Pregnancy again. :)

Part 1

 I keep having this inner dialogue with myself about stuff. That's what I love about blogging. I don't blog so that I can post pictures, I don't blog to tell everyone about my latest purchases, I blog because I enjoy letting other people in on my thoughts. I invite others to join me on my journey and participate in my struggles and triumphs.

Well, some of you may know this, but I wanted to let you all know that I'm pregnant. My husband and I are very excited about bringing another new life into the world.

So I'm going to start another series in my blog about this pregnancy in comparison with my last one, the things I'm experiencing, how my life is different (it is VERY different), the spiritual struggles, the physical struggles, the emotional and mental struggles...

Alrighty then, here goes.

I'm about 7 weeks along. I'm not positive about gestation, but will know more when we go to the Dr in the first part of June. Just a few days ago I started to experience morning sickness. Now, the name "morning sickness" is, in fact, deceptive. Maybe it's stronger in the morning, I don't know, but for me it's an all day long sickness. I don't get it terribly. I have friends who throw up all day every day, but the best I could describe it is just this general feeling of nausea. Not cool. And then add being incredibly tired on top of that and you have some no fun days. I'm trying to do my best to just lay down for a few minutes then get up and do some housework, then go lay back down and rest some more. Levi sees this laying down time as an ideal time to just crawl all over mommy. So I get little knees and elbows poking me as he crawls up on the couch. It is adorable that he wants to cuddle and just be with me. He loves to be hugged and touched in general.

I feel like in this first phase of pregnancy we as moms are reminded that our bodies are not our own. It's the first act of sacrificial motherhood as we carry our new little baby.

Lord, help me to continue to serve my son and my husband. Give me strength and patience and endurance as I keep the house and fix meals. Thank You for my husband who is so gracious to me. Help me to love him as I should.


Part 2

Of course I don't feel like blogging.  I just can't help it.

I have to admit, the past two days haven't been that bad. I've had moments of smelling something or feeling exhausted or hungry and nauseated at the same time (this is always a weird phenomenon because you don't want to eat and you want to eat at the same time). In general, it's been better than Monday.

I was thinking this morning about how thankful I am that I don't have to get up and go to work every day. Granted, what I do is hard work at home, but at least I don't have to worry about being late or have to worry about looking good and being dressed nicely. :) Haha! I worked part time when I was pregnant with Levi. I remember trying to find ways to work as little as possible. All I wanted to do was lay in bed. I was also very fortunate then because we were living with Ben's parents and his amazing mom fixed all of our dinners. I didn't have to cook at all. I think I tried to load the dishwasher when I could. But really, I was totally a pampered. Now I've got my own household and my own little person to take care of. I remember asking my sister in law how she took care of her two kids during her first trimester and feeling terrible. She said, "You just do what is necessary and what you can't do, don't worry about." I'm realizing that with each kid my standards of "clean" are probably going to go down a bit. Thankfully I have a husband who doesn't mind vacuuming and helping clean up the kitchen, but I'm realizing that my house doesn't have to be spotless during this time and my meals don't have to be incredible. Really, it probably just needs to be decently healthy food. We're having frozen pizza, broccoli and ranch tonight. :)

One weird thing is that it's almost as though Levi knows I'm pregnant. Maybe it's because I've been acting strange lately, maybe it's because I have been home more these past few weeks, but he has become extremely clingy. Not that I mind it, it makes me feel needed and wanted. I know that he values me, but sometimes it is a little bit annoying. He definitely likes to get up on the couch with me and cuddle and get as close as he can, loves to be held and especially wants to be held while I'm making dinner. This can be difficult when you are already tired. I love him so much. Disciplining him is becoming more challenging with me being tired and him getting older and craftier. Help me Lord. I need You.

If you all would pray for me. I'm hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) for this little one.  I'm excited to have a very pro VBAC Dr and a good support system around me. I feel like the medical community has a difficult time with this one because in some cases birth can be a medical emergency and in other cases it's a natural part of life. I'm praying that I will have the right perspective, the right heart. I want what is best for my baby and I believe that is a VBAC. I would covet your prayers for me in this area.

Thank you. 
Part 3
I meant to post more than this but somehow I have been out of the mood. Something about feeling nauseated and exhausted for most of the time really takes it out of you.

