Thursday, May 31, 2012

Being a mom of two

Okay, so why have a blog if you're never going to post anything? That's what I keep asking myself these days. The main problem is that I have two kids now and I never want to blog while they are awake. It's very difficult to finish a thought when you get interrupted what feels like every couple of minutes. It's like an adult ADD. I was telling Ben the other day that I was just trying to chop up an onion and I kept getting pulled away (disciplining Levi, Aria crying, phone calls...) I could have sworn I came back to that stupid onion about 6 times. This thing still isn't cut up?!

I'm learning the power of focus and planning. I have to keep telling myself what I will that day. Vacuum the living room, vacuum the living room... I put it on my "to do" list and have to rip myself away from wanting to put in a load of laundry just so I can do what I planned on doing. Laundry in general should be done on Laundry Day, deep cleaning on Deep Cleaning Day. I was at my SIL's house the other day and saw on the door of her pantry a list of every meal (and snacks) for the next MONTH. It was super simple, but still, it was PLANNED. So many times I'm staring into the pantry at 11:30 (we haven't had snacks because we were too busy playing or cleaning or wandering around the house) and Levi is whining because he's starving and I'm wondering what the heck am I going to feed this kid?!

So I decided to do it. I wrote out a plan of everything we would eat through Sunday and put it on our fridge. So far, so good. I noticed that this morning seemed unusually stress free and I realized I have spent a lot of time and energy worrying (in the back of my mind usually and I don't even notice it) about what I would fix for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Aria is still sleeping TONS. I'm not sure if this is normal for an almost 5 month old, but she is usually only awake for 1-1.5 hours then has to go back down for a nap and then naps anywhere from 1-3 hours. On top of this she sleeps through the night... maybe 10-12 hours. It's crazy. I keep telling her that she is spoiling me, but she seems okay with that.

Oh yeah, for a little while I was running low on milk for her and we had to give her a bottle at night. I started taking Fenugreek (two capsules three times a day) and it amped up my supply. Now we don't need a bottle. I just wanted to testify that that stuff WORKS. I bought it at Whole Foods in the Prenatal Health section.

I gotta go, a friend is coming over to visit this afternoon and I am excited to see her. Gotta put some coffee on!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Aria's Birth Story Pictures

Okay, so I have been wanting to post these ever since I got them. It's been a lot since I have received them from Debbie. I honestly don't know what to say about all of it. I'm kind of overwhelmed with wanting to put in captions but not sure if I actually can right now. I'll do my best. Here goes.

These are from Friday night. I had gone into "early labor" around one in the morning, so this is the next evening. I had no idea what was in store. Seriously. No idea.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Sometimes I'm just not good enough.

Okay, so I realize now that sometimes I hate reading blogs. I'm a blogger and I hate reading blogs... what?! Jody, you are crazy. Why is that?

You wanna know why? It's because they are too perfect. I'm talking about certain ones that are always thinking of ways to have these beautiful parties and perfect art projects with their kids. The ones that are growing things and baking cool things that are healthy and everything. I start to get really depressed about my life. Does anyone else do that? I sometimes think that if these bloggers would just read their blogs they would get depressed because they could never measure up to themselves.

So I guess that's why I'm so desperate to reveal my imperfections. Because I want other people to know that they are not alone.

I feel like people are always wanting to put their best forward whether on these social networks and I think it causes us to sink into this sort of fake comparison with each other. I can put really good looking pictures of myself and my family on these websites. I can post witty remarks. I can write deep thoughts. I want to be cared about so I want to post trivial things about my life, like the cool oatmeal raisin muffins that I ate for breakfast or the fact that my kid is the worst behaved kid on the planet or my baby is the cutest ever. But all this comes from the fact that I want to be cared about, I want to be noticed. I want to be seen.

Out of the overflow of the heart...

All of this is coming from my heart, my selfish desires, my fears of not being enough.

God, give me discernment. I'm thinking about when Jesus was talking to the Pharisees and he said that they were like whitewashed tombs which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside were full of dead men's bones. Father, let me not be prideful. Please let me be real and honest. Help me to live openly and freely in You. I get so distracted by little things and wanting to be seen and heard. Help me to be content in You.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Losing Weight part 4

Wow, I kind of don't even want to post about this right now. That's a horrible way to start out a blog post isn't it? I think there are several reasons. One is that there's not much to report. I don't have a scale so I don't really know if I have lost much day to day, my clothes maybe feel a little bit looser, but that's hard to tell... I don't know. I think another reason is because I was having this great morning accountability partner. Every morning we would call each other, I would go on my morning walk and she would be on her way to work (she works pretty early, leaves around 6:45-7 range) and we would talk about what we ate and why and if we had exercised and stuff. Well, of course I messed things up. I was pretty forward with kind of telling her to do stuff. Not just weight loss stuff, but life stuff. I am hesitant to write this because she will probably read it, though I'm not 100 percent sure. ... so how do I explain this? I messed up. I am big on speaking truth and speaking into others lives. I could name a few people that I have kind of crossed the line with in this area. Some of them have come back and told me that it hurt and I am so thankful for those people.

Over time I have realized that I'm not very good at flowering up things and putting them in terms that are super kind. I'm just not. I remember trying to tell one of my roommates in college that I had a problem with what she was doing, it was kind of a confrontation and she was like, "Jody, just tell me." I think this ability, trait, I don't know what you would call it, has cost me a few friendships and honestly, it kind of sucks.

Lord, help me to speak the truth in LOVE. I am really good at the truth part, but not so good at the love and seasoning my words with salt. I know I can be overwhelming sometimes and that's why I sometimes back off, that's why I'm afraid to say ANYTHING sometimes. I don't want to be afraid to speak, but I just want to be led by You. This is a hard thing to learn Father, I'm really bad at it. I want to hear the Holy Spirit's voice as if it were audible. Just TELL me what to say and how to say it. Please let my words and my heart be pleasing to You. Let me glorify You in my friendships. Teach me to love others and listen to them. I'm really bad at listening and just asking questions. How often do I just pass up what other people are saying or disengage so that I can think of what I want to say next? Please let me view others as more important than myself.

Yeah. So maybe this post wasn't as much about the outside of my body as it was about the inside.