Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pregnancy again. :) part 16

Today I am 30 weeks. Mmmmm, that's a nice, even number, I like it. :) Ten more weeks to go. If she comes as early as Levi did I only have eight more. Eight weeks? Ten? That doesn't sound like very many. That's about 70 days. Okay, maybe that sounds like more.

I'm trying to figure out her kicks and wiggles. I'm praying she won't try to be breach. I think I've been feeling kicks down low the past few days, and she was breech at the Dr's office on Monday, I think. She still has some room to move, he said not to really be worried about it until I'm 34-36 weeks along. He also reminded me that babies can turn even in labor. (I don't think he said that to scare me, but to just encourage me). He was also all about me having a VBAC, (vaginal birth after cesarean), he said it would be better for me and for my baby. This is SO encouraging to hear at the Dr's office. Thank you Dr Simmons, it was the first time I got to meet you and you pretty much rocked. I'm just going to say the name of my clinic and OB on here in case anyone wants to know because I am such a fan of what they do and who they are. I go to Cornerstone and my official OB is Dr Singleton. I really decided I wanted to go there because I want to make every effort to have a successful VBAC as I can.

And now for my soapbox: If you are a new mother, expecting your first child and you have ANY reservations about your Dr, maybe he or she said something or did something that made you uncomfortable, maybe they want to "monitor you" for the whole labor (ie, make you wear belts that attach you to machines for the entire time you are at the hospital) maybe they laugh at your Birth Plan (if you don't know what that is, google it immediately please) I don't know, whatever it is, you need to remember something. YOU are the CUSTOMER. You are paying them and you can switch Dr's. I switched with Levi at 30 weeks. Granted, I didn't get into the clinic I really wanted to be in, but I got into a better clinic that was more natural childbirth friendly. I got with a Dr who wasn't going to try to control my birth. I'm just going to say this about the process too: it was easy. I didn't have to explain to my first OB why I didn't want her to be my Dr any more. I never saw her or her nurse, I just picked up my papers and took them to the new Dr.  It was not a big deal at all. I got my insurance switched over, it was all fine.

Now, I'm not saying we need to be all waffly and wavy from here to there and back again. But, if you are starting to feel reservations, I would get them checked out. Ask around about your Dr, ask people who had births like you want to have. Probably the best people to talk to are doulas. They are going to be the ones who have worked with every OB in your city, find the local natural childbirth classes and ask for a doula. I would just encourage you not to settle. Don't brush stuff under the rug if he or she makes a comment that makes you uncomfortable. If that's how it is for just a regular office visit, then what is it going to be like when you are in labor? A woman who is in labor needs as much support around her as possible. Not a Dr who is telling her she can't have this baby and will instill fear or make her feel vulnerable.

Whew, that's my soapbox. I've just had too many friends who didn't have good experiences and I want to warn others who might be going down that road. Be careful. Be watchful.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I cannot keep silent... part 2

I guess I could blog while it's burning in my bones. I think apathy too easily takes over, especially in the afternoons and when I'm tired. Especially when I feel too small or too weak. Especially when I'm in the comfort of my own home.

Today I went to a seminar about adoption. It was about abortion too. It was also about Eugenics and the effect it is still having on our society.

I am constantly amazed at the lies that have been woven into our culture. Lies that I have believed. Stuff that I take for granted, "this is just the way things are..." I don't even know where to start. I wish you all could have sat with me and heard this guy, Ryan Bomberger's message. If you are interested you can go to this website: Sounds like a weird title right? Well, their stance is that even ONE aborted is too many, just in case you wanted to get legalistic about it and try to complain. Oh well, anything you do, someone is always going to have a problem with it.

I'm not going to try to explain everything. I don't think that I can. In fact, I think I'm getting overwhelmed right now as I write. Honestly, I'm just a middle class white girl. So who am I to be spreading a message about how abortion is a genocide of our babies, particularly black babies. It was intended to be that way. A woman named Margaret Sanger started Planned Parenthood. She believed that black people were inferior to white people and started the Negro Project where she tried to get the black population "under control" by passing out birth control. If you want the whole story click here. It's pretty sickening. And scary.

The truth is that we here in modern day America are allowing abortions to take place every day. 14,000 babies are killed in abortions on a daily basis, white, black, hispanic... it doesn't matter their heritage or their skin color. And you know what I do? Nothing. That might be the saddest part. These babies are never allowed breath in their lungs to even cry out. Helpless? Yes, that would the epitome of helplessness. Psalm 82:3 says,
"Defend the weak and the fatherless,
uphold the cause of the poor and oppressed."  
Have I done this? Maybe I've blogged about it a few times. Yes, I go volunteer at the Crisis Pregnancy Center on Thursday mornings... but really, isn't there something more? Oh my goodness, I want to weep because here I am, sitting my in my nice, comfy chair in my nice warm house on my nice little computer. I know I will have enough food, I'm being distracted by looking at my new Pintrest account and finding things to repin, I am on FB looking at pictures of friends, scrolling down my home feed, I am searching youtube for more Duggar videos I can watch...

