I need to call a friend back, but my phone died so I guess I'll just blog.
Yeah.
Today is just one of those days where the weather is perfect outside. The windows are open, the sun is streaming through. The kids are napping, I even fell asleep for a bit while trying to lay Levi down. (yeah, remember how I wasn't going to do that? Well, things have been thrown out the window lately.)
The kitchen floor was clean this morning. Do you know how amazing that was? To wake up and the floor be clean? To go to bed with the floor clean? Can I also just take a second to brag on my husband? He has started a prayer group of getting together with other men to pray on Monday morning. He makes pancakes and coffee and I don't know what else they do because I stay in the bedroom with Levi, but Ben tells me they talk struggles and the Lord and they pray. I can't tell you how much this means to me. I can't tell you how proud I am of my husband, who diligently cleaned the kitchen with me last night and made pancakes and we just hung out and talked and listened to music... I don't know.
I mean, I guess if you had come to our house a few hours earlier you would have seen a wreck, kids screaming, making messes, Ben working on painting the baseboards (another things I am proud of him for) and just utter chaos. Just before bedtime he said to me, "I'm about done with kids today." And yes, even though we only have two sometimes it feels like we have kids coming out of our ears. (Some of you are laughing right now because you know that we have NO IDEA what a lot of kids is like, but it's hard okay? Gimme a break).
I just feel like things between Ben and I have been good lately. You know what it is? It's the Lord. God has shown me where I have been selfish in my thinking. Ben has died to himself and led in service. We have been seeking God together now more than ever.
I love being a mom next to him. I love how he interacts with our children. I love doing things with him, going places and serving people. I love talking things through with him and hearing his perspective (which is always very different than mine).
Thank You Lord. I never thought I could have this. I didn't think I ever would get married, but You had other plans. Thank You that we have You to guide us. Thank You for these good times right now, I'm not naive in thinking that it will only get better, I know that hard times are ahead, but I pray that Ben and I would pull closer together in those times and you would grow us, knit us together. Lord, we need You. Every step of the way we are in need of You. Help us to depend on You.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Monday, October 1, 2012
Monday, September 5, 2011
Learning to Love and Support
You learn new things all the time. I have learned some things this weekend and I wish I had known them a while back. It would have helped.
I might need to start a series about our marriage and all the things I am learning about my husband. I don't know what I would call it, so I'll have to think a while. As I'm typing this the title line is empty.
Okay Jody, enough of that, what did you learn? Don't nag, help.
Advice for young couples: don't buy a house until you are ready to take care of it. Advice for young wives: don't dive into a project unless your husband is on board and you are willing to help. Those are my two cents. If you are a renter, let me just encourage you to enjoy it while it lasts. I'm not against houses, I just believe that people should know they can be a lot of work.They can also be a source of strain on your marriage.
There are several projects around our house that needed to be done. Okay, maybe something less pressing than needed, maybe something more like, I would really really like for them to be done so that my nest feels more like a nest. One of those was the guest bathroom which has been on my nerves since we moved in. It's totally livable, but now I'm realizing I wanted more relaxing colors, not the sharp contrasting red, black and white. I wanted something peaceful like green. The wallpaper was coming off in places, the floorboards looked funny because we had removed the carpet and put in tile, there was a spot on the ceiling where someone had patched something and had painted not quite the right color... little things.
The other thing that needed attention was our yard. It has been the neediest since we moved in two years ago. All the bushes that needed severe trimming, removing, the grass that won't grow in certain areas but looks amazing in others, the drainage on the side of the driveway. We recently made the decision to put a bed alongside our driveway because we couldn't grow grass there, too much shade. (I LOVE shade, I also love grass, but we chose the shade.
The thing about projects is that you have no idea what they will REALLY entail until you get into them. You didn't know you could visit Home Depot so many times in one day. You didn't know you could be so frustrated when you paint a wall and THEN realize you should have worked harder on making it smooth with spackling, you didn't think about the fact that if you put a flower bed next to the driveway your guests will have to step out into the dirt and then accidentally track it into your house. These are all the things you don't think about. You didn't know that you would come JUST short of white ceiling paint and then have to run to Sherwin Williams yet again to get another quart of ceiling paint, and then there are the perils of painting with oil and having to clean that stuff off your brush...
