Rule number one... blog while your children are sleeping, it's the only way you will be able to write a semi-comprehendable post.
So many things to blog about.
I guess I will post about my most recent eating struggle.
Yesterday I had sort of a weird day. First of all, I hate cloudy days. For some reason when the sun doesn't shine my mood likes to go in the direction of the gutters. So, that's where I was already. I also realized that I get stressed out when I think I have offended people or there isn't something right between people. I'm trying to stay vague because I don't know who reads this and I don't want to give the wrong impression. Anyways, I just remember calling Ben and telling him that I was just stressed because of some awkwardness.
I feel like I'm awkward... a lot.
I think the weird thing about awkwardness is that maybe you're the only one who thinks you're awkward. I remember really being taken aback when someone said I was "cool" because in my head I'm this majorly weird, not knowing how to have friends person.
Kind of stupid, I know.
Anyways, I got home in the afternoon, laid Aria and Levi down (which has been going pretty well) and then just went to the cabinet and ate. I didn't want to do my yoga, I didn't want to read the Word, all I wanted to do was eat. I wasn't hungry for sure, I just wanted to eat.
When Ben got home I confessed to him. He was disappointed in me, maybe more than usual. I think because this is a reoccurring thing. We talked through it and I realized I had all these decisions that I needed to make, I needed to draw something to a close and pick up a new chapter... I just hated it. I hate ending things. I hate saying "no" ... maybe this is the people pleaser in me.
I think sometimes I want so desperately for people to like me and think that I'm awesome, when really I just need to do what the Lord has called me to do. I don't need to worry about what this person or that person thinks. I need to only consider the Lord and His plan and follow my husband's leadership.
I'm so thankful for Ben's wisdom. I know he does everything out of love for our family. I'm thankful that he's good at saying no and is less concerned with the opinions of others.
Lord, the way You have set up this whole family thing is good. It is good that I have a leader to follow. Thank You for such a strong man. Help him to see Your will clearly. Thank You that he is so wise. Teach me to submit and honor him. Thank You that he listens to me and receives my input. Your ways are good, they are right. Please help me, I am frail.