The De-Cleanse. Detoxing from the detox...
I'll just start by saying I had an amazing time at the Crisis Pregnancy Center today. Had an incredible, real, honest conversation with a girl. Usually our meetings with clients are about 30-40 minutes, this one was at least an hour. We talked about everything. Her pregnancy test was negative and we talked about abstinence, I told her about Ben and my relationship, she told me about her past relationships and just was so open and honest. Toward the end of the conversation she looked at me and said, you know, God led me here today so I could talk to you. I needed to hear this stuff today. I needed to talk to someone about this stuff. Whoa. Driving home I was thinking about how when we get to talk to these girls they are at a crossroads. We meet them in a vulnerable time in their lives and we need to have compassion and love and just be honest with them. That's all they want. They don't want a sermon, they've been hearing sermons all their life, they want some good, practical wisdom. They want hope for their situation. A lot of times they just need someone to talk to them and lift them up. The Crisis Pregnancy Center is an open door and I have the privilege of standing on the other side of it.
So I just came off of this incredible high. I was used by the Lord and it was so good. So exciting.
I come home and tell Ben, he leaves to go back to the office, it's almost two o clock by the time I get to eat and I'm starving. Thankfully, I CAN eat. :) So I ate something healthy.
But it didn't feel like enough. The brownies Ben fixed last night are on top of the fridge and they are calling my name!! I'm sitting in front of my computer. I have a situation I am trying to figure out if I can schedule this music lesson in, can I do this or that, do I have someone to take care of Levi for this? So, I'm distracted thinking about my personal life. The brownies are still calling my name. I'm not starving anymore, but I'm feeling the lust for this food creeping into my heart. Sigh. I did so good today at the CPC and I deserve to take a break. I didn't eat any sugar all last week and this won't hurt me. I'm tired, this will fill me... Do you hear it? These are my excuses/justifications.
Thankfully, I have a blog. I have the accountability of YOU GUYS. Or y'all, as they say it in the south. Seriously, that was one of my thoughts. Another thought was: am I hungry or is this just a desire for more food? Lord, help me. I am weak.
I didn't eat the brownies. Did I say that yet? I left the kitchen, took my computer with me and I'm getting on here to just blog. It helps to talk it out. It helps to flee temptation. It helps to recognize the lies from the Tempter.
So, I'm gonna turn on the Dave Ramsey Show, lay down for a few minutes, regroup, regather and then clean my house.
Also, another thing that I can look forward to are those times when it WILL be appropriate to eat a brownie. When I am with the guests at my house, when I am at a party, maybe Ben and I will get some dessert on our date night tonight (we are going to celebrate our anniversary)... I never know what is around the corner. If I eat the sugar now, I won't enjoy it as much later. I will have feelings of guilt and not pleasure knowing that I have eaten too much sugar and so damaged my body that day. I feel like it's okay to have sugar, but I'm trying to learn MODERATION in my sugar consumption- this is a VERY difficult thing. More difficult than men know. :) Can I get an "Amen" from the women out there? Whether it's chocolate or sour candy or whatever it is, it's just a hard thing.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you learned as much as I did.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
A Bodily Cleansing :) part 11
So it's day two of my "uncleanse" I guess that's what you could call it. I'm determined not to free fall. Now that I have identified it I think it's easier for me to stay away from. I know those feelings and I'm not going to follow what they are telling me.
This morning I was so tired and so hungry. I just wanted to eat a bowl of cereal. In my flesh I wanted to eat some cereal and some sugary snack or something like that. I knew it wasn't what the Lord was calling me to do. I was busy and distracted and so I just prayed out loud, "Lord, please help me to eat what you want me to eat, give me energy for what I need to do today." I kept that spirit in my heart. Thirty or forty minutes later I felt like I needed to juice something. I juiced some carrots and half a cucumber, some kale (never had kale before and it was pretty good) and a cutie (a small orange). It was great. I was hungry and tired for that in between time but I felt like I was walking in obedience, waiting to hear from the Lord.
Maybe it is not only my body that is being cleansed, but my spirit as well. That's probably what fasting is all about.
Also, I found out this morning that I am, in fact, not pregnant. No, I didn't have to take a pregnancy test. :) I guess I have two different emotions at this fact. One is relief and happiness that I have been given at least one more month as a normal person with a normal body to be with my husband and my son and to do my work at the church with. The other was disappointment. I would love to have a baby again soon. Little do people know, but it takes a LONG time to make a baby. Any woman who has ever been pregnant could tell you that. Maybe if she's had three kids in three years or something that will not be her story. But I want our kids to be close together. Levi is already 16 months so he would be two if we were to get pregnant now. I like two years apart. Some of you are balking at me right now thinking I'm crazy. I'm totally okay with that.
So, those are my thoughts about my de-cleanse and my finding out that I am not pregnant. I'm WAY to open about my life. Probably should have caution signs on this blog, "read with the preparation that you are going to know details that are very personal."
I hope you enjoy it.
