Learning in the midst of homeschooling

I just had a very life giving conversation with some friends today about homeschooling, mothering, teaching our kids and then I thought, maybe I could blog about this?

Honestly, I love homeschooling.

It's kind of like mothering for me. I didn't think I would like it, I thought I was too cool for it, that it wouldn't be "for me" but really, my heart is like, yes, this is incredible.


I want to boast in my weakness right now. I have the privilege of diving into the Word of God every day and using it to teach my kids character and it's just in the everyday, mundane stuff of life. I'm not really amazing or wise, I just get to be a student of the Word and God has given me the ability to recall just the right verses at the right time. It's truly the Holy Spirit who is working inside of me, I don't know how I come up with these scriptures except I just heard them once sometime in my past or heard a sermon about it or read a book about it. I don't even know.


Yesterday Levi, Aria and Simeon were unloading the dishwasher. I asked them to unload it while I went upstairs to lay Jethro down for his afternoon nap. I came down to Aria running upstairs and crying in her room and Levi and Simeon continuing to work. I asked what happened and Aria said Levi hurt her feelings. Levi said, "What? I just said she was lazy and not working very hard."

Immediately I thought of Ephesians 4:29 "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit all who listen." Were the things he was saying benefiting everyone who was listening? Was it building up Aria or tearing her down? We got to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about this. I also brought up Proverbs 19:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat it's fruit." Levi, were you speaking life or death over your sister? How can you encourage her to work harder without tearing her down?


Today was special. I mean, I honestly want to have a whole blog devoted to the antics of Paul. It's like I could write a book of his first three years. I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Paul has taught me to be strong. Thankfully, he's leaving the terrible twos and entering the wonderful threes. (At least that's how it is in our family, I know others say the threes are the worst, I totally get it, twos are our "year of deep dark sadness")

Okay, sorry, I felt like I needed to intro this story with that explanation.

So Paul was playing with one of Simeon's new matchbox car and carrying it around everywhere. I was doing school with the big kids and the littles were just playing around. Paul had to go to the bathroom and came out a little while later telling me proudly that he had pooped in the potty. I knew he hadn't wiped himself (he can't quite get himself clean yet) so I was like, okay, let's go back to the bathroom and clean you up. On the way he informed me that he had dropped his car in the toilet.

Oh dear.

I looked and from what I could guess he had pooped, flushed it and then afterwards somehow dropped this car into the "cleanish" toilet. I'm just glad it wasn't sitting in the poop nor was it clogging our toilet. You have to understand that as a mom of five who has cloth diapered and potty trained and pretty much nothing phases me. You single people without children are totally grossed out by now. It wasn't pleasurable and I washed the car and my hands thoroughly but I definitely reached in there and got it after wiping Paul. 

I hear outside the bathroom door, "Hey Simeon! Paul dropped your car in the toilet!" Thank you Levi, you didn't really need to broadcast that to the house.

Immediately the verse came to mind about love covering over sin. I was like, how does that one go again? Google can come in pretty handy with that stuff. I found it in Proverbs 17:9 "He who repeats a matter separates close friends but he who covers over and offense promotes love." I asked Levi, did Simeon really need to know this? Was it an accident that Paul dropped it in the toilet? (I'm not positive, but I'm giving Paul the benefit of the doubt on this one.)  We want to promote friendship between Paul and Simeon, it's already a tenuous relationship at times, does Simeon really need another reason to dislike Paul?

We talked about not lying or covering over legitimate sin. We talked about that if you see a kid doing something that is disobedient to go and tell an adult or that if someone does something to you to hurt you, you need to tell Mommy or Daddy.

These things are hard to teach.

I didn't find them in any textbook, they were just in my spirit.

Yes, we do reading, writing and arithmetic every day. These core subjects are important and I feel like they are like bricks that we are laying one day at a time, and then we will look back and see that we have built and entire house. But even more than these things, the atmosphere, the culture we are creating in our home is in these day to day, character building times and I truly, honestly love it.


