Thoughts on Motherhood

Okay, so blogging might be a last thing I need to be doing right now. I just laid in bed with Levi for about 30 mins (which feels like an eternity when you are laying with a three year old, waiting for him to stop fidgeting and just fall asleep, I thought about not making him nap about 30 times... and then I remembered how we were all up multiple times last night thanks to his little sister).

The dishes need to be washed, I need to do yoga, wash diapers and maybe do some other things around the house.

The problem is, I usually only get the pressing things done, and I just put off the important things... such as recording my thoughts and feelings and the happenings of our family for everyone on the internet to read. More importantly, for us to be able to look back on someday. Thank you Blogger, for being a place for me to put this stuff.

So, here we go.

Yesterday at the grocery store I had an epiphany: when shopping with two little kids it will take all of my energy and focus to just get through the store. Grocery shopping is no longer a peaceful meandering through a store where I can look at prices, spend time gazing at and sampling cheeses, get lost in the cereal section looking for the best deal. It's not relaxing, it's stressful. But that's okay. I realized that if I look at it as a challenge of focus to keep two little kids busy, to focus and check my list after every aisle, to answer questions and explain why we are not getting marshmallow cereal because it's not good for our bodies.

My goal is to be kind and respectful of strangers and other adults, to teach my children to be friendly if an elderly woman asks how old they are. It takes energy and focus to pick Levi up off the floor during a meltdown in the dressing section and quietly tell him that he needs to stop and have a better attitude and that we need to do all things without arguing or complaining.

It takes energy to run to the bathroom from the middle of the store all the way to the front and then re-find your place. Or energy to backtrack to where you forgot a certain item (I hate going back to where I have been!)

I keep thinking, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Lord, You are strong in my weakness. Your strength is perfected in weakness. I am in desperate need of You in this whole mothering thing. It feels like I'm being stretched beyond capacity some days. Help me! I need Your Holy Spirit to give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Thank You for Your faithfulness.