A request for prayer

I am writing to just ask for prayers right now. Ben is having to decide between two very different jobs in these next few days, or it might be decided for him, we are still kind of in the waiting and I can't explain all the details… but if you could pray for wisdom for us, I would very much appreciate it.


Lord, You are our ultimate provider. We look to You for everything. Thank You for calling us to a life of faith. May we live it fully for You. I don't want all the treasures of this world, I want You and Your Holy Spirit and I want to do whatever I can to be more and more dependent on You. Ben and I are finding more and more that the things of this world are not satisfying and the only thing that will ever fill us to completion is You. We want to follow You wherever.

We need Your direction Lord! Open doors or close them, we are Your sheep, the people of Your pasture.

Perspective

I should be going to bed, but instead I wanted to post on my blog. I've been having a lot of thoughts lately and I just wanted to get them out. Just so I could look at them and see what I am really thinking.

Ben is still looking for a job. He had an awesome interview the other day but he probably won't get it because another person within the company is applying for it and will probably win out in the end. Oh well, we know that we are in the Lord's hands and He is totally taking care of us.

Food continues to come in through our front door for our many little mouths to feed. We are praying about how we can be a blessing to the community around here and really begin to reach out to the poor and needy.

Debbie is pregnant.


I can't even believe that one. I'm totally pumped for her. Four kids by the time she is 30 is quite an accomplishment. Today is her birthday and she is being whisked away by her husband to spend a few days away from it all. You'll probably find out more about it on social media later from her if you want details.

Six kids ages six and under is still no small challenge, even for two moms. Sometimes I think it's harder because there are two of us and we are each only responsible for our own children. We don't spank each other's children but it's kind of an awkward conversation when you're like, "Hey, your kid hit my kid, can you please give them a spanking?" or "Your kid just talked to me disrespectfully and refused to obey, do you want to do something about that?" … I don't know, it's just challenging at times. Honestly, we just need a lot of grace for each other and love for each other's kids. Two year olds are just difficult. So are three and four year olds and even six year olds at times. Sometimes you just want to knock their little heads together and tell them to get a clue. But you can't do that, so you try as hard as you can to be a patient as you can and pray to Jesus that He will not allow you to do any permanent damage on their precious little spirits.

We are about to add another single girl to the commune. Can I call it that? That means that 12 people will be living here. Gabriel's mom AKA: Emmie, or as I would like to call her: an Angel From Heaven Above is here for two weeks so she makes 13. Between us all we have two and a half bathrooms. There are six bedrooms being utilized … and one washer and one dryer. Whew. We can do this.

I keep reminding myself of this:

There are people in this world who have like ten people all living in a single 10x10 room or smaller. There are people who have to use a communal squatty potty (I've been to the refugee camps in thailand, I know this firsthand) There are people in this world who don't have running water. They don't have dishwashers or refrigerators or washing machines or vehicles (between all of us we have a RIDICULOUS amount of vehicles). The truth is that we have it GOOD. We have showers and sinks where water magically comes out if you just turn a simple handle. It's amazing. We have phones and computers which allow us to be connected to the rest of the world. We have AIR CONDITIONING that allows us not to get too hot in our house.

We. Are. Blessed. Period.

If you hear me start to complain about needing some more space or something like that, just slap me upside the head please.


All in all I'm really excited about this new girl moving in though. There is a depth that you get to know someone when you see them in the morning and then at night and you just hang out with them on a very regular basis. You get to see them at their best and their worst. It's a beautiful thing. I'm very excited about her coming to live with us.

Lord, thank You for perspective. Let me never lose a heart of gratitude. Show me how to be thankful for each day, for each moment and each treasure. Help me to live and breathe in You. Please teach me to walk humbly, to love mercy and to do justly. I need You God. I desperately need You. On my own I do this stuff very poorly, so help me depend on You.

Life Lately

Time to answer the question that everyone is asking … (what a presumptuous statement, as if "everyone" is on the edge of their seats, checking their feeds to see if I've blogged or not, waiting on me… get over yourself Jody)

How's Chicago?


Technically it's Crystal Lake, we are about an hour outside of Chicago.