I really love it.

Thank You Lord for this amazing gift that I didn't even know I wanted. Once again, You know me better than I know myself.

Lessons from births

I have so many friends who are pregnant, nursing and just in those early childbearing years. So many times I want to sit down and tell them all of my lessons, mess ups, successes and mistakes I've made along the way. I learn things best the hard way. Then it's forever imprinted in my brain and I can just go from there.

This is just me speaking from my experience in having babies. I hope you enjoy!


Lesson #1: Take care of yourself.

Seriously, it's your dang body that is growing and birthing this baby, you need to eat right, exercise and rest well. This is super challenging when you are sick, have heartburn, achy joints craving weird things... but do your best! Usually in my first trimester the thought of a salad makes me want to vomit and all I want is junk food. The good thing is that usually only lasts for about 6-7 weeks and then I feel like eating healthy again. Try to eat as healthy as possible with a few indulgences here and there.
With Levi I only gained 30 lbs but then lost 50 lbs by nursing and eating fairly healthfully (I still had ice cream and stuff like that on occasion).
With Aria I thought, "Heck, I lost all that weight, it doesn't matter what I eat!" So I gained all 50 pounds back by eating all the things. I did lose all the weight again but it would have been easier had I not gained so much.
With Simeon I walked a ton and was super active. He had the best birth and I think I only gained 30 lbs with him. I took naps most days and ate pretty intuitively.
With Paul and Jethro I overdid it. I thought I could push my body extra hard because I thought I was super mom or something like that. I have been paying for the ways I did not listen to my body and it trying to tell me to slow down or remove stress.
I'm also a lot older now (try 10 years) and I think I need to just be very careful of what I am eating and how I am taking care of my physical body.

So yeah, take care of yourself. Eat your fruits and veggies and plenty of fats and proteins with a few indulgences here and there. Exercise and keep moving but don't over-exercise. Watch out that you're not putting too much stress on your body. Rest when you feel tired.


Lesson #2: Make sure your baby is in the right position

Levi was butt down so he was a C-section. I'm forever scarred for this and will never have a completely normal, stress free birth because of it. Oh well, that's just my lot in life.
Not only do babies need to be head down, but they need to be anterior! Aria was my lesson for that one. She was facing the wrong way. Babies need to face the mother's spine in order to put the right pressure on the cervix. I was in labor with Aria for three days. I would lay down and my body would have painful contractions and then I would stand up and they would go away. It wasn't until I was 2 days into labor that a midwife friend came to my house and diagnosed her position. I started doing a position called Deep Knee Chest where you basically stick your butt in the air with your knees and chest on the floor and you hang out there for about 20 minutes at a time. Praise the Lord, she turned and then my body went into real active labor. I was so tired though it took me a long time to even push her out.
Looking back I probably would have gotten an epidural when we got to the hospital just so I could rest. Even though I was at an 8, it wasn't until about 3-4 hours later that I pushed her out and was completely exhausted. I hadn't rested for three days and hadn't eaten much in those days either. I also would not use the birthing stool again.

**side note** my last three pregnancies the babies were all posterior but I was able to turn them before going into labor, so their births were much smoother. I did it by doing Deep Knee Chest position every night during the last few weeks of the pregnancy.

