I'm feeling the need to post this morning. I was just sitting there, reading my Bible and it was just like the Lord told me to put it down and write. Okay, that's cool.
I've got a lot bouncing around in my mind right now, I didn't sleep much last night. Around 4 am Aria decided it was time to do jumping jacks, I'm guessing for about half an hour... the cool part is that I decided not to be frustrated with her that she was jumping around in my belly, but just to be amazed that there is a little baby growing inside of me... INSIDE me. Do you get that? I mean, do you really get that? A little person is in there, growing and developing and swimming around. She (it's a SHE, I'm amazed that we can know this) has no idea what time it is, she just knows mommy is being still so this is her chance to really get some exercise in. She's probably got those peanut butter cookies I ate yesterday coursing through her little veins and has energy galore. Whatever I eat, whatever I do, it effects her. I have the most influence on her tiny life right now. I am a safe home for her until she is ready to come and be held in my arms, and be fed again from my body. Until she is ready to meet her daddy and her big brother. I am amazed at this. How is it that I have this privilege? I can feel her kicks, I know where her little feet are, I am starting to feel her little frame as she rolls around inside of me. She is with me all the time, attached and growing. She will not always be with me. Just this short period of 40 weeks. I will have to slowly let go of her throughout her lifetime. Someday she will be a young woman... I can't even imagine this.
I'm looking for things that will encourage me on this journey throughout motherhood. There are a lot of things that will discourage and discount it. I would say our culture is not pro family at all. Maybe that's why I'm amazed that a family like the Duggars can have their own TV show. I have heard about the Duggars for a long time now. I never started watching the show until I have Levi. Maybe I was bored, maybe I was fascinated that a woman could do what I had just done 19 times... I don't know. I started watching their show. Unlike most television, it was encouraging. Yes, they tend to be out of style, the girls all wear skirts and have long hair, they are ultra conservative... but what they do is pretty amazing. Maybe I'm most amazed that they don't raise their voice at each other. Maybe I'm amazed that their kids all seem to have this genuine love for one another. I'm amazed that Michelle (the mom) genuinely loves each of her children individually, knows them, treasures them, and even gets excited that there will be a new baby coming. Each one she acts as though it were her first one, all the kids get excited about welcoming a new baby into the family, it's like there's this tone in their household that delights in children, that delights in people. I love the fact that they give glory to the Lord. They talk about how God changed their lives, gave them convictions and they have held to those convictions no matter what. They decided they wouldn't ever go in debt. The other day I found this: 14 and Pregnant Again where they were living in a three bedroom, two bathroom house with 14 kids. I think they lived that way until they had 16 children. I love the way their children are not selfish. I believe it's because there's not room to be selfish.
All of this makes me want to have a big family. I know it will not be just like the Duggars, I know I would have to be more organized than I am now. I know I will have to cut down on the extra curricular activities, but I think it would be an amazing thing to raise children in this way.
Lord, help me to have perspective. I want to pour You into my children. Thank You for my Levi and my Aria. I pray that Ben and I would be mindful of our time and devote ourselves to You alone.