicks. (Can you tell I have a bad attitude? Lord, help me!)

Maybe I have a bad attitude because I haven't dilated at all. Every time I go to the Dr. he says that Baby Simeon is still really high and that I've had no progress. "You mean, none of this tightening, none of this pressure means anything?" Maybe that's the discouraging part. If I wasn't feeling anything, then I would just think, okay, that's fine, I understand. But, I have felt some things and I do feel a lot of pressure, and then to know that there's nothing really going on is kind of like a punch in the gut. I understand, it's not his fault that I haven't progressed, but really, can we please just get this show on the road?

I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. That will go off very slowly. Very, very slowly.

The good thing about surviving one natural birth is that you can actually anticipate the depth of the pain you will experience. I feel like I'm mentally building up this expectation of unimaginable pain. Anything I feel right now as a contraction is basically a piece of cake.

Looking back on Aria's birth I want to just rest. I think that's the main thing that was lacking in that scenario. It was such a build up of anticipation. Can I VBAC? Will my body be able to do this? I wanted everyone to be there, it was full of drama and the unknown. I wanted things to happen and for some reason I feel like I forced things to happen. I don't know if that's possible, we will see.

I want this birth to be quiet. I want to just let things happen. I want to rest a lot. Walk when I need to and not push myself so hard. I want to not be afraid of pauses in my labor, but just to take things as they come. I want to just try and relax as much as I can into the pain, and just let things happen.

Lord, I pray that this labor would be shorter. I pray that it would be soon. I don't want to go to the Dr. again on Thursday. I pray that You would give me strength. Help me not to be afraid. Help me to remember that in the end, I get to hold a sweet baby boy. Thank You for the beauty of childbirth. Help me to remember Your Son on the cross and the pain that He endured to bring life into the world.

Something I've been trying to wrap my head around is this: It was because of sin that women bear a curse as we bring life into the world. Jesus took on that curse, took on our sin and died so that abundant life could come to us. He had the ultimate labor and delivery, my pain is but a shadow of this curse that He took.

You are faithful Lord.

Advice On Pregnancy

The other day I got to hear a fellow blogger Carol Spenst share about blogging, why she blogs, how it has impacted her life and the struggles that go along with blogging. It definitely inspired me to write. So, here I am.


Also, it's nap time, so I can actually put a complete thought together. That helps.


I finally picked up my prenatal yoga DVD again. It was not a priority while we were doing our kitchen and it's just kind of fallen to the wayside since then. The reason I decided to do it today is because I'm at the place in pregnancy when you start to feel like your body is going to fall apart. Or just bust open. I'm starting to have heartburn every time I bend over, which is often since I have little kids. I've also been experiencing some more serious braxton hicks contractions, especially when I pick up Aria who is just over 30 pounds. She loves to be held and since it doesn't' cause major pain yet, I'm still picking her up.

As I was doing my video I was thinking, what would I tell myself during that first pregnancy? What about my first labor? My VBAC? I was thinking about labor and how it's coming soon and how I know it's going to be difficult and painful. That the goal is survival and that it's worth it. It's worth it … it's worth it … I'll get a sweet little baby at the end and feel really proud of myself for surviving … (I will have to keep telling myself that).

So, I'm making a list of all the things that I would tell my former pregnant self and that I'm telling myself during this third pregnancy.

1. Be busy. Don't stop, don't concentrate on your pregnancy, it takes forever. Just do whatever you can to act like life is normal and keep going.

2. Eat right. With Levi I ate well because I was already heavy and was terrified of getting really heavy. I gained about 30 pounds with him but then lost around 60. With Aria I threw caution into the wind and gained 50. After those two pregnancies I knew the difference was me and my attitude. The problem was the girl in the mirror. So with this one I have been more conscious of what I have been eating. So far, by week 29 I had only gained 15 pounds. We will see what this next trimester holds though. I'm going to really have to watch all these holiday treats because honestly I LOVE sugar.
**Update since last week and crashing with ice cream, I just have to confess that I continued to crash and continued to eat uncontrollable amounts of sugar. It was terrible. It was almost as though I was trying to make up for the lost two weeks of sugar. The yeast infection has not come back (yet) and I'm hoping it will stay away. We will see. Things have been better this week, a lot of prayer and soul searching to realize that everything in moderation is best for me. No more cutting out, no more major deprivation, no more forbidden fruit that just makes me want it a thousand times more. I'm also very aware of my own sin tendencies and weaknesses in my heart. Wow.