Am I really torn up about this? Like, knock down, drag out, torn up. Am I really angry? Do I really have a passion for this thing or am I just letting it stroll on by?

As I was driving home I thought about what Ryan said. Adoption is a scary thing for me. I'm just gonna be honest about that. I have talked to my husband about it like once. I am probably more willing than he is, but I was so okay with him not wanting to adopt that I just dropped it and moved on, probably felt relieved.

Ryan said one of the main problems with the Pro Life movement is that adoption is an afterthought.  It's an afterthought. This is kind of silly isn't it? All these "unplanned" pregnancies that we are fighting for women to keep their babies, but what if they don't have the resources to keep the child? Man, I don't want to paint this in a negative light because I do have a friend who chose to single parent her children and I don't want to lessen what she is doing. At least she chose life for those two babies. But really, we have demonized adoption in our culture. We think that because a child is adopted they will always "feel" like an outsider. Or we think that it will have damaging effects on a mother, don't get me wrong, that has got to be THE hardest thing in the world to carry a child for nine months and then release them to another family, but it's a lot better than taking that child's life before they are born. Maybe some of you can't believe me right now, but it's true, we see it often where the woman would rather abort her baby than give it up for adoption. Let me put that another way, she would rather have her baby killed in her womb than make a choice to save the baby's life, give him or her a chance at a better life than she could afford to give. Yes, we see it quite often.

If I am so pro-life why have I not considered adopting or foster parenting? This is something I need to pray about. 

I'm so sorry if this is offensive. I don't want to offend, but at the same time, I'm not going to gloss over. I'm not going to be silent. Children are a gift from God, I am convinced that there are no "accidents" and that each child as a purpose. Right now I'm thinking of the 14,000 purposes that were destroyed today.

I gotta go. Gotta pray.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Life with Levi part 3

Man, I did not want to blog today. Okay, yes I did. Right now I feel like I "deserve" to just sit around and watch shows on my computer, vege (I don't know how to spell this one) out, and just wait for my husband to come home. Ben's working late tonight because he has an install for his job. It doesn't happen that often and this time makes me grateful that he doesn't have a job that normally goes this late. I definitely missed him when it was time to put Levi down, I think it's just the fact that I have to lift a 30 pound kid into his crib while 28 weeks prego, that's the hard part.

If you saw my FB post you know that Levi has croup. Not cool. At all. Ben had croup a couple of times as a kid and had pneumonia a lot. His mom said one year he had it six times. Turns out that Ben had really bad allergies. He was allergic to everything the allergist tested him for. So if you have a kid who is prone to these kinds of things I would recommend you get them checked out for allergies. I think we will take Levi in to get him tested for allergies as soon as we can.

Maybe the scariest part of croup is just the fact that the child is having trouble breathing. Their throat closes up and they tend to kind of panic trying to catch their breath. Yesterday that happened a few times, so we got in the shower and steamed him up good. Then everyone suggested taking him out into the cold. That helped at 4:30 this morning. Levi woke up crying and struggling to breathe so I wrapped his blanket around him and ran him to the front porch. Thankfully it was chilly and raining after being in his warm, humid room. (We only have a heat humidifier, we're looking at investing in a cooler one). Probably the biggest blessing/surprise/Godsend of the night was when a friend messaged me on FB asking if she could bring over some essential oils that are supposed to help with croup.  I was thinking "I will take whatever I can get" I didn't know how they would help or if they would. I have been slathering him with Vicks Baby Rub almost every night both on his feet and chest. Levi has gotten so that he lifts up his shirt so I can put it on. My friend came in and Levi was crying and coughing. She showed me which ones to put on him and how to mix it with vegetable oil and within minutes he was just sitting there and looking at her. Poor little guy and his big brown eyes, he must have been so tired. He had only slept for about an hour that day when his naps are usually 2-3 hours.

That night he slept most of the night. He did have some coughing spells about every hour or so, but no hysterical crying, just coughing and then going back to sleep. He did have the one episode at 4:30 but then didn't wake up again until 7:30 when we woke him up to leave for the Dr's.  I ran in for every cough so, needless to say, I didn't sleep much.

