God is faithful to sustain me. I'm just gonna start out by saying this fact: He is faithful
I always wanted the Christian life to be cut and dry. These are the exact boundaries to stay in, if I read three chapters of the Bible, pray for 15 minutes, go on a walk, do 15 sit-ups, go on a run, eat the perfect foods in the perfect amounts, then I will be good. A nice little checklist of perfection. I used to make all kinds of checklists. I had this uncanny ability to make impossible checklists. These lists will make me perfect and then I will be okay. I'm not saying there is something inherently wrong with lists, but I was becoming a slave to them.
I was becoming a slave to dieting.
Must stay within these boundaries, must not go outside, if there is a party, the boundaries are thrown out and there will be a new start tomorrow, or Monday...
I'm going to steal an analogy from Gwen Shamblin right now. This was the most revolutionary thing in getting me to think that my struggle with food is a SPIRITUAL struggle, not a physical one. It has physical attributes, but at it's core it is spiritual.
Dieting is slavery. Just like the Israelites in Egypt, it is a slavery to food, I don't like it, can't wait to get out, but always want to go back. It is a human solution. I devise rules for myself that I must obey and I will quit trusting in the God who created me and knows what is best for me, and I will trust in food, I will trust in all the nutrition experts and the world's way of doing things. This way I will be in control of my own destiny... except that I hate it. I mean, I might like it for a while, that feeling of being in control and eating healthy, yes, it does those things... but, in my own life, when I am "dieting" I am not depending on God.
Lord, help me, I'm weak in this, I don't want to throw people off into no man's land, I pray that You would lead and guide.
Last night I wanted ice cream. I thought, I don't need ice cream, my jeans are getting a little tight. But I WANTED ice cream. I thought, I'm nursing, it's not a big deal. But somewhere in there I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me that I would be okay without ice cream. That still, small voice that leads so perfectly was quietly saying, no Jody, you are going to be fine without it. And I listened. I was fine without it. And then Ben had some and told me how good it was. I wish I could tell you this amazing story of how I resisted temptation, I didn't fall ... all that stuff. But, I had some. And honestly, I wish that I had not. I sort of spent the rest of the night piddling around on Facebook, wasting precious time, looking at pictures of people I didn't even know, sort of just falling into it. As I went to bed I felt my stomach sort of churning and again, wished I hadn't. I'm not going to have regrets or shame over this, I don't think it will cause me to gain 5 pounds, BUT I do want to learn from this experience. That's why I'm blogging about it today.
Tonight, when the Holy Spirit prompts me, I want to just pray. I might even ask Ben to hold me accountable not to eat whatever it is. I want to stay away from piddling on Facebook and maybe clean something, read a book, paint a picture... I want to not look at what others are doing around me and wish I could be like them (it was totally fine for Ben to partake, I DO NOT need to compare myself with him) I need to listen to God in my life.
Lord, help me to walk with You today. Show me Your ways. Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Showing posts with label Weigh Down Workshop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weigh Down Workshop. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Redemption of My Physical Body: part two
You know when you are looking back at parts of your life and it feels like this sea of confusion and hurt? Maybe some things get jumbled up. When I try to tell this story I think it might be more like a web of here to there and back than an exact chronological story. So I want to apologize in advance for that.
When I was in 11th grade I came down with Mono. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a virus that there is no medicine for, it just makes you really tired all the time, it can take months or weeks to get over. For me it took six long months, and even longer because when you try to recover you have to go slowly. For the first two or three months I was just angry. Angry that I couldn't get up and walk across the room without being tired. I couldn't go to school like everyone else. I couldn't go to youth group or church (very often) so I was home alone a lot. I watched a lot of daytime TV. Ridiculous shows because we didn't have cable. A lot of them were those (this is really embarrassing) reality shows where they follow people on a blind date or a double blind date and they are basically making fun of these people the whole time. I think all of this caused me to go headlong into a deep depression. I was questioning my relationship with God, asking Him that if he existed, why wasn't He healing me like I was asking Him. While staying at home and watching television I ate as much as I could. I gained 20 pounds in those two months. I'm surprised I didn't gain more, because I wasn't exercising. I also had trouble sleeping, I've always had trouble sleeping. So I had to just sit and "rest" for most of the time.
Mom was pretty desperate to help me. I think that her efforts may have gone the other way. I'm sure that many moms can relate to this, you think you are helping, but it ends up hurting. Finally, she gave me some tapes by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "How to Fall in Love (and Stay in Love) With Jesus" where Nancy went through the book of Song of Solomon, it was amazing. Her teaching showed me that God is more than a Father, he is a lover. She also gave me a book by Dr Bill Bright called "Blessed Child" which was a story about a child who walked step by step in the Holy Spirit. This exhibited walking in the Spirit better than any how-to book ever did. For some reason, stories just resonate with me. I love analogies. Then she gave me these tapes (yes, more tapes, and I had a tape-player in my room) by a woman named Gwen Shamblin who started a weight-loss ministry called "The Weigh Down Workshop" ... her teaching was revolutionary in my life.
