Saturday, March 8, 2014

Full Circle

I hate it when I sit down to blog and then think, "Now what was it that I was going to blog about?" It was genius in the moment and I was so pumped and now it's completely gone from my mind. It's like walking into a room and forgetting why you are there in the first place. I kid you not, this happens to me no less than fifteen times a day. My kids must think mommy is a psycho, I'm just wandering around the house for most of the day trying to remember why I'm here.

Please excuse me, I don't sleep much these days.

Oh DST, I'm so glad we are springing forward. I love the late-setting sun.

Dear Jen Hatmaker,

I can't wait to finish 7 so that I can read it again. Or maybe try to find someone who will loan me Interrupted. (I'm cheap and I don't buy things.) Honestly, I hated your intro to the book, I was annoyed, but then once we got into it I was hooked. Line and sinker. I wish I was your best friend, but now I can't since I dissed your intro. Thank you for challenging me and messing with me. I really appreciate it.



I'm stalling okay? I still cannot get around what I was going to blog about.

Oh yeah, weight loss. Isn't that like half my blog anyways? I'm tired of it. Lord, why am I always going back to this stupid journey?

I finally caved and got some cheap, on sale jeans at Kohl's the other day. I kinda sorta like them. They will get me by.

I don't even know. Honestly, it seems like whenever I start to focus on my weight and my body that things just get worse. It's like when you pop a pimple instead of letting it take it's course, it just hangs on for that much longer.

This morning I almost wrote in my journal, "Lord, please help me lose weight." This was my prayer for years and years in college. I figured I could at least ask. Jesus tells us to ask. We can ask for anything and He will give it to us if it's in His will. Honestly, at that moment it didn't feel like … how do I say this? Like a worthy prayer? It was more like a selfish prayer. Why would I pray for that when there are orphans who need shelter (thank you Jen), friends who need lifting, children who need saving, churches who need covering? Just to name a few.

I think the problem with my depression about my body is that it's so self-focused. It's me-centered, that's why it fuels my depression.

Lord, get my eyes off myself.

Please help me to serve. Help me to intercede for others. Let me have eyes and ears for what You are doing. Help me to abide in You and may Your words abide in me so that then, when I wish for things they will be focused on You and not on my small things. You have a much grander adventure in mind and I think really, I like that better.

1 comment:

  1. I'm just discovering your blog after being a fan or your music back when. In your bio you said you haven' been about to write a song in 3 years...I haven't painted in 11 months and this reality might break me. I thought I'd found a way to connect to who I was created to be...I guess I was still putting Him is a box of my own imagination.
    And the weight struggles, I feel like you stole my thoughts...

    All this to say, thanks for being real, thanks for fighting, thanks for being honest even when it's too much...
    You matter more than you know.