This afternoon I laid down when he did. Ben had come home for lunch and let me shower.  Then I put Levi down around 12:30, he maybe fell asleep around one. Well, around 2 he started coughing really bad. I broke a cardinal rule for naptimes (you don't go in their room or else they will see you and want to get up) and ran in. I scooped him up and brought him outside once again. Praise the Lord he stopped coughing. They say it is the shock of the cold air that opens the passage ways. I thought, "Great, now it's going to be another long afternoon, now that I have really woken him up with this cold air." He had this glassy, far off look in his eyes. He wanted to push the button for the doorbell. Sigh. Okay. Then we went inside to his room. He was asking for "food, food" and we sat down with our oils once again. I put them on him, the lavender, the RC, the Peace and Calm and he slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. I couldn't believe it. That's when you know you child is sick, when they fall asleep in your arms and you don't normally do that.

Levi is sleeping right now. Maybe it was the sterroid inhaler, maybe it is the oils, or the medicine we got from the Dr, but things are starting to look a LOT better.

I think I might actually get to sleep tonight.

Oh yes, and if you want to know where to get the oils you can go to 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Pregnancy again. :) part 15

I have thought about blogging so many times this week that I thought I already had... The brain plays funny tricks on you sometimes doesn't it?

We are on week 28. It's official today. 12 more weeks and then baby Aria will be here. Only 12, that doesn't sound like a lot, but it really kinda is.

This morning I was able to take a short walk. I realized I hadn't walked since last Friday and I wasn't walking nearly as much as I did with Levi. I think that's because it just takes more to go for a walk when you have an almost two year old running around. I have to get clothes on him, he has to cooperate in getting shoes or pants or whatever it is since it's not 80 degrees at 7 am in anymore. Then there is the battle of getting him into the stroller, the extra energy it takes to push a stroller (I am sooooo lame, yes, feel free to laugh at me, but it really makes a difference, I promise). Then when we come home he wants to play in the yard for a little while and ask to play in the hose even though the answer is ALWAYS "no" and then I have to get him to come inside. I have many choices in that arena, it's usually always a struggle. I can spank him, drag him, carry him, threaten him with a spanking (not very effective) bribe him... so really, walks are not this peaceful, relaxing thing anymore. It's fine if I don't have anything to do that day. I just let him do whatever, but this morning I needed to get in the shower and get dressed ... it's exhausting.

I just got a workbook about belly mapping. I kind of sort of looked through it the other day. It's sitting on my counter right now. I need to do that. I've been feeling kicks everywhere so I don't think she's gotten in position yet. I need to put aside my paranoia and just focus on learning about where she's at.

This past weekend was a tiny bit of a scare. Almost all day Friday I was nauseated and having some really firm contractions (not painful, but could feel my uterus tightening). I called my Dr (yes, I am resourceful and got his cell phone number from my father-in-law) now I know I can just call the emergency line my clinic offers. It didn't feel like an emergency, but it was something to be concerned about... I ended up going up to the hospital just to get on the monitors and measure Aria's heart rate or whatever. They were totally full. So full that a woman was in labor in the waiting room. Yikes. She was definitely having a hard contraction when we went by. I knew I wasn't going to be seen for a WHILE and thought I would be more comfortable at home anyways, so we went home and I just drank tons of water. That seemed to make things better. Then I threw up around 2 in the morning. That sucked. Saturday was just tiring and I did my best to just take it easy. I'm really thankful Ben was home and could help with Levi, I don't know what I would have done without him.

I think what I learned overall was that I was distracted on Friday and just forgot to drink and fill my water quota. Having a little one running around can be very distracting. So I am being very very concious about getting enough water in my days. I'm feeling much better :).

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Granola Recipe

I have never posted a recipe before, but this morning I was just sitting here eating this AMAZING granola and thought, "why not share this with the world?" My friend was surprised when I told her I made my own granola. It's really easy to make, so I just thought I would share.

I got it from a cookbook I have called "The Peach Tree Tea Room Cookbook"
and it's titled Sally's Granola

3 cups rolled oats
1 cup coconut (I used sweetened)
1/2 cup wheat germ
1/2 cup wheat bran (I didn't have these two items so I just put in whole wheat flour and added some whole flaxseeds)
2 cups chopped nuts and seeds, she recommends cashews, walnuts, sunflower seeds, and almonds, you can't go wrong. I used almonds, pecans, and peanuts (that's what I had and they were CHEAP:))
1 cup honey
3/4 cup oil
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 cups of raisins (I left these out because I have "issues" with raisins... yes, "issues" Ben can add them afterwards if he wants)

1. Combine first five ingredients in a large bowl
2. In a small bowl combine honey, oil and vanilla
3. Toss with oat-nut mixture, coating thoroughly. Place in a large shallow pan and bake at 300-325 for 45 to 60 minutes or until dry and toasty looking, stirring every 10 minutes. Add raisins after cooked. Allow to cool and refrigerate in airtight containers

Makes 9 cups

There you go. I love the heartiness of this recipe and just how I know everything that is going into it. It pretty much beats the snot out of the grocery store brand.