3. Chiropractors are awesome. That reminds me, I need to call and schedule and appointment.

4. Doulas are awesome. Although, I'm a hypocrite right now because we are not getting one for financial reasons, but for the first time around, they are amazing.

5. Learn about the positioning of your baby. It's important. If you live in Little Rock I HIGHLY recommend going to see Amy Cefalo, she is a midwife here in Little Rock and she will help you figure out the positioning of your baby and has awesome strategies of turning babies. It's just 45 dollars a visit, and it could change your whole delivery. I wish I had known about her when I had Levi, I might not have had a C section with him.

6. Deny, deny, deny labor. That's going to be my mantra this time around. I don't care how strong (I want) the contractions to be, I'm just going to deny it. I want to spend the least amount of time acknowledging the pain and get the most sleep I can before I have to endure real, hard labor and delivery. It takes everything you have to do that stuff. No joke.


Okay, so that's the list right now. I also remember something that my friend Sarah, who had a home birth, said on her blog that I want to remember. Don't let anyone tell you what position to get in when you are in labor. Do what is comfortable for you. Suggestions from those around you are good and you can try them, but really, the most important thing is to do what you want to do during labor. I'm going to try to remember that. Listen to my body, do what feels right.

Anyways, those are my two cents. Not that it matters much, just thoughts I had today about all this baby-making stuff.

Postpartum thoughts

I was talking to my sister in law today and it has inspired some thoughts about childbirth and doing it the "natural" way. :)

She asked me if I had this feeling after giving birth... I don't want to sound negative or anything like that, but I was surprised that she felt this way too because she has had three natural childbirths (all VBACs which has been an inspiration to me!).

She didn't know how to word it but she said after she had this most recent one (which happened to be a week ago today) she thought, "That's it, we're done, we don't need any more." She asked me if I had a similar feeling. I remember thinking even a few days after I had Aria that I would never do that again. I thought I was the only one, maybe that's why I was so glad that she asked me that... it made me feel less guilty I guess. Right after I had her I just could not picture myself going through it again, it was just that hard.

The beautiful thing however, and I guess this is just God's mercy, is that I don't remember the pain. Seriously, even though it took three days and those last 12-18 hours were pretty rough, I look back on it thinking, "It wasn't that bad... I could do it again." I have the head knowledge that it was difficult, but really, now that I have my sweet baby in my arms and no incision on my belly I am totally glad I did it just the way I did it.

It was hard, but it was holy as well. There is something so miraculous about giving birth and this little person coming out of your body, and you did the work, you pushed them out, it took all of your strength and effort and it was the hardest, most painful thing you have ever done... but there is something SO beautiful and miraculous about it... I would do it ten more times if God so blesses me. Seriously, I would. I'm not even joking or saying that I do or don't want a lot of kids, we are kind of leaving that whole birth control thing up to the Lord right now.

I just wanted to post those thoughts out there. If you are about to have a baby and are wanting to go natural I just want to encourage you that it is amazing. It is not easy but it's beautiful.

The Redemption of My Physical Body: part eleven

A word about pregnancy. :)

Okay, I wasn't going to post this until later, but my friend Molly made a comment and I thought, I just need to say something in regards to my pregnancy.

When you are pregnant you get all kinds of advice. Do this, don't do that, you need to gain weight, you shouldn't gain very much weight and all that junk. When you are pregnant everyone feels the need to tell you their pregnancy stories. Maybe they gained 70 pounds and lost it all while breastfeeding. Maybe they only gained 25 pounds but are still struggling to lose it. Some gain all at the beginning, some towards the end. All of this "advice" should be taken with a grain of salt. Each person's body is completely different from the next. God made each of our bodies unique in the way we react to the hormones, the babies themselves. I've heard of moms who have had two completely different experiences with their pregnancies. So when we are pregnant we need to be relying on God, on the Holy Spirit. He knows our bodies and knows what is BEST for us specifically. Sometimes you can use good, plain common sense too, to help guide you.