This morning I was so tired and so hungry. I just wanted to eat a bowl of cereal. In my flesh I wanted to eat some cereal and some sugary snack or something like that. I knew it wasn't what the Lord was calling me to do. I was busy and distracted and so I just prayed out loud, "Lord, please help me to eat what you want me to eat, give me energy for what I need to do today." I kept that spirit in my heart. Thirty or forty minutes later I felt like I needed to juice something. I juiced some carrots and half a cucumber, some kale (never had kale before and it was pretty good) and a cutie (a small orange). It was great. I was hungry and tired for that in between time but I felt like I was walking in obedience, waiting to hear from the Lord.
Maybe it is not only my body that is being cleansed, but my spirit as well. That's probably what fasting is all about.
Also, I found out this morning that I am, in fact, not pregnant. No, I didn't have to take a pregnancy test. :) I guess I have two different emotions at this fact. One is relief and happiness that I have been given at least one more month as a normal person with a normal body to be with my husband and my son and to do my work at the church with. The other was disappointment. I would love to have a baby again soon. Little do people know, but it takes a LONG time to make a baby. Any woman who has ever been pregnant could tell you that. Maybe if she's had three kids in three years or something that will not be her story. But I want our kids to be close together. Levi is already 16 months so he would be two if we were to get pregnant now. I like two years apart. Some of you are balking at me right now thinking I'm crazy. I'm totally okay with that.
So, those are my thoughts about my de-cleanse and my finding out that I am not pregnant. I'm WAY to open about my life. Probably should have caution signs on this blog, "read with the preparation that you are going to know details that are very personal."
I hope you enjoy it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A Bodily Cleansing :) part 10
Hm, how do I start this post? I sit and wonder how to confess what I have done. ...
I sort of feel like there is all this pressure on me (since I'm blogging about this) to be perfect and amazing and just have the most amazing results. Now that I step back I bit I realize that is a false perception.
I haven't been able to walk the past two days because of the weather. I feel like that's okay though, I don't want to be too hard on myself. Something has been gnawing in the back of my mind though, "I'm not doing that great. I'm not perfect." Last week I was perfect. This week I seem to be anything but perfect.
This afternoon I found myself eating cashews. Cashews? Really? They were in the pantry and then I got them out. Later on I picked them up and started eating them. "What in the world am I doing?" I thought. It kind of shook me.
Okay, if you have ever been on a hardcore diet or even a fast or something, it's like you begin to feel yourself free falling. You were in the sky and doing amazingly and feeling amazing and doing everything extra perfectly and eating exactly the amount of calories, drinking exactly the same water... and then somebody says something and it starts to unearth you. Then you feel strange and it makes you question things. Then you think, I'll just have this one thing and that's when you begin your free fall. That's just the beginning. Then there is no stopping because if you ate that one little thing that was kind of borderline then it's really justifiable to eat this other thing too, and, well I broke that rule so I might as well break this big one over here.
It was kind of a crazy day. I had a meeting, taught a piano lesson, visited a friend who had a baby, had worship team practice, Levi's sleeping was totally weird and his nap wasn't long enough. (This makes him have a constant whine, it's pretty much like fingernails on a chalkboard and you try to do anything you can to make it stop.) This afternoon I would go over and give him this little food (he gets himself pretty messy so you have to be careful what you give him and how you give it to him). Then I would go over here and do this thing on the computer, check this text message. Whoops, somebody is calling, should I start dinner? I really really want to go see my friend who just had her precious baby (it was amazing to hold her!!)
I was totally scattered. I didn't get dinner in the oven. Ben came home and nothing was done I was just standing in the kitchen blankly staring at him saying, "I didn't have time to fix the chicken, we have to go to worship team practice, I'm sorry you're hungry." I failed as a wife. And on top of that, I failed on my anniversary. I started to juice something and it just felt wrong. I didn't want the stupid juice. Ben was tired from being in and out of meetings all day and Levi was a mess. I pulled out the whole grain bread I got a Whole Foods and put some honey mustard and then the leftover calzone fillings from yesterday, stuck it in the toaster. Ben didn't want it. (It really frustrates me when Ben doesn't want food that I just "throw" together. If I take time to fix something and it's good, he LOVES it. Sometimes I don't care if he loves it or not, just eat it, it's food. :) So I ate it. I was hungry and I wanted to justify what I had done.
In explanation for this seemingly spur of the moment decision, I was thinking that I needed to stop the cleanse soon. I needed to start integrating things back into my life. I had been thinking all day about how I would do this. I think I imagined that it would be this perfect moment from heaven and the food I integrated back into my diet would come down on a plate with wings and a bright light that said, "well done, my good and faithful servant."
The weird part is that I began to feel that pull. When we came home from worship team practice (all three of us go) I saw the leftovers on the counter and it had been so good (everything is "so good" when you are not eating anything:)) and so I finished it. Honestly, it wasn't even a full meal's worth. But I began to feel myself magnetically pulled toward the pantry and the refrigerator. I thought, I need to juice something, hm, don't those strawberries look nice, oh yeah, that dried fruit in the pantry is good, I should have some oatmeal too... Thankfully, Ben was in the kitchen with me. He was cleaning and I was wanting to start grazing.
I started to talk out loud and say "I feel like I have broken this huge rule. I have done something that is irreversible." He asked me what in the world I was talking about. "You know," I said, "this cleanse thing, by eating that food I broke a rule and now I need to go plummeting down into the depths."
