Do I really even want to blog right now? I really just want to sleep. But I am staying awake so I can teach Levi.
See, a while back when Ben left we started some bad habits. I'm terrible at starting bad habits because basically bad habits are the easy way out. Bad habits like not making Levi eat all of his dinner and then giving him yogurt or cheese instead later on because he is hungry. Those kinds of bad habits.
One bad habit I have started is lying in bed with him until he falls asleep. Now that he is in a big boy bed and can get out it is much easier if I just lay in there with him until he's asleep and then I don't have to struggle with putting him back in his bed and back in his bed and spanking him and putting him back in his bed and then talking to him and putting him back in his bed... Some nights when Ben was gone we would spend two hours doing this. It can make you feel like a crazy person. So, should I spend 15 mins in bed with him while he falls asleep or should I spend two hours teaching him to stay in his bed? One has short term results that at least get him to sleep but in the long term he is not learning to put himself to sleep on his own.
If it weren't for my husband I think I would be the worst parent. He is the one who reminds me that this is not a sustainable thing. "Jody, you can't do this for the rest of his childhood." When he reminds me of these things I just want to snap back at him, "You have no idea what it's like to be shut up in a house with a two year old all day!" But I restrain myself and admit that he is right. I hate it when he's right. I'm thankful that he's right but at the same time it kind of infuriates me sometimes.
I guess I could call it "Easy way out parenting" parenting in the moment instead of with the end goal in mind. I have to constantly be asking myself, is this going to blow up in my face someday? Am I going to regret this decision further down the road? Sometimes Ben sees something that I am doing and lets me know that we are not going to do that as parents. We are not going to go lay in Levi's bed when he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes and gets us. We are not going to let him stand up in his chair during dinner time. I don't need to nurse Aria every time she cries. I don't need to nurse her to sleep every night (we are trying to wean off of that one right now). If they wake up too early they are going to have to go back and sit in their bed until it's time to get up in the morning. I know. we are mean parents.
But I think the best ways are often the hard ways.
Lord, teach me what it is to have grace for my child. Help me to raise them to be healthy and obedient. Help me Lord, I am so weak in this. Thank You for a good husband. Thank You for good friends and family who support us and love us. I am so often bad at this and I lose my brain so often. Please help me Lord. Thank You for being patient with me, help me to be patient with our children.