Well, my neck is aching. I think it's from sleeping on my side.
Christmas is in just a few days and tomorrow I will be thirty eight weeks. I'm officially more pregnant than I've ever been. The strange part is that I'm totally okay with that. Yes, I want her out of my body soon, I want to hold my little girl, but I really feel like I want this to be a good labor. I want to experience what it will be like to go into labor naturally and what my body will do as she comes out.
Which brings me to a very important subject: natural childbirth. It's interesting when you say that you want to have your baby naturally and the reactions that you get. I haven't heard it as much with this pregnancy but with my first one people were always telling me "Just wait until you actually experience labor..." It's just a little bit discouraging. Epidurals are all the rage I guess. It just kind of stinks to be told you're too weak for this. That's all I'm saying. So really, if you are one of those people who says stuff like that, you have no idea what you are saying to a vulnerable mom. If you are a woman who has had an epidural and have "been there" ... I'm just going to say this and I'm going to try to say it as diplomatically as I can: just because you got an epidural or pain medication, I don't know what your circumstances were, doesn't mean that you need to project that on other women. I'm not saying it to tell people to shut up, but I just feel like we need to encourage one another and not drag each other down. If this is a woman's heart cry that they want to TRY for this, don't tell them they will need pain medication. Just tell them you think that's awesome. ... I don't know if that makes sense. I don't want to be offensive and that's not my intent, but I just feel like we are too quick to give advice and forget that listening ears are in a vulnerable place.
Yes, I doubt my ability to withstand massive amounts of pain, but that doesn't meant that I need to be told that I will "need" an epidural. I think I just want to be encouraged to go for it. Women have been giving birth for thousands and thousands of years without medication and they have all lived. I also understand that if I want this to be a successful VBAC then I need to try to do this as naturally as possible (more motivation for me). I'm sure there will be things that I don't expect and surprises down the road, but I want to try to just accept it and deal with the pain as best I can.
Okay, I just had to say that.
I've been practicing relaxation techniques and doing yoga and using essential oils to help get my mind focused on relaxing as much as possible during labor. The best thing to do during contractions is not to push up against them but to just relax through them. I know this a little bit because I did experience labor with Levi. Maybe the part that I'm most concerned about right now is when I get further along. I only made it to a 3 with Levi but he was breech so I didn't kick into hard, steady contractions because his head wasn't engaged. Right now I know that Aria is head down and I'm praying she stays that way. I'm praying she will be anterior facing and we won't have trouble with that positioning either. So many things to worry about... but I don't want to worry.
I want to just be. I want to dwell in the moment and just enjoy this pregnancy for what it is, a beautiful time of creating a child. I'm praying that I will have the willingness and flexibility to just continue.
Right now my main goals of the day are to exercise and then to rest. :) I'm trying not to eat too much sugar, I did just have a big bowl of ice cream though, so that might not be the best :P I always eat worse when Ben isn't here. He's at worship team practice running sound.
Thirty eight weeks tomorrow...