"Jody, I have never broken a rule of a diet, do you know why?"
"Because you have never been on a diet?"
"Exactly."
Shut up Ben, I don't need this right now. That's what I wanted to say. But the cool thing about Ben is he doesn't say things pridefully, he just says them logically.
"Yeah, but didn't you ever struggle with your eating when you went from swimming several hours a day to not swimming at all?"
"I think I just always ate what I wanted to eat" He said. "When I was swimming I could eat two big macs and felt great, but now if I ate two big macs it would make me want to throw up."
"Yeah, but when you are those big macs you had a good feeling right? Didn't you ever think when you were sad, if only I could have two big macs like that one time, then I would feel better."
He looked at me for a minute. Then he said, "I think as a man I compartmentalize those things. Food has its own little compartment. When I'm in that compartment I enjoy the food, I love the food, but I don't associate it with other good feelings. I think that women, who are all connected might tend to associate the feelings food gave them and try to mimic them in other situations. Maybe that's why women struggle with emotional eating more than men would."
Such wisdom there in our kitchen. I associate guilt with food, good feelings with food, boredom with food...
I think food needs to be put back in its proper place.
Lord, help me. My heart is prone towards selfishness, please help me to trust in You. Help me not to be prideful, but to walk humbly with You. I don't want to diet just for the sake of dieting. I want to learn from You the proper place for food.
I sort of feel like there is all this pressure on me (since I'm blogging about this) to be perfect and amazing and just have the most amazing results. Now that I step back I bit I realize that is a false perception.
I haven't been able to walk the past two days because of the weather. I feel like that's okay though, I don't want to be too hard on myself. Something has been gnawing in the back of my mind though, "I'm not doing that great. I'm not perfect." Last week I was perfect. This week I seem to be anything but perfect.
This afternoon I found myself eating cashews. Cashews? Really? They were in the pantry and then I got them out. Later on I picked them up and started eating them. "What in the world am I doing?" I thought. It kind of shook me.
Okay, if you have ever been on a hardcore diet or even a fast or something, it's like you begin to feel yourself free falling. You were in the sky and doing amazingly and feeling amazing and doing everything extra perfectly and eating exactly the amount of calories, drinking exactly the same water... and then somebody says something and it starts to unearth you. Then you feel strange and it makes you question things. Then you think, I'll just have this one thing and that's when you begin your free fall. That's just the beginning. Then there is no stopping because if you ate that one little thing that was kind of borderline then it's really justifiable to eat this other thing too, and, well I broke that rule so I might as well break this big one over here.
It was kind of a crazy day. I had a meeting, taught a piano lesson, visited a friend who had a baby, had worship team practice, Levi's sleeping was totally weird and his nap wasn't long enough. (This makes him have a constant whine, it's pretty much like fingernails on a chalkboard and you try to do anything you can to make it stop.) This afternoon I would go over and give him this little food (he gets himself pretty messy so you have to be careful what you give him and how you give it to him). Then I would go over here and do this thing on the computer, check this text message. Whoops, somebody is calling, should I start dinner? I really really want to go see my friend who just had her precious baby (it was amazing to hold her!!)
I was totally scattered. I didn't get dinner in the oven. Ben came home and nothing was done I was just standing in the kitchen blankly staring at him saying, "I didn't have time to fix the chicken, we have to go to worship team practice, I'm sorry you're hungry." I failed as a wife. And on top of that, I failed on my anniversary. I started to juice something and it just felt wrong. I didn't want the stupid juice. Ben was tired from being in and out of meetings all day and Levi was a mess. I pulled out the whole grain bread I got a Whole Foods and put some honey mustard and then the leftover calzone fillings from yesterday, stuck it in the toaster. Ben didn't want it. (It really frustrates me when Ben doesn't want food that I just "throw" together. If I take time to fix something and it's good, he LOVES it. Sometimes I don't care if he loves it or not, just eat it, it's food. :) So I ate it. I was hungry and I wanted to justify what I had done.
In explanation for this seemingly spur of the moment decision, I was thinking that I needed to stop the cleanse soon. I needed to start integrating things back into my life. I had been thinking all day about how I would do this. I think I imagined that it would be this perfect moment from heaven and the food I integrated back into my diet would come down on a plate with wings and a bright light that said, "well done, my good and faithful servant."
The weird part is that I began to feel that pull. When we came home from worship team practice (all three of us go) I saw the leftovers on the counter and it had been so good (everything is "so good" when you are not eating anything:)) and so I finished it. Honestly, it wasn't even a full meal's worth. But I began to feel myself magnetically pulled toward the pantry and the refrigerator. I thought, I need to juice something, hm, don't those strawberries look nice, oh yeah, that dried fruit in the pantry is good, I should have some oatmeal too... Thankfully, Ben was in the kitchen with me. He was cleaning and I was wanting to start grazing.
I started to talk out loud and say "I feel like I have broken this huge rule. I have done something that is irreversible." He asked me what in the world I was talking about. "You know," I said, "this cleanse thing, by eating that food I broke a rule and now I need to go plummeting down into the depths."
"Jody, I have never broken a rule of a diet, do you know why?"
"Because you have never been on a diet?"
"Exactly."
