Friday, April 18, 2014

Life with Littles

Dear Blog,

I don't have time for you. I'm tired. I would rather watch a movie or do yoga right now. Truly, I'm trying to avoid eating a big bowl of ice cream. I miss my husband who is gone for the night. I need to be in bed by ten. Can we be done by ten please?



I have been thinking about this phase of life. This one with three little kids and how sometimes Ben and I look at each other at the end of the day and just sigh a deep sigh of exhaustion. We love our three kids. We would not trade them for anything, but really, they are a LOT of work.

It's constant discipline, constant watching to make sure they don't hurt themselves (anyone can attest to you that I'm not good at this part, it's God's grace that has kept them alive thus far), constant noise … my kids love to make noise, lots of loud noise. I left the lunch table to do something and came back and they were just screaming at each other. I asked them what was wrong and they both just smiled and said "nothing" … it kind of frays your nerves.

My friend and I were walking out to our cars after playing on the playground the other day. We were both yelling at our kids not to run through the parking lot, it's dangerous. Did they listen? Of course not. Thankfully no cars were really around, but I had this thought come out that's been brewing in me. I thought: this is hard. I mean, like digging ditches kind of hard. It's like manual labor continuous stress management, you have to be ready for anything at any time of the day.

I get to the end of the day and think, really? Do I really have to wash the dishes or sweep the floor? I am SO tired. If it was a rough night with the baby, it's even worse.

Okay, so what's my point?

Maybe it's that it is like digging and all the hard work of plowing up the ground before you plant a garden or something. This is the most physically intensive part. The other parts will be intense and difficult I'm sure, but this part is where it's just taken out of me.

Maybe the hope that I'm clinging to is that it won't be like this for long. My house won't be such a wreck for long, my children will someday be potty trained, they will someday dress themselves or fix themselves a snack, they will someday do chores or know to wipe their feet before coming in the house with dirty shoes.

But really, these years are such a treasure. These are the times when I can kiss them freely. I can hold them and cuddle them. I can sing to them and scratch their little backs at night. Someday Aria won't let me kiss her yummy cheeks. Someday Levi won't see me as the smartest, coolest mom just because I built him a hanger for his planes out of blocks. Someday I won't be able to play little piggies with chubby little toes or enjoy sweet coos from Simeon.

Lord, these days really are precious. Let me not wish them away. Teach me patience. Help me enjoy these years while they last.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Ecclesiastes 3:1

my next goal: to take a picture with all three of them together. 
How do I not have one?

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Life Lately

Here are some snapshots of my life.

This is emphasized for humor. Because, let's face it, sometimes in motherhood if you're not laughing, you're crying.

Ben says this morning, "Hey Jody, can you please take our three small children with you to the paint store [so they can be bored out of their minds while some idiot kid can match the paint that he failed to match the first time]"
"Sure Ben, while I'm there I'll have him mix the eight gallons of paint I just realized we need to touch up with in different parts of the house. That will totally work."
Sometimes I participate in idiocy.
"I'll also bring our daughter in her new panties so she can poop in them while we are there."
"Good idea."

Just kidding. That's totally what would have happened though, had I not thought to put Aria in a diaper before we left.

Pulling into the paint store Levi asked:
Mom, why are you backing into the parking spot?
Because I'm a daredevil like that.
Oh, okay.

Thank you Sherwin Williams for being awesome and serving me so well. Also, it was good that the store was empty. (This had to have been a blessing from God.)

Also, I have now VOWED never to take my children to "look" at toys again. Oh wow, if this isn't teaching them to covet, I don't know what is. I just wish I had Levi's face on camera when he found out we were leaving WITHOUT buying a toy. Oh my. I'm laughing in my head just thinking about it right now.

On that note, I kind of hate whoever thought to put toys in the grocery store. It's like the bane of every shopping trip to continually respond with, "No Levi, we are not getting a car today." "No, no car." "Not today." "If you ask me for a car one more time you are getting a spanking." It's kind of like when you get that cart that makes horrible noises the whole time and keeps wanting to veer into the display cases. Kinda like that.

Aria is amazing me with her potty training abilities. I mean that not in a good way. This little girl can hold it while sitting on the potty until she has a red ring around her buns. Then you finally give up and say, "well, I guess she doesn't have to go." You put panties on her and she pees in them two minutes later. I am suddenly wishing I had done some sort of EC with her. If you don't know what that is, you can read my blog about it. If only she had a cue that would make her think, "go pee NOW." That would be super helpful. The good thing is that she is not terrified to poop on the potty like Levi was.

So Simeon might get some tastes of infant potty training. I'm hoping this will spur Aria on in her desire to stop going in her pants.

Dear House,

Would you please clean yourself? You look atrocious.



