Friday, May 27, 2011

Random thoughts from an abstract person part 2

I haven't been on the internet much this week. It's been a good thing. We don't have wireless internet in our rooms here in the hotel so all afternoon yesterday I just listened to the fragments of songs I had written and added to them, organized them. I realized, how often do I actually have time to do this kind of stuff? How often do I have to just shut off or get away from all distractions. The internet and facebook and everything like that can be such a distraction for me.

Some thoughts I have been having:

Many people have told me how to write songs. I have tried to follow their advice and it's pretty much like putting on lead boots. I realized I don't want to write songs that sound like everyone else's songs. I want to write songs that tell a story, that touch people's souls, The songs that I write will never be top 40's songs, molds just don't fit with them. I don't care if they are ever played on the radio, I just know that I have something to say.

I miss my son. I miss his little fingers holding my hand as we go into the grocery store. I miss our little "conversations" we have about what we are eating or where we are going. I miss his spontaneous dancing to whatever music comes on the radio. I miss him shoving books in my face as I lay down on the couch. I miss our walks, I miss him laying his little head on my shoulder as I put him to bed. I'm excited to see him tomorrow.

I forgot how hard this part of pregnancy is. It's like your whole body is going into "I'm having a baby" mode, and it just changes. I will be excited to be in my next trimester. I haven't had any huge cravings or anything, just feelings hungry a lot. I threw up the other morning but that was because I accidentally took two prenatal vitamins I think. (Don't ask me why I did that, I have no idea. I'm going to blame it on my pregnancy brain).

Speaking of pregnancy brains, I opened up a water bottle wrong and broke the cap. I put it back on thinking it was secure and put it back in my bag. I was walking along and then felt water on my leg. Oh crud! My bloggie camera was fine and so was my phone, but my regular camera is ruined. It won't even turn on. So mad, Ben got it for me for my birthday several years ago and I had gotten such good use out of it. I am again reminded that everything in this earth will break, fall apart, crumble and fade. I look forward to the permanence of heaven.

With those thoughts I have been walking through the city, wandering around. The buildings are amazing. Looking up at them you kind of get overwhelmed with the heights. It reminds me of the tower of Babel. Man's attempts to be great. We attempt to make our mark and make things last. What's interesting is that all of this will crumble someday. We are always amazed when a building is several hundred years old or something. The truth is that the earth has been around a lot longer than that. Acheologists dig up all kinds of cities. All of man's attempts to last are put to shame. We are all going to die and be buried and our bodies will decay and be eaten by worms. Sorry, that's really depressing isn't it? The thing is that we weren't meant to live in this world. We are meant to live in a place of permanence, in eternity with our Father where moth and rust can't destroy. All of these things that we think are important, they are not important. What is important is where our souls are going to go for eternity.

Why must we be so blinded by the physical? I struggle with being blinded too. I hate it that I care so much about how things look and not about the things that are eternal.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 16:20

“All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of the Lord stands forever.
And this is the word that was preached to you. 
1 Peter 1:24-25

1 comment:

  1. Great reminders, Jody -

    I long for that other world, too. The one that is even more real than what I see around me here.

    Love your heart!