Sunday, May 6, 2012

Sometimes I'm just not good enough.

Okay, so I realize now that sometimes I hate reading blogs. I'm a blogger and I hate reading blogs... what?! Jody, you are crazy. Why is that?

You wanna know why? It's because they are too perfect. I'm talking about certain ones that are always thinking of ways to have these beautiful parties and perfect art projects with their kids. The ones that are growing things and baking cool things that are healthy and everything. I start to get really depressed about my life. Does anyone else do that? I sometimes think that if these bloggers would just read their blogs they would get depressed because they could never measure up to themselves.

So I guess that's why I'm so desperate to reveal my imperfections. Because I want other people to know that they are not alone.

I feel like people are always wanting to put their best forward whether on these social networks and I think it causes us to sink into this sort of fake comparison with each other. I can put really good looking pictures of myself and my family on these websites. I can post witty remarks. I can write deep thoughts. I want to be cared about so I want to post trivial things about my life, like the cool oatmeal raisin muffins that I ate for breakfast or the fact that my kid is the worst behaved kid on the planet or my baby is the cutest ever. But all this comes from the fact that I want to be cared about, I want to be noticed. I want to be seen.

Out of the overflow of the heart...

All of this is coming from my heart, my selfish desires, my fears of not being enough.

God, give me discernment. I'm thinking about when Jesus was talking to the Pharisees and he said that they were like whitewashed tombs which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside were full of dead men's bones. Father, let me not be prideful. Please let me be real and honest. Help me to live openly and freely in You. I get so distracted by little things and wanting to be seen and heard. Help me to be content in You.

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