Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Pregnancy again. :) part 26

Aria, will you come in 2011 or 2012? Only Jesus knows :)

Been feeling light contractions, not sure if they are doing much. My appointments have been pretty much like, "Yeah, you're probably not gonna have this baby today." Meaning no dilation. I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm not getting my hopes up. There's something totally mental about birthing and opening up and I don't want to defeat myself, you know? I want to keep imagining that she will be late (this might be a mark for the rest of her life :)) just taking her time and then everything will be beautiful. Who knows?

I'll be thirty nine weeks on Thursday. Aria, I love you already, I am excited that you are almost here. I can't wait to hold you and feed you and just cuddle with you on my chest. I am excited about having a tiny little precious baby to just have. I know you will cry... A LOT... but I'm okay with that. I know it's difficult to be born into a cold, harsh world. I know you have been warm and safe inside my womb and have had the perfect amount of nourishment without having to feel hungry. But believe me, we will both be glad you came out.

There's something I want to tell you. You are being born into a fallen world. That's why this whole process of you coming into the world will be painful for me. You won't remember the pain, but I'm sure I will. We are all sinners, we are all fallen. I am fallen, so is your daddy and even though we love you desperately we will still mess things up. Here's something else you should know, you are already fallen. You will never get it right. There will always be a hunger in your soul, there will always be a struggle with your selfishness and pride. I'm really sorry, I wish it wasn't that way. So many days I wish it wasn't that way...

The most incredible thing is that God provided a way. He is all powerful and yet He decided to come down in the form of a helpless little baby, just like you. Except He wasn't born in a nice hospital, He was born in a stable and dirty, smelly shepherds came to meet Him. He loves the lowly, the ones this world likes to reject... remember that. But there were angels who were rejoicing when He came. This God, He will amaze you. Then He lived among us humans. He was hurt by us and saddened by our fallen, selfish hearts. He loved us desperately. He loves you desperately. So much so that He endured the most brutal punishment for our sake, a death on a cross. I will tell you about it someday when you can understand. He did this so that you would not be fallen any more. If you choose to come into His Kingdom then you get to be His daughter. Wow. This is far greater than being our daughter, let me just tell you. :) He will always know just what you need. He will always provide for you. He will allow you to go through struggles, but He is going to be right there with you. Let me just tell you, this is the best thing ever. I want to weep as I write this because I am thinking of all the difficulty and the joy and peace He has led me through. I pray that for you. I pray that you will see your need for Him. I pray that you will give yourself wholly and completely to Him. He is worth every bit of it.

In His presence is FULLNESS of joy
At His right hand are pleasure forevermore.

But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God so loved this fallen, broken world that He gave His one and only Son, that WHOEVER believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

Whom have I in heaven but You? The earth has NOTHING I desire besides You.
My heart and my flesh may FAIL, but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me."

I love you Aria, I am praying for you.

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