I love the weather.
The parks are awesome. Ben is taking the kids to them like every day on a huge scavenger hunt that the park administration office came up. He has to find out all kinds of questions and for every ten of them they get a prize. So far he's been to about 25 parks.
I'm loving the people too. I think I really like the Chicago accent, every time I hear it from people up here I'm always pleasantly surprised.


What else? I love the church. It's strange because a lot of times people move places and then they have to go looking for a church. In this case, we are doing the opposite, we found our church, now we just have to find everything else. I love the people of the church, it's been really cool to walk into open arms. They have been knowing that we are coming for a while. They often say "So good to finally meet you!" Who wouldn't love that kind of welcome?

Ben is still looking for a job. I'm praying that the Lord will give him somewhere close to work, that he would enjoy it and he would be able to have a ministry there. Right now it's as though he's on a  really extended vacation. I love it. He's always around and always helping. He's been doing all kinds of odd jobs around the house and it's been really cool to bless Gabriel and Debbie in that way.

Okay, the biggest change in our life right now is the fact that we are living in community. I mean like the same house. Six little kids, two sets of parents and a single guy. It's crazy. And I love it.

I mean, I really really do. My kids always have playmates. We have the boys room and the girls room. Ben and I have our own room, so do Gabriel and Debbie and Manuel lives in the basement. It's kind of a huge house and we all fit. I mean, we could probably even do another couple of people if anyone else wants to join … just kidding, I mean, maybe.

Debbie and I were talking one day about how maybe we need to write about living together. When your friend says that you should write about it, then you know they are okay with having you around.

I am tossing around a blog post with a list of rules for living with another family.

Here's a few:
1. Do as much as you can around the house. Try to out serve the other. If everyone does as much as they can, so much will get done. Don't try to keep track of what the other is doing, just serve each other. It's beautiful.
2. Give the other person alone time. Whether it's a shower or just some time alone in their room. It's always good to tell the other person, hey, you look tired, I can watch the kids by myself for a bit while you go and hang out with Jesus for a while.
3. Divide and conquer. If one person makes the meal, the others should clean it up. One person take care of cleaning the kitchen while the other gets to sweep all the floors.

Those are just a few things. Debbie could probably add to the list. She has honestly been a joy to live alongside. She's a hard worker and she's the real deal, she doesn't turn on or turn off her love for Jesus and her passion for others. She's a good mom and for sure a wife of noble character.

I've also been a fan of "team parenting" in that we as moms decide to instigate things and then when we are tempted to give in to the children, the other mom can be like, "um, didn't we agree to this?" (just ask us about the issues with kids and them insisting on a certain color of plate) there is strength in numbers. There's also the fact that we both have glorious two year olds. There's something about the two year old phase/age that is just plain humbling as a parent. No matter how much you spank them, try to reason with them, anything, they are still going to test you. It's always going to be frustrating. They are going to have whiny little voices and you just have to keep in mind, "this won't last forever."

Aria story: at 3 am this morning I woke up to see a light under our door. I walked out and found Aria had gotten the first aid kit down from the third shelf up (this means she had to climb up the other shelves) and was trying to get a band aid. I tried to calmly tell her no, she screamed that she wanted a "ban-iad" and that she could do it herself. I did my best to settle her down, thankfully we didn't wake the whole house. It was just one of those two year old moments.

I felt a little better when Debbie had to spank Deacon during breakfast (didn't even make it through) this morning. Something about seeing someone else struggle as you do is just a little more heartening. Something in you says, "I'm not alone, everyone struggles."

Lord, thank You for leading us here. Thank You for the things you are teaching us about trust and surrender. Thank You for the rest You have given us. Thank You for the good work that you've had us to do these past few weeks. I'm amazed that we are here. It's been a beautiful time so far. Help me to be humble and to serve. Thank You for community and the gift that it is. I don't even know what else to say, only that I'm thankful for where we are and I'm looking forward to what You have next.

Life Lately

Dear blog,

I don't have time for you. I'm taking care of a whole bunch of littles. It's pretty tiring, but it's good. Okay, fine, it's nap time and I will blog. Fine.


