I have been realizing that life is just a series of small choices.
This is annoying to me. Why can't it be one big picture, I make one decision and it changes my life?
Example: This afternoon I wanted a huge spoonful of peanut butter. Nothing wrong with peanut butter for sure, that just happened to be my drug of choice this afternoon. I made myself a cup of coffee instead. I wanted to sit and look at facebook all afternoon, instead I did a few exercises from my yoga video. Right now I want to eat a bowl of ice cream. I had ice cream last night. The night before that I had a brownie. The night before that... well, let's just say I've probably had enough sweets this week.
I keep wondering why I still have a bit of a jiggle around my middle section (nothing wrong with it, I'm actually very satisfied with my body right now, strangely satisfied). This sounds so stupid to say I want to lose five pounds when I used to need to lose 50 or 60. Five pounds is DUMB. I'm just gonna say that for the record.
The truth is, it's not in some big, killer exercise program or weight loss program it is in the nitty gritty, every day, small, minuscule, tiny choices I make in my life.
I want it all to be solved in one night and then I want to be able to eat ice cream all the time, but the truth is, it's a much slower process than that.
A few afternoons ago I had to dump some ice cream in the trash. I was midway through a bowl of it and the Lord was giving me a way out. He was practically yelling at me that I was eating not because I was hungry (I was actually quite full) but because I was stressed about something completely different. I didn't feel like listening to songs I was supposed to listen to for worship team, the kitchen needed to be cleaned, the house was a disaster. I was overwhelmed. The Lord very clearly said, "you can either throw that away inside your body, or you can do it outside your body. You are not hungry at all Jody, lay it down. It's okay to waste food sometimes. It's okay."
"Crap... okay, fine."
It's the small, everyday choices that I struggle with the most.
Oh Jesus, help me to listen.