I realized that food and overeating had become an idol in my life. She said we don't carve out golden calves any more, but we will carve out a pan of brownies and say, "O pan of brownies, you calm my nerves, O pan of brownies, you help me in my sorrows." That hit me so hard! I was going to food to calm me, to comfort me and it was just leaving me empty handed. There is a Proverb that says food eaten in secret seems good at the time, but ends up being gravel in the mouth. Here I was, eating gravel.
Here God was, waiting on me to come back to Him. He was gently wooing me and drawing me to Himself. Over the next several months I lost the 20 pounds, just through my eating. What's also very strange is that I didn't limit my food choices during this time. I found that if it was okay for me to eat anything the "forbidden foods" tended to lose their appeal, one bite of cake didn't send me down the slippery slope anymore. It was okay. God created us to taste sweet, salt, fat and everything else. Tastes are okay, but the over-indulgence is what is the problem. I found that my evil heart wants to eat a whole carton of ice cream or bag of potato chips (which I have done on too many occasions) but God's plan is that I would fill up on healthy things and then if I wanted to just have a little taste of the other stuff, then that's okay. My dieting, restricting mind had a hard time getting around this one.
So I had about 4 good months. :)
What's strange is that when I got over Mono my life got back to normal. I guess a lot of people would call this "backsliding" ... I think that point in 11th grade was a time that I can look back on and testify of God's faithfulness. He brought me to a place of being in love with Him. He gave me a taste of what freedom from food and overeating and dieting was. He showed me what it meant to walk in Spirit and just rest in prayer. He taught me to just REST. I'm not a good rester, I'm a goer and doer, so this was all new to me.
Whew, this is taking a lot longer than I thought. Maybe it's because it's my life. :) I will post more later. Thank you for staying with me. I hope that this is an encouragement.
When I was in 11th grade I came down with Mono. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a virus that there is no medicine for, it just makes you really tired all the time, it can take months or weeks to get over. For me it took six long months, and even longer because when you try to recover you have to go slowly. For the first two or three months I was just angry. Angry that I couldn't get up and walk across the room without being tired. I couldn't go to school like everyone else. I couldn't go to youth group or church (very often) so I was home alone a lot. I watched a lot of daytime TV. Ridiculous shows because we didn't have cable. A lot of them were those (this is really embarrassing) reality shows where they follow people on a blind date or a double blind date and they are basically making fun of these people the whole time. I think all of this caused me to go headlong into a deep depression. I was questioning my relationship with God, asking Him that if he existed, why wasn't He healing me like I was asking Him. While staying at home and watching television I ate as much as I could. I gained 20 pounds in those two months. I'm surprised I didn't gain more, because I wasn't exercising. I also had trouble sleeping, I've always had trouble sleeping. So I had to just sit and "rest" for most of the time.
Mom was pretty desperate to help me. I think that her efforts may have gone the other way. I'm sure that many moms can relate to this, you think you are helping, but it ends up hurting. Finally, she gave me some tapes by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "How to Fall in Love (and Stay in Love) With Jesus" where Nancy went through the book of Song of Solomon, it was amazing. Her teaching showed me that God is more than a Father, he is a lover. She also gave me a book by Dr Bill Bright called "Blessed Child" which was a story about a child who walked step by step in the Holy Spirit. This exhibited walking in the Spirit better than any how-to book ever did. For some reason, stories just resonate with me. I love analogies. Then she gave me these tapes (yes, more tapes, and I had a tape-player in my room) by a woman named Gwen Shamblin who started a weight-loss ministry called "The Weigh Down Workshop" ... her teaching was revolutionary in my life.
I realized that food and overeating had become an idol in my life. She said we don't carve out golden calves any more, but we will carve out a pan of brownies and say, "O pan of brownies, you calm my nerves, O pan of brownies, you help me in my sorrows." That hit me so hard! I was going to food to calm me, to comfort me and it was just leaving me empty handed. There is a Proverb that says food eaten in secret seems good at the time, but ends up being gravel in the mouth. Here I was, eating gravel.
Here God was, waiting on me to come back to Him. He was gently wooing me and drawing me to Himself. Over the next several months I lost the 20 pounds, just through my eating. What's also very strange is that I didn't limit my food choices during this time. I found that if it was okay for me to eat anything the "forbidden foods" tended to lose their appeal, one bite of cake didn't send me down the slippery slope anymore. It was okay. God created us to taste sweet, salt, fat and everything else. Tastes are okay, but the over-indulgence is what is the problem. I found that my evil heart wants to eat a whole carton of ice cream or bag of potato chips (which I have done on too many occasions) but God's plan is that I would fill up on healthy things and then if I wanted to just have a little taste of the other stuff, then that's okay. My dieting, restricting mind had a hard time getting around this one.
So I had about 4 good months. :)
What's strange is that when I got over Mono my life got back to normal. I guess a lot of people would call this "backsliding" ... I think that point in 11th grade was a time that I can look back on and testify of God's faithfulness. He brought me to a place of being in love with Him. He gave me a taste of what freedom from food and overeating and dieting was. He showed me what it meant to walk in Spirit and just rest in prayer. He taught me to just REST. I'm not a good rester, I'm a goer and doer, so this was all new to me.
Whew, this is taking a lot longer than I thought. Maybe it's because it's my life. :) I will post more later. Thank you for staying with me. I hope that this is an encouragement.
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