Welp, we're in Crystal Lake. We made it. This week has been somewhat easier than last week. Last week it was all about moving in and getting kids used to each other. Everything was pretty busy and in upheaval. Things have settled a lot this week. I am so thankful that Ben doesn't have a job and that he's not one of those guys who just sits around. Every time he would finish something he would always ask me what else I needed. Then he would do it. I have an amazing husband people. Just so you know.

He fixed my broken drawer, he set up the garage door opener with our van (I don't even know the term for that, but now we can open their garage door with our van) He's run errands, he's returned things that I've been needing to return for weeks (yes, I even dragged those things to a different city, knowing Target was here too) He's helped with laundry and cleaning … it's just amazing. I have an amazing, servant leader husband and I am seriously in awe of his strength and his heart.

Right now we are taking care of six kids. Our three plus three more. Two of them two year olds… need I say more?

The interesting part is that it's not all that hard. I mean, honestly, our kids have been the most difficult. Aria has been the most difficult. I'm realizing more and more that she is strong willed and that I need to watch her because she has a tendency to manipulate me. I mean, there's nothing like realizing that your two year old is manipulating you. It's embarrassing, frustrating and enraging all at the same time. Lord, help me to control my anger. Help me to communicate to her that she is not in charge. Also, please help her to stop hitting.

Where are these children's parents? In Mexico. They drove down there. 18 hours (through the night) to Houston and then another 7 hours into Madamoris (I have no idea how to spell it, so I probably maimed it.) to go help build (like construction) a church building and minister to the people living in the slums down there. They will arrive back sometime Monday morning.

One thing I know about this church is that they don't do things half heartedly. It's going to be all or nothing, in or out, hot or cold, there's not lukewarm about this little church up here. So Ben and I are pulling our weight by taking care of the littles. Wiping bottoms, cleaning messes, feeding children, settling squabbles, rising early and being dead tired at night. It's good. It's kingdom work here. The other day I was reading in Mark 10 where Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for such is the kingdom of heaven. If you do not receive the kingdom of God as one of these you will by no means enter it." Wow.

It made me think about how so many times I get tired of children and taking care of them, but if I despise the privilege then I'm despising the gifts that Jesus has give us. These six little kids would be the ones that the disciples got tired of and rebuked but Jesus would want them to come up and tell him those endless stories and He would see them with their snotty little noses … He might even wipe their nose with his shirt sleeve, hey, if He washed the disciples stinky feet, a snotty nose would be small potatoes.

Lord, help for me to care about my children and other children around me as You did. Help me to learn from them and the way they receive things freely so that I can receive the kingdom as they do. Thank You that You lead us tenderly as we care for the young. Thank You for the two year old age and how humbling it is and how often I have to cry out to You because I have no idea what to do.

Hard times:
- getting kids to stay in their bed
- kids waking up TOO EARLY.
- changing three diapers in a row, two of them poopy. It's a lovely way to start out the day.

Good times:
- when I was praying with my friend on the phone this morning Aria and Darby came into the room and just laid quietly on the bed with me this morning.
- going to the park with Ben and the littles this morning. We ALL played on the playground. I've determined that I need to play more.
- the kids playing on the play set in the backyard while I did dishes after lunch.
- the BEAUTIFUL weather. Seriously. It's a high of 72 today. I've been wearing a jacket all morning and it's June. ((I'm going to freeze this winter))

Lord, help me to focus on the good. 

PS, and thank You for naps. 

Steps of Faith

Today we close on our house and Ben quits his job.

We will be officially unemployed and homeless.

Oh good.



That's the nutshell version. I almost posted that on faceook but then I thought better of it. Better make it a blog post so that we can explain.

This is us saying yes to God and His call on our lives.

We are moving to Chicago to help start a church, but really, it's been so much more than a move and so much more than us wanting to help friends with a church plant. It's been God asking us if we will truly give up our lives and the things we love here on earth so that He can have more of us. He's been asking us, are you really going to follow Me anywhere?

