Well, I am tired. I am sore. There's a certain point in pregnancy where sleeping on your side is just OLD. It has been old for me since I have started having to do it. My shoulders get too scrunched, even with a pillow between my knees my hips are often still sore. I think I need a sturdier pillow under my neck... but I don't really feel like buying one more thing. Sleeping is just a challenge all together. Sometimes I wish we didn't need sleep. If only I could just keep going and going.
Sometimes reading the Word and getting stuff out of it is so easy, so natural, it just comes out and fills me with excitement and I am learning new things... other times it is difficult. What I am reading feels dry and it's not relating to my life right now, it feels far removed. In these times it feels like God is far removed. You know what I mean? I think I'm going through one of those far removed times right now. Wanting more, thirsty for more, still getting up and hoping to be spoken to, but not really getting anything.
I go to pray and it feels fruitless. It feels empty. I don't know what to pray sometimes. I just sit there in my scripture room thinking, "I need to be praying for this person" but nothing is coming out. Is there a blockage in my heart? In my mind? In my spirit?
As the deer pants for streams of waters, so my soul pants after You O God. Please be near to me Lord, please do not abandon me.
At the same time I think there are changes that need to be made in my own life to truly seek God. I usually seek God for the first hour of my day and that is good, but I don't think that I actually seek him throughout the entire day. Do I talk to him as I go about my day or do I turn on the radio, or look at Facebook and see what they are doing there. How am I so easily distracted? Well, I'm very easily distracted by my little boy who is constantly asking me for something. :) I will say that much. Yesterday I think I was interrupted in the middle of everything I was doing. Everything. I thought, this must be what ADD is like. Okay, I'm distract-able, but this was serious, hard-core, every task that I got completed was a monumental thing. I had to keep coming back to it and coming back to it.
Lord, please help me. I am physically weary, spiritually weary, I want newness that can only come from You. You know how to mother my child, You know how to care for my body, You know all of these things.
Cast your cares upon the Lord, because He cares for you.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
I am in full need of You Father. It's me, it's me, it's me, O Lord, standing in the need of prayer.