Lesson #3: Practice Labor Denial and labor techniques

You can relax against the pain of labor. Simeon's was the best labor and I would only categorize his as "painful" for about 30 minutes of it. Even when it was painful, I somehow breezed through it.
He was in the right position. I had been walking every day, getting into Deep Knee Chest every night and praying that this labor would not be like the last one.
I started having contractions in the morning and I just breathed through them. They weren't comfortable, but the more I relaxed and breathed, the better they were. If I tensed against them, they were much harder to get through. But they would only last a minute or so and sometimes be 20-30 minutes apart. I played with the kids that day, we went for a walk (up and down hills mind you) and then we all took a nap. I honestly didn't even think I was in labor. I woke up from my nap and had lost my mucus plug. We went to dinner at my in-laws that night and left our kids there "just in case"
I went to bed early (8:00) because I was so tired but then woke up at 10:30 and made myself a bowl of cheerios because I was hungry and then decided to time my contractions. I don't think I was thinking clearly because they were a minute and a half long and about 2 minutes apart, but I decided I would go back to bed because it wasn't as painful as my last birth. But when I went to lay down my water broke. I realized then that I needed to go to the hospital so I woke up Ben. That's when the contractions were very painful. HOWEVER, I started moaning deeply and it really really helped. I also listened to calming scripture lullabies in my earbuds and that really helped. I got to the hospital in 7 minutes, got up on the hospital bed and pushed him out. Yes, it was painful but it was amazing. I would have 20 more births like that if I could.

Practice guided relaxation. Practice breathing. Walk, distract yourself, rest.


Lesson #4: Recover well

I thought I was supermom and could do it all. I thought I could just push out a baby and keep up with life as normal! No, having a baby is not normal and it requires a lot of time and attention.  It's a huge shift in your family as you are adding a new little person to your midst. It's such a miracle! Breastfeeding always has it's struggles but usually they are worked out around 3 months or so. If you can't breastfeed, don't beat yourself up about it, formula is not poison! I have had supply issues with both of my last two and it's been something I've cried a lot about and struggled with. I'm still nursing Jethro but he has had to be supplemented since day 5.
In those first two weeks try to lay down as much as possible. Get someone to help you. It will help your uterus to heal fully. You have to treat your body as though you had an injury and just not doing anything for 6 weeks (except maybe go to a movie with your hubby).
Enjoy that time, you will be healing and figuring out your baby. You will be up at all hours of the night, it's really difficult but at the same times really beautiful.

Starting to Blog Again

I have not blogged in let's see... maybe a year?

I am far from a professional, this is more just to record my thoughts about things and what I'm learning.

I've felt a desire to pick it up in 2019, so here it goes.

Topics I'm wanting to write about:
Our homeschooling journey, how we got here and how it's going so far.
My struggle to lose weight after Jethro, our fifth child and how the Whole 30 program kind of changed my life ... and maybe a few other people around me.
Our church and community living. As we have people who live with us and what that looks like and why I love it sooo much.


Homeschooling.

My life often feels like controlled chaos. Or just chaos. Having five kids ages nine and under 24/7 can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. Honestly, I've had to work on my discipline with the kids. The tighter and stronger my discipline the more smooth and happy the days go. When I'm lazy and permissive the days have more frustration and difficulty.

How did I come to the decision to homeschool? Ben and I were homeschooled so it wasn't a foreign concept to us. Ben was all about it, I was too cool for it. Picture the homeschool mom in the jumper and white collar. Picture the kids in the pleated khaki pants with polo shirts... we weren't those types of homeschoolers but we were pretty close. Whatever, looks don't matter.

I digress.

Honestly, we were going to homeschool all along, especially when we saw our children going into the more vulnerable middle school and teen years. We wanted them to be in a place where they could just be themselves and not feel the pressure of hundreds of other kids who want them to fit the mold that everyone else fits in. Also, we wanted to teach them about the Lord and what He has done in our lives and how to walk with Him.

Last year Aria attended kindergarten and Levi was in second grade. We put them on the bus every morning at 8 and they came home around 4. That's a huge chunk of the day that I didn't even see them. I could have volunteered at the school here and there but I'd have to find a babysitter for our other kids and I just didn't have the capacity for going up to the school. Anyways, I didn't see them much, and this is crazy because they were six and eight and still my little children.

I was hit with the fact that I was not the primary influencer in their lives. I also started to realize that not even the teachers (who were amazing and wonderful, kind women) had a ton of influence because my kids were one of about twenty eight kids.

Actually the real deal hit me when I was talking to God about it one day and He was like, "Jody, stop being a wuss." I'm sure He said it a lot gentler and nicer than that, but that's what I realized I was doing, I was literally afraid to homeschool all five of my kids and teach them to read and write and do arithmetic and teach them art and science and history as well as feed and care for each one of them. I thought it would totally exhaust me and Ben would come home to a puddle on the floor. 

