End of January, it's been a good month.

Hello blog, it's good to see you again. The children are asleep and I have a few minutes. About 33 to be exact.

Here are some updates;

Bible Reading
So my 90 day Bible Reading Plan is going a little bit slower than it should but I literally have no guilt over that. I just finished Dueteromony and January is about to end. I'm kind of proud of that. The things that have stood out to me thus far:
God hates sin. We are sinful people. We cannot know the mind of God, His purposes and His plan may only make sense over a period of thousands of years. We are small. His laws are perfect and good and wise.
I love how God commands the Israelites to look after the widow, the orphan and the alien among them. I love it that He also commands them to lend freely to the poor. He tells them to not go over their fields twice so that they can be gleaned by the widow and orphan. It's like He's saying, "I've provided enough for you and enough for those around you. I want you to serve them and love them and my resources will never run out.

I honestly have a tendency to be tightfisted with my money. I've always been a saver. I'm trying to learn how to hold these earthly things with an open hand. Dueteromony 15:1-12 really hit me the other day. God says that he will bless you if you are generous. Lord, teach me to be generous so that I can be a conduit for Your wealth. Let it not stop with me.

Children/parenting
I go back and forth with things being easy or difficult. This morning Levi would not leave me alone. All I wanted to do was clean the kitchen. I mean, really clean it. Aria was down for her nap and I could really get into things then. But at ever turn Levi was asking to watch a movie or to read a book, or for me to spin him on daddy's office chair... I would do it and then say, okay Levi, find something else to do, mommy is busy. Then he asked for some candy. I almost exploded. I texted Ben to let him know how good he had it. Then I went back into my room to get something, Levi followed of course. I saw a toy car on a table and started to play with it. I told Levi the car could not get off, he needed to go get his plane and rescue it. I tell you what, that was the key! Levi was soon occupied with the plane rescuing the car and proceeded to play with them for the next 30 mins. It was amazing.
Lord, help me to be creative and loving. Help me to foster Levi's creativity. Help me to know when to clean and when to just sit down with him and read a book or turn on some music and dance or when to have him help. Thank You for allowing me to clean my kitchen this morning. You are so good!

Aria is almost walking. I want her to walk but then I probably don't realize what she'll be into when she does. She has a passion for going outside. Every time the door opens she crawls like a maniac to break into the open air. Sorry little sister, it's too cold and you are going to majorly mess up your pants on the dirt out there. This is the reason why I want her to walk. I think her life will be just happier in general.

I honestly really love having two little kids. Yes, they fight and hit each other and throw soccer balls at each other's faces, but they are so much fun when they do get along. I love seeing them play together and enjoy each other. I'm amazed that God has allowed me to be their mother.
Lord, help me to be wise as I raise them. Please give me strength and courage. Thank You for a husband who is such a good father to them. I still cannot believe how much I am enjoying having a little family like this.

To Do Lists...

It makes me sad how little I have blogged lately. Resolution: blog more. Okay.

Today has felt overwhelming. The strange thing is that it's just like every other day in my life. Aria had a Dr appointment this morning for her one year well check. Turns out she has an ear infection again. I said something to Ben this morning that was... well, just not encouraging. I love it when I start out my day by tearing my husband down (says sarcastically). I think ever since then I have been plunging myself into guilt, trying to redeem myself somehow. Now that I think about it, that's just ridiculous.

How often does my mind just dwell on the negative? Lord, help me to take my thoughts captive.

I need to fold the laundry in the dryer.
I need to sweep the floor.
I need to make our bed.
I need to start packing for a trip to Kansas City this weekend... I'm a horrible horrible packer. Did I mention that I'm horrible at it? Something is always forgotten. I remember one short trip that we went on and I totally forgot to pack any pants for Ben and myself. So we both wore the same pair of pants for three days. Not that you can't do that, but we pretty much had no choice. I'm saying to myself... really?!

I need to do yoga.
I need to call a friend.
I need to read the Bible... I'm trying to read the Bible in ninety days. I think it's going to be more like a hundred and eighty days. Or more. I just finished Numbers this morning and it's only January 23rd, I should be proud right?! This is one of the reasons I have not blogged lately. But I'm totally okay with that. I haven't been on Facebook as much too, which is always a good thing.

For some reason all I want to do is stare into my pantry. This will, of course, get none of the things I need to do done.

Lord, I am crying out to You now. You are the multiplier of my time. You carry all my burdens. You give me strength even to do the little things. Help me not to be overwhelmed by what I can't do or don't want to do. Help me to know how much time to spend on each particular thing. Give me wisdom. Help me not to look to lesser things. Help me to focus. I surrender all these things and whatever else comes into my head to You today. Amen.

