I wanted to talk about comparison. I hate comparison. I measure myself up against others all the time. And I hate it.
This blog is me taking skeletons in my closet and literally throwing them out into the open. I am examining them, weeping over them, rejoicing over the victory of them, struggling with them. My flesh is weak and it wars against my spirit. You can read more about that in Romans chapters 6-8. I highly recommend it.
Here is a skeleton I still struggle with. I have victory over it and then I struggle some more.
I have even found a new dimension of comparison with my husband and son. I compare my husband to other husbands, how does he measure up? Is he as good as that guy over there, does he lead as well? Is he as attractive? In my son, can he do what other 15 month olds are doing? When he was in the process of crawling to walking I would see other kids his age walking and him not walking and I would worry. I would compare. I'm sure next it will be talking, then potty training, then other abilities like sports or music or whatever. The possibilities are endless. Sadly. We compare ourselves amongst ourselves.
I compare myself with other women. How do I look next to them? Am I heavier? Am I prettier? Do I have more talent than them? Do I have better knowledge of the scriptures? Blah blah blah... I think you could call the road of comparison the road of DEATH. Death of friendships, death of peace, death of worth of yourself (we are worthy because we are in Christ and He created us), death of just plain loving your husband even though he's imperfect, death of loving your child just because they are your child and you just love them for them. That's all kids want, just to be loved for who they are and not what they can do.
This is why Facebook is such a struggle for me. We can put up this appearance of perfection. We can post on our walls about our perfect lives, put up pictures that make us look amazing, and compare ourselves to the lives of others. I love Facebook for the communication and the networking it provides, but I still struggle with it.
I feel like this comparison struggle creates a wedge between people. Specifically women. I don't see men struggling with this as much, but with women it seems to just drive something between us.
Lord, help me. Please speak to this area of our lives.
I want to live in transparent truth. The truth shall set you free. I have discovered that in a deeper way these past few weeks. More than anything it has increased my gratitude for the Cross and what it did to my sin. Jesus died on the cross, washed us clean in his blood, rose again conquering death and now God sees me as perfect. I am perfect in a way... I'm made holy and clean. Day by day I am being refined by His Spirit who is walking with me. I trip up and He faithfully picks me up. He is gradually (very gradually) making me righteous.
So what does all this mean in the realm of comparison? Your opinion of me doesn't matter. :) I say that with a smile because my opinion of you doesn't matter either. If we will rest in that and just SIMPLY do what He has called us to do, no more and no less, then comparison won't be an issue. Easier said than done.
Lord, change my heart in this area. Help me to rejoice in You always. Let my gentleness be evident to all, because You are near. Let me not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present my requests to You. And Your peace which passes all understanding, it goes beyond my situation, beyond my hurts, beyond my striving, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
This prayer is taken from Philippians 4:4-6