Shut up Ben, I don't need this right now. That's what I wanted to say. But the cool thing about Ben is he doesn't say things pridefully, he just says them logically.
"Yeah, but didn't you ever struggle with your eating when you went from swimming several hours a day to not swimming at all?"
"I think I just always ate what I wanted to eat" He said. "When I was swimming I could eat two big macs and felt great, but now if I ate two big macs it would make me want to throw up."
"Yeah, but when you are those big macs you had a good feeling right? Didn't you ever think when you were sad, if only I could have two big macs like that one time, then I would feel better."
He looked at me for a minute. Then he said, "I think as a man I compartmentalize those things. Food has its own little compartment. When I'm in that compartment I enjoy the food, I love the food, but I don't associate it with other good feelings. I think that women, who are all connected might tend to associate the feelings food gave them and try to mimic them in other situations. Maybe that's why women struggle with emotional eating more than men would."
Such wisdom there in our kitchen. I associate guilt with food, good feelings with food, boredom with food...
I think food needs to be put back in its proper place.
Lord, help me. My heart is prone towards selfishness, please help me to trust in You. Help me not to be prideful, but to walk humbly with You. I don't want to diet just for the sake of dieting. I want to learn from You the proper place for food.
Anniversary
Three years ago today Ben and I said "I do."
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... we said that we would. :)
Two years ago (a few days after our anniversary) Ben was laid off from Verizon (formerly Alltel). It was a call on the morning of March 31st. We had just finished a three-day backpacking trip and were heading home. His phone found service and he had about 12 missed calls. Some were from the VP of IT ... it was either gonna be really good or really bad. We were thinking he would be let go soon, he was getting less and less work from his supervisors. It was kind of a blessing to just be released. That afternoon I took a pregnancy test. I thought I was, just as we were packing for the trip I realized I hadn't had a period since January. It was the end of March. And I was. It showed up positive and Ben and I just sat on the floor and cried. Me in his arms, tears of joy mixed with sadness ran down our faces.
The strangest part about that whole period of me being pregnant, living in his parent's house, him without a job... we never really panicked. Maybe it's that we aren't panicky people. I've chosen to reject the worrying mentality from my mom and I make a conscious decision not to worry or fear. Jesus says LET not your hearts be troubled. I think that implies that we can have control over it.
We prayed about if we should look for a job in Nashville so I could further my music career, but it felt strange to move away when I was going to have a baby. I wanted to be here in town with my family and Ben's family. We felt like the Lord was wanting us to just stay here. Side note: I was never supposed to stay here. I was supposed to be the one who would live on the other side of the world. I was gonna life in Tibet or Thailand or South America. I was gonna be on the road singing and writing music. I wasn't gonna get married or have kids... How Ben changed all of that for me. How much GOD changed that for me.
I remember when I first started to really get to know Ben and he was upfront about how he liked me and we had similar backgrounds and his strengths complimented my weaknesses and he loved the Lord and was willing to follow God anywhere. We both had a love for music, he wanted me to take opportunities with my music, he wanted to encourage me to write songs, I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his family too. I would write letters to him. I saw him every day and I would still write letters to him. He would write letters and emails to me. Every night we either ate at my parent's house or his parent's house for dinner. I had seen him serve in our ministry.
Okay, one thing that I love about Ben and guys like him will never get enough credit for is that he loves to serve. He came every Monday and helped set up for Chi Alpha and it took up most of his day. He's not the guy who is in the front talking to all his friends, being the popular, funny guy who is awesome and cool and everyone wants to be around. No. He's fun if you get to know him, but he's not super outgoing (I'm the outgoing one of the two of us, unafraid of getting up in front of people, etc) No, but he is a servant and a hard worker. He is also faithful. He has a friend whom he has remained friends with since he was 12. They still talk on the phone almost every day. If you really want to be Ben's friend he will be your friend for life.
Okay, what am I talking about? I feel like I'm rambling.
Oh yeah, Ben found a BETTER job 3 months later. Better pay, better co-workers, more challenging. It was like new life was breathed into my husband. The severance and money saved by living with Ben's parents allowed us to put a down payment on a house.
We had Levi in November. I told someone today, even though you have nine months to prepare for a baby coming into your lives, there is no way you can actually prepare for a baby. You have no idea the change that they bring. It sort of felt like a rod had been thrown into the spokes of our wheels and everything comes to s screeching halt. Then after a while you sort of get going again. Three months is better, six months is better than that, nine months, and after a year it's completely second-nature. We couldn't imagine our life without Levi. He is a joy in our home. I would be so bored... I think too that I would be dissatisfied?... More selfish? ... I don't want to say that if you don't have a kid you will be selfish and dissatisfied, but I do want to caution people who don't want to have kids, choose to wait a really long time to have kids... I don't know, there's something so good and healthy about having a baby. I have friends who are trying to get pregnant and who are really really wanting a baby. I pray for those friends that they WOULD be blessed or if they need to adopt that they would be led in that area.
Another rabbit trail I see. My apologies.
This morning as Ben and I were sitting on the couch and praying we were just in awe of the things that the Lord had done in us and through us in just three short years. It feels like it has been forever, but at the same time not long enough.
