Friday, August 23, 2013

Pregnancy Update. 20 weeks.

Ah, the computer is so dangerous to pick up sometimes. I feel I could get lost in blogs, social media, food websites... forever. This is why I try not to pick it up too early in the day. I felt like I was needing to blog this morning though. I felt a few little flutters from Baby Boy inside and just thought, I need to blog about this for a minute.

Confession: I ate a lot of sugar yesterday afternoon. I think my blood sugar drops pretty low sometimes and then I try to spike it up again. Let's just say it's never a good idea to have marshmallows and chocolate chips as a snack. Never. I just didn't want to stop. I was about to say "couldn't" but I feel like it was more of a decision of my will and not caring. I usually care a few hours or a few days later.

Lord, help me to eat right and to glorify You. I want to be healthy for this baby. Sometimes I feel like I could eat a horse. Sometimes I'm exhausted or depressed and it just feels like food will fill it. It never fills that void, it only ever fills my stomach. Teach me to eat Father, You created my body, You invented pregnancy and all of it's intricacies and miracles, so Lord, Holy Spirit, please lead me. I need You. I'm helpless on my own.

Whew. It's good to just confess sometimes.

So I have been feeling tiny kicks and wiggles for the past few weeks. I have no idea when this started, I know some women keep track of all that stuff, and really, I have no idea. I also don't really care. I know that he is in there. I know he is a HE. That always makes a big difference in my mind. Now we can begin to think of names, now I can begin to dream of what kind of a place this baby will have in our family. In my mind it just helps. Kudos to the women who can wait nine long months to find that out, I don't think I can right now.

A friend recently was talking to me about how she's been learning that competition and comparison kill community. The thing about pregnancy is that people compare and contrast you all the time. "Oh wow, you're really skinny in comparison to my sister in law, she's huge." Or someone might say, "Are you sure there's just one in there?" It's like a whole new level of comparison. I have several friends right now who are about a month ahead of me. Of course they are bigger. Of course they make me look small. You wouldn't think that four weeks would make that much of a difference, but it does sometimes. We all grow at different rates and honestly, it doesn't matter who gains how much or who is tiny or huge or any of that stuff. When we compare it keeps us from rejoicing with each other over just being pregnant at all. There is always a winner or a loser when it comes to comparison. We look at the units instead of the person.

Lord, I want to just rejoice with my friends. I want to love them and be excited for them. I know soon we will all have our babies in our arms and then we will compare them. Lord, I want to just rejoice with those who rejoice and be glad and thankful for what You are doing in their lives and in mine. Help me to love. Help me to always seek the good. I pray that I would not judge, I would just leave that stuff up to You.

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