I knew I was weak. 

 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 2:9

Honestly, it's a good thing to be weak and frail, because that's when I see God's power work through my surrender to Him. 

I've broken out into cold sweats when talking about "planning for the year" and "getting organized" and "planning your days" I get nauseous when I think about having to choose a curriculum and what if it works or it doesn't and do I really have to go by the book? What in the world do I do with this giant teacher's manual? Can I just use it for a place to put my coffee cup? I settled on Bob Jones because my friend did it and she had some books for it. It's also pretty well laid-out. I think in future years I'll look for a little more creative curriculum. 

Also, what about my workouts and my yoga routine and my baby weight that I was still trying to take off? Would I even still have a life? 

It turns out, having a workout routine a few days a week are extremely necessary for the survival of a homeschool mom. I pack up our math books and we go to the Y every Tuesday and Thursday. I check my littles into childcare and my bigs do their school there. Or they can choose not to, but they will have to do it when they get home. I get on the elliptical for 20 minutes and then do a 30 minute yoga workout in an empty room with my phone BY MYSELF and I LOVE IT. Yes, being alone can be precious time when you're a mom of littles. 

Being with your kids is also precious time though. 

I cannot tell you how much I have thoroughly enjoyed homeschooling my kids this past semester. I get to celebrate them every day. I get to talk about character and where their hearts are at. I have a firm pulse on what each kid needs to work on. I get to pray with them and for them every day. I get to read aloud with them and discover books and stories with them. They come to me and ask for help and I get to say (this is what I have decided to say every time they ask for help) "I love helping you with that! It's my favorite thing to do." I told Aria today that her schooling, my kids were my top priority today and she was like, "Really?" As though it hadn't occurred to her before. Sometimes I get distracted with my phone or other things around the house and I have to apologize to them (especially when it's the phone). 

They also help me with all kinds of chores:
unloading and loading the dishwasher
clearing the table
sweeping (still working on that one)
vacuuming (also still working on that one)
watching little brothers so that mommy can get lunch or dinner made
picking up the house of toys, coats, shoes and whatever else has landed on the floor

I tell them, "This is part of being home-schooled, you learn how to take care of a house. You learn to do important chores like cleaning the bathroom and cooking meals." 

I also love it that they have plenty of time to play and just be themselves. I want them to learn to work hard and to play hard. I get to push them in their studies where they need pushing and give them grace where they are struggling and cheer them on when they are soaring through. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it. 
Proverbs 22:6 

Lessons to learn

Today we took our kids sledding for Paul's second birthday. Poor Paulo, he hated it. I mean, he was okay with sitting at the top of the hill and watching everyone else go down but going down himself was not his cup of tea. He went down with Ben once on the promise of getting hot chocolate if he did and he screamed and cried the whole time.

Lesson learned: sledding is not too much fun for kids under four years old.

I thought it was just a Simeon thing because Simeon is so sensitive and our other two never had a real snow/sledding experience as two year olds... but legit, Paulo did not enjoy it.

I tried to bring Jethro but that lasted all of 15 minutes and I tried to zip up my coat over him while wearing him. The only thing I succeeded in was breaking the zipper on my favorite coat.

It's okay it was only $10 from Savers. But I still loved it. :(

Ben and Aria went to a father daughter dance this evening. I love getting to dress her up and send her with her daddy to feel special. What a blessing to have a husband who loves her and takes such good care of her.

I also got to share the evening with my four boys, my plan was to take them out for ice cream after dinner. Thankfully we had our surrogate grandparents along for the ride, I don't think I could have made it to Culvers without them.

Paul was a bit of a mess all evening. He didn't want to eat his dinner, he didn't want to put on his boots or his coat either. It reminded me of when Simeon turned two and he cried the whole time. It felt like such a struggle.