Here's my pic of the finished product.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Pregnancy again. :) part 14

So my stomach is now being pushed up into my ribs... I've realized sometimes that when I bend over I get heartburn. It's not really anything that I eat, it's more like there's no where else for my stomach acids to go... sorry, that's too much information, I shouldn't have said that.

Hello third trimester, I had forgotten all about you after Levi was born. You were just this faint memory of having to pee all the time, difficulty bending over or getting up, I had forgotten this part. I never realized just how much I use my abs, I had taken for granted how easy it is to bend over and pick something up. Hello week 27.

I'm trying to be more careful about the position of Aria than I was with Levi. I wasn't quite sure what was going on with him, the Dr told me that he was head down so I just believed him. I didn't pay much attention to kicks and things, so I wonder how long Levi was breech. I'm trying to sit up as much as possible so that she won't be facing the wrong way, it just feels like I can't really relax sometimes.  I think I'm going to order the workbook for belly mapping. You can get it here if you are interested. I think just to be aware of what is going on will be good. I want to take as many steps towards a VBAC as I can.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Well, tomorrow I will officially be 27 weeks.  Now, 40 weeks doesn't sound that long when you hear about it, but really, it's just 12 weeks shy of a year. I have had to fight a lot of discontentment. I think that's a struggle in pregnancy because you keep looking forward to when you can hold your baby in your arms, when you can just take a break from life and have that new honeymoon time with your sweet little newborn baby. You don't think about all the crying, the struggles with nursing, the struggles with sleeping and schedules and them needing to gain weight or spitting up everything...

I want to be content with today. I want to thank God for today, not hope for tomorrow, not wish I was in the past. Just to be thankful for today.

I have had a rough time with Levi these past few days. I'm going to preface this by saying, I have a very good little boy. He is sweet and attentive and intelligent, but he also disobeys. What child doesn't disobey? If you don't believe that we are born with a natural tendency toward sin, you just need to parent a two year old. It actually starts around 18 months, they just round it up to two. After that you have the threes and then the fours and the fives and all those struggles in all those stages. Are you catching my drift? It's NEVER done. Romans 3:23 could never be truer: ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Okay, sorry, that was a bit of a tangent. Levi has now decided that every moment is a chase game. I am laughing in my head as I say this because it feels like EVERY time I ask him to come, I go to pick him up, I tell him we are going to change his diaper he gets this look in his eye that says "You gotta catch me first!" It feels a lot like if there is ANYTHING I want him to do, he won't do it. He wants to do the opposite of it. Even if it's a fun thing like getting in the car or reading a book, it's starting to feel manipulative. I'm wondering if he's trying to punish me because I was gone for a week, or maybe he's just trying to see what I will give in to. Either way, it has felt relentless. This morning he wanted me to read to him, so I went and sat down on the loveseat for us to read and he insisted on sitting on the couch. No, mommy's not going to move, you have two little legs, you can come sit on the loveseat. So he protested and protested. And I kept telling him, no, we are sitting on the loveseat. Finally, I thought, this is ridiculous, we are wasting time and he is whining, I'll just go sit on the couch. No lie, I hadn't been sitting there for five seconds when he got down and walked over to the loveseat and climbed up on it. Are you kidding me? No way Jose, I'm not doing this. I'm warring in my head? Do I punish him? Do I go do something else? Do I just sit here and wait for him to come back? I ended up sitting there and looking at him. He eventually came back, but I realized in that moment that he was testing me. Oh my gosh, to be controlled by a two year old... I've got to watch out for this stuff in the future. I mean, I can't let him control me like that. Lord, help me to be discerning of my child's heart. I love him, but I don't want him to think he can manipulate people into doing what he wants. Please help me Lord!

Today I am thankful for (in no particular order):
A smart little boy who is always surprising me
Decaf coffee in the afternoon
Lunch with an awesome friend
A husband who is solid, faithful and consistent
A beautiful house to live in
Our washing machine, dishwasher and other appliances that I take for granted every day
My yoga video
Being able to listen to Dave Ramsey podcasts
The living and active Word of God and how I get to put it on my walls and it speaks to me almost every day in a new way.
That I have hope beyond this short life we are living, I have hope that someday I won't live every day wishing for the future, I won't struggle with discontentment, my flesh won't be yearning, my spirit will be with my eternal Father, I won't struggle with loneliness or isolation, I won't struggle with trying to connect with friendships, fellowship will not get drowned out in business or just the fact that we live in a broken, fragmented world.

Life is good, life is beautiful.