Friday, April 22, 2011

Struggles with Sleep

Last night I dreamed that someone was shooting at me. I mean, there was a lot leading up to it and I bought some life jackets from a garage sale and there was a fire engine that was dragging it's ladder and all these school buses going down the road with all these other fire engines, some were spurting flames, we were all going somewhere, I guess it was to an accident or something like that. I don't know. Our car skidded out and I was in it with all these black women (didn't know them) and we were getting shot at. And then my alarm went off.

I woke up and my pulse was racing. I remember thinking, isn't sleep supposed to be restful?

I hate going to sleep. I hate waking up from dreams like that. My mom wakes up from a dream of a man standing over her. She wakes up screaming in the night. I remember living at home with my parents and hearing her. It was terrifying to wake up like that.

Apparently my grandma has the same dream. So does my aunt. So does my cousin... I think that's what I heard. I just found out about them last year or so. I remember thinking, "Seriously? This sounds like a generational curse to me." Some people don't believe in generational curses, that curses can't be passed down and all that stuff. Or that once we are saved all that stuff will be done away with. I'm not positive what the Bible says about it, I haven't studied it, but all five of us are born again Christians. Women who have genuine walks with the Lord. Seriously, I have so much respect for my mom and her sister, my cousin and my grandma. All of them love the Lord. Some might be less mature than others, I don't know, it doesn't matter. I just want to know why the heck we are all struggling with this. I don't believe this is a normal thing.

I do know that it makes me wake up angry or stressed or in a panic. It affects my relationship with my husband, my ability to be a mom. It affects my walk with the Lord... probably more than anything it makes me angry.

I don't even watch scary movies. I stay away from them as best I can. I am easily frightened and I believe that God is not a God of fear. Fear is from the Enemy. So my only conclusion is that these dreams are from the enemy of my soul.  I've had bad dreams for as long as I can remember. I say this in tears. Yes, I'm crying right now because I am so frustrated and angry. I want it to stop right now. I don't want to be afraid of going to bed. I don't want to have to take a pill to make me fall asleep. Maybe the pill is part of the problem. I started taking Ambien about 3 1/2 years ago. I had a sleep study that told me my brainwaves spiked every 2 or 3 minutes. And I thought it had been a pretty good night of sleep. I had been exhausted for months, not knowing what it was that made me so tired. I learned I wasn't actually sleeping at night and therefore my body was sleep-deprived. The Ambien made things a lot better.

I also grind my teeth. I started going to a new dentist a few years back. He took one look at my mouth and said, wow, your teeth are very worn down. I was in my early twenties and he said my teeth were about as ground as a 50 year old. Awesome. So I won't have any teeth left in a few years huh? So he gave me a device that keeps me from grinding. It helped. My jaw stopped being so sore and my headaches went away. :) But now my bite is kind of messed up. I can't touch my front teeth together :). Seriously, they will not touch even if I wanted them to.

I think I posted about all of this in an earlier post. But I say all this to ask for prayer. Would you pray for me that I could figure out what all this is and be able to pray against it? To overcome it? Pray that I would be healed? Pray for my mom and aunt and grandma too, that we would all be healed. I'm sure they would like to lay down and sleep in peace. If there is any scripture I could pray over my life, that would be awesome. I know about melatonin, it doesn't help, so don't worry about suggesting it. I know I'm not supposed to take naps, I don't watch scary movies, if you have any other advice, sure whatever, but really, I feel like it's spiritual and it needs to be broken.

For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:12-13

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:8

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91:1

You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
Psalm 91:5-7

1 comment:

  1. Oh Jody!! I am praying for you - specifically against generational fear and sleep deprivation!!!!!