Ben and I call it the year of deep dark sadness. Communication is difficult, they get into so many things, there's lots of crying and you telling them "no" and them telling you "no" ... it's basically a really tough year or so. I remember when Levi turned the corner and became a pretty agreeable little three year old and it was such a relief. Now with Paulo being our fourth two year old I feel like I have hope that this is just a season and things will get better. For now I'm praying for patience.

Please Lord, help me to choose my battles wisely, help me to nurture and love and be creative. I need Your guidance Holy Spirit, I need wisdom from You. Thank You for leading me.

It's Been A While

Hello Blogesphere (I don't even think that's how you spell it or if that's truly a word... whatever)

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about blogging lately. It's just hard to find the time to sit down and write. 

We are on child number five now. 

Five kids. I used to be overwhelmed by two, then three, then four I felt like I was catching my stride. But then we had all kinds of issues with Simeon and his speech (he didn't really learn to talk until he was almost 3). Then we became elders at our church. Then we took a disciple into our home. Then we bought a house adjacent to our pastor, more like friends and had three more people living in our house with us. Then one moved out and two more joined the crowd. Believe me, it's a crowd. :) We like to laugh and stay up late and have early morning Bible studies and basically run on fumes. Then we left for India while I was 6 weeks pregnant with our fifth child and left three of our kids with our disciples (two 21 year old girls who got a crash course in being a mom/homemaker). 

India was amazing y'all. You don't even know. I still don't even know and look forward to going back. 

Fast forward to having our fifth child. We have a huge house but because of having 12 people in it hardly anyone doesn't share a room. Dan, our 76 year old adopted grandpa has the basement and Jethro our newbown occasionally sleeps in the closet (but mostly in bed with me because that's how he likes it). Our four other kids are in two bunk beds in one room. Mostly I love it that they all sleep together. It was tough teaching little Paul to be in a big boy bed at the age of 22 months (I say that because he felt super young and had no idea what was going on. He mostly wanted to share a bed with Simeon and didn't understand why he had to sleep alone in this huge bed with a railing, no one else had to have a railing and why did he have to sleep on the bottom? He wanted to be on the top.) Also, he puts himself to bed by banging his head on his mattress and making loud "ah" noises. 

Paul's pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen. He's also the most exasperating of all the kids. Two year olds are like that aren't they? They grow out of it eventually. I just try to enjoy what I can about him. 

This week was a huge lesson for me. 

I enjoy housework. I like cleaning and doing the dishes and sweeping the floors. I feel like the Lord has put that in me. I like having a clean house. I don't like leaving things left undone and the dishes in the sink and all that. 

However, the other day I felt like the Lord was telling me (and Ben had said this earlier) to focus on the boys. The three youngest are 4 and under. So instead of diving into cleaning the kitchen after the older ones left for school I decided to sit down and play with Paul and Simeon. We got out the cars and set up the race track and just played for a while. I enjoyed them for a good 20-30 minutes and then I started cleaning the kitchen. I tell you what, they got along so much better after that. I used to get so frustrated with how much I had to stop cleaning and go settle fights or discipline. 

I also had another moment that morning when I was in my room cleaning and they were playing on their bunk beds and had thrown the comforter on the ground. Normally I would be upset at the interruption (because I have a tendency to be selfish like that) but instead I threw it on and started tickling them. Soon we had a stuffed animal fight, throwing stuffed animals at each other because that's what you do with little boys. 

After a bit I told them it was the last time and they were ok with that. Wow. 

I mean, the morning wasn't perfect and I still had to discipline and stuff but God really showed me how to enjoy my kids and still get things done. 

Lord, help me. I continue to be in need of You and Your Holy Spirit to lead me. Help me to listen to my husband, help me to love my kids and take care of our home. I want to do my best as unto You.  

Jethro's Birth Story

We weren't expecting to see little Jethro so soon. He was due on the 6th of December and the past three normal, vaginal deliveries were fashionably late. I was thinking he would come around the 10th.