Levi Stories

Oh how I've needed to post some Levi stories. His life could be a story really,

The other day I was in the bathroom and he came running in. "Wook a my found (look what I found), it's Mater!" (the tow truck character from the movie Cars). He holds up a dusty little fruit snack. Fruit snacks are his favorite thing. He randomly just looks at me and says very seriously "I don't want a fruit snack mommy." This absolutely means he wants one. I told him a while back that I would reward him for good behavior when he least expected it. We don't want to bribe, we want to reward and rewards are not expected so stop asking for fruit snacks. Anyways, he was full of delight and joy as he presented the fruit snack to me. Since we hadn't had fruit snacks in about three days I asked him where he found it. He proudly exclaimed "Under the frigerator!' and popped it in his mouth.
"Mmmm, is that pretty good little buddy?"
"Yeah."
He's probably developing a taste for mold this way.

This was a recent trip to the grocery store. I hate those carts with the cars on the front and so when we go into the store I immediately have to inform Levi very firmly that we are not going to use one of those carts. I usually try to tell him while we are in the van and clearly line out all of my expectations but often have to re-inforce them as we are entering.
His favorite thing is to run ahead of the grocery cart, head down, arms swinging at his sides like a vaulter and then turn around and run back. This is usually fine during the week at nine in the morning when the store is more empty. But for some reason I decided to go after naps which meant it was around 4 and the store was packed. I had to keep getting on to him to stay with me.
At one point I handed him some spaghetti noodles to put in the basket. I turned around and heard pasta spilling all over the floor. There was a nice man walking down the aisle and he helped me pick as much of it up as I could.
Later we were in the dairy section and Levi was wanting to get the milk. It was too heavy for him on the higher shelf so I thought maybe he could grab it from a lower one. He did pretty good until he tried to lift it above his head into the cart. I totally should have seen it coming. The gallon of milk came crashing onto the floor and milk started gushing everywhere. What do you do in that situation? A grocery store worker saw it and went into the back to get a mop I assume. I just left the scene. I felt kind of terrible, but I don't know what my presence would have accomplished. Needless to say, we left as quickly as possible.
Finally we were checking out and Levi yells out to me, "I don't want any candy!" Again, trying his hand at reverse psychology. That's right Levi and I turn back to the groceries. I look back at him and he has a Mike and Ike candy open and is eating it. At this I freak out inside. We do not steal! I went and got the candy, paid for it and all the way out to the car I let him know that he had stolen and when we got home we would have a spanking. I'm not going to go into great detail about that last part, but you get the idea.

Oh my sweet Levi, I love it when you laugh, even your new creepy laugh you have developed. You are the best nose-blower (besides your daddy) I have ever met.  I'm sorry I never let you play with my phone. I'm also sorry about yelling at you for touching my computer. You remind me a lot of how I don't listen and obey well either. I love it when you are thankful. I love it when you share and play with your little sister, she thinks you're amazing even when you spew water into her face in the bathtub. I love it that when you wake up you always want to cuddle, except when I'm trying to make dinner.

You are my precious boy.

Lately

So, it feels like it's been a million years since I've posted. I think it's actually only been a couple of weeks.

Here's what we've been doing:

1. Ben's awesome sister and her FIVE kids (ages 6 and under) came and we got to hang out with them almost every day. His parents are awesome and welcomed us and our four extra mouths for any meal we could join. Levi loved holding his brand new cousin Ruth (3 weeks old).
2. We made and delivered Christmas cookies to a few of our neighbors. The kids loved singing Christmas carols (Jingle Bells including verse) and I loved it too.
3. Ben got the flu on Christmas Day. Thankfully we had already celebrated Christmas so he didn't miss anything.
4. We were snowed in and then lost power. I became the rugged pioneer woman and got logs for our fire, cooked food over the fire and kept babies warm while Ben was sick on the couch. I have no idea how many times he broke fever in those four days, but it was pretty awful.
5. Ben's parents (who regained power before we did) took us and about half their church in. It was really cool to get to hang out with them.
6. We relocated to my parents house with my side of the family coming in town. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that we regained power. Total days out of electricity: Four.
7. Celebrated Christmas with my side of the family. I got awesome videos of the kids doing cute things. And then I accidentally deleted them. And then I sunk into a deep pit of despair. Lesson learned: download videos from camera as soon as the event is over.
8. Both kids got sick. We ended up in the Dr's office on Thursday. Turns out Aria had a double ear infection (so that's why she was acting so crazy! Stupid parent moments...) One night out of the sickness kids woke me up about every two hours. In all honesty, the Lord really sustained me through it. Some days I would think to myself, "I shouldn't even have the energy to be walking around right now, but for some reason I do."
9. Aria got on an antibiotic for the first time. This is the worst yeast rash I have seen yet. And believe me I've seen a lot of rashes. It's kind of like trading one problem for another...
10. I decided to start intensely reading the Bible at any spare time. During nap times primarily. I have a goal of trying to read it in 90 days. I don't think I will complete it that quickly, but I am hoping I will finish close to that. It's been good to get a more sweeping view of the Word. I used to only read a little at a time and then meditate on it, so this has been a good challenge.