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... we said that we would. :)
Two years ago (a few days after our anniversary) Ben was laid off from Verizon (formerly Alltel). It was a call on the morning of March 31st. We had just finished a three-day backpacking trip and were heading home. His phone found service and he had about 12 missed calls. Some were from the VP of IT ... it was either gonna be really good or really bad. We were thinking he would be let go soon, he was getting less and less work from his supervisors. It was kind of a blessing to just be released. That afternoon I took a pregnancy test. I thought I was, just as we were packing for the trip I realized I hadn't had a period since January. It was the end of March. And I was. It showed up positive and Ben and I just sat on the floor and cried. Me in his arms, tears of joy mixed with sadness ran down our faces.
The strangest part about that whole period of me being pregnant, living in his parent's house, him without a job... we never really panicked. Maybe it's that we aren't panicky people. I've chosen to reject the worrying mentality from my mom and I make a conscious decision not to worry or fear. Jesus says LET not your hearts be troubled. I think that implies that we can have control over it.
We prayed about if we should look for a job in Nashville so I could further my music career, but it felt strange to move away when I was going to have a baby. I wanted to be here in town with my family and Ben's family. We felt like the Lord was wanting us to just stay here. Side note: I was never supposed to stay here. I was supposed to be the one who would live on the other side of the world. I was gonna life in Tibet or Thailand or South America. I was gonna be on the road singing and writing music. I wasn't gonna get married or have kids... How Ben changed all of that for me. How much GOD changed that for me.
I remember when I first started to really get to know Ben and he was upfront about how he liked me and we had similar backgrounds and his strengths complimented my weaknesses and he loved the Lord and was willing to follow God anywhere. We both had a love for music, he wanted me to take opportunities with my music, he wanted to encourage me to write songs, I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his family too. I would write letters to him. I saw him every day and I would still write letters to him. He would write letters and emails to me. Every night we either ate at my parent's house or his parent's house for dinner. I had seen him serve in our ministry.
Okay, one thing that I love about Ben and guys like him will never get enough credit for is that he loves to serve. He came every Monday and helped set up for Chi Alpha and it took up most of his day. He's not the guy who is in the front talking to all his friends, being the popular, funny guy who is awesome and cool and everyone wants to be around. No. He's fun if you get to know him, but he's not super outgoing (I'm the outgoing one of the two of us, unafraid of getting up in front of people, etc) No, but he is a servant and a hard worker. He is also faithful. He has a friend whom he has remained friends with since he was 12. They still talk on the phone almost every day. If you really want to be Ben's friend he will be your friend for life.
Okay, what am I talking about? I feel like I'm rambling.
Oh yeah, Ben found a BETTER job 3 months later. Better pay, better co-workers, more challenging. It was like new life was breathed into my husband. The severance and money saved by living with Ben's parents allowed us to put a down payment on a house.
We had Levi in November. I told someone today, even though you have nine months to prepare for a baby coming into your lives, there is no way you can actually prepare for a baby. You have no idea the change that they bring. It sort of felt like a rod had been thrown into the spokes of our wheels and everything comes to s screeching halt. Then after a while you sort of get going again. Three months is better, six months is better than that, nine months, and after a year it's completely second-nature. We couldn't imagine our life without Levi. He is a joy in our home. I would be so bored... I think too that I would be dissatisfied?... More selfish? ... I don't want to say that if you don't have a kid you will be selfish and dissatisfied, but I do want to caution people who don't want to have kids, choose to wait a really long time to have kids... I don't know, there's something so good and healthy about having a baby. I have friends who are trying to get pregnant and who are really really wanting a baby. I pray for those friends that they WOULD be blessed or if they need to adopt that they would be led in that area.
Another rabbit trail I see. My apologies.
This morning as Ben and I were sitting on the couch and praying we were just in awe of the things that the Lord had done in us and through us in just three short years. It feels like it has been forever, but at the same time not long enough.
A Bodily Cleansing :) part 9
Update:
I'm still doing the cleanse. Still juicing a lot of stuff. Still eating fruits and vegetables when I'm hungry. Two nights ago I was pretty cold so I steamed some broccoli with a little greek seasoning and some olive oil. It was so good. Levi loved it too :) All of this has challenged me to feed him more veggies in an effort to give him good vitamins and minerals for him to grow with. It's so tempting to just give your kid what is "easy" to give them. They don't always like the other stuff at first, so you have to keep giving it to them and keep giving it... I want to make sure he has a taste for all kinds of vegetables, even the ones I don't like as much.
My energy level is pretty high these past few days. I'm thinking I'll re-introduce meat very gradually into my system, just a little at a time. I got some Laura's ground beef on sale the other day. It felt like a little gift from God to me :)
I'm starting to take this thing I got a while back at GNC called Physellium Seed Husk (I think that's how it's spelled. I'm too lazy to get up and look right now.) Anyways, it's a natural fiber and I'm hoping it will do well. I'm contemplating getting some Barley Max to take for a while.
On the side, there is always a possibility that I could be pregnant, in that I haven't started my period yet. I am not late, I haven't taken a test, but I could just be in the first week or two or something like that. You can read my story about all of that here
So I'm thinking that I will probably need to be eating enough fat and protein, calcium, things like that if I am. I'm thinking that it won't hurt anything right now anyways. If y'all could pray for wisdom for me in that I would love it.