I think I'm approaching nine weeks now and I will be so glad when this sickness stuff is over. Also will be glad when I have a legitimate belly. It's weird because I have felt sensitive in my belly area, and I'm already starting to kind of pop out (I heard this happens more when it's your second baby and everything is already nice and stretched out:)) but I just sort of feel like I look like I ate too much for lunch. I can't really rub my belly yet... I don't know.

I'm also realizing I can't take certain medications as well. I have to watch out that I don't eat certain foods... I had forgotten about all of this stuff. It is totally and completely worth it, but still, it kind of stinks when you have a really bad cough. I think my trip to San Francisco really took it out of me. I took two naps today and laid on the couch for the rest of the time. Finally Ben got me to go on a walk with him. It's so good to have a husband who helps in that area.

It's amazing to me to think of women who have had lots of children and who have done this over several years of their lives. Just to think that the majority of their time they had a little someone dependent on them. Even after you have the baby, you still nurse and the care for that little one is even more intense. I'm praying that my heart will be right in all of this. Praying that I won't become selfish with my time or my rest, praying that I will do what I can and be okay with not being able to do the stuff that I can't. Praying that I will be able to sleep at night, praying that I will be able to pour into Levi, praying that I will have the right heart in loving Ben...

Oh yes, and one more thing, I have noticed with my cough recently that I can feel where I had my C-section when I cough really hard. I'm wondering in what other ways I will be feeling the C-section in the future. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Would love to hear them. 
Part 4
So the other day I stepped on a scale (I don't own scales of my own but sometimes when I'm at my parents house or something I will step on just to see).  And... it pretty much told me I had gained about 7 pounds. Yikes. Already? I'm only nine weeks... but then in the back of my mind I'm like, "yeah, Jody, that sounds about right with as much as you have been eating lately, and with as little as you have been exercising." Yes, I have been eating more desserts, more carbs (been craving salty stuff) and I haven't been as motivated to go for a walk in this heat.

Maybe that step on the scale was just what I needed to kick things into action. This morning I got up and took Levi for a thirty minute walk at 8 and it wasn't that bad. Truthfully, I think the earlier the better for walks in the summer. It's been up in the nineties this week and anything after nine is just impossible.

As I was walking I was just thinking about how I just need to make my calories count. I'm hungry basically all the time and it's not like I can't eat because I will feel nauseated, and I think in some way I am needing to feed this little baby growing inside of me. But I think instead of reaching for an ice cream bar I should probably get an apple or banana or something like that instead. I remember with Levi I would have a huge glass of whole milk every afternoon and that would get me through. We went through a lot of milk. So I think I just need to be more mindful of my snacks and what I'm putting into my body. I want this child to have a good start, so I need to watch what I eat. I also need to continue exercising so that I'm strong for when I have my VBAC :)

I'm going to my first OB appointment today. I would have gone in sooner but I was gone and then he was gone, so this is the soonest we could get me in. I'm okay with that, I don't know that those early appointments make very much of a difference except to get to know the Dr and for him to prescribe meds for morning sickness which I probably won't fill since it's expensive and mine's not that terrible. I mean, sometimes it's terrible, but sometimes I'm totally fine.

Well, I gotta go before Levi takes apart Ben's computer. Oh the joys of having an 18 month old :)  


Part 5

This one could probably also go under "Struggles with Sleep" ... but I think it more applies to just being prego. Oh yes, I almost forgot... we are having a:


I was completely surprised to find this out, for some reason I totally had it in my head that we would have another boy. I'm really starting to get used to the idea and having a sweet little baby girl to cuddle with and nurture when she arrives. Maybe she will be a calming presence in the household. :) Who knows?