Can I just say right here that Jesus wasn't just some good prophet? He wasn't a good man, His teachings were provocative at times. He was, I should say, is God. He doesn't want just part of our lives, He wants ALL of our lives. Ben and I are feeling the weight of that as we make this move. Jesus said things like, if you don't hate your father mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters - yes, even your own life - such a person cannot be My disciple.

We are learning to hate even our own lives.

Ben said in talking to people at work he can tell that they think he is foolish. He's refusing to climb the corporate ladder there and is venturing out for a new job in Chicago.

Yes, we will be helping with the church, but we won't get paid by them. This has also been a dream of Ben's, to be involved in church planting but still be a part of the work force.

We are heading up with our stuff on Monday. We will be living with Gabriel and Debbie Mayes for a few months until Ben finds a job and we can find some place to stay a little more permanently. Our kids will be sharing rooms with their kids (praying this goes smoothly, hoping for the best and expecting the worst) Ben and I will have the fourth bedroom and share the bathroom with all the little ones (for about two seconds I was disappointed but then realized we share our master bathroom with all our kids anyways, so whatev).

Ways that God has provided financially:
He gave us a ridiculously good car for a ridiculously low amount of money last fall. (It was doubtful our 1995 Camry would make it up there in all the snow)
He gave Ben an end of the year bonus (this was pretty typical) and then a second bonus (totally a surprise)
He sold our house in like three days! At our asking price! (Whaaaaaat?! Thank you Lord!)
Ben had saved up a few weeks of vacation for when Simeon was born but wasn't able to take it because he was so busy at work, so now he will get two and a half weeks of vacation.

God has done all of this. Time after time I ask Ben, "Why do we worry?" Why do we fret about these things? Does He say that He will provide? Now I'm praying that we will be wise stewards of the resources He has given us. It's like the Lord knew we would have enough stress with moving and three little kids, He just didn't give us more than we could handle. He truly is a good God.

He is our Provider.

Side note from that: I just want to say here that Ben and I have intentionally avoided debt in our lives and that really has allowed us to have freedom to move. It's allowed us the freedom to step out in faith and quit our job without (major) worries. Romans 13:8 says "Let no debt remain, except the continuing debt to love one another, whoever loves others has fulfilled the law." That's been the goal of our life in Christ.

Lord, this is rough. It's been a difficult last few weeks, but because of You, it has been good. Thank You for Your provision. Thank You for support of friends and family, this could not have been possible without the body of Christ around us. Thank You for constantly helping me with my attitude. You are my healer, in so many ways. I pray for open hearts for Ben and I as we move, we are plant ourselves in a foreign city for Your glory, that we would follow You even more. Let us be more devoted to prayer, and to Your Word. Let us be more sensitive to Your Spirit. You are worth it.

Moving to Chicago part 3

Wow. That's all I can say.

We will be moving to Chicago (Crystal Lake, Illinois) in a week from Monday. It's happening. It's here.


I can't even blog coherently about this.


We sold our house. It went on the market on a Sunday. We got an offer that evening. We countered and they rejected. Then three other people came in and made offers. In the end, we got our asking price. Thank You Lord. It might have been the most painless part of the whole process. For me at least. Our realtor, Ray Ellen (I'm just gonna say his name so that if you need a real estate agent in Central Arkansas you can call him), did an awesome job.

God is merciful. Really, He is. This whole process of picking up and moving… not the funnest process. I've had moments of wanting to melt into a puddle of tears, but in His goodness, God has given us some incredible gifts during this time. Staying at my in-laws: sweet fellowship with them plus a clean house to pack up in the afternoons. My parents who have taken the kids overnight several times just to give us a break from the chaos. Friends who have watched the kids on different mornings. I'm learning what it means to ask of others and not cower in shame.

We are still waiting on a job for Ben. Honestly, I just am not worried. God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He tells us not to worry. Ben is an awesome worker, he's not lazy. I know that as soon as we get to Chicago he will begin looking really hard for a job.

He did have an opportunity with Verizon and that was encouraging. He had a phone interview and then flew up for a face to face interview. Then we waited to hear back. And we waited … and waited. Finally, this week he got a response that was almost, practically a "no" but encouraged him to apply for other jobs within the company and they would send on his resume.