At 37-38 weeks pregnant I may have been doing too much. Taking care of four kids, doing laundry, helping to host a worship retreat, playing and singing at church on Sunday mornings and Monday nights... doing yoga, going on walks. I may have over extended my boundaries. But I thought after Simeon's delivery being a week late several years ago and me going on walks every day that how could I possibly overdo it? Maybe it's because I'm older. I'm all of 33 come Friday and I was more like 29 then. You twenty somethings, you don't know this but your body changes when you hit the big 3-0. I'm sure if you're 40 you're thinking, "you have no idea Jody Hefner" ... totally. I will someday though. Lord, help me to age well. Teach me to love aging and to be gentler on my body as it ages. Teach me to work hard at every age and to follow Your Spirit as You lead me where to go and what to do.


Anyways, on Tuesday night Ben had to go work on some website stuff with one of our pastors so I put the kids to bed and started to head to bed myself. It was about 9:30 so I decided to do some bedtime prenatal yoga. I was about 3 poses in when I felt a gush. Oh no, I must have broken my water. I went to the bathroom and was even more shocked to find that it wasn't water but blood. If you are easily queasy, don't read the rest of this paragraph. It was seriously so much that it looked like I had just started a very heavy period. I kept bleeding and started to panic so I called the doctor.

The doctor said to head to the hospital as soon as possible so they could check me out and make sure I was okay. I called Ben and told him to meet me there. This is when living with eleventy billion people has it's perks. I asked Dan, an elderly man who lives with us, he's very much like a grandpa, to drive me to the hospital while LauraMae and Veronica stayed with the kids. Our other two girls who live with us would be home soon and they have been home, holding everything together since. I am so thankful for each of them and the role they fill in our household.

When we got to the hospital I wasn't in any kind of labor. I've been in natural labor three times before (I never made it into real labor with Levi since he was breech) so I knew what labor actually feels like. I honestly just felt a little crampy but no real contractions.

They didn't know why I was bleeding. It could be the cervix, it could be my placenta detaching from my uterine wall, it hopefully was not some sort of uterine rupture. This birth seemed to be laced in fear. So much fear of the unknown of what could happen to me or my baby.

Having to VBAC means you have to keep monitors on your belly the whole time. One to monitor your contractions and one to monitor the baby's heart rate. Uterine rupture is a big deal, I mean like there are tons of risks, one of them being death of you and/or your baby.

Thankfully a lot of our friends and family were praying for us.

We opted for me to spend the night and be monitored.

In the morning I had slight progress from 1 to 2 cm and from 30-70% effaced. If you don't know what this stuff means, it basically means I took a baby step towards climbing a mountain of labor. Yippee.

It didn't appear to be uterine rupture since Jethro's vitals were awesome all night and I didn't have any abdominal pain. The bleeding decreased but didn't go away altogether.  We decided the best option was to get Jethro out of me as soon as possible since there were so many unknown factors.

So they put me on pitocin. Super fun drug that starts your body into labor and tends to make contractions pretty painful. It didn't work so they decided to break my waters. That definitely worked. I do not recommend it. I felt a lot more pressure at that point but then started to have real contractions that I had to stop and breathe or moan through (yes, I moaned, don't judge me).

I'm sure I've said this, but the only say to describe labor pain is that it feels like your body is trying to rip itself in half starting with your pelvis. There you go. I'm sure you wanted to hear that.

During all the struggle of dealing with contractions, dealing with an IV and being monitored I turned on this song: Upper Room This is How I Fight My Battles and it ministered to me. All the fear that was surrounding the unknown of Jethro's birth. Then all these other songs were coming on about how Jesus overcomes our fears and how we can rest in Him. There were many moments when I was in tears, many moments when I wanted to get off the train, but I knew there would be a reward at the end.

