Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Redemption of My Physical Body: part fourteen

The other day I was driving in my car and listening to Alice Radio (usually about half the time I have to change the dial when listening to her). But this time a song came on by a band called OneRepublic, it's called "Secrets"

I highly encourage listening to the song, I don't encourage watching the music video, like most music videos, it ruins the song.

Here are the lyrics:

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that will like those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God

Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to gold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Oh, got no reason, got not shame

Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

... I guess honestly I didn't want to be a fan of them because of Ryan Tedder. The first time I met him he was young and he came to my youth group and shared music. It was cool, but I think it just felt like I could never be that cool. I would never come close to being amazing like him. I went home and cried. And then I wrote a song. It's not an awesome song, just me crying out to the Lord that I felt useless, could He really use someone like me? I was pretty overweight then and kinda felt like I was on the level of a ... well, maybe like a possum or some low-life animal, nobody would really miss me if I was gone. I wasn't that great at music, I wasn't pretty at all, probably more so just gross to look at. That's honestly how I felt about myself. Was it true? Of course not, I had worth in the sight of my friends and my parents, and most importantly, in the sight of God. But that's about how depressed I was.

I have been suicidal at times, but I decided a while back that the reason why I'm still walking this earth is because God is not done with me. If He wanted to, He could have me hit by a bus or just stop my heart or something like that. So in a sick way I have rationalized myself out of ever trying to take my life. In my lowliest of times I can always take hold of that. I'm not afraid of death, afraid of pain, yes, to some extent, (but I believe that if I were to be in a situation as the martyrs were the Holy Spirit inside of me would enable me to bear up under it and give glory to God). I believe that my life is in His hands. He has given me every breath I take and if He allowed me to wake up this morning, then He intends to use me. And that's what enables me to face my dark days.

Back to the song, I think my favorite line in it "til all my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I've said" I feel like the truth is an open bleeding of my life. I will give all my secrets away and be willing to bleed in front of others. It is messy, but it is Christ who first bled for us. He was naked on the cross and he took all of our sins, all of our shame and bled for us. By HIS wounds we are healed.

James 5:16 says:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

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