It was a true let down. I mean, after all that time Ben and I were not feeling good feelings like he would get it, but still to have it sort of there, I think that was hard, especially for Ben. But he handled it like a champ and he had a good heart to heart with the Lord because of it.

One thing I know about this WHOLE process of receiving the call, praying through it, seeking counsel, saying yes to the Lord, and picking up and moving, Ben and I have been more challenged in our faith to truly believe that we are in His hands than ever before. This has led to a crazy intimacy with God and with each other. It's put some grit in our faith. Singing the songs on Sunday morning: "We won't move without You, You're the light of all, and all that we need" "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back" "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side" … those lyrics now hold a weight to them.

Sometimes I feel like God is calling us to Chicago just to change us.

Lord, let us be malleable clay in Your hand. Let us testify to Your faithfulness and Your goodness. That's why we're doing all this stuff. It's because You are faithful. You have so transformed us and changed our lives and made us new from who we were, that we can't help but give our lives to You.

Healing an Angry Heart

A Sunday afternoon blog post. Why not?

It's been a rough week. That's all I can say. It's been rough, but the truth is that God is faithful.


Moving is not easy. Putting your house on the market isn't easy either. Trying to figure out what we will need for the months that we will be staying with the Mayes and what we will need to put in storage… not a lot of fun. Add to that trying to be a wife and a mom and I've pretty much become a puddle of tears. Usually angry tears.

This week was a huge struggle with anger.

I wouldn't say I am usually an angry person, however, my kids are best at provoking that out of me. As my sister-in-law told me the other day, "It's amazing what comes out of you when you are squeezed." Oh I have found some not-so-pretty things come out of me. Not pretty at all.

Some things I have realized about being a homemaker and a mother. Nesting happens. I have my nest and I like my nest. Don't push me out of my nest or mess it up. Moving nests is not fun. I lose things, I forget where I put things … putting kids down for bedtimes and naps is about a thousand times harder. There are new rooms and territories and boundaries that need to be set. I feel like I've been all out of sorts this week.

Can I just pause to say here that it's no one's fault that I have been upset? Seriously, I have the most gracious in-laws who have let us come move in with them so that our house can be shown at a moment's notice. That way I wouldn't have to be constantly picking up after a four-year-old, two-year-old and a new baby. It's wonderful, and they are the most gracious hosts I have ever been with. Seriously. You have no idea. I pray that we will be like them someday, the Lord has blessed them and they have open hands with it.

Anyways, I think I have just been mad about the situation. I've been angry that I have had to pack up all of our clothes and bring them somewhere else. I might have been a little bit angry that Simeon hasn't slept well (therefore I haven't slept well) for the past few days.

Finally, Ben and I were in the car and I was just telling him, "I am so angry and I don't even know why." Everything he said I took offense at, I just could feel angry vibes going towards him. He was like, I don't know what to do Jody. So I did the only thing I knew to do and that was just to start praying out loud and confessing my anger to God. I was asking Him, please take this away from me, please cleanse my heart and my spirit, I cannot take it out of my own body. I cannot stop wanting to spew on everyone around me.


And that was it.

We drove on to our destination in relative silence. That evening it was like I had a new heart. I literally have no idea what happened, except that God answered my prayer. All that bitterness and anger had been sucked right out of me. The next day was better and the next day was even better. The Lord heard my cry and He healed me. It was crazy.


Lord, You are my Healer. You are my very present help in times of trouble. I need nothing else BUT You Jesus. Thank You that You are faithful when I am willing to call on You. My faith in You grows each day as I get to walk with You. Not only that, but each day I am more and more convinced that there is no way I could do this on my own.

Thank You Lord.

Moving to Chicago part 2

Several times today while cleaning and packing and just thinking about packing I have wanted to break down and cry and just lay on the floor and tell everyone I can't do this. I just … can't … do … this.

But as I was cleaning the Holy Spirit was asking me, "Jody, is this your home? Is this where you were meant to be?' I was reminded that this world is not my home. It's just not. We, maybe especially americans and maybe especially housewives, want our homes all tidy and nice around us. We want it to be comfortable and a place of permanency. That's probably because we were created for permanency, for paradise. The sad part is that this world is not permanent. The world and everything in it is passing away, but the Word of God stands forever.