I will say that my pregnancy was excellent. I was tired and nauseated in the first trimester, but Ben got me out exercising even when I was cursing as we were walking out the door. My second trimester I was somewhat tired, but I felt pretty normal, my body was used to the hormones and I wasn't feeling sick as often. Third trimester was uncomfortable, but not terrible. I gained about 30 pounds, but most of it wasn't until the end.

I didn't own a scale so every time we went to the Dr's office I was nervous that I had gained a lot of weight, but I hadn't. It was the mercy of God that allowed me not to gain weight. I remember being terrified that I would gain massive amounts of weight as a pregnant woman and would have no control over it. But I remember talking to a friend who had gained about 70 pounds and asking her if she felt like it could have been prevented. After thinking it over for a moment she said, "Yes, I feel like it could have been prevented." She explained that she felt like maybe she used pregnancy and feeling nauseated all the time as an excuse to eat. So I took what she said to heart.

I remember some of the best advice I received was from our pastor's wife (who has been pregnant 10 times, so she kinda knows what she's talking about). She said to let my body go on auto-pilot. You just eat what your body tells you to eat, rest when it says rest, get exercise and you will be fine. (That's the Jody paraphrase). So that's what I did. Sometimes my appetite was enormous! Sometimes I ate like a normal person, sometimes I just wasn't hungry. I drank a lot of whole milk in my first trimester because as soon as I opened up the refrigerator to get a snack I couldn't take the smells, so I just held my breath and poured a glass of milk and it held me pretty well. ... Now, my body didn't work completely perfectly, I had to take a fiber pill every morning so that I would be regular. I think Levi was sitting right on my intestines.

As far as exercise goes, I walked. I used to think walking was pointless, why walk when you can run? Now I LOVE walking. I usually walked in the morning after Ben left for work. I would go anywhere from 1-3 miles depending on how I was feeling that day. If it was the weekend or I hadn't gotten it in that day, Ben and I would go together. I walked for two reasons: to keep my weight reasonable and so that I could have a natural childbirth. I had a renewed confidence in what my body could do and I believe that God created us as women to birth babies. Even though childbirth is painful, it is beautiful and miraculous. It's like it's a good pain that needs to be experienced. Sadly, I didn't get to experience it since Levi was breech. We had to have a C-section. But my recovery went SO WELL and I think it was because I was in such good shape. My heart was strong, my body was strong, my recovery was slow, but good. With the next one I want to be a rock star like my sister-in-law and have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

Now, in all of this I am only speaking from my own experience. I have a friend who could tell you that her experience was throwing up all day every day (literally, it's amazing she's alive after THREE pregnancies, she's another rock star).

Bearing children is a beautiful thing. It is miraculous to think that we start out microscopically and grow in this perfect womb from there. I couldn't help but think that when I was putting food into my mouth it wasn't just for me. More than ever I didn't want to binge and hurt my body because it wasn't just my own anymore. It was a home for this new little life and I was responsible for him. Ben said he saw both his sister and sister-in-law really come out of eating disorders when they became pregnant and started to have children. I think the reason is that their lives and their eating was not just about them anymore. I still want to take care of myself so that I will have energy to play with Levi, so that I can bear more children and they be as easy as having Levi.

I never thought I could possess a selfless love. Okay, and on some levels I'm not there. But being a mom has more than ever ALLOWED me not to focus on myself. My thoughts are on whether or not Levi has eaten, if he has been changed, does he need to sleep, those are the first places I go. Then I think about me. I still struggle with selfishness and having kids is not a "fix all" but I feel like it was the grace of God that took my eyes off myself and put them on someone else. Of course, in this, I need to put Ben's needs above all else, then Levi's but that's another story for another day. :)

Thank you for allowing me to share part of my experience. I feel like the redemption of my body has taken place because of two people: my husband who saw me as beautiful, and my son, who helped me to care for my body and has even helped me lose more weight than I thought I could. They are gifts from God. God is the One who has truly redeemed my body, mind and spirit. He works in amazing, surprising ways.