It's been a while

 

It's been a while. I've been thinking about blogging lately but have felt like maybe I'm just a poser.

I don't have time to write, I have six kids. 

I don't have time to write, I homeschool those kids. 

I need to focus on my songwriting. 

I need to focus on my disciples. 

I need to clean my house, do my laundry, cook meals settle fights, practice piano, guitar, lesson prep. 

Well, maybe I will just jot down a few thoughts. I've filled up enough journals lately. 

I still need to finish Abel's birth story. It's been 18 months now. 

I've been reading Andrew Peterson's Adorning the Dark and I love it. I think that's partly why I want to write. His honesty is inspiring. I want to be honest in that way too. I also read one of my old blog posts and actually enjoyed it. 

Community living is hard sometimes. Sometimes it's amazing because there are so many people around to help and to take cooking nights and help clean and all that stuff. But sometimes it makes me realize how wicked I am inside. How judgmental and cruel I can be. Thankfully I have friends who shoot it to me straight and remind me of the Word in Ephesians that says, "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4 also goes on to say not to grieve the Holy Spirit, I've been feeling His grief inside of me because I have not been ridding myself of all bitterness and rage and malice as it goes on to say.  

It's good to get punched in the gut and be shown that you are not doing it right. It's good to see that the Word is profitable for all teaching and rebuke and wisdom. 

I am so thankful for my sisters who look to see what's inside of me, and judge my heart by the living and active Word of God. 

I've been on Facebook and Instagram too much lately.  Sometimes it feels like you are sticking your head in a toilet with all that's on there. 

I need to walk over and see my neighbors more often. I don't just go see them enough. I need to do better at that. 

I can't believe it will be 2022 next week. 

How did my babies get this big? How does time go so quickly?

That's all for today. 

The power of words

I don't write because I think I'm an amazing writer. I'm not. I'm honest, but not particularly skilled at this art form. I don't write because I think that I just have tons of wisdom to give out, I am only a young 26 year old.

I write because I live and learn. And then I learn again. And again.

A wise woman builds her house,
but with her own words a foolish woman tears hers down.
Proverbs 14:1

I am reminded today of how my words can build up and cut down. I had the opportunity to encourage a friend the other day, it was really cool to just build up that person and help them see how God had ordained them. A friend encouraged me the other day. Her words were like a healing balm. Seriously, that's the best I could describe it. Walking away from our encounter I was literally lifted up and felt like I had a soothing balm rubbed on my wounds.

I was thinking this over in my mind today as I was doing laundry and I thought of the converse of encouragement. Thinking of ways that I have "torn down" my household or others around me... my brothers and sisters in Christ. Words have the power of life or death. (Proverbs) The tongue is like a flame and it can start a great forest fire. (James)  I think too often words come a little too quickly out of my mouth... the truth is that I wish I could just suck them right back in, but you can't. It's like they are gone, never to be taken back.

My friend texted me the other day and said she felt like God was telling her she needed to be more silent. What a good reminder that sometimes it is good to be silent before the Lord.

Not that it is terrible to speak or that you are automatically a fool if you do, but I think I need to begin to weigh my words. Man, I want to speak some life over my kids. I want to speak way more life than I do death. I've seen parents speak life and I've heard them speak death and the results are pretty astounding. I'm praying for wisdom in this area. Praying that I will be gentle and patient and kind. That I will discipline and be firm, but I will have love coming out of my pores for my kids.

Dealing with Levi this morning, there were moments when I wanted to scream. When he was whining at my feet as I'm trying to put together my grocery list and the kitchen is a mess with crumbs crunching under my feet (this is after we swept just two days ago) and I am stressed out and hot and sweaty because I'm not used to this humidity yet. .... Lord, help me to be gentle in spirit towards my kids. Help me to hear them and love them. Help me to have patience.

Let me be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19