Lord, thank You that this is not my home. How hopeless I would be today if it were.


Okay, so more about our call to Chicago.

Why is this so hard for me to blog about?? Maybe it's because sometimes it feels foolish to say, "God told me to do this" … because really? Are you sure you heard Him? Yes, I'm sure! But really? Would He really tell you to do something that makes no sense like that? Yep. Makes sense to me.

I'll share a little from Ben's story.

We had just truly decided to begin pursing the idea of going to Chicago. We told Gabriel and Debbie one Sunday night about how we were truly feeling like the Lord was leading us there to partner in ministry with them. They were thrilled. True to form, Gabriel gave us a challenge. He's definitely the kind of guy who will hold your feet to the fire … in a good way. He challenged us to start telling people about the possibility of moving and how God was leading us. He told us to make sure and be intentional in this time.

The next day Satan started attacking. Fear. Hardcore fear. Would Ben be able to find a job? What if we went for a period without insurance? Would we be able to sell our house? What if our parents thought we were crazy?

All kinds of questions and fears.

He hadn't ever experienced fear on this level before. He decided to download a podcast from Matt Chandler. He hadn't listened to Matt before, he just knew I had listened and decided to download a sermon. It was about fear. Matthew 6 and how God provides. Ben was weeping in his car. He was on his way to lunch with one of our pastors. His meeting with the pastor was so encouraging that if the Lord really did want us to move, God would make a way and He would make it clear. God would not leave one of His children in the dark or obstruct their way.

Another meeting with a pastor Ben had just read about Jonathan and the armor bearer and how they went up and defeated a philistine outpost. Ben had a vision that he would be like the armor bearer. Ben is a team player, he wants to support, not as much lead. This pastor had preached a sermon on this passage just before he left his old church. They were able to talk about the passage and the pastor had a lot of confirmation that Ben was following God's will.

God just kept telling us to keep pressing into ministry here in Little Rock. We knew that we needed to stay for one more season. We needed to have our third baby here and Ben needed to see a huge project through at his work. He wanted to leave his job well. He didn't want to leave his co-workers in the lurch to "go start a church" for some reason, we didn't think that would be a very good witness. :)

It's sort of felt like we've had a line of bread crumbs we have been slowly picking up as we follow God. A sermon here, a scripture there, a word from a friend at a very appropriate time. People who we told would ask us, "How is Chicago looking?" And I could honestly say, I feel like I can only see about ten feet ahead of us. It's like we are on a train and God is literally laying the track out in front of our eyes.

It's been a huge faith journey for us and we are excited about what else He has in store.

A Different Kind of Announcement

Okay, so I've been meaning to blog about this for a while. A long while.

Yes, we are moving. There, I said it. Does that make it more real? To Crystal Lake, Illinois, a suburb outside of Chicago. We are going to help in the upstart of a church there.

Really, I should probably start this story from the beginning. Crud, I don't want to blog right now. I am tired. I've been taking care of three little kids all day and I'm really just done. Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors, this is going to be just raw and real. Lord help me.

Where do I even begin?

About three and a half years ago we met a couple, Gabriel and Debbie Mayes. They came to Little Rock to start a business called QBot back then it was Qpon Revolution. They came to our church and just knew the Lord had led them there. Gabriel immediately started serving with me on the worship team. They are the kind of people who don't waste any time. They jump in with both feet. It's all or nothing with them. Gabriel is direct and passionate, he is a leader to the core. Debbie is quiet but has a fierceness about her (I'm pretty sure it's the irish blood that runs through her veins) that holds her to her convictions. For some reason, in their two years here in Little Rock the Lord knit our hearts together. I could call Debbie the night before and ask her to watch my kids the next morning. We had them over for dinner, they had us over. Gabriel and Ben would have game nights with other guys and go see movies together. They were the first couple who had ever mutually pursued us as we pursued them. We just clicked.