Wow, the list goes on. Projects are hard. Especially when you have to live in them.
I was getting frustrated with Ben for not working on them as much as I thought he should be, not doing things promptly. My job was the plan and plant the flowers for the bed, his was the hard stuff like putting up the barriers, cutting down the limbs, and then there was the bathroom... we had a fallout on Friday night. I told him I hated the stupid flower bed and I hate having to plant flowers, I hate it that people have to step out into the dirt, this whole thing is stupid... (So mature, right?) He was just real quiet. Then he told me it was pretty discouraging to hear that this thing he had already worked on for many hours was something that his wife hated... Oh. Man. I'm such a jerk.
That's when my tone started to change. I decided that instead of quietly waiting by for him to do stuff I would offer as much help as possible.
The next day we worked on making stepping stones in the garden for people to step in in their cars, we also cut down some of the limbs from the tree I had been asking him to do, the next day we worked on hanging the bathroom towel racks and painting the frame around the bathroom mirror, we bought bushes for the flower bed as well as mulch, today Ben and my dad chopped up the branches for firewood...
I went from being a nag and resentful to looking for any way I could to help and encourage and it changed everything. I also found out that Ben and I are team players. We work harder and longer when we have someone to work with, we can spur each other on.
I might need to start a series about our marriage and all the things I am learning about my husband. I don't know what I would call it, so I'll have to think a while. As I'm typing this the title line is empty.
Okay Jody, enough of that, what did you learn? Don't nag, help.
Advice for young couples: don't buy a house until you are ready to take care of it. Advice for young wives: don't dive into a project unless your husband is on board and you are willing to help. Those are my two cents. If you are a renter, let me just encourage you to enjoy it while it lasts. I'm not against houses, I just believe that people should know they can be a lot of work.They can also be a source of strain on your marriage.
There are several projects around our house that needed to be done. Okay, maybe something less pressing than needed, maybe something more like, I would really really like for them to be done so that my nest feels more like a nest. One of those was the guest bathroom which has been on my nerves since we moved in. It's totally livable, but now I'm realizing I wanted more relaxing colors, not the sharp contrasting red, black and white. I wanted something peaceful like green. The wallpaper was coming off in places, the floorboards looked funny because we had removed the carpet and put in tile, there was a spot on the ceiling where someone had patched something and had painted not quite the right color... little things.
The other thing that needed attention was our yard. It has been the neediest since we moved in two years ago. All the bushes that needed severe trimming, removing, the grass that won't grow in certain areas but looks amazing in others, the drainage on the side of the driveway. We recently made the decision to put a bed alongside our driveway because we couldn't grow grass there, too much shade. (I LOVE shade, I also love grass, but we chose the shade.
The thing about projects is that you have no idea what they will REALLY entail until you get into them. You didn't know you could visit Home Depot so many times in one day. You didn't know you could be so frustrated when you paint a wall and THEN realize you should have worked harder on making it smooth with spackling, you didn't think about the fact that if you put a flower bed next to the driveway your guests will have to step out into the dirt and then accidentally track it into your house. These are all the things you don't think about. You didn't know that you would come JUST short of white ceiling paint and then have to run to Sherwin Williams yet again to get another quart of ceiling paint, and then there are the perils of painting with oil and having to clean that stuff off your brush...
Wow, the list goes on. Projects are hard. Especially when you have to live in them.
I was getting frustrated with Ben for not working on them as much as I thought he should be, not doing things promptly. My job was the plan and plant the flowers for the bed, his was the hard stuff like putting up the barriers, cutting down the limbs, and then there was the bathroom... we had a fallout on Friday night. I told him I hated the stupid flower bed and I hate having to plant flowers, I hate it that people have to step out into the dirt, this whole thing is stupid... (So mature, right?) He was just real quiet. Then he told me it was pretty discouraging to hear that this thing he had already worked on for many hours was something that his wife hated... Oh. Man. I'm such a jerk.
That's when my tone started to change. I decided that instead of quietly waiting by for him to do stuff I would offer as much help as possible.