Tomorrow is Aria's birthday. I can't believe it's been a year...

Simple Things

I'm blogging from my parents house this evening. Our house along with many other houses in Little Rock are without power in this below freezing weather. We are fortunate this evening. 

Ben is sick. I hate sickness. It puts this dark cloud over everything. The good thing is that he really has been a trooper and God has given me a lot of grace for him since being sick over Thanksgiving. 

The power went out around 11 pm on Christmas Day for us. We spent that night and the following day in a house around 57 degrees. Maybe to some people that's not too bad, but for us little Arkansans we were COLD! The difficult part was dealing with a one year old who doesn't understand that getting into the fireplace is dangerous. Also the fact that Ben was sick on the couch and the kids didn't have much to do. We were burning through our firewood like crazy. The plan was to somehow go out and saw up our fallen branches in our yard and use those for kindling. Thankfully, however, Ben's parents called us around 3 in the afternoon and told us that they had power. If we could get out of our house in all the snow then we could spend the night with them. 

Praise the Lord! 

Then Ben became the trooper and moved the branches from our driveway. Thankfully a guy was working on fallen branches with his chainsaw just down the street and he came and made it a lot easier on us. (I don't know if we even had a saw... what were we thinking?!) 

Last night we spent at Ben's parents house with another family. That's what I love about Ben's parents, they are some of the most hospitable people I have ever met. I hope we are like them someday. The next day they found out that several other friends with little ones were also without power (and probably freezing) so they invited them as well. I soon found out that my parents had just gotten power and we decided to come here since there was a bit more room. 

I totally did not mean for that story to last this long. All that to say, here we are. Grateful to be in a warm house. 

What have I learned in all of this adventure? 

We are extremely dependent on electricity. Frighteningly dependent. I can't tell you how many times I went into a room, flipped a light switch and though, oh yeah, we don't have power. Arkansas houses are not built to be warmed by a fire. Open floor plans and vaulted ceilings do little to keep heat in a concentrated place. 

Sometimes the simple things are good. It was so quiet. There was hardly any noise. The goals of the day were to keep warm, feed ourselves and just stay alive in general. Survival mode was in full swing. When the kids went down for naps Ben and I read a book by the fire (I read to him since he was ill). 

So many times I think we as Americans are very "plugged in" people. We have our smart phones, our laptops our iPads ... we have TV's and computers and so many screens that we forget about the real life all around us. I fear that my children will grow up so attached to and obsessed with screens that they will miss the beauty of God's beautiful earth all around them. 

I want my children to be in awe of sunsets, to notice birds and squirrels in the yard. I want them to point out pretty clouds or trees and just to notice things. The other morning in order to keep warm I washed all of our dishes by hand. I had forgotten to run the dishwasher before we lost electricity and thankfully our hot water heater still worked well. I looked up through my kitchen window and saw the bare tree limbs with ice covering them. They were beautiful. The sun was shining on them and they were waving and sparkling. I called Levi to come and see. We sat there for a few moments just on the kitchen floor, looking up at the sparkling trees. 

I wonder how many times I am looking at a computer screen and miss my children's smiles. I wonder, when they think of me, do they picture me checking my phone? I'm not going to drop electronics all together, no, they are a vital part of our culture. But Lord, help me to always be keeping that in check. 

Thank You Lord for these lessons. You are good. 

Letters to Littles

Dear Aria,

The other day you said your first word. Doll. I mean, you say things like Dada and Mama (I think you said Dada first and I'm totally okay with that, I love the sweetness of your relationship with your Daddy). But this was your first thing that you pointed at and named. Granted, it sounded more like "daw" but your brother can't even say his 'l's" yet and he's three, so it's okay. I was so excited when you said it, we passed the doll back and forth for a little bit, pointed at it and called it doll a few more times and then I hurried into the living room where your Daddy was and showed him. He was impressed.

I think your brother's first word was "ball" which sounded a lot like "baw" ... ah the differences between boys and girls.