I'm still doing the cleanse. Still juicing a lot of stuff. Still eating fruits and vegetables when I'm hungry. Two nights ago I was pretty cold so I steamed some broccoli with a little greek seasoning and some olive oil. It was so good. Levi loved it too :) All of this has challenged me to feed him more veggies in an effort to give him good vitamins and minerals for him to grow with. It's so tempting to just give your kid what is "easy" to give them. They don't always like the other stuff at first, so you have to keep giving it to them and keep giving it... I want to make sure he has a taste for all kinds of vegetables, even the ones I don't like as much.
My energy level is pretty high these past few days. I'm thinking I'll re-introduce meat very gradually into my system, just a little at a time. I got some Laura's ground beef on sale the other day. It felt like a little gift from God to me :)
I'm starting to take this thing I got a while back at GNC called Physellium Seed Husk (I think that's how it's spelled. I'm too lazy to get up and look right now.) Anyways, it's a natural fiber and I'm hoping it will do well. I'm contemplating getting some Barley Max to take for a while.
On the side, there is always a possibility that I could be pregnant, in that I haven't started my period yet. I am not late, I haven't taken a test, but I could just be in the first week or two or something like that. You can read my story about all of that here
So I'm thinking that I will probably need to be eating enough fat and protein, calcium, things like that if I am. I'm thinking that it won't hurt anything right now anyways. If y'all could pray for wisdom for me in that I would love it.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A Bodily Cleansing :) part 8
I don't know how I feel right now. I don't feel the way I thought I would, but I don't feel bad either. I haven't had headaches in several days, I feel hungry, but not bad. Sort of hungry. I just had a banana and some organic acai juice (the kind from a bottle in my refrigerator, no, I did not juice acai berries).
This morning I woke up early before worship team practice and juiced some carrots, ginger and half a cucumber. It held me pretty well but I was hungry by the time 1:00 rolled around. I just kept chugging the water. We went to lunch at my parents house aaaand, that's where I kind of got discouraged. I love my family. Loved the fellowship. Loved the conversation. Except that when I don't eat something or I ask mom if I can just have some of her blueberries instead she gets kind of anxious. She asks me how long I'm doing this for, have I had any protein lately, am I okay. I probably took it more dramatically than she even asked it. This is just the tip of the iceberg on our miscommunication. She means well or course. I'm not doing this for a long amount of time. When I set up to do this I didn't intend for it to be that long. I told her I didn't know, when I felt "cleaned out" is when I would stop. I don't feel cleaned out yet. So, I'm gonna keep going.
Maybe this is a hump day, maybe I just get easily discouraged... In times like these I think "What the heck am I doing? Should I even be doing this? Am I doing it right? Maybe I'm consuming too few calories. Maybe I'm starving myself. What am I doing? These are the thoughts running through my head.
So what is the best thing to do in this time? Evaluate where I am. Look at the facts, look at the benefits of what I am doing.
Fact:
Things are moving along better in my system
I have not had a time of being extremely tired or extremely hungry
I have been sleeping better and waking up feeling more rested
I have been taking in far more fruits and vegetables than I was before this. Far more vitamins and minerals. My diet has improved drastically.
I am taking in far less sugar than I was before this.
A week without meat protein isn't going to kill me. Two weeks without meat protein is not going to kill me either.
My body is definitely functioning better than it was, I have more energy to love on my son and husband.
I'm not snacking in the afternoons and eating desserts at night.
I have had to exercise discipline in the area of food. The more I was able to exercise it, the more I was able to die to myself and my fleshly wants. Watching Ben eat tacos while I had a spinach salad was pretty stinking hard.
I have been more conscious about giving Levi vegetables after reading that book. I'm going to incorporate more vegetables into our meals.
I have been on at least one walk every day this week. (except today which is Sunday, maybe Ben and I will go, but it's pretty cold out).
All this has made me realize that skinny people can have health problems just as much as overweight people. If we put trash into our body, even if our body can metabolize it quickly, it is still trash. So I think I want the majority of what I consume to be good fuel and not junk. I'm okay with a little bit of junk here and there:) just as a treat, but it doesn't have to be a way of lifestyle... before: oh, it's two pm, I should have some chocolate chips. After: oh, it's afternoon, maybe I will have an apple or banana or some nuts or something.
I have to listen to my body and what it says. I think right now it's saying don't stop this thing. This is good, this cleansing, cleaning out the old and in with the new. Probably soon it will say, okay, I'm ready to start taking in some fat and protein, but for now, this is good.
This morning I woke up early before worship team practice and juiced some carrots, ginger and half a cucumber. It held me pretty well but I was hungry by the time 1:00 rolled around. I just kept chugging the water. We went to lunch at my parents house aaaand, that's where I kind of got discouraged. I love my family. Loved the fellowship. Loved the conversation. Except that when I don't eat something or I ask mom if I can just have some of her blueberries instead she gets kind of anxious. She asks me how long I'm doing this for, have I had any protein lately, am I okay. I probably took it more dramatically than she even asked it. This is just the tip of the iceberg on our miscommunication. She means well or course. I'm not doing this for a long amount of time. When I set up to do this I didn't intend for it to be that long. I told her I didn't know, when I felt "cleaned out" is when I would stop. I don't feel cleaned out yet. So, I'm gonna keep going.
