The internet is so distracting. It's like a minefield of ADD stuff. All my usual tabs that I check, the home feeds, the messages, the sites I need to check up on... I usually put off or just don't blog because I wasted all my time just being on the internet without a purpose. I'm not going to do that tonight. Another problem I was thinking about is the fact that I'm writing this at 10:30 pm on a Sunday night. Who gets on the internet and reads blogs on Sunday nights? I will probably have like 3 hits by tomorrow (I hate it that I can see how many people have looked at my blog, but it's like I can't keep from clicking on that "stats" button. I keep telling myself it won't effect me... there you go, there's another one of my weaknesses.)
What am I even blogging about? I don't know. Things running through my mind are how I don't really sleep at night, therefore I don't want to go to bed. Or about this morning's worship service and how I got to read scripture as we sang, it was out of Revelation 4 and by the end of it I was yelling (my voice was starting to go hoarse) the part about "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come" Afterwards my dad and I were talking about it and he said, "Yeah, that scripture needs to be powerful, if you really think about what was happening and how those powerful angels were falling on their faces... I can't imagine what it will be like for us when we see God."
I am thinking about how reserved we are in the way we pray or the way we worship. Maybe it's because we are white, maybe it's because it's always been done. I read a blog from our pastor today about prayer and how we need to be living and walking in prayer, how we don't do it enough. For sure this is true, we are never praying enough.
I went to a prayer meeting a few weeks back and it was difficult. I'm just going to be honest. It was hard to sit there and listen to people pray. I kept sitting there thinking, why am I struggling like this? Don't I love God? What is my problem? I'm going to say something totally controversial on here, but that's okay because only like 3 people will read it... I feel like we settle for boring prayer. As though we have to pray starting with "Father God" throw in a few "dear Lord"s, and end with "in Jesus name" we need to ask for stuff, but not too much, we need to mention the sick people, but don't pray too boldly because if God doesn't heal them, then both we and God will look foolish... we need to pray in pensive voices with our eyes closed, we need to be articulate because others can hear us... all of that is crap. I shouldn't say stuff like that really, but I am so frustrated to hear prayers that sound like God is some sort of thing you say enough "Heavenly Father"s to and then you will get what you want. He is not a weakling and He definitely knows what is going on in our minds. He hears how we talk to our friends and family and it's not with a pensive voice or furrowed brow unless we are really being pensive about something.
Shouldn't prayer be just talking to God? Isn't He our Daddy? I read the Psalms and I wonder if David ever yelled or wept any of the Psalms. We get very passionate at football games, athletic events, concerts, but we act as though when we gather together as believers we need to be dignified.
Wow, I'm suddenly getting so tired. Maybe I can continue this another day.