So, today I am struggling with anger.
What better way to get it all out than blog about it?
I was sitting in my nursing chair with Aria and thinking, "Lord, I am so angry and I can't seem to do anything about it. Please take this anger and crush it. Crush it beneath the weight of Your glory."
Why in the world am I angry today? I guess I have several reasons. All of them are selfish. I don't want this blog to be a big moan and complain blog, I want it to be: Here is my problem, here is my solution, now help me Lord. So, I'm going to try not to sound like I'm just whining.
Ben is sick today. He was gone all last week, I even had to survive Saturday by myself for the most part. Seven days with two little kids... non-stop for the most part... I meant not to complain didn't I? Nursing, changing diapers, putting kids down for naps, putting them to bed, disciplining, it makes me tired just thinking about it. I was really excited to see Ben come home. And then he came home. And things weren't as great as I imagined they would be.
I had just a smidgen of a taste of what it must be like to be a military wife I suppose. (I want to emphasize smidgen.) You think it's gonna be so great when they get back and you will have your love with you and it will be wonderful with the kids and blah blah blah... really, it's all just kind of hard. We had gotten into a rhythm without him and now he is re-entering our household.
Now to top it all off, he is sick. Not that I didn't have enough on my plate with taking care of two kids. Now I have to take care of a sick husband. I also FAILED at the grocery store yesterday by forgetting bread (who forgets to buy bread?!) and tomatoes. I also forgot sugar and probably some other things. When Ben came home from lunch yesterday I wasn't ready (totally my fault). Anyways, long story short, yesterday I felt like a complete failure. Have you ever had those days where nothing you did was quite right? Everything felt hard. Levi is continuing to challenge me on every turn. Aria and I have gotten into some bad habits, the main one that I have to nurse her to sleep. (I don't HAVE to, it's just that I haven't had the strength to just let her cry until she falls asleep and she gets pretty angry while we are trying to let her cry it out.)
Therefore each of you must put off
falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members
of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down
while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Lord, today has been a hard day. It's not over yet but help me not to sin in my anger. Help me to love my husband (love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered) and to love my children. Help me to be thankful for the things I have, even though my house is messy help me to be thankful for it. Help me to be a good steward of it and keep it tidy. Please reveal the changes I need to make if I need to simplify things so that it will be easier to keep clean. Help me Jesus, I am in such desperate need of you. I can't get over this anger problem on my own. I need You.