The time for pushing was coming near after a few hours. Even after pushing out 3 other babies I still don't feel comfortable knowing when to push. I think I always want to push too soon, mostly because I want to be done. My midwife checked me and I was only 8 1/2cm and you need to wait until you're 10. So I needed to wait and labor down. This is the hardest thing because there is no comfortable position to be in. I basically wanted to flee from my own skin. I wanted to get off the train and not have a baby anymore. My midwife was so perfect though cause she would smile at me and say, "Jody, you can do this, you're gonna have your baby so soon!" I was totally freaking out, wishing I wasn't a hardcore natural birther. Several times I thought, "why don't I get an epidural??" It was too late by then. Also, I don't get epidurals because of all the risks, I'd rather just endure a ridiculous pain level in order to avoid those risks.

Finally, I pushed little Jethro out. Ben caught him. Every time I see my baby come out I think in my head, "This human was inside of me? I can't even believe it." It's like they are so tiny and so big all at the same time. I even had lies of thinking he wouldn't be okay or that he wouldn't be alive. Seeing him and knowing he was okay, this was a huge relief. I laid back in the bed and they put him on me and there we were. I had my reward.

They looked at my placenta later on and found that it had been separating from my uterus. This explained the bleeding I was experiencing. If we had left it unchecked it could have separated all the way and Jethro could have died.

I'm thankful that we chose to induce labor. It definitely did not go the way I would have chosen. But when do we ever get to special order these things? Out of five births now I can really only look back at Simeon's and go, yeah, I would totally do that again. But the Bible is true that when that baby comes the laboring woman forgets the agony as she holds her new little baby in her arms. Literally, that's what I'm doing today. I'm so thankful for this new little addition to our family. I'm looking forward to seeing how he will change our family and the role he will play. I am also looking forward to seeing the man he will become.

Lord, Thank You for this precious gift!

Paul's Birth Story

I love blogging about my baby's birth stories. Usually the down time in the hospital is the best time and place :)

For starters, we missed our due date. I was kind of okay with that because I wanted to be a part of a recording with my church that weekend and was hoping he wouldn't be on time. My track record so far has been two weeks early with Levi, Aria was three days late and Simeon waited a whole week to come out. I was pretty sure I was just going to be later and later. It was a bit of a joke for me. 

I made it through the recording on Saturday praising the Lord. 

On Sunday morning Ben seemed to be getting sick so I went downstairs and started making him breakfast. Suddenly I felt a small pop and a leak. Oh dear, I don't think I peed my pants, I think that might have been my water breaking. I went upstairs, changed and put on a pad and prayed. Then I told Ben. And we kind of laughed. Of course, right when he's not feeling good. Then there was the debate in our minds as to whether or not to go to church (I would be playing the piano) or not. My body didn't seem to know it was supposed to be in active labor at that point so I hoped that maybe getting out and doing something would help it to kick in. 

Church was awesome, the Lord really spoke to our hearts and getting to worship Him in the fellowship of believers is always a beautiful thing. My heart hurts if I have to miss church. I had a few good contractions but nothing regular at all. I told a few of my friends about my water being broken, some of them thought I was crazy but I just asked that they would pray for me. That we would have wisdom about when to go to the hospital and that my body would start to pick up into a regular pattern of contractions. 

Now, I'm going to take this moment to explain that I am Group B Strep (GBS) positive. Since the beginning of the pregnancy I've had that curse upon my records. I've tried probiotics, komboocha, yogurt, garlic, GSE, and even in the last stage of pregnancy I cut out all sugar, refined flour and caffiene. All to no avail. 

I've done a lot of reading on GBS from both camps of medical and natural. We've been praying and with the .5% chance that it could kill him, I decided that I would sacrifice my desires for a more natural labor for the sake of my baby. I'm not trying to look like a saint or say I'm awesome or anything like that. I remembered how with Simeon's birth I walked in and just delivered him in 15 minutes and it was awesome and I would totally do it again. I knew I had to be at the hospital 4 hrs beforehand in order to get the antibiotics, I would have to be on the monitors (curse those uncomfortable things!) I would have to have an IV or heplock of some sort. These are things I did not want. But I came to the conclusion that if we could, we would try to get there early enough to administer antibiotics. 

