Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Redemption of My Physical Body: part twenty-one

I was really sad yesterday. Sometimes I don't know why. I think I get stressed out and then when Levi is cranky it makes things difficult and then sometimes I just feel lonely.

This happens a lot. I think I have a tendency to experience strong emotions as an artist and my highs can be extremely high but then my lows can be just as low. I have had to learn to watch myself. I can't dwell on the negative for too long, I can't stay on Facebook all day, I can't watch TV programs... many different things.

Two things happened yesterday that cheered me up. :) One was that my dear friend called me to encourage me and give me advice on my sleep struggles. Very good. But the second one I'm going to dwell on a bit more because it was MY choice to do it or not. I took a walk.

As I was walking down our street I realized that walks are the best therapy. I'm moving, I'm not having to work too hard, I can think and talk to God, I'm not distracted by my house or by the computer, I can tell God how frustrated I am with life, how angry I am, all the things that I don't want to do... I can just release all of them into the air. I can just have this open ended conversation with God and let Him speak to me.

Sometimes I feel like if I can just tell Ben what I am feeling it will all be okay, it will all be better. And sometimes he is good at telling me to chill out and relax, but sometimes he can't help me solve all of it. The truth is that God ALWAYS helps me. He is always there to listen with grace and if I am still He will often show me the answer. Sometimes it has to be an extra long walk, sometimes it can just be a short one, but He always seems to put things into perspective.

I have a friend who struggles with anxiety. I'm sure that I could not imagine the difficulty this is for her. Just like others couldn't imagine my struggle with depression. "Why would you struggle with that?" people would ask me. I think God gave us nature as a medication to allow us to relax. Praise the Lord for spring and all the relaxing green to look at and the happy flowers.

When I feel anxious or alone I want to reach out to God. I am learning how to reach out to others, but ultimately God is our help.

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