It's 5:30 am and I'm awake.
Technically I've probably been up since about 4:30, but I think I've finally just decided, what's the use of laying in bed and thinking and thinking and thinking.
No signs of labor yet, except for a few minor contractions. Simeon might be dropping, I'm just feeling a lot more pressure down low and feel like my lungs and ribs aren't quite so crowded. I really don't put much stock in that though, because I had thought Aria had dropped and I think she hadn't.
I'm just trying not to obsess over this delivery like I did with Aria. If a contraction comes, I just try to ignore it. Lord, help me with this. Help me to just keep going, to rest when I need to, and to move when I need to.
Yesterday I went to the grocery store with the kids and then came home and made a few freezer meals. The kids did great, other than when we got to the toy section I started to smell something coming from Aria. No one was there and I didn't want to drag Levi away from the toys, cross the store and go to the bathroom to change her. I gave myself a nine-months-pregnant pass. I laid my coat down on the floor and changed her right there. I didn't want her sitting in her poop since she gets diaper rashes in about .2 seconds. It was just one of those moments where you are not proud of what you have done, you just think, I'm trying to get by.
Yesterday was also Aria's birthday. I need to blog about that. I think it deserves it's own post though. I am wanting to look back through the pictures of her birth and just remember it.
She was my little VBAC, and she has been one determined girl ever since.
I felt like yesterday in the middle of all the meal-fixing that the Lord just showed me I only have a few days left with only two kids. After I have baby Simeon I might be otherwise occupied for a bit and I just felt the need to sit on the floor and enjoy them. They were extra cuddly yesterday, maybe a little extra needy. It's like they know there's going to be a huge change coming. I'm thankful to the Lord that somehow (I really don't know how I got everything done yesterday) I was able to sit and read with them, play a bit of trains and just enjoy them.
It's interesting this time around because I get to really explain to Levi what to expect from his new little brother. Simeon won't do much, so it's Levi's job to help out as much as he can. Also, that Levi needs to dress himself every morning. Levi can dress himself, but it's just a question of whether he will or not. If Aria could dress herself, she would. Yesterday she put on her own shoes, on the wrong feet. I tried to correct her and she screamed, insisting that they were fine. So, I let her wear them on the wrong feet. All through the grocery store. She didn't seem to mind.
The Lord has been showing me lately that I need to praise Him, and then my joy will overflow from that. I was getting really resentful that I was waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. I was worried that I wasn't resting enough and that I wouldn't be able to get through my day. But I've started using those wee hours of the morning to just worship God and read his Word. He has so much sustained me, I can't even believe what I have been able to do.
Lord, would You continue to sustain me? Through these next days of waiting for labor to begin. Lord, the storm of labor, the pain and the difficulty? Would you sustain me then? Thank You that You are a good God, that You are the lifter of my head. You carry me through. I am looking forward to being on the other side of things and saying, Wow, I can't believe I made it through that, I can't believe I did that.
Let this Psalm be in me:
I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord and He heard me,
and delivered me from all my fears.