Sunday, May 11, 2014

Healing an Angry Heart

A Sunday afternoon blog post. Why not?

It's been a rough week. That's all I can say. It's been rough, but the truth is that God is faithful.

Moving is not easy. Putting your house on the market isn't easy either. Trying to figure out what we will need for the months that we will be staying with the Mayes and what we will need to put in storage… not a lot of fun. Add to that trying to be a wife and a mom and I've pretty much become a puddle of tears. Usually angry tears.

This week was a huge struggle with anger.

I wouldn't say I am usually an angry person, however, my kids are best at provoking that out of me. As my sister-in-law told me the other day, "It's amazing what comes out of you when you are squeezed." Oh I have found some not-so-pretty things come out of me. Not pretty at all.

Some things I have realized about being a homemaker and a mother. Nesting happens. I have my nest and I like my nest. Don't push me out of my nest or mess it up. Moving nests is not fun. I lose things, I forget where I put things … putting kids down for bedtimes and naps is about a thousand times harder. There are new rooms and territories and boundaries that need to be set. I feel like I've been all out of sorts this week.

Can I just pause to say here that it's no one's fault that I have been upset? Seriously, I have the most gracious in-laws who have let us come move in with them so that our house can be shown at a moment's notice. That way I wouldn't have to be constantly picking up after a four-year-old, two-year-old and a new baby. It's wonderful, and they are the most gracious hosts I have ever been with. Seriously. You have no idea. I pray that we will be like them someday, the Lord has blessed them and they have open hands with it.

Anyways, I think I have just been mad about the situation. I've been angry that I have had to pack up all of our clothes and bring them somewhere else. I might have been a little bit angry that Simeon hasn't slept well (therefore I haven't slept well) for the past few days.

Finally, Ben and I were in the car and I was just telling him, "I am so angry and I don't even know why." Everything he said I took offense at, I just could feel angry vibes going towards him. He was like, I don't know what to do Jody. So I did the only thing I knew to do and that was just to start praying out loud and confessing my anger to God. I was asking Him, please take this away from me, please cleanse my heart and my spirit, I cannot take it out of my own body. I cannot stop wanting to spew on everyone around me.

And that was it.

We drove on to our destination in relative silence. That evening it was like I had a new heart. I literally have no idea what happened, except that God answered my prayer. All that bitterness and anger had been sucked right out of me. The next day was better and the next day was even better. The Lord heard my cry and He healed me. It was crazy.

Lord, You are my Healer. You are my very present help in times of trouble. I need nothing else BUT You Jesus. Thank You that You are faithful when I am willing to call on You. My faith in You grows each day as I get to walk with You. Not only that, but each day I am more and more convinced that there is no way I could do this on my own.

Thank You Lord.

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