Maybe this is a hump day, maybe I just get easily discouraged... In times like these I think "What the heck am I doing? Should I even be doing this? Am I doing it right? Maybe I'm consuming too few calories. Maybe I'm starving myself. What am I doing? These are the thoughts running through my head.
So what is the best thing to do in this time? Evaluate where I am. Look at the facts, look at the benefits of what I am doing.
Fact:
Things are moving along better in my system
I have not had a time of being extremely tired or extremely hungry
I have been sleeping better and waking up feeling more rested
I have been taking in far more fruits and vegetables than I was before this. Far more vitamins and minerals. My diet has improved drastically.
I am taking in far less sugar than I was before this.
A week without meat protein isn't going to kill me. Two weeks without meat protein is not going to kill me either.
My body is definitely functioning better than it was, I have more energy to love on my son and husband.
I'm not snacking in the afternoons and eating desserts at night.
I have had to exercise discipline in the area of food. The more I was able to exercise it, the more I was able to die to myself and my fleshly wants. Watching Ben eat tacos while I had a spinach salad was pretty stinking hard.
I have been more conscious about giving Levi vegetables after reading that book. I'm going to incorporate more vegetables into our meals.
I have been on at least one walk every day this week. (except today which is Sunday, maybe Ben and I will go, but it's pretty cold out).
All this has made me realize that skinny people can have health problems just as much as overweight people. If we put trash into our body, even if our body can metabolize it quickly, it is still trash. So I think I want the majority of what I consume to be good fuel and not junk. I'm okay with a little bit of junk here and there:) just as a treat, but it doesn't have to be a way of lifestyle... before: oh, it's two pm, I should have some chocolate chips. After: oh, it's afternoon, maybe I will have an apple or banana or some nuts or something.
I have to listen to my body and what it says. I think right now it's saying don't stop this thing. This is good, this cleansing, cleaning out the old and in with the new. Probably soon it will say, okay, I'm ready to start taking in some fat and protein, but for now, this is good.
Friday, March 25, 2011
A Bodily Cleansing :) part 7
Update on what I've done today:
To start off with I had a glass of water and then my coffee with my quiet time. Raw organic honey, organic milk and a smaller cup than normal. I didn't fall asleep this time. My conclusion is that I probably just need more sleep at night.
I was not as good about drinking water as I should have been. I started out okay, but it tapered by the afternoon.
In the morning Ben and I juiced some oranges (he really really wanted orange juice) and then I had some carrots, ginger and a little bit of spinach. The ginger was a nice zing. I think the reason why I have rejected ginger in the past was because it felt overpowering. I just has a sliver off part of it.
Then I had a green smoothie (this time with half a banana and 1/3 cup of ground flax seeds) I ended up just sort of drinking it throughout the day. The flax seeds don't taste amazingly, but I think they will be a good help to my system.
Before dinner I juiced some carrots with a bit of a beet (that's all I can stand) and some spinach.
Ben wanted to have fish for dinner, so I thought that would be a good choice. It was SO GOOD! Maybe it was just the fact that I could chew it. :) I miss chewing things... I also cut up some strawberries and peels some cuties, our other side was sauteed asparagus and onions... SO GOOD! I never liked asparagus (sort of just had to choke it down) until I started sauteing it in a little EEVO and with some Italian type seasoning. I think the stuff I used tonight is called Herb De Province.
My headaches have gone away, so that's been pretty awesome. I'm going to try sleeping without an Ambien tonight and see how that goes. The weirdest part to me is that I wasn't ever really hungry throughout the day. Is that totally insane? Maybe it's that when I started to get a tinge of hunger I would just drink my smoothie... I definitely caught myself gazing into my pantry on a few occasions and then snapping out of it. :)
Okay, now I want to update you on this book that I have been reading. God's Way To Ultimate Health, by Reverend Malkmus I'm kind of loving it, kind of hating it.
I love that it's a reminder to eat more fruits and vegetables, to juice things, to eat them in their raw form. I think it's amazing if you are dealing with cancer, heart disease, arthritis, severe constipation, any kind of serious health problem that would require lots of medicine, surgery or treatments. It helps with energy levels (apparently they go way up) and good health in general. Good health comes from good eating.
The part that I am not so fond of is the severe restriction. They are all about vegetarian diet, really, it's a vegan diet because there is no eggs or dairy either. No sugar. No refined flour. No grains. Only raw almonds and sunflower seeds. Only extra virgin olive oil and raw flax oil. No salt. Only freshly extracted juices and distilled water. ... Okay, are you starting to see a pattern here? Also, there are only certain foods that can be combined. Certain fruits are acid and they should not be combined with sweet fruits, then you have sub-acid fruits, then melons should only be eaten alone. Then in the other categories you have starches, proteins and vegetables. You should drink at least thirty minutes before a meal and not with a meal...
If this is God's way to eat, why isn't it in the Bible? Why did God have all the specific instructions for killing animals in the book of Leviticus? Why were all foods declared "clean" to Paul in the New Testament? Why didn't Jesus speak about any of this? Why was it never laid out for the New Testament Church? These are the questions that are being raised in my mind as I read this book.
Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? We eat to live, not live to eat. We as humans like to put all these restrictions on ourselves but really when God gave Adam and Eve the garden he said "Eat from any tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." He didn't say eat this food now and then this food later and don't eat these two together, that's not so great... NO! He was more concerned about their hearts and whether or not they would eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil! He was more concerned about whether or not they would fall into temptation and sin against Him.
So I've kind of landed in this middle ground. I think the diet is great in what it promotes, but I do not agree with the restrictions. I am motivated to eat more raw fruits and vegetables. If I had cancer I would definitely do his diet. I just don't think it's sustainable, in our culture today, what about going over to a friend's house to eat? What about having others into your house? Is it a control of the body or a control of the heart? Those are the things I'm struggling with.
A side note on this subject: I told Ben Reverend Malkmus thought that eating a vegan lifestyle would make someone live longer. He said he would rather die 5 years earlier and enjoy his meat! I kind of had to agree with him. God gave us taste-buds as well, we can taste such a variety and that is a blessing as well. (I also wouldn't mind going home a little sooner:))
To start off with I had a glass of water and then my coffee with my quiet time. Raw organic honey, organic milk and a smaller cup than normal. I didn't fall asleep this time. My conclusion is that I probably just need more sleep at night.
I was not as good about drinking water as I should have been. I started out okay, but it tapered by the afternoon.
In the morning Ben and I juiced some oranges (he really really wanted orange juice) and then I had some carrots, ginger and a little bit of spinach. The ginger was a nice zing. I think the reason why I have rejected ginger in the past was because it felt overpowering. I just has a sliver off part of it.
Then I had a green smoothie (this time with half a banana and 1/3 cup of ground flax seeds) I ended up just sort of drinking it throughout the day. The flax seeds don't taste amazingly, but I think they will be a good help to my system.
Before dinner I juiced some carrots with a bit of a beet (that's all I can stand) and some spinach.
Ben wanted to have fish for dinner, so I thought that would be a good choice. It was SO GOOD! Maybe it was just the fact that I could chew it. :) I miss chewing things... I also cut up some strawberries and peels some cuties, our other side was sauteed asparagus and onions... SO GOOD! I never liked asparagus (sort of just had to choke it down) until I started sauteing it in a little EEVO and with some Italian type seasoning. I think the stuff I used tonight is called Herb De Province.
My headaches have gone away, so that's been pretty awesome. I'm going to try sleeping without an Ambien tonight and see how that goes. The weirdest part to me is that I wasn't ever really hungry throughout the day. Is that totally insane? Maybe it's that when I started to get a tinge of hunger I would just drink my smoothie... I definitely caught myself gazing into my pantry on a few occasions and then snapping out of it. :)
Okay, now I want to update you on this book that I have been reading. God's Way To Ultimate Health, by Reverend Malkmus I'm kind of loving it, kind of hating it.
I love that it's a reminder to eat more fruits and vegetables, to juice things, to eat them in their raw form. I think it's amazing if you are dealing with cancer, heart disease, arthritis, severe constipation, any kind of serious health problem that would require lots of medicine, surgery or treatments. It helps with energy levels (apparently they go way up) and good health in general. Good health comes from good eating.
The part that I am not so fond of is the severe restriction. They are all about vegetarian diet, really, it's a vegan diet because there is no eggs or dairy either. No sugar. No refined flour. No grains. Only raw almonds and sunflower seeds. Only extra virgin olive oil and raw flax oil. No salt. Only freshly extracted juices and distilled water. ... Okay, are you starting to see a pattern here? Also, there are only certain foods that can be combined. Certain fruits are acid and they should not be combined with sweet fruits, then you have sub-acid fruits, then melons should only be eaten alone. Then in the other categories you have starches, proteins and vegetables. You should drink at least thirty minutes before a meal and not with a meal...
If this is God's way to eat, why isn't it in the Bible? Why did God have all the specific instructions for killing animals in the book of Leviticus? Why were all foods declared "clean" to Paul in the New Testament? Why didn't Jesus speak about any of this? Why was it never laid out for the New Testament Church? These are the questions that are being raised in my mind as I read this book.
Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? We eat to live, not live to eat. We as humans like to put all these restrictions on ourselves but really when God gave Adam and Eve the garden he said "Eat from any tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." He didn't say eat this food now and then this food later and don't eat these two together, that's not so great... NO! He was more concerned about their hearts and whether or not they would eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil! He was more concerned about whether or not they would fall into temptation and sin against Him.
So I've kind of landed in this middle ground. I think the diet is great in what it promotes, but I do not agree with the restrictions. I am motivated to eat more raw fruits and vegetables. If I had cancer I would definitely do his diet. I just don't think it's sustainable, in our culture today, what about going over to a friend's house to eat? What about having others into your house? Is it a control of the body or a control of the heart? Those are the things I'm struggling with.
A side note on this subject: I told Ben Reverend Malkmus thought that eating a vegan lifestyle would make someone live longer. He said he would rather die 5 years earlier and enjoy his meat! I kind of had to agree with him. God gave us taste-buds as well, we can taste such a variety and that is a blessing as well. (I also wouldn't mind going home a little sooner:))
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