I haven't wanted to write much lately... I keep thinking about my blog and then I have something else to do, or Levi needs something and life just gets in the way. What in the world do I have to post about anyhow? My life is kind of boring, kind of busy, kind of a lot of things.
I just got home from a Crisis Pregnancy Center training session. I just laid Levi down for his afternoon nap and here I am in a toy strewn living room, there are a few dirty dishes in the kitchen, things just need to be tidied up around the house, the bathroom project is staring me in the face... really I just want to sit down, watch a movie on my laptop and eat ice cream. That's what I really want to do.
Yesterday a woman commented that I already had a baby belly ... and I am only 11 weeks! What the heck?! Going home all I really wanted to do was eat some Doritos... and some fruit snacks. Did that help? No, it just made things worse. So after laying on the couch with Levi running his tractor all over me, I decided that we were going to the pool. I put on my looser swimsuit (because I was feeling especially heavy) and we walked the half mile to get there. The heat was oppressive, but felt strangely good because we were about to go into some cool water.
I really need to start working at making friends at the pool. I have met a few people, but didn't see any of them yesterday. I didn't feel like meeting new people or trying to talk over the noise of all the splashing fountains. It's strange how you can just feel like an outsider sometimes. I think of myself as an outgoing person, I will talk to anyone, but sometimes I just don't have the energy. Ben came to the pool after work and I told him my woes of the day. We laughed and talked. I am thankful for his friendship, even when I am most alone, he is still there, right beside me, loving me just as I am and I have no idea why.
So my goal for today is to eat healthier and not to fall into this pattern of wasting my afternoons away. But I'm tired! I say, I'm pregnant! I just want to have some "me" time!! I feel like those are silly excuses. I want to learn to live life fully and not just try to pass my time. Lord, help me to make the most of my days. I know that they are short, I know that these moments are passing us by, help me to live in them and not just wish for different moments.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.