I had better go start working on dinner. Let's go Simeon, before the other two wake up from their naps.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Dear Simeon

Dear Simeon,

Thank you for being such an awesome baby. I love you. I love cuddling you, I love rocking you, I love singing to you. I wish I had been able to enjoy my other babies as much as I enjoy you. Maybe I did, I can't remember. I love your smile and your sweet little coos. If you could figure out the thumb sucking thing instead of trying to shove your whole fist in your mouth you could probably be the most perfect baby. Aria sucked her thumb, I think that's why she started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. … maybe. I can't remember.

Why does my life flash before me? I wish I could bottle up these thousands of moments. The little smiles, watching my baby fall asleep in my arms, the new discoveries … I don't think I can even write a complete sentence my brain is on such a low-functioning level. I don't even care.  It's like I wake up one morning and these tiny babies are huge. I want to cry when I look back on videos of my children learning to walk. I want to go back there and tell myself that these moments are precious, be thankful for them.

But life is truly a vapor.

It will be passed before we know it.

Oh my Simeon, remember this, don't waste any time on trivial things. Live it to it's fullest.

I love you my sweet son,

Your Mama

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Weight Struggles

I was journalling, like in my journal that's made of paper, that kind of journalling. And then felt the overwhelming sense that I need to just blog.

On the internet.

Deep personal thoughts and all that… for everyone to see. Okay. Cool.

If you're uncomfortable with that idea, you totally don't have to read this. It's fine. I won't be offended in any way.

Here's what I wrote.

Umm, I'm talking to God here, that's just what it is.

"Why is it that I finally get around to having time alone with You and for some strange, stupid reason I don't want to be alone with you? Why am I stupid like that?

Why does Satan lie to me? Get away Satan. I hate you and your constant ability to bring up old sin in my life. "

That's it. That's what I wrote. Okay, time to continue on with the blog and stream of consciousness from here.

I've been struggling. On many fronts. I've been procrastinating in some areas. I've been getting angry at my kids more often. I've been thinking thoughts like, "I hate my life." or just "why me?"

Most of the time I have one way of dealing with these things: Food. Just eat.

Which leads me to another struggle: weight loss.

Honestly, I just wanted to sit in my kitchen and eat this afternoon. Just eat anything that would help me to calm down and make me feel better. That sounds so lame now that I write it down, but it's the truth. I used to be a major closet eater, and it's still a struggle in my life. Lord, really, I just need You.

I'm tired and I can't do this on my own. I'm tired of my body and it being tired. I wish all the weight would just come off overnight. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow morning and it just to be gone, and I could just fit into my old clothes again. But I don't think that would solve all my problems. And I don't think the body is supposed to work that way. It's supposed to be slow, change needs to be gradual.

Lord, please give me patience.

Help me to run to You in my stresses. Help me to run to You even when I don't want to. Thank You for Your Word that reminds me that I haven't resisted sin to the point of bloodshed yet. I pray that the pull of my sin would lose it's grip on me. Lead me Holy Spirit. Show me exactly what I need to do in each moment so I can follow you completely.

I need You.

Monday, April 7, 2014

An Epiphany from The Lord

I really want to spend more than 15 minutes with God in the mornings.

That was my complaint this morning.

Honestly, I have a cold and Simeon kept me up for part of the night last night so I gave myself an extra 45 mins to sleep in… so today it was only 15 minutes.

Lord, help me to spend more time with You today. I need it.

Thankfully God does speak in small segments at times and His mercies are rich to us sleep-deprived moms. He gently leads those with young.

I had decided a while back to just start in Genesis and read through the Bible. I got a new one and it's not marked up (I LOVE marking in my Bible, it's how I have engaging conversations with my Father). I am on chapter 22.

It was the passage where Abraham is asked to sacrifice Isaac. As a burnt offering. That's what my Bible said. Part of me kind of felt revolted by this. Really God? Are you really into human sacrifice? I know you didn't follow through on it, but you told Abraham to do it and isn't that kind of sadistic? Not only that, but God kept emphasizing in the text, "Your only son, the son whom you love…" Really God? Are you going to rub it in his face that this is his only son? The one that he loved?

After reading the whole passage and seeing again, "you have not held from me your only son, the son whom you love" it hit me.

It hit hard.

Oh wait, God did that. He sacrificed His only Son. The Son that He loved. He laid Him down. He caused Him to die a brutal death.

I realized the language God was using completely paralleled later scriptures that talk about how "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

I have been thinking about how Easter is coming ... more correctly, Resurrection Day is coming.

Every time I sing about the cross and His sacrifice it brings me to tears. Big gigantic tears, of how my savior bled and died, completely of His own freewill so that I could live.

Lord, thank You for giving Your only Son, the Son You love, to take our place and pay for our sin. I am in complete awe.