The next day we worked on making stepping stones in the garden for people to step in in their cars, we also cut down some of the limbs from the tree I had been asking him to do, the next day we worked on hanging the bathroom towel racks and painting the frame around the bathroom mirror, we bought bushes for the flower bed as well as mulch, today Ben and my dad chopped up the branches for firewood...
I went from being a nag and resentful to looking for any way I could to help and encourage and it changed everything. I also found out that Ben and I are team players. We work harder and longer when we have someone to work with, we can spur each other on.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Anniversary
Three years ago today Ben and I said "I do."
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... we said that we would. :)
Two years ago (a few days after our anniversary) Ben was laid off from Verizon (formerly Alltel). It was a call on the morning of March 31st. We had just finished a three-day backpacking trip and were heading home. His phone found service and he had about 12 missed calls. Some were from the VP of IT ... it was either gonna be really good or really bad. We were thinking he would be let go soon, he was getting less and less work from his supervisors. It was kind of a blessing to just be released. That afternoon I took a pregnancy test. I thought I was, just as we were packing for the trip I realized I hadn't had a period since January. It was the end of March. And I was. It showed up positive and Ben and I just sat on the floor and cried. Me in his arms, tears of joy mixed with sadness ran down our faces.
The strangest part about that whole period of me being pregnant, living in his parent's house, him without a job... we never really panicked. Maybe it's that we aren't panicky people. I've chosen to reject the worrying mentality from my mom and I make a conscious decision not to worry or fear. Jesus says LET not your hearts be troubled. I think that implies that we can have control over it.
We prayed about if we should look for a job in Nashville so I could further my music career, but it felt strange to move away when I was going to have a baby. I wanted to be here in town with my family and Ben's family. We felt like the Lord was wanting us to just stay here. Side note: I was never supposed to stay here. I was supposed to be the one who would live on the other side of the world. I was gonna life in Tibet or Thailand or South America. I was gonna be on the road singing and writing music. I wasn't gonna get married or have kids... How Ben changed all of that for me. How much GOD changed that for me.
I remember when I first started to really get to know Ben and he was upfront about how he liked me and we had similar backgrounds and his strengths complimented my weaknesses and he loved the Lord and was willing to follow God anywhere. We both had a love for music, he wanted me to take opportunities with my music, he wanted to encourage me to write songs, I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his family too. I would write letters to him. I saw him every day and I would still write letters to him. He would write letters and emails to me. Every night we either ate at my parent's house or his parent's house for dinner. I had seen him serve in our ministry.
Okay, one thing that I love about Ben and guys like him will never get enough credit for is that he loves to serve. He came every Monday and helped set up for Chi Alpha and it took up most of his day. He's not the guy who is in the front talking to all his friends, being the popular, funny guy who is awesome and cool and everyone wants to be around. No. He's fun if you get to know him, but he's not super outgoing (I'm the outgoing one of the two of us, unafraid of getting up in front of people, etc) No, but he is a servant and a hard worker. He is also faithful. He has a friend whom he has remained friends with since he was 12. They still talk on the phone almost every day. If you really want to be Ben's friend he will be your friend for life.
Okay, what am I talking about? I feel like I'm rambling.
Oh yeah, Ben found a BETTER job 3 months later. Better pay, better co-workers, more challenging. It was like new life was breathed into my husband. The severance and money saved by living with Ben's parents allowed us to put a down payment on a house.
We had Levi in November. I told someone today, even though you have nine months to prepare for a baby coming into your lives, there is no way you can actually prepare for a baby. You have no idea the change that they bring. It sort of felt like a rod had been thrown into the spokes of our wheels and everything comes to s screeching halt. Then after a while you sort of get going again. Three months is better, six months is better than that, nine months, and after a year it's completely second-nature. We couldn't imagine our life without Levi. He is a joy in our home. I would be so bored... I think too that I would be dissatisfied?... More selfish? ... I don't want to say that if you don't have a kid you will be selfish and dissatisfied, but I do want to caution people who don't want to have kids, choose to wait a really long time to have kids... I don't know, there's something so good and healthy about having a baby. I have friends who are trying to get pregnant and who are really really wanting a baby. I pray for those friends that they WOULD be blessed or if they need to adopt that they would be led in that area.