This morning I was holding you and thinking about how true that little poem is. Little girls are made up of sugar and spice and everything nice... You are sugar and spice. There's just a sweetness about you, a tenderness that wasn't there with Levi. This morning when I came in to get you I picked you up and we just cuddled for a minute. I prayed that you would be a cuddler.

You do still struggle with grabbing faces though. You get all excited and then lunge for my face. We are working on that. You start to cry if I say no too sternly. You are a sensitive little girl.

Another thing you do that is not so girly is growl. Levi likes to growl at you and the two of you go back and forth until I start to break things up. We are totally okay with you not being a perfect little girl. I was a bit of a tomboy myself. You kind of have to be with a big older brother as your primary playmate.

I love your deliberate movements. You are so good at grabbing things off the coffee table, picking them up and putting them back on the table again. I just have to watch out that you don't do this with certain items that can more easily break or tear.

You are also kind of sneaky. I won't hear a sound from you at your grandma's house and then I go looking for you and you are halfway up the stairs. We are trying to keep you away from the stairs since you have already fallen down then a few times. Thankfully it hasn't been too far and hopefully you will learn soon.

You have definitely been the fresh morning song we prayed for. I'm looking forward to your one year birthday and what the next years have to offer as you change and grow.

I love you sweet girl.

Mama

Things God is teaching me

Lord, please help me as I write this. I have so much I want to share but I don't know what I need to hold back and what I need to bring forward. Please help me.

God has been teaching me many things lately.

But I am a slow, reluctant learner.

In the mornings when I read my Bible and pray and journal everything sounds really awesome and I think, "yes! I want to do that!" but then two O clock hits and I am not wanting to submit and obey anymore. That's around the time when I want to do things my own way.

I hate that.

I think it's laziness and lack of conviction.

The thing is, if I try to fight my own laziness I just end up making excuse after excuse. "I'm a mom" "I had a rough day" "I deserve this" ... and so on. I don't follow through because I depend on myself and honestly, I'm like a reed blowing in the wind.

Lord, I have been lazy with my house. I have been lazy in my prayers and scripture memory. Yes, I have two little kids and they are demanding and difficult and definitely not convenient, BUT I don't think that's an excuse not to call on You at all times. I don't think that's an excuse to waste their nap time on facebook and reading blogs or eating cookies or whatever I can find in the pantry. Father, I have been wasteful in my time and that is wrong.

God has also been teaching me about pride.

Some friends of mine were talking about their small group leader once who would say "Honesty Room" and then he would just blurt out whatever was on his mind. He would say maybe what everyone in the room was thinking but afraid to actually talk about. He would confess sins and for some reason it was okay because he said "Honesty Room" beforehand. ... I think I could live my life in Honesty Room. I'm going to steal his phrase though.

Honesty Room. I love compliments. I love the praise of man. I love to look in the mirror and think about how beautiful I am. (Oh my goodness, I sound so vain)... but vanity, that's what it is. Losing weight has not helped in this area. I pass by a mirror (still) and think, wow, I am so skinny! ... (Oh my gosh, I can't even believe I'm saying this right now, I'm saying it because it's true). It's not true all the time, mind you. I have days when I look in the mirror and I hate what I see, but that's not as often the case.

The truth is that my heart is wrecked with sin.

I want to be humble. I want to have a humble heart that doesn't even THINK about that stuff. I want to have an others-focused heart that loves and gives of itself. Lord, I can't do that without You.

Generosity.

Are we still in Honesty Room? Cause I am. I am not a generous person. I mean, I can be and I want to be but I am also paranoid about money sometimes. I realized the other day and told Ben that Christmas stressed me out because all these stupid gifts had to be given and we would have to spend all this money and buy people things and it was all mandatory because of this holiday. I have to make out a list of what I want for Christmas so my family can know what to give me but the truth is that I don't need anything. There are things that I want but they cost hundreds of dollars and it's really awkward asking for cash for Christmas. I just don't know that I'm much of a gift person. It's terrible.

But it's not just the gifts, it's that I'm not generous to the poor. I'm not generous with my time or my money. There's this thing that keeps itching in the back of my mind that I keep thinking about how stinking wealthy and comfortable we are. We have heat and air conditioning. We have comfortable couches, washing machines, dryers, we have hot water heaters, soft beds, the list could go on and on. There are people walking around on this earth who have nothing. I have brothers and sisters in Christ who don't even have a tenth of what I have. We spend at least a hundred dollars a week on just food, if not more. I know that this is the culture we live in and the cost of living and all that... but still. It doesn't sit right.

I want to go volunteer at a soup kitchen or go give Christmas presents to a family or something like that. But I have two little kids and I don't have time... It would be difficult.

Lord, help me with this. I want to be generous.