Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Losing Pregnancy Weight part 4

The beauty of being a stay at home mom is the fact that when your kids finally go to sleep, yes, finally. Is that you are free to do anything you want during that nap time. You can lay on your couch, you can get on your computer, you can do whatever.  When Levi was first born I liked to eat ice cream. Those first weeks found me eating ice cream almost every afternoon. At first it just started out as an occasional treat, but then it led to a regular routine. I don't know when it was that I realized, this is not going to help anything. I had about 20 pounds to lose at that point (to get back to my previous weight) and I wasn't going to get into my old jeans while eating a big bowl of ice cream every afternoon. I also realized that whatever I was putting into my body Levi was getting through my milk and maybe I didn't need him to have a sweet tooth by the time he was 3 months old. I don't know exactly how all of that works, but it was some kind of motivation for me.

So I asked Ben to hold me accountable and with his help I soon broke the ice cream habit. I have maybe only done it again on occasion.

I feel like my life goes in cycles like that. I might start sliding in an unhealthy direction for a little while and then it will suddenly occur to me that I need to be healthier. Nothing does that like sickness. Yep, I'm sick. I have a cough/sore throat and it's becoming annoying. People have been bringing us meals which has been awesome, except for the fact that they also bring cake, cookies and brownies too, which I love. :) The problem comes when you start snacking on a pan of brownies ALL DAY LONG. So with this sickness has come a sugar fast. My chiropractor told me that sugar counteracts our absorption of vitamin C and so when we eat sugar it weakens our immune system.

So on this lovely afternoon I am eating salad. Yep. A nice spring mix with mushrooms and tomatoes with caesar dressing (because life's too short for nonfat/light terrible tasting dressing).

Lord, help me to make wise choices in what I put into my body. I want to glorify You in this, I don't want to damage something that You intended for good. Please heal me Father, I want to be able to take my little boy on the walks he has been asking for, I want to be able to wake up in the morning without a headache from this sickness and be able to meet with You and talk to You and read Your holy Word. I know that You have given us fruits and vegetables and natural remedies so that our bodies can heal themselves. Help me to be faithful in this. Thank You that You are a good and perfect creator.

Okay, I'm just going to put this in here because I'm going to be honest about what I'm thinking and feeling in this moment, lately. Yesterday was the first day since having Aria that I looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I really did gain a lot of weight." For the first few weeks I kept thinking about how wonderful it was to be able to bend over, suddenly I don't have a huge bowling ball for a belly, life is AWESOME. For the first time yesterday (it's been 3 1/2 weeks now) I became discontent. Jesus, help me. It's interesting, all the thoughts you can think in one day. The good thing about being a mom is that you don't think as many of those selfish type of thoughts when you have little babies demanding your attention all the time. It's actually really freeing not to worry about how you look as much, you are more concerned with keeping a little one alive. But that doesn't mean you are thought-free. Maybe that's good on some level. We need to have a healthy level of disgust so that we will want to get off the couch and make better choices, but it doesn't need to be something that I focus on. I don't want to be so preoccupied with trying to lose weight that I forget what my real purpose is, I have been there before and I hated it. I remember feeling so much in bondage to the fear of gaining more weight, the fear of never losing weight. Fear of what other people thought of me and how I look. I think that fear paralyzed me in many relationships. Wow, that sentence just made me sit there for a second... but it's true. I don't want that fear anymore.

Lord, You are the only One who can set us free. I don't want to go back to that old place. I know I am very close to that place as far as my weight is concerned, but I know that I am a new person now. You have made me new. I prayed and asked and begged for this freedom so long ago, please help me to walk in it.

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free, stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

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