Anyways, around November of 2012 they told us they were going up to Chicago to start a church with Gabriel's cousin, Nick and his wife Lyndie. They challenged us to come with them. Honestly, in my head I thought "No way I'm leaving Little Rock, God has us here, I like it here, family is here, we're good." In other words, I was thinking, "in your dreams."  I was good and I didn't even need to pray about it.

Ben prayed about it and we didn't feel a peace about going. I was like, "of course" … :) I remember having one last meal with the Mayes and Gabriel saying that he had no doubts that we would end up in ministry together at some point. I'm being so honest here… I thought, yeah, when y'all come back to Little Rock, we will have ministry together. One thing I need to learn  in my life is to never say never.

The next year I decided to read through the Bible chronologically. I had never read through in a year before. I've read most of the Bible at different times, but for some reason I took the challenge and actually succeeded. I don't even know how.

Well, in mid July I remember reading a passage in Jeremiah. The israelites were asking Jeremiah for a word from the Lord. This was after most of them had been taken off into captivity in Babylon. God had a command for those who were to stay. He told them, "Do not go down to Egypt. (this is Jody paraphrasing) You think it will be safe there and you will be protected. But I want you to stay in Israel and live here even though it feels dangerous. If you go down to Egypt just know that sword and famine will follow you." So I thought, where is my Egypt? Lord, where do I seek comfort and ease? Am I where the Lord wants me? I remember talking to a friend about it and she was like, "This is Egypt." Referring to our easy, beautiful life down here in Little Rock.

Slowly, the Lord was pushing me out of my comfort zone.

Around September Gabriel came down to Little Rock to visit. I thought the issue was dead, but he took Ben out for dinner and laid out the whole reason why they want they Hefners up in Chicago to help with their church. It had been going for several months and they were doing exciting things in ministry. My heart was still in an "I'm never leaving Little Rock, it's way too good here" mentality. Ben and I talked afterward and I said, "So you turned him down right?" His response surprised me. He was excited about the church up there. He was really and truly considering it. I asked him why and his response cracked open my door to the possibility. He said, "No one has ever challenged me so much in the Lord as Gabriel Mayes. I don't always agree with him, but he has pushed me further into scripture than any other guy."

This gave me pause. … My husband wants to be around other men who cause him to grow closer to the Lord. I will move to the other side of the world for that.

So we prayed. Ben fasted. He told me that he wanted me to receive a word from the Lord as well, it couldn't just be him. I was still riding the reluctant train with the dread of the possibility of leaving family.

Enter October. This is the part of the chronological reading plan where Jesus FINALLY comes. By this time in your reading you are so tired of the Israelites and their kings and then their oppression and prophets, it's weary. So Jesus finally comes on the scene. Since all the gospels happen simultaneously I started to just read where Jesus was calling the disciples. God is good because if it had just been one or two callings I would have totally overlooked it. But I kept reading: follow Me, follow Me over and over. It was making me uncomfortable. They would ask Jesus questions like, "Where are you staying tonight?" and He would say vague things like, "Come and see." You mean… maybe we won't always know where we will be staying? This doesn't sound very safe and secure. Ummmm …

I think the passage that hit me the hardest was when James and John were fishing with their dad, Zebedee (cool name) and Jesus told them to follow Him. They literally got up and left their nets and their father and followed Jesus. For the first time I saw it from the parent's perspective. He was left there, holding those nets. Maybe he was glad they had been called, but maybe he was also heartbroken that he wouldn't see his sons anymore. I saw my parents and Ben's parents. We love them. We want to stay and hang out with them forever. Seriously, we are so weird. I want my kids to know them well. I want to be near them. But God was nudging me on the shoulder asking me if I could leave them so that I could serve Him.

Was I willing to do that?

Had James and John said, no, we don't want to leave our dad, we love him too much, they would have missed BEING TWO OF THE TWELVE DISCIPLES! Hello! And what would I be giving up in the Lord if I refused to follow Him wherever He would lead me?

The Lord kept telling me that this life is but a vapor. Use it for all it's worth right now because time is passing quickly. We will have an eternity to live near our family and love them. We only have this short life to follow and serve the Lord wherever He leads.

There is definitely more to this story. I'm ending this post, but I reserve the right to post more if needed.

Deep sigh.

Jesus, help us.