In my reading I knew that a broken bag of waters would up his chance of infection, so I knew I couldn't wait a super long time. 

We went home after church and took a nap (the best sleep is usually in your own bed right?) Then I took a couple laps around the block and just still wasn't getting a regular. 

We decided to go to the hospital around 4:30, I know that's a long time to wait, but I just wasn't sure what the hospital would do to me. I'm a natural birther and words like pitocin and epidural give me the willies. 

I checked in and they confirmed that my waters had broken and I was slightly leaking, but not much. As it turns out, he had a second bag of waters... who knew? We didn't until he was descending, but that's for later. 

They finally got around to the antibiotics at 6:30, apparently hospitals like to dilly dally around and make you sign 10,000 pieces of paper and ask you a million questions, some of them you have already answered if they would just look up your records. 

The nurses were on the phone with my midwife whom I truly love. She is so gentle and kind and uplifting. She's a glass half full kinda gal and seems to know her stuff and is pretty lenient about stuff. So I knew when she suggested pitocin, she was right. I was in so much fear but I knew something needed to happen soon. 

The nurse told me she was going to give me a "whiff" of pitocin. For any of you who know about this stuff it was on a 4. I learned later that a normal dose is more like a 12-15. After about an hour of more consistent, more difficult contractions they bumped it up to an 8. This is maybe what drives me crazy about hospitals, she didn't really ask me. But I dealt with them. I will say that they were getting harder to breathe through and nothing was very comfortable. I am thankful that we get breaks between contractions. I distracted myself with Facebook and Instagram for a while, listened to music, and attempted to listen to my relaxation tracks. But even that eventually didn't help. 

The four hours passed a lot faster than I thought they would. I knew I needed to wait until 10:25 top deliver, but who in the world has control over those things. I think it was around 9:45 when I asked if they could stop the pitocin. By that time my body was in full force labor and I was having minimal breaks. 

Honestly, I was terrified to push him out. I'm just being honest. 

I didn't know how much more pain my body could handle and I just wanted a break. I told them several times, "I don't want to do this anymore!" "I'm so scared!" Ben and my midwife and nurse were all reassuring that I was doing great. I kept praying and breathing. 

I was asking what time it was and knew it was about time for me to push, I could just feel it. I got up on my hands and knees because I knew this was the best way not to tear and started pushing with each contraction. It was really difficult. All you want to do is get your baby out and at the same time you want some kind of respite from the pain.

Then finally, he was here. Ben got to catch him and then I turned over and they put him on my chest. He was so tiny and yet so big at the same time. He was here! I couldn't believe it. We got to wait to clamp his cord and then Ben did the honor of cutting it. 

It was finally over. All that pain and difficulty, but I got to hold my reward in my arms and marvel at this new tiny person. 

So many prayers were answered. I didn't have to get an epidural, it was almost 4 hours after receiving the antibiotic that I gave birth. I also was able to play the piano for our church recording and was able to go to church on Sunday morning.

This birth is a huge reminder that not everything goes according to plan, but God is still good. He is still in control.


:: edit ::

I hesitated to share this post because it looks like everything went successfully and smoothly. We have one other hiccup in the road now. Paul has come down with a fever and there are a few things that are going on with his health that makes it look like he might have contracted my GBS after all. Thankfully we are still in the hospital and he is receiving treatment, however, it looks like he will have to stay here another 2-7 days. I was just discharged and they are allowing me to stay as a guest for as long as they have a bed. Our hospital stay has turned out to be very good and I honestly have all good things to say about Centegra and their care.
I do have a longing to go home. I also want to be able to hold him without all the wires attached to him. I know this will happen soon, but it's just hard right now. I miss my other kids and my husband. Praise God, my mom is in town and being a huge help at home, but how I long for my own bed and some sense of normalcy.

More than anything though, I know that God is in control and we are in His faithful, capable hands. Lord, thank You for allowing us to trust You, thank You for difficult situations where we get to lean on Your everlasting arms. Help me to be faithful, help me to rest and trust in You.