I guess I was just going to post about how a good nights sleep makes ALL the difference. Why in the world does it have to become harder to sleep when you get pregnant? I can never seem to get enough room in the bed (wishing we had a king size right now!) laying on my stomach is out of the question, most the time I end up on my side and I always want a pillow to support me. Ben complains about how the pillow takes up too much room, then I tell him, okay, I'll go sleep in the guest room. Never mind, the pillow doesn't take up that much room. I have always taken up more than my fair share of the bed anyways, poor guy. On top of that, I take a sleeping pill, with which I still wake up in the middle of the night to pee, on off nights I take melatonin. I've been taking 3 tablets which is six miligrams. THREE. I think I'm going to have to bump it up to four soon because I am still not waking up feeling rested.  I know I need to go for a walk, I know I need to... this morning I went and I could barely put one foot in front of the other. It's not always like this. Usually it's just bad when I haven't slept well. It makes a HUGE difference when I can actually get sleep.

I'm thankful Levi is still napping, but I don't know what I'm going to do when my kids are older and I'm pregnant. Maybe I'll just be cranky all the time. Literally, I am so cranky and angry at the world when I don't sleep enough. Ben made a comment to me this morning and I kind of gave him this angry, knee jerk reaction, it was so stupid. I got Levi up and just sat on the couch with him, staring out like a zombie.

I keep thinking about how I need to call this person or do this thing, but honestly, I don't want to interact right now, I know that I NEED to, but I don't want to. Makes no sense. I need to just keep talking to people and being in real life so I don't fall into depression. But how do you do that when you don't want to call anyone? I'm so not making any sense right now. I'm going to lay down on the couch right now...


Part 6

I just wanted to update today to say that my energy is completely changed! I'm going to attribute that to a good night's sleep. I only woke up once at 430 when Ben was sneezing. He scared me so bad and I was like, "Why did you sneeze in my face!" He was like, "I didn't." It was just that loud. When I got up at 6 I actually wanted to get out of bed, I actually wanted to have a quiet time and read the Word, I actually wanted to go for a walk, I actually wanted to eat breakfast. I'm sure I have so much energy I'm using now that I will crash come the afternoon, but I don't even care.  Life is good, I can dance around the kitchen with Levi and not dread the day.

Lord, I wish every day was like this. Maybe I wouldn't appreciate today as much if every day was this good. Help me to thank You for the days when I just have to depend on You. Help me to do what is needed and rest when I need to rest, to discipline Levi with a heart of wisdom and peace... My need for You is so profound in every part of my life. Only You can sustain me.

Thank You for today. Thank You for the sunshine and the energy, thank You for the ability to walk, thank You for this precious little girl growing inside of me. Help me to put her needs above my own pleasures, above my own wants. Lord, being a mom is not about just having kids and getting to nurture and all the beauty, but You also made it about sacrifice. You know all about sacrifice, You have made the ultimate sacrifice of Your Son, Jesus, I know that mine pales in comparison. Help me to obey You as I am teaching Levi to obey. You know what is best for me even when I can't see the big picture just as I know what is best for him when he can't see the big picture.

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us REJOICE and be glad in it
Part 7

So I ordered a prenatal yoga DVD the other day and since it came I haven't been able to stop using it. (That is totally an exaggeration). I have loved practicing yoga ever since I was fifteen, been in multiple classes and I'm just really familiar with it. I wish I could join a class right now, but with the expense ($100 class vs $20 DVD) and that I can do the video on my own time, this is perfect. I was doing yoga last night before bedtime and after a while Ben was like, "I'm going to bed, this music and her voice is making me so relaxed." Granted, it had been a long day, but still, I'm hoping this will help me with my sleep issues.

One thing I realized though as I was practicing and thinking about it later, I realized that they tell you to "release all your cares and worries" but I'm wondering, to what? To the abyss? To the earth? But what can those things do about our problems? Jesus says to cast your burdens upon him. "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest, take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light, for I am gentle and humble in heart. And you shall find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

So really yoga and relaxation and meditation is perfect for the believer. I think all too often in western culture we don't know how to be still and know that He is God. We often don't know how not to worry. Who struggles with worrying? Yeah, me too. But Jesus tells us we don't need to worry, some scripture I want to memorize to help me with that struggle is Matthew 6:25-34

Why is it that women think it's their job to worry? Why is it so socially acceptable? I feel like if I'm not worried about something, then something is wrong with me.

Another subject, did I mention I have been feeling this baby kick? Just sweet little flutters. I think she is going to be gentler than Levi. I'm trying to think of sweet little girl names, but it's hard. I've thought about the name Peace, but I just don't know. Oh well, we've got several more months.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.