Another rabbit trail I see. My apologies.
This morning as Ben and I were sitting on the couch and praying we were just in awe of the things that the Lord had done in us and through us in just three short years. It feels like it has been forever, but at the same time not long enough.
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... we said that we would. :)
Two years ago (a few days after our anniversary) Ben was laid off from Verizon (formerly Alltel). It was a call on the morning of March 31st. We had just finished a three-day backpacking trip and were heading home. His phone found service and he had about 12 missed calls. Some were from the VP of IT ... it was either gonna be really good or really bad. We were thinking he would be let go soon, he was getting less and less work from his supervisors. It was kind of a blessing to just be released. That afternoon I took a pregnancy test. I thought I was, just as we were packing for the trip I realized I hadn't had a period since January. It was the end of March. And I was. It showed up positive and Ben and I just sat on the floor and cried. Me in his arms, tears of joy mixed with sadness ran down our faces.
The strangest part about that whole period of me being pregnant, living in his parent's house, him without a job... we never really panicked. Maybe it's that we aren't panicky people. I've chosen to reject the worrying mentality from my mom and I make a conscious decision not to worry or fear. Jesus says LET not your hearts be troubled. I think that implies that we can have control over it.
We prayed about if we should look for a job in Nashville so I could further my music career, but it felt strange to move away when I was going to have a baby. I wanted to be here in town with my family and Ben's family. We felt like the Lord was wanting us to just stay here. Side note: I was never supposed to stay here. I was supposed to be the one who would live on the other side of the world. I was gonna life in Tibet or Thailand or South America. I was gonna be on the road singing and writing music. I wasn't gonna get married or have kids... How Ben changed all of that for me. How much GOD changed that for me.
I remember when I first started to really get to know Ben and he was upfront about how he liked me and we had similar backgrounds and his strengths complimented my weaknesses and he loved the Lord and was willing to follow God anywhere. We both had a love for music, he wanted me to take opportunities with my music, he wanted to encourage me to write songs, I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his family too. I would write letters to him. I saw him every day and I would still write letters to him. He would write letters and emails to me. Every night we either ate at my parent's house or his parent's house for dinner. I had seen him serve in our ministry.
Okay, one thing that I love about Ben and guys like him will never get enough credit for is that he loves to serve. He came every Monday and helped set up for Chi Alpha and it took up most of his day. He's not the guy who is in the front talking to all his friends, being the popular, funny guy who is awesome and cool and everyone wants to be around. No. He's fun if you get to know him, but he's not super outgoing (I'm the outgoing one of the two of us, unafraid of getting up in front of people, etc) No, but he is a servant and a hard worker. He is also faithful. He has a friend whom he has remained friends with since he was 12. They still talk on the phone almost every day. If you really want to be Ben's friend he will be your friend for life.
Okay, what am I talking about? I feel like I'm rambling.
Oh yeah, Ben found a BETTER job 3 months later. Better pay, better co-workers, more challenging. It was like new life was breathed into my husband. The severance and money saved by living with Ben's parents allowed us to put a down payment on a house.
We had Levi in November. I told someone today, even though you have nine months to prepare for a baby coming into your lives, there is no way you can actually prepare for a baby. You have no idea the change that they bring. It sort of felt like a rod had been thrown into the spokes of our wheels and everything comes to s screeching halt. Then after a while you sort of get going again. Three months is better, six months is better than that, nine months, and after a year it's completely second-nature. We couldn't imagine our life without Levi. He is a joy in our home. I would be so bored... I think too that I would be dissatisfied?... More selfish? ... I don't want to say that if you don't have a kid you will be selfish and dissatisfied, but I do want to caution people who don't want to have kids, choose to wait a really long time to have kids... I don't know, there's something so good and healthy about having a baby. I have friends who are trying to get pregnant and who are really really wanting a baby. I pray for those friends that they WOULD be blessed or if they need to adopt that they would be led in that area.
Another rabbit trail I see. My apologies.
This morning as Ben and I were sitting on the couch and praying we were just in awe of the things that the Lord had done in us and through us in just three short years. It feels